Regaining His Sparkle
Aoyama was smiling, but his boyfriend knew his sparkles were a little more dull than usual.
Hanta loved watching Yuga. His boyfriend's mannerisms and over-confidence were so eye-catching, it was hard not to watch him. Hanta thought it was adorable and charming, even if a little unbearable at times. He really enjoyed watching Aoyama most on his best days, when his smile was so full and happy and bright that Hanta wondered if he ever felt negative emotions. However, after watching him and laughing with him for most of the school year, Hanta knew when Aoyama was having a bad day. As if everything about him had become...a little less Aoyama. His own smile faltered as he looked at Aoyama's eyes.
They were sparkling, of course, but there was also a glint that Hanta had become familiar with whenever Aoyama was having a bad day. Self-doubt. Aoyama was putting up a very convincing facade, but not convincing enough to fool his boyfriend. Hanta made a mental note to himself as he also continued smiling and laughing along with his friends. Laughing at Kaminari's joke (something about an electric attraction), Hanta made the note to go directly to Aoyama's dorm after classes had finished for the day.
Yuga excused himself to go to the bathroom (with a quick glittering pose) during his English class, failing to note Sero's worried eyes trailing after him as he left the classroom. Yuga made his way to the bathroom quickly, making sure to keep smiling as if nothing was wrong. He didn't stop until he entered the bathroom and found it as empty. That's when he let himself droop, shoulders dropping and mouth shutting in a thin line. He breathed with a shudder before locking himself in one of the stalls.
That's when he broke down completely. Yuga didn't cry, not wanting to go back with red eyes. But he did sit on the toilet, shaking and pulling himself into as much of a ball as he could. He had had a good day until lunch, when he heard somebody mention the training camp incident. At first he didn't even notice he was thinking about it until Uraraka asked him if he was alright at the beginning of English. He hadn't even noticed he wasn't smiling until she mentioned it. He brushed it off.
"A hero like moi must always be prepared to act serious when needed. I was training, mon amie~ "
He knew that excuse always worked on days like these, when he doubted himself and his abilities. When he felt like he would be a useless hero. When he felt he would never have a good enough quirk to even BECOME a hero, even if he had somehow managed to get into the hero course. That's why he couldn't stop shaking, because how could he become a hero when he was too afraid to help anybody?
Thoughts kept invading him, chastising him in his own voice, telling him how useless he was at the training camp and how he would be the worst hero when he graduated (if he graduated). But even as these thoughts kept pulling him into himself, he knew he couldn't keep listening to them. At least, not where he was. Aoyama had to start breathing and relaxing, letting himself stretch back out so at least he could fix himself before he went back to class. Before he could go back to class and then leave to go to his dorm when it finished, so he could keep listening. So he did. Counting sparkles always helped, so that's what he did. Counted and breathed with every sparkle he noticed coming out of his navel until he knew he would be able to fake it until the end of the day.
FInally leaving the stall, he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He looked a bit shaken (uselesscoward), but he turned on the faucet, letting the cold water cool him down before finally looking back up and seeing his smile. It would do. Nobody would notice.
Hanta walked with his friends to the dorms, keeping in mind that Aoyama had left to his dorm faster than usual. Once they all arrived, they separated to go to their separate dorms (or to their partners' rooms). Mina heading with Kaminari to play video games in his room and Jirou going to Yaoyorozu's room to "study". Hanta rolled his eyes before promptly heading to Aoyama's room. He already knew the way by heart and could probably get there blind-folded. He laughed a bit, remembering how he could've used a blindfold before entering Aoyama's room the first time his boyfriend invited him in.
Finally getting there, he stepped in front of the door, knocking softly. "Yuga?", he asked letting his smile slip a little. "Can I come in?" Hanta didn't hear any response but went inside anyway, surprised to see the room dark. Closing the door behind him, he noticed how, even though it was dark, everything seemed to have a light glittering sheen anyway. He loved how bright it was, but now, with the darkness, it felt slightly ominous. Taking a few steps in, Hanta sighed sadly, noticing the mirror covered up and the Aoyama-shaped lump under the bed's sequin blankets. Bringing back his smile, he sat down on the edge of the bed, playing with the tape at the elbows (or where his elbows should be) of his arms.
