Fic: Denotation/ Connotation (1/?)

Fandom: Orphan Black

Pairing: Cosima Niehaus/ Delphine Cormier (Cophine)

Words: 1229 (for this part)
Summary: After her confrontation with Delphine, Cosima struggles to come to terms with what happened as well as what trying to figure out what the aftermath will be.

Notes: No the best summary but this is what happens when frustration over a linguistics assignment meets Orphan Black in my head. Also there will be another part of this soon, and possibly more where Delphine actually features but it's not coming quickly enough to post right now.


Trust, it's tricky to really define because it means so many different things to different people. That's the thing about language, nothing is definite, nothing's static and, outside of the dictionary, meaning is subjective, it's personal. Words are dangerous, the uncertainty that surrounds them has the potential to destroy everything if you let them. They can build you up and tear everything down just as easily. They have the potential to manipulate everything around them and people have no idea how much power they wield on a daily basis.

To Cosima, trust was almost synonymous with loyalty and truth and family, friendship and honesty, love. It must mean something different to Delphine. Maybe within her definition of the word her actions are completely okay. But what does she know? She never was very good with words.

'I wanted to trust you!' Screaming out her disappointment in herself, in Delphine, in this whole fucked-up situation seemed like a good idea at the time, but those five little words had revealed her for the fool that she'd been. Sarah had warned her to stay away from Delphine, had told her that she was not to be trusted, and now, sitting on the couch in Felix's apartment, staring into space and wondering what the hell to do now.

She can't stop playing Delphine's words to her over and over again in her mind. What other words have a different meaning to her? What does love mean to her? Because it obviously doesn't mean honesty like it does to her. Would she have ever told her the truth if she hadn't confronted her? What the fuck even is truth? Is that subjective too? Because there are so many things that she thought was true when she now knows are not. Her whole fucking existence is built upon a lie for fuck's sake. Human cloning. Nothing is ever fucking simple is it!

She throws her head back in frustration, taking a shuddering breath trying to hold the tears that threaten to fall at bay because really, where the fuck was any of this getting her? She doesn't have time to mope, she could be in actual danger and then this fucking illness that she has, but the words keep playing over and over again of their own volition, like they're the most important thing that she's got going on.

'I wasn't supposed to fall for you, but I did!' That's what she'd said. Love, she was talking about love, wasn't she? She said that she can't lie about it. She said that it would be impossible, but what does love mean to her? What does lie mean? She doesn't know what the French word for lie is, maybe it means something different, something less akin to betrayal than the English, because of it doesn't, she really is fucked.

She doesn't know what the fuck she was thinking because really, what the fuck does she really know anything the woman who has infiltrated her life? Their whole relationship had been built upon deception, she had known that from the start, known who the other girl was and what she wanted, they were built on a broken foundation, she knew this, but she thought that she'd fixed it; she thought that what they had together meant something to Delphine, that it meant enough to her that she wouldn't destroy it completely for the sake of a job. Apparently she was wrong. And now she's put herself and her sister in danger because, who knows what the fuck she told Leekie.

She can't help but feel so fucking stupid, because really, this is the only way it could have gone. Life is not some fairy tale.

The sort of duplicity that can be achieved through language has always confused Cosima, she lacks the ability that some people seem to have to be able to command the language with ease, the ability that some have to re-shape the world with just a few words. She's always had more luck dealing with the concrete yet seemingly endless possibilities that science affords. For the most part, the facts don't lie, they simply evolve and with everything else that has happened she appreciates the certainty in this part of her life at least. Appreciated. The fact that they can tell her and her clones apart by their DNA has really fucked her over. She doesn't even really get how that is possible, it probably shouldn't be possible, but it is. Then again human cloning shouldn't be possible but it obviously is, so she guesses that anything is possible within the parameters of what she thought was the impossible.


She has no idea how long she's been sitting there for but quite frankly shit has got too serious too quickly for her liking. She knows that that's probably her fault, because like the fucking idiot she is she trusted the enemy. So stupid! And now something that she's done has left them exposed, and she can't believe that it's happened. Why did she do that? She still can't believe it.

'Cosima,' she hears Sarah say, and in that second everything shifts back into focus. Finally she finds a respite from the condemnation of her own thoughts.

'Stop beating yourself up, yeah.' Sarah says as she sits down next to her, in a voice that Cosima has never heard before, one she just knows is reserved for people she trusts, for her family. The thought that Sarah considers her family warms her. 'We've got bigger things to worry about now.'

Of course. Leekie. The warm feeling from moments before vanishes, replaced again by the feeling of dread that she just can't shake.

No doubt now that he knows that they're self-aware. Contacting both her and Allison in broad daylight seemingly without any pretence had proved that. And now what? He wants them to willingly participate in his experiment with no catch? Yeah, somehow this sudden shift in the party line doesn't sit quite right with her.

Allison, however, obviously doesn't share her doubts. Although, she supposes that she would probably do the same thing in her shoes. Protect her family, do what she thinks is the best thing to make this whole mess just go away. She respects that, even if she isn't sure that signing that contract is the best way to do it. But what does she know? She's already failed her family by getting them into this mess.

Do recently discovered genetic identicals count as family? She can't fathom any actual definition of the word where that's the case, but as she's realising more and more definitions can be changed. They can be bent to fit what you need it to mean and in this situation friends doesn't quite seem like the right word. She knows for a fact that she probably would have never even considered speaking to Allison if not for this whole mess, so no friends is definitely not the right word. Family is the best description, the only description she can come up with for what they are. Even if she can't help but feel that she has already failed to meet the expectations of what this entails. Like she said, family protects family, but she fucked up big time and now they're all in trouble and she hasn't a clue what to do about it.