NEW GALACTIC SOLUTIONS

Chapter 1 'New Leader' or 'Alley Cat'

This is the final sequel to the adventures of the 'rift in time' begun years ago in Christmas with the Dirty Pair. Due to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control, I must begin with Chapter 2. Chapter 1 will be added in later as a stand alone story intended solely to make a smooth transition from the previous ff.

DISCLAIMER: OK, Doctor #3. The floor is yours. Thank you, my dear child. First we wish to thank Mr Takachiho without whose lovely creations this saga could have never even been started! Likewise we say thankee to all of the other creators whose creations we have borrowed. Anyone may of course borrow any of our own creations so long as credit is given in like fashion to our own literary creator. I apologize but we seem to have lost the thread of this tale.

Therefore, we shall pick up during the waning weeks of our voyage to Gallifrey or Shimougou or whever the devil this fool girl is dragging us to! Sorry. I know that Miss Prydonia is our Commander but worse for me, she is my own cousin! Most distressing indeed not to recall where one is save somewhere near that blasted 'Neutral Zone' of the Federation and those pesky Romulans!

Aha! According to my wrist chromo's date indicator, tonight is Hall-o-we'en in AD 2255 and the young people are having a good old-fashioned fancy dress costumery party! There! Now get on with the tale, my dear girl or I will tell your 'Grandfather' Casterlein that you have been quite naughty!

Here begins this part of our tale.

Not sure where I left off but this is Chapter 2-

When I arrived at the masked soiree, all eyes turned to me. Despite the mask that I'd 'repped up' of old 'Witch Hazel' from those old cartoons I had watched on vid disk from ancient Terran TV, I was certain sure that everyone knew it was me. Why? Because I'm nowhere near as tall as the rest of the gang!

"May I have the pleasure of zees dahnce, bonita Senorita (Pretty miss in Spanish. Did I ever tell ya that I am fluent in all Terran languages and another few hundred galactic tongues?) or has another caballero claimed you for his own?" asked Zorro the Fox and I almost fainted.

"Of course, Senor Zorro. Your Spanish accent has slipped a bit. Is anything wrong, sir?" I asked in a concerned voice. A chuckle was my answer.

"I am not 'that' Zorro, Brigadier. My flying partner is over there. See 'Senorita Victoria Escalante' by the bar? (I nodded) You met her once way back in AD 2249. Me? You met me twice last year in the 'Citadel' but you probably don't remember. Who am I? Ah! That would be tellin', me darlin'! You will just have to wait for the unmasking at midnight. You dance divinely, Mistress Hazel! If you will excuse me, I believe that Maid Marian is calling me. Adios." said 'Zorro' and he touched his lips to mine in a brief kiss. I blushed scarlet!

"Would ze ugly hag care to dance with P-, I mean, with me, please?" asked 'Optimus Prime', the Autobot Transformer awkwardly. I smiled encouragingly and danced around the floor with- OK, I won't spoil the unmasking but I knew who my partner was and I guess most of you do as well, right?

"Senorita Hazel? You cannot be that hideous under your marvelous disguise, my dear lady. May I have the honour?" asked 'Batman' and again, I was almost certain sure that I was dancing with- wait for the witching hour, folks.

'Cinderella' and 'Rapunzel' were holding up each other at the bar while 'Count Dracula' and 'Dr Fu ManChu' were busily questioning the barkeeps for tonight, Jonathan Smith who was wearing devil's horns, tail and clutching a trident and Trish who was wearing a halo and a white robe of some flimsy material that left nothing to one's imagination! Jonathan was clad in long red flannel underwear!

"We just want the facts, ma'am. You say that the 'Batman' fella has a slight accent? Spanish? Unh huh. Thanks." said the King of Vampires.

"You think that 'Zorro' and 'Victoria' are related, sir. Brother and sister perhaps? Yeah, that's very helpful. Thankee." said the evil leader of the 'Council of Seven'.

