This fanfiction is co-written by NinaKerndall and iNikkix3.

Disclaimer: Neither NinaKerndall nor I owe Katekyo Hitman Reborn. However, we do own this fanfic.

Credits for the idea of this fic go to mangarox14, for the awesome Dear 59 kun. We only posted it after getting permission.

Most of the questions were created by iNikkix3, but the final one was asked by one of our friends.

Please sit back, relax and enjoy this fanfic! Don't forget to leave your comments and reviews after reading! No flames please.

Chapter One: The Beginning

Fran's monotone of "I'm bored" rang again and again in Belphegor's ears as the pair sat in the Varia castle's living room.

"Then go do something, you're annoying the Prince." A knife stabbed Fran in his big frog hat, as the Storm Guardian went back to his favourite gory handheld game.

"If I had something to do, I wouldn't be bored, idiotic senpai. Even a fool like the old lightning pervert knows that. Don't you?" All Fran got in reply was more knives in the hideous frog hat.

Fran started poking Bel in the shoulder. "Ne… Retarded senpai…"

"Stop poking the Prince! There's a death penalty for that!" Bel took on his anger on Fran as his head got shot of by a particularly ugly Mafioso.

He died in the game, not in real life. Although that would provide some entertainment for Fran.

"But I'm bored!"

"Ushishishi. Then go do something."

"I already said –"

"Then go find something to do!"

"Give me something to do, irritated senpai." Fran drawled loudly, poking Bel another time.

"Ushishishi. Go jump off a tower or something and stop disturbing the Prince."

"Give me something to do that doesn't involve harm to my precious body, please."

"Go open one of those retarded advice columns that Lussuria likes so much or something. The kind on the newspapers." Bel pressed the restart button and started killing the poor buttons by extremely fast jabbing.

"Are you serious about that idea?"

"The Prince doesn't care what you do, as long as you go away." He carried on fingering the buttons on his game.

"Okay. I'll give it a try. Ja ne." Fran hopped off the comfy sofa. "And I'm also taking off the hat."

"Don't you dare, Froggy," Belphegor shot a knife at Fran before going back to his game. How he did that without dying in the game was beyond the Mist Guardian.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

After a whole lot of HTML editing, Fran was finally done with his blog.

Yes, Fran can use HTML. It wasn't very hard actually. All he had to do was hack into Bel's computer and copy Bel-senpai's blog before editing it to his preference. What Bel actually wrote in his blog was so stupid that Fran took it to himself to change it a little… Make that a lot.

Back to the point at hand. His website had an indigo and teal green striped background, with equally coloured spiral swirly things. Optical illusions, the basic unit of illusions.

His master forced him to look at those for a whole month. His whole room was replaced by swirly things, so he slept in swirly things. Because of that, he even dreamt of optical illusions. His bathroom was covered with optical illusions, so he couldn't even look at the mirror unless he wanted to get a migrane. He even ate food with optical illusions on them, courtesy of his pineapple-haired master.

For the year after that, Fran had to learn how to create those things on paper, computer and on everything possible. He carved one rather pineapply design on a pineapple and gave it to his master on his birthday. Fran had always been artistic. Not that anyone appreciated it. (His gift was crushed by illusionary elephants and tossed into the trash.)

This time, he wanted to force the torture onto someone else too. Although pineapple swirly illusions were his master's specialty, Fran could create some rather good ones, if he could say so himself.

While waiting for someone to post a question on his advice column, Fran started writing some horribly embarrassing things in Bel-senpai's blog. Like… how Bel-senpai wetted his bed once.

The whole Varia knew about it five minutes later because Fran took a picture and posted it all about the headquarters. Bel-senpai didn't know Fran was the mastermind though, and killed all the grunts because of the embarrassment. It was torture trying to recruit people after that, but Fran decided that the trouble was worth it. Seeing as Squalo was the one who had to find people.

After lengthily describing the vain prince's bathroom habits, Fran decided to check on his advice column. And there came the first question. He wasn't thrilled, he never was, but was curious to find out what it was.

Dear 26-san,

I'm very clumsy. I always trip and fall over nothing at all. My grades are bad too... I always get less than 10/100 for tests and my tutor always beats me up after that. Everyone calls me no good... Can you suggest a way for me to improve?

A no-good person

He raised his teal green eyebrows. Who knew that the Vongola boss would be so insecure as to ask for advice? Ah, but he'd have fun replying.

Dear I think I know who you are,

You don't happen to be a brunette with absolutely no sense of balance, do you?

