Man. That episode was good until Reid just announced what he had seen during his death. And Emily brought the room down even more. Although, I tip my hats to the writers for brining that back up. It's nice to show how the characters have been affected by past experiences. And that last part with Rossi? Total bummer. That was just...sad. Really sad.
And of course, if it wasn't for the look JJ had given Spencer, we wouldn't have this next in the collection :)
I don't own Criminal Minds. Recommend "Only One" by Yellowcard. Please read and review.
Aaron Hotchner is troubled as he watches Emily and Jack play together in the living room. Jack is running his little toy car up and down Emily's arms and torso, while making "vroom-vroom" sounds as he does so. Emily's laughter completes the scene, yet Hotch cannot relax with them.
"When I coded in the ambulance, all I felt was cold and darkness."
Emily was the warmest and brightest person he (when it was just the two of them and Jack). For her to have experienced cold and darkness, leaves him feeling like he has swallowed nails. For a moment, he feels anger. Reid didn't even believe in God, why did he get to have the warm, fuzzy feeling, while his precious girl was left out in the cold?
"Daddy! Come play with us!" Jack calls out from the living room. Swallowing the murderous thoughts he's having about the good doctor, Hotch leaves the kitchen to join (in his mind) his family. He sits down next to Emily, who gives him the warmest smile. His heart melts at the sight, and he leans against her for a moment. She rests her head against his shoulder, echoing the movement, before Jack turns his daddy into his next race track.
V
After Jack has been told a story (which he only demanded when Emily was there), his prayers had been said (along with Hotch and Emily's) and all tucked in, it was now Hotch's favourite time of night: Emily and Aaron time. It was their time where they could go just sit on the sofa and unwind from the day's events. They sit quietly for a long moment; Emily completely relaxed against his side where she was cuddled up, his arm around her, his fingertips softly stroking her arm. He finally gathers the courage to voice the question that has been on his mind since he had heard her confession. "Why didn't you tell me?" Emily stiffens against him for a moment and then relaxes. "It didn't seem to matter. I survived." Hotch lifts his hand, gently touching her jawline, turning her head to face him. "It matters to me. Where you scared?" Emily sighs, sitting up and turning to face him all the way. "You know how they say you see your life flash before your eyes?" He nods. "I didn't see my life, Aaron. All I saw were my regrets." Hotch gathers her to him, hugging her tighter than he ever dared to before. He hopes that she doesn't have to ever experience that again, but if she does, he hopes its better.
"By the way, don't bother."
He pulls back, confused. "Don't bother?"
"Being mad at Reid for having the – for lack of a better word – positive experience. He doesn't believe in God, he needed to have that."
"What about you, Emily? Do you believe in God?"
Emily cups Hotch's face, looking him in the eyes. "I believe in you. That's why I only saw cold and darkness; I knew I wouldn't be there for a long time. I knew you would save me."
JJ watches Spencer, who is brushing his teeth in their bathroom. She hasn't been able to get his words out her head all day.
"I did. Before Tobias Hankel resuscitated me, I had that exact same experience. And I wasn't in an emergency room, I was in a shed."
She had seen his death. She remembers - like it happened yesterday - watching Spencer die; looking at him lying on the floor, and knowing that just for that moment…he was dead.
To this day, she has never felt the way she felt that night – the sheer helplessness and the paralyzing guilt that it was her fault he had been kidnapped, that she had gotten him killed - ever.
JJ blinks when she hears the water turn off, and she sees that Spencer hasn't moved. He's standing in front of the mirror, his hands gripping the skin, and staring unseeingly into the mirror. She moves towards him, feeling the heat come off his body. He's wearing flannel bottoms and nothing else. She wraps her arms around his bare torso softly, resting one hand over his heart, the other on the center of his chest. He looks at her through the mirror, and she gently kisses his shoulder.
"How come you never told me?" He doesn't need to ask what she's talking about. "And don't tell me what you told Morgan. Tell me the truth." She tells him, cutting him when he opens his mouth. He sighs and hangs his head. "Part of it was true. I didn't know how to explain – to myself or anyone – what I had seen."
"And the other part?"
He lifts his head. "I didn't see a silhouetted figure bathed in warmth."
"What did you see?"
He turns around in her arms, cupping her face. "You, Jennifer. I saw you."
To hear Spencer Reid – a man of science – that he saw her at the moment of his death, out of everyone he knew – was nothing short of humbling and terrifying all at once.
"You saved me, Jennifer."
She doesn't have the words to express the way she's feeling, so she stands on tip-toe and kisses him for all she's worth. He returns it, his kiss saying he understands. She breaks the kiss, hugging him to her, like she'll never have the chance.
"I'll always save you, Spence."