Before 'King Kong' stepped on my tootsies a third time, I excused myself and went to the powder room, the ladies' powder room, not the arsenol. I had to check on the skeleton bridge crew. In there, my voice would have been a dead giveaway! I touched my comm badge and spoke quietly.

"Commander to bridge. Anyone there? Over." I trilled and the reply nearly deafened me!

"Roger that, Brig. Orphen here. Magic! Turn down that music, dammit! I'm talkin' to the 'Boss' here! Sorry about that, mum. Not much shakin' up here besides the light show. Over." trilled the sorcerer from a faroff world of magic.

"What 'light show', Orphie? Over." I trilled. The sorcerer nor his apprentice replied for several minutes. I was getting tired of waiting and mulling over scaring the bejesus outta them by showing up on their bridge when-

"Magic to 'Boss'. Sorry. I just got back from a trip to our 'star room'. Orph told me to check it out for ya. We got white chunky things whizzing past the ship and a few of them almost banged into us but they got zapped afore they could hit us. Orph said our shields are bouncing them back from us. But he said to tell ya that their strength is down to 15%, nope, make that 12%, mum. Anything wrong, Commader? Over." trilled the magical apprentice and I almost fell off the toilet seat!

The 'GekiGangar Dai Gurren' belt! How could I have been so baka stupid, man? The 'belt' was composed of chunks of dead 'dwarf stars' and other floating space junk. It protected my world from the brutal radiation rings of 'Da Vinci IV', one of 'Gallifrey's many moons. I think we have thirty-eight or forty.

"I'm coming up! Don't touch anything! Prydonia out!" I trilled or rather screamed into my comm badge. A minor problem which I was certain sure I could easily handle all by my lonesome. Why spoil the bash for Gene, Zoe and Han, eh? In a little while, I was gonna wish that I had called them!

I raced through the powder room's 'corridor' portal and flew for the lift stations. I rocketed up to the command deck and my sore feet in the pointed shoes pounded all the way up the hall to the bridge. I was in agony when I stumbled onto the bridge.

"Niki! Transfer 85% strength from aft shields to forward shields stat!" I screeched. Todd and Buzz had dogged my footsteps to the bridge and they looked comical as Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, the ancient Terrans' favourite comedy duo of all time! I didn't look my gift horses in the mouth either.

"Todd! Buzzy! Man those guns! Buzz, take the sonic cannons! Todd, the photon torpedoes, please! See those 'blips' on the screen? Pretend they're enemy spaceships in that 'Asteroids' vidgame you two love to play and blast the Hell outta them! If they penetrate our shield barriers, we are history! Hullo!

"This is Suba Prydonia in command of the 'Daedalus', 3WA! Patch me through to whoever the Hell is manning the comm centre in the 'Cit'! This is a priority order, Mister so move your rump! Hullo! Who's this? Leftenant Fullbring? What the Hell's a flight leftenant doing manning the comm? Oh, OK. I see. Yeah, we all gotta go when we gotta go, kid.

"Hullo? Who's this now? Ensign Galaxena? Galaxy? That you? It's Alley! Allison, Clan Prydonia? Yeah! Never mind. Tell ya tomorrow when we land there. The 'belt' just became active. We're OK now but it sapped 85% of my forward shields' power, had to borrow it from the aft ones. Point is that the ones that caromed off us may be headed for you.

"Call Commander Virgil, Imperial Guard. Get those sonic blasters manned. Even one of those chunks of 'dwarf star' could wipe out a good part of 'Galli'! Me? I'm commanding 'Daedalus' for the 3WA. Why? Didn't ya know that I'm 'Galli's new liaison officer for the 3WA and UG? Well, I am! Now get a wiggle on your tush, girl! Time's a-wastin', dammit! Prydonia out!" I shouted into my vidmike.

"OK, Hon. I'm on it! Galaxena out." said my old roomie from high school. She wasn't even 122 yet!

