HAHA you guys I love this prompt so much. let me know if you want me to update this or leave it as a one-shot! also I hear leaving reviews helps clear your skin, solve world hunger, AND cure cancer (or at the very least, give you good karma) so please R&R!
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It was 10:27 on a Tuesday, Lily Evans' face was as red as her hair, and her coworkers were simultaneously mentally plotting the quickest escape route. Clenched firmly in white knuckles, a now-wrinkled copy of the latest Witch Weekly was flipped open to their advice column. Lily stared in fury at the article, the edges almost sizzling under her searing gaze.
The Stag Life: Bachelor James Potter Answers YOUR Relationship Questions!
Q: Hi James! I sent this letter in to a couple of other magazines, but I'm interested in your opinion. My boyfriend's and my 10th anniversary is coming up, any tips on making it extra special without the use of magic? Love, Squib in Scotland
A: Hello Squib! I must say, I hope for your sake you didn't send this into the Prophet; I'll bet ten Sickles their response will be "blahblahcommunicationblahthoughtfulnessblahblah." In case you're looking for some real advice, I propose tickets to see his favorite Quidditch team and maybe some sort of sexy surprise for after dinner. I'll let you figure out the details of that one on your own! Sincerely, James
"WHO does he think he is? This, this PRICK, a complete ARSEHOLE, he's…he's…dammit, what's another word?" Lily ranted.
"A git?" offered Lydia, an blond opinions editor sitting nearby.
"How about a bastard?" suggested Penelope from an adjacent cubicle, barely looking up from her half-complete Quidditch article.
"Why are we forgetting the classic?" interjected Molly, a political analyst with curly dark hair. She swiveled in her chair to face the others. "What about good, old-fashioned 'wanker'?"
The women all murmured in agreement.
"Whatever he is, he's going down," Lily announced, roughly pulling out a new piece of parchment and rummaging around for a quill.
"Lil…" Lydia said. "The article wasn't that bad. Just a bit of friendly competition."
Lily looked up defiantly. "If it's so friendly, he certainly can't mind if I give it right back, no?"
Molly laughed, spinning around back to her desk. "Whatever, Evans. Just don't start a world war now."
No promises, Molly, Lily thought as she lowered the quill to paper.
Flower Power: Lily Evans Talks Work, Style, Fitness, and Love!
Dear Squib,
Unlike some other columnists, I won't advise you to through a toned-down bachelor party for your boyfriend on your anniversary. Sports tickets and sex? If your boyfriend is such a one-dimensional "bro," just get him a beer and a shirt that says "Make Me A Sandwich" and be done with it. If your boyfriend is an actual human being with feelings and interests (which is a concept I know is hard to grasp for some other writers), I suggest a fun outing to a carnival! Cotton candy and kissing on the Ferris wheel will make for a cute, sweet, and perfect date night (although the muggle "magic tricks" may seem a bit cheesy to you two.) Good luck! Love, Lily
There, Potter, Lily smirked as she leaned back in her chair. Top that.