"Hey Yuga! You couldn't stop twinkling today, as usual, huh?", Hanta laughed, knowing it was a long stretch at a pun about his boyfriend's hero's name. Aoyama just seemed to curl in tighter in reaction, though. Hanta felt himself frown. "Can I...get under the cover with you?", he asked, putting his hand on what he assumed was Aoyama's head. He felt a small nod under his hand, enough invitation to let him under. He got off the bed and slowly got under the covers, making sure to cover both of them completely again before hugging Aoyama.
Yuga felt himself being pulled into a spooning position. He relaxed his curled position a bit, pushing into the warmth of Sero's body. He felt Sero's arms, wrap around him slowly and relaxed even more. He felt safe. Safe and comfortable under his covers and not so useless in Sero's arms. He felt the younger boy's breath on his hair as he spoke. "What's wrong?" Yuga didn't answer immediately, only curling in on himself again, hugging himself as much as Sero was. Sero didn't want to pressure him, so he just pulled Yuga closer, arms staying loose enough in case Yuga wanted to pull away. He didn't, so they stayed unmoving under the covers until Yuga spoke up.
"Hanta...do you...think I'm a coward?", Yuga asked gently, squeezing his arms to keep himself from shaking again. Sero seemed startled by the question, and Yuga was afraid of what he might say, that he might agree. But he didn't. "Yuga...why would I ever think that?", he asked back. Then, realization. "Do you think that?" Yuga responded by trembling. "Oh Yuga…", Sero sighed, pulling him as close as possible. "How could you be a coward when you've already faced villains a bunch and succeeded?", Sero said softly, nuzzling into his boyfriend's blond hair.
Yuga felt himself tense up and then laugh. A harsh laugh. "Succeed? Mon cher, didn't you see me during the training camp? Probably not. I was hiding. How could I be a successful hero that people look up to if I can't even fight?". Yuga felt himself about to begin a rant and stopped.
Hanta sighed when he heard that. "Yuga, I wasn't there when they got Bakugo, but I heard they had Tokoyami too. The villains almost got two students, but I heard you were there, Yuga. You saved Tokoyami. That was super cool and brave, especially since it was the League again.", Hanta spoke, hoping the words would reach Yuga. He even felt him relax into a more loose position. "But I hid...I could've helped more if I hadn't hidden...heroes aren't afraid, heroes don't hide. Cowards do.", Aoyama said, the tremor obvious in his voice. Now he was crying.
Hanta held him tighter, if that was even possible. "All heroes are afraid. What makes them brave heroes is fighting even when they're afraid, which is what you did." Hanta wiped Aoyama's tears away. "You were a brave hero and helped. Even though you were afraid, even though you could've gotten hurt, you helped save somebody. If that isn't brave, then I don't have tape coming out of my elbows." He smiled when he finished talking, feeling Yuga chuckle against him, finally relaxing completely.
"I guess that was kind of brave... ", Aoyama started laughing a little louder, before he finally turned to face Hanta, pulling him close against him. "Thank you, mon cher." Aoyama said before leaning his face up a bit to kiss Hanta. Hanta smiled, meeting Yuga half way and holding him close. Their lips pressed warmly together before separating. Hanta stared at Yuga lovingly, recognizing his regular sparkle returning to his eyes. Yuga looked back and chuckled loftily, kissing Hanta's nose. "Thank you." He curled himself a little to be able to lay his head against Hanta's chest. Hanta adjusted to make him more comfortable before he finally closed his eyes, still smiling as he felt Yuga's breaths even out. They both dozed off, comfortable and reassured in each others' warmth under the safety of the blanket.