Anyway, too bad for you. I suggest you listen to your tutor. You have a wonderful one that can make you... improve. Just try to withstand all the beatings and torture you get and remember, there's someone out there much worse than you, doing nothing wrong but getting stabbed everyday by a self-assuming fake prince who's -cough- stupid, insane, ugly, retarded, idiotic, ugly, eyeless, slow to respond, ugly, hideous, horrible, ugly, terrifying, monstrous, ugly, grotesque, ugly, gross and ugly. Did I mention ugly? ...

Oops, look at me talking too much again.

26-sama.

P.S. He really is all those things you know.

Having felt satisfied with himself at dissing Bel-senpai and utterly destroying his blog, he moved on to the next question that had popped up while he was writing.

Dear 26-sama,

Just the other day, I saw a long-haired person with a screwed up hair colour, who reminds me of a shark, run around the supermarket in a fit. He went along the lines of "VROIIIIIIII! DAMN THAT STUPID BEL! AND THAT STUPID FROG! WAIT UNTIL I GET HOLD OF THEM! I WILL-"

The rest was so disturbing I can't bear to tell it to you. Please help me clear my mind...

Currently-Mentally-Polluted

Oh, so there was a witness to the shark's, ahem, hair colour crisis. He wasn't surprised she or he would be mentally polluted. The stupid long-haired commander was, after all, amazingly loud. It was lucky that Fran had the frog hat as earplugs. Not that he would admit it.

Dear I think you need ear transplants,

You're terribly unlucky, aren't you? Going out on the day Bel and I- Ah, I mean, on the day that white-haired guy was pranked by two very very bad people who changed his shampoo to pink hair dye with honey.

About my advice... I suggest you use bleach. Have you ever heard of it? It washes your mind clean of everything you don't want to remember. Well, maybe things you don't want to forget as well. But if you ignore the last point, it's really helpful. I'd know. Since I tried it on Levi before.

26-sama

The results for Levi were obviously very interesting. The pretty much ignored Lightning Guardian had forgotten how much he loved the idiotic boss, but fell in love with him all over again, after a whole load of bullying. Sad to say (not really), Levi was still ignored despite his new love.

Fran mentally smirked, although he read the next question with a blank face.

DEAR 26-SAN TO THE EXTREME,

COME TO NAMIMORI BOXING CLUB TO THE EXTREME! I CAN TRAIN YOU EXTREMELY UP!

SASAGAWA RYOHEI

A very 'Extreme' no. Why would someone ask him to join a club? And worst of all, a boxing club? Everyone who knew Fran also knew how much he hated exercising. Illusionists just needed their brain, and Fran had a very fine one, so why do people, like that boxing idiot and the stupid long-haired commander, keep on forcing him to train?

Dear No Thank You,

I find that I am very fit now due to a certain fake prince and running every day, so I have to very regretfully (and gleefully) decline your kind offer.

Wait.

Aren't you that sun guardian boxing freak? How did you even find this site?

26-sama: The person that's walking far far away from you right now, don't bother chasing after his handsome back.

After sending the email, he read the next post and felt the urge to cut off someone's supply of air. Preferably the person who sent the question, and shove him under Bel-senpai's nose while he was on one of his usual rampages. Oh, then feed the sliced up pieces to Squalo's box weapon.

Dear 26 (Why should I call you sama?),

Where did you get that BACKGROUND? It's horribly mismatched! Indigo is SUCH an ugly colour, don't you think? And what kind of name is 26? What a bad and yucky number! Why can't you be 27? Or 64? 64 is SUCH a cool number, RIGHT?

26 Hater.

He hoped he would able to show all his scorn through his reply. People like him deserved to be attacked by Bel's disturbingly-similar-to-him mink, Visone Tempesta.

Dear Person with Bad Taste,

Indigo and teal green is a wonderful combination, just that people with bad eyesight, namely you, can't appreciate the quality of the colours.

I like my name very much, thank you. 64 is a GREAT number. It is a number that would willingly tear off your clothes (if you were a guy) and rape you with his pinky sticking up, all while cooing happily. I suggest you say you like that number to the gay homo who is cooking in the kitchen. Oh, and wear something cute too. With a lot of ruffles and hearts.

26-SAMA.

P.S. Since I'm very much superior to you, you should call me sama.

P.P.S. I think I sound a little like my senpai. His craziness must be rubbing off on me.

P.P.P.S. What made me say that? Please ignore the previous statement if you want to live without live frogs haunting you for the rest of your life.

