Derek walked wearily to the car, his mind fuzzy with fatigue and his neck aching like mad. He knew he should rest, maybe put yet another ice pack on his aching limbs, but his brain would not really rest. It kept jumping around, thinking of this move and that, how it would all fall together, how Shawn would look like dancing them...
Shawn. Really, his mind went to her too often these days. But that's normal, he argued with himself. We're partners. That's completely normal. Of course I have to think of her whenever I choreograph a dance ... the dances were, after all, supposed to feature her. That paso-tango, for example. Mark had wanted to do more flourishes, but he had put his foot down on that. He wanted Len to see that Shawn could do more than just gymnastics - that she could dance a straight routine and nail it. He wanted Mark to disappear in that dance, for him to be nothing but a tool around which Shawn would shine.
Derek chuckled to himself. There were moments, during that week, when he seriously wanted Mark to disappear. Literally. Watching him with Shawn made him uneasy, although Derek was unsure as to why, especially as Mark was being such a sport about stepping in. But whenever they laughed together or whenever he kissed her ...
Derek's phone suddenly rang, startling him out of his thoughts, making him realize that he had actually made it inside his car without having done so consciously. Pulling it hastily out of his pocket, Derek saw Mark's name flashing on the screen, making him grin wryly. "Yo, bro," Derek answered, trying, at the same time, to fit his keys into the ignition. "Sup?"
"Bro, you got a minute? Can you meet me at the Grove for coffee or something?"
Derek looked at his watch. He had about an hour to kill before he was due to meet Julianne. He could meet Mark and then head off east. "Yeah, sure. I got an hour before Jules. Usual?"
"Yeah," Mark replied. Did Derek imagine it, or was that relief in his voice? "See ya."
Derek disconnected, stared at his phone. Mark could be so strange sometimes ... but he was, after all, his best friend in the whole wide world. He may sometimes be a jerk, but he was always, always, a well intentioned jerk.
Shrugging, Derek started his car. Whatever it is, he'd find out in five minutes or so.
The cafe was a bit loud, and Mark suggested that they grab their drinks and head off to the park where they could relax. Derek agreed; he had never been one for loud places, although his work and his passion usually combined to require his partying more often than he wished to.
Mark looked around, choosing one of the most secluded benches in the area, making Derek frown. What the heck was going on? "Mark, dude. Seriously. You're making me nervous. What's going on? You're making this look like some CIA operation or something."
Mark shook his head, uncharacteristically serious, his eyes on his coffee cup. "No, bro. Just making sure the paps don't catch anything accidentally."
"O-kay," Derek said, nervous despite himself. He sat down beside Mark. "Man, you okay? Is there anything wrong with you?"
Mark shook his head. "Not with me, bro, but I think there's something wrong with you."
Derek stared at Mark, surprised. "What?"
"I think it's time for you to man up to things. I think that being shifty, not being forthright ... that's just wrong."
Derek flushed. He had never had his integrity questioned before, and he was beginning to feel pissed at Mark's shush-shush attitude. "Man, this weird ... I'm-not-telling-you-thing is what's wrong. Why don't you go ahead and tell me what this is about, and I'll give you whatever straight answer you want."
Mark's eyes shifted to stare Derek in the eye. "Are you in love with Shawn?"
Derek started at the sound of Shawn's name. "Whoa. What?"
"You heard me," Mark said. "Are you, or are you not?"At Derek's frown, Mark stood up. "Bro. You're playing with fire here. Remember - I've known you since we were nine. I know how you get like when you're into a girl. And man, you're so into Shawn everyone notices."
"Seriously ..."
"Yes, seriously. I've never seen you so ... tender towards anyone. And I've never seen you happier than you are when she's around, you practically glow." Mark sat back down. "Come on. I thought brothers shared everything?"
Derek hesitated, then shook his head, sighing. "Shoot, Mark. I really don't know."
"No shit, Sherlock? You're usually the first in line arrowing for your girl. And this one - this one you're not sure of? Come on."
"Not shitting you, man," Derek said. "Just ... being honest. I honestly don't know what I feel. And I'm not sure if I even want to think about it."
Mark's face lit up. "A-ha! That's what it is. You don't know because you don't want to know. You're blocking it. You're avoiding it!"
Derek shrugged. "I don't know. Honestly."
"Okay. Man talk, then," Mark said, rubbing his hands. "Let's hash stuff out. Then maybe you can figure things out and you'll have some idea what it is that's happening to you."
"O-kay," Derek said doubtfully.
"First things first. Do you like her?"
"Like her? Why shouldn't I like her? She's pretty and fun and fearless. Everything to her is a beautiful experience, something worth doing, something worth looking forward to. She smart and she's strong and she is one of the most devoted persons I have ever had a chance to work with." Derek scratched his head. "Everyone adores her."
"Yeah, that's true," Mark acceded. "Even Maks likes her."
Derek frowned. "He does, yeah."
"And Henry, too. As far as I know he'd asked her out already."
Derek tilted his head in Mark's direction. "Really? I didn't know that."
"Ah, well, maybe it doesn't matter anyway." Mark shrugged.
"She never told me that," Derek pressed. "And she tells me everything. Why'd she skip that?"
"I don't know, man. I mean, she's a free girl, right? She can date whoever she wants. It's not like she needs your permission."
"No, no ... of course not. But ... if she goes off on dates, she might ... she might, you know, lose focus," Derek finished lamely.
"Yeah, that's true. But there's no rule that says you can't."
"Mm-hmm," Derek muttered, his eyes distracted. "No, no rule ..."
"So," Mark began again, "In that case, Shawn ..."
"What? Shawn what?" Derek asked, blinking.
"Er, well, we were talking about Shawn ..."
"Right. Shawn. Listen, Mark, I gotta go. I've - uh - I've gotta go talk to Shawn." Derek stood up and started to walk away.
