A/N: So... after all the angst and drama of my last fic, Tell me A Beautiful Lie, I decided I need some comedy in my life. And the sure-fire place to find comedy in the Smallville universe, is the Justice League. Anything with Bart in, really... So I got going on this. It's in - sort of - script format. the a-scripts I work on won't really translate here, so I have to format by hand, so to speak.

It's just a fun little adventure with our band of heroes, searching for Lois and Clark, who've gone missing.

Set somewhere after about... Hex, I guess, but because it's so silly, it'll go completely AU. Oh, but Jimmy's still working at the Planet. Forget the whole drug addict thing.

This is JL, Red-K, Stupid jokes, Innuendo, and Action... so, without further ado....


SMALLVILLE

'...JLA TO THE RESCUE... SORT OF...'


SCRIPTWRITER: The Gryfter


ESTABLISHING SHOTS METROPOLIS DAY EXT

sweeping eagle-eye shot of the city, overlaid with sfx: sirens, traffic, voices, the sounds of the city at night.

Punch-zoom in on the clock tower, lit up like the moon.

cut to:

TEASER

CLOCK TOWER DAY INT

Chloe Sullivan slips into her plush leather chair, swinging to face the bank of large lcd screens (off, for now) forming an alcove in front of the console where she rests her hands. Chloe settles her earpiece in, activates it with the flick of a finger.

CHLOE

Watchtower… logging in.

Consoles and screens flicker to life. Automated voice (Jeannie) sounds (off):

JEANNIE

Initialising voice-print identification.

Chloe called her computer "Jeannie". If pressed, she would say it was because she'd always dreamed of one just like it. It was a weak joke, but she was a hacker, not a comedienne.

CHLOE

Watchtower, requesting sat-link, full-spec, all-comms.

JEANNIE

Password.

CHLOE

Formal / 00 / Tornado.

JEANNIE

Voice-print identification complete.

Chloe's hands start blurring across the keys.

CHLOE

Alright, Jeannie… let's plug in. Operatives 1 through 6, call in!

Large headshots snap up on screen as Jeannie runs down the codenames.

JEANNIE

Aquaman – online!

(beat, a picture of AC)

Canary – online!

(beat, a picture of Dinah)

Arrow – online!

(beat, a picture of Oliver)

Cyborg – online!

(beat, a picture of Victor)

Zatanna – online!

(beat, a picture of Zatanna)

Impulse – on –

sfx: a rush of air. Papers whirl off the desk, and Chloe's hair flutters, startling her.

BART(O/S)

Si, my sexy senorita!

JEANNIE

-line!

A picture of Bart appears as Chloe angrily swings the chair around to face the red-clad, grinning speedster.

CHLOE

Bart! What did I tell you the last time you did that?

BART

(sheepish)

Uh… not to do it again?

CHLOE

Exactly! And what did I say would happen if you pulled another Houdini and scared the crap out of me?

BART

Actually, Houdini was more of an escape artist, so…

(shrinking back from the anger in her eyes)

that's looking more and more like an option right now…

Fuming Chloe points:

CHLOE

Corner! Now!

BART

Aw, come on, Chlo…

CHLOE

Now!

Grumbling Bart moves to stand, facing the corner, taking a 'time out'. Chloe turns back to screen, in time to hear chuckling coming from the strategically placed speakers. She checks, realises the comm-link is open.

CHLOE

You guys got something to say?

AC (V/O)

Has wittle Bart gotta take a bweak from bein' naughty?

CHLOE

(sighs)

Aquaman…

VICTOR (V/O)

Curb the impulse to run little man… Watchtower's gonna get ya!

CHLOE

Victor!

BART

Shut up!

OLIVER (V/O)

Ah! You know the rules, Impulse! No talking in the 'time out' corner!

CHLOE

Okay, all of you… quiet! Now!

The team complies, though Chloe can still hear snickering.

CHLOE

This is probably the most important mission we've ever taken on. I want you focused. I want you ready. I want you to turn around and face the corner, Bart!

Angle on: Bart's frightened face, as he jerks back to the corner. Chloe hadn't even been looking!

CHLOE

It's been three days, guys, and Jimmy and I haven't been able to dig up anything significant. That's why I called you in.

DINAH (V/O)

Just tell us what to do, Watchtower. We're ready to roll on your mark.

CHLOE

Thank you…

(beat)

This is the situation as it stands… Lois and Clark are missing. No one's heard a thing from them in over 72 hours…

(beat)

This is serious, guys. As serious as it gets.

Pulsing music lifts throughout the above, building to an excruciating crescendo, when:

BART

(lifts his hand)

Uh… can I go the bathroom?

Chloe hangs her head. Slam cut to:

OPENING TITLES AND CREDITS


So, what do you think? This isn't finished yet, although I've done a lot more than you see here... up to the 2nd Commercial Break, actually. I'll try to post as fast as I can, but remember... reviews speed up the process. Hope you enjoy...