Still slightly annoyed at the last post, he stared at his postscripts. The fake prince's madness must be killing his brain cells and causing him to write such retarded lines. He would do better for the next advice-seeker.

Dear 26-sama,

Do you like Bel-san? I keep seeing the two of you together and it seems your senpai is very fond of you. You should return the love.

Do you know where the 6th Hell Ring is? I found out for some reason my purple eyes have become blue and red. Add the angel and devil wings and something's wrong. Is this an illusion?

Regards,

13

P.S. My friend and a lot others support B26. Better say "like" or "hate" Bel-san soon.

Fran was frustrated. What was with that question? How did that person know of the Hell Rings? Why did that person even think that Bel-senpai liked him? He felt extremely grossed out, although anyone peeking into his room right now would still see him look as if he was simply taking a relaxing stroll or disturbing Bel again.

Dear Oh-so-lucky 13,

No. N.O. No way. If that's not enough for you, should I repeat it again?

If you keep seeing us together, you'd also notice the number of knives I have in me. Or that I'm running away. Are you stalking me or Bel-sempai? I'll let him know that so that you can enjoy your painful torture. It also comes free with a whole lot of maniacal laughter. And shiny knives.

Oh sure, he loves me so much. The only reason why I don't 'return the love' is because he would double or triple return it. Leading to my death.

Hmm. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Do I have any reason to tell you?

That's what happened to you? Okay, I'll suggest you call this number: 6918 5701 4851 XXX. It's the number to the nearest mental hospital from here. Make sure to call early before your illness gets too serious, dear.

26-sama

P.S. Your other friends can go get molested by Lussuria for all I care. Or get eaten by Besta.

Fran sighed as he shut down his laptop. Who knew answering meaningless questions would be so tiring? But it certainly cured the boredom. Which was more than he could say for an idea of Bel's.

Though he had entirely no idea why some people would think Bel had a crush on him. The guy hated him. Why would someone stab another person every time the person annoyed him unless he hated his guts?

Or unless he was crazy.

Which Bel unfortunately was.

As he walked past Bel's room on the way to get a snack, he saw the man in question standing at his door.

"Ushishishi. The Prince hasn't seen the Frog since the Froggy bothered him. Where has it been?" Belphegor followed Fran, both sauntering down the hallway.

"I took your not-so-stupid advice on what to do for once and opened an advice column." Fran wondered whether he should tell a lie to annoy his senpai, but decided against it.

The tiara-wearing 'genius' would get annoyed enough later on when he saw his blog.

"The Frog actually bothered to do it? Ushishishi. The Prince thought the Frog went off to do whatever frogs do when they get bored." Bel looked stunned for a moment before his mouth stretched into his usual grin.

"Which would be…?"

"Stab themselves repeatedly in the head, of course. Ushishishi."

"Frogs don't do that. They don't have hands to hold knives with."

"The Prince will do it for you, Froggy." Are these the words of a man who is in love with his kouhai?

Maybe they're the twisted words of a man who is in love with his kouhai.

Fran shuddered mentally, if those were the words of love, then what will the actions of love, other than the stabbing, be? Ah, why was he even considering the fact that his senpai was in love with him?

Fran blamed the stupidity from Bel that had somehow made its way into his smart brain through all the stabbing.

Bel trailed after him as he made his way down the stairwell. "Where's the Frog going?"

"I'm hungry."

"That's no answer." Stab.

"Would you stop that, aho senpai?"

Stab. "Ushishishi, hell no." Were those the actions of someone in love with his kouhai?

Fran opened the door to the cupboard, took out a bag of chips, and tore it open. Bel unceremoniously took a handful of chips from the bag.

"Those are my chips, baka-fake-prince-senpai." Fran protested.

"Who cares? Uncute kouhai." And who knows why someone would call his obviously cute kouhai uncute.

"Fake genius."

Stab. Stab. Stab.

"Itai."

He felt so loved at that moment as he strolled down the hall with at least ten knives in his back, an ugly frog hat and half a packet of chips.

- B26 - B26 - B26 -

iNikkix3's note: So, did you enjoy it? My friend said that my replies sounded a whole lot more like 59 than like 26, so I'm sorry if Fran sounds OOC. But if he doesn't, leave a review telling me that so that I can rub it in my friend's face saying: "HAH! SO THERE!"

If he does, then leave a review too and I'll make him more emotionless.

We'll appreciate the reviews! The more reviews, the faster we'll update!