"Wait, Derek -" Mark started. "You -"
"Yeah, gotta go. Talk strategy, or something. See you." And with that, he was gone, leaving Mark staring after him.
"But ..." Mark continued helplessly, even if he was already talking to no one, "... you said you were meeting Jules ..."
Derek rang the bell at Shawn's apartment, feeling a strange urge to break the door down, tapping an impatient foot until the door opened a crack and Shawn's face appeared.
"Derek?" she asked, frowning. "What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in?" Derek asked, tilting his head at her quizzically, trying to speak in a calm voice even though his heart raced and his brain seemed to have been scrambled in his mad rush to get to Shawn.
"Well ..." she hesitated.
"Do you have ... company?" Derek asked, the question coming out sharper than he intended.
"Company?" she asked, puzzled. "You mean, is there someone here like my mom or dad?" She smiled at him shyly, apparently oblivious to his barely hidden anxiety. "No, no one. Just that ... my dad warned me about ... about ... oh, well. Whatever. Just come in." She opened the door wider, stepping aside so that Derek could come in.
The apartment was sparse but comfortable and lightened the mood, the cupboards yellow and the table cheery. It was very much like Shawn, Derek decided while looking around. Simplicity and happiness and home.
Shawn bustled around, going for the kettle on the stove. "Do you want some tea?"
"No, it's alright," Derek said. "I ... I wanted to come over and ask you something."
"Okay," she said shortly, sitting down on one of the dining chairs. "Shoot."
"I ..." Derek scratched his head, unsure of how to begin. Deciding to go for the direct approach, he sat on the chair opposite her and searched her face. "Mark told me that Henry had asked you out."
"Henry?" Shawn frowned. "Yes, he did. But what does this ..."
"Did you agree?"
Shawn sat back, looking at him in a puzzled way. "Why are you asking?"
Derek gripped the sides of the chair so hard his knuckles turned white, but he kept it under the table so Shawn never saw it. When he spoke it was quite calm. "I'm your partner, Shawn. I need to know if you ... you're distracted in any way. I mean, it's the push to the finals. You want this, right? You can't afford to think of other things right now."
Shawn's face lost all emotion. "I don't see why it's any of your business."
Derek immediately knew she had shut him off, and, for the first time, he felt afraid. "Shawn, please, listen to me -"
"Derek, I want this championship as much as you do. You know that. How dare you think - how dare you suggest -"
"No, Shawn, you don't understand. I -"
"I do, Derek, more than you'll ever know. Not that you really care to know, anyway. All you want to make sure of is that you win your stupid fourth mirror ball. Don't worry, I'm not letting you down. I'm gonna put everything out there so that we can win." Derek opened his mouth to protest, but Shawn cut him off, standing up as she did so and walking to the door. "I think you should go, Derek. Just ... go."
Numb, Derek stood up and walked to the door, wondering, miserably, how things could have gone wrong so quickly. Right before he stepped out, he turned around one last time only to see her quickly hide her face and her tears from him. And in that moment, everything - reason, logic, every single sane thought - left him at the sight of Shawn crying, at the knowledge that he had caused it.
He turned around completely and, without any conscious thought, took her in his arms and tilted her face up to his. She struggled slightly, but he held her chin up firmly so that she could look into his eyes, and when she finally did, unshed tears of hurt and disappointment shimmered in her fathomless golden eyes, magnifying their beauty a thousandfold.
And Derek thought, irrationally: this must be how you drown in gold.
Derek lowered his lips to hers, softly kissing her and finding, much to his surprise, how intoxicating it was. She gasped, but he simply held her tighter, and she finally fell into him, responding to his kiss with an intensity that took his breath away. He wrapped his arms around her and she tiptoed up to meet him halfway, and the kiss turned hungry and insistent.
This was driving Derek mad - she was far, too far. He wordlessly scooped her up and she twined her arms around his neck, threading her fingers into his hair. He carried her, the door closing behind them quietly, and Derek lost all sense of time or space as he stood in the middle of the apartment, kissing the woman in his arms.
After a few minutes - or maybe it was several moonlit years - they broke apart. They we both flushed and breathing hard, but they were both smiling like their faces would split in two.
"Oh my God," Shawn said softly.
"Yeah," Derek said, his brain spinning, but needing to explain. "I'm sorry, baby. I ..." he touched his forehead to Shawn's, breathing in her scent. "I lost my head. When Mark said ... you and Henry ... I ..."
"Shh," Shawn said, rubbing noses with him. "I know." She moved her head away slightly to look him in the eyes. "And I'm sorry for saying what I did. I thought ..."
Derek kissed Shawn again, lightly. "You were perfectly right to call me out," he said. "I was being a jerk. I was afraid and I was confused and ... I guess it all just hit me, and I ... you know me. When my heart runs away with me, the rest of me forgets everything else."
Shawn smiled. "Nothing to forgive, Derek," she whispered. "I could never not forgive you."
Derek smiled back as he kissed her forehead tenderly. "You're really the most amazing person in the world, Shawn Johnson. That's why everyone adores you."
The smile slipped from her face as she looked up at him seriously. "But ... I don't care about everyone else."
"And you shouldn't," Derek said, hugging her possessively. "I'm the only one you should care about."
"And why is that?" she asked, and although her tone was teasing, Derek also knew how important it was for her for him to say his feelings out loud. He looked into her eyes. "Because the world might adore you, Shawn Johnson, but I ... I love you."
She smiled, and the tenderness in that smile was such that Derek felt it enter him, seek all the dark spaces that were inside him, and fill him up. "I love you, too, Derek Hough," she whispered.
And this - Derek thought, even as he captured her lips again in a kiss full of promise and passion - this is truly the rightest thing in the world ...