"Make that 'Hon, mum.' I'm a Subaltern now and I outrank ya, Galaxy." I chortled.

I turmed back to see how my gunners were doing. Believe it or not, Todd and Buzz were keeping score on their blasts!

"That's 55 for me, Todd! How many for you, old buddy?" howled Buzz Murdoch while Todd Stiles fumed and cursed.

"Dammit to Hell! Missed him! Damn you, Buzz! You're distractin' me! There! Gotcha! That's my 35th! Take that, you thing!" yelled Todd.

"Sorry, pal. I just bagged ten more. That makes it 65 to 38. No, make that 37. You just clipped that last big un so no score!" hooted Buzz while he knocked out five more chunks of 'dwarf stars'. Then I realized that Todd had 'missed a few'!

"How big were your misses, Todd?" I screeched hysterically.

"Just little ones, Boss. The size that Han and Gene said would burn out before they hit anything, Al. That last one-" explained Buzz and he hesitated. I do not like hesitation!

"That last one? What?" I prompted.

"About the size of my home state back home, Commander. No big deal. Dang it! Get that little one, Buzz! Thanks." replied Todd.

"No big deal, huh? Lady, Todd and me hail from New York! Here's what it looks like, kiddo." said Buzz and he dialed up a holographic image of the USA circa AD 1962 with 'New York' circled in red. I nearly upchucked! New York was bigger than the Boss Lady's favourite NFL team's state of Louisiana and then some! I grabbed the vidmike.

"Commander Prydonia of the 3WA calling 'Citadel Security Chief' Commander Virgil. Come in, Virge! Emergency!" I trilled.

"Virgil here. How ya been, Alley, me darlin'?" drawled the tall, rangy leader of the Gallifreyan 'Imperial Guard', our planet's chief of security, in his laid back laconic manner of speech.

"Look at the damned 'belt', Virgie! One of my gunners let a chuck slip past! It's thrice the size of the 'Dead Lands', man! See it yet? Over." I trilled and a few seconds later-

"Wow! You wasn't kiddin', Honey! Get that thing, Akeeler! Got it? Good! It's OK now, Lovey. Anton got it. 'Member him? Over." drawled Virgil. Anton Akeeler? Of course I 'membered him!

Besides being a young 'time lord', Anton was a dabbler in Alchemy! I well 'member when he 'accidentally' blew up one of Lord Kaloric's labouratories! I was with him at the time although I was a year his junior. He was in Form 10 while I was in Form 9, he was a sophmore while I was a freshman in high school.

I well 'member because both of us were punished for his antics! I did not even do anything wrong but I still got 16 extra hours of advanced history for a week same as he got! Now he was a gunner? Lord Rathelon save us all!

"Anything else, kiddo? I'm a mite busy down here what with your bringin' down all them big shots tomorrow and all, Al. Over." drawled Virgil when I did not reply.

"Negative. We are almost through the 'belt' and we will be making planetfall early tomorrow, Virge. Thanks. Prydonia out." I trilled and dropped my vidmike.

"Aw! No more targets, old buddy! Time to tally up. Lessee, that's a grand total of 575 for me and 417 and a half for you. I win! That means the drinks are on you tonight, pal!" chuckled Buzz while Todd, evidently a sore loser, fumed and ranted.

"I still say I got a full hit on number 399 so it should be 575 to 418! Wait until the next asteroid belt, Buzz!" shouted Todd.

"Fine, whatever. I still won and the drinks are still on you tonight, Todd." chortled Buzz.

"OK, but up here, everything's free, Buzz. Guess I'll let you buy dinner our first night back home. Deal?" asked Todd. Buzz nodded and the two 'Corvette drifters' 'high-fived' each other to seal the deal. I saw by the wall chromo it was a few seconds to midnight and time for the unmasking to begin.

Leaving Orphen in command with Magic on the bridge, Todd, Buzz and I made a hasty exit to the lift stations. We arrived just as the first stroke of midnight was striking.

The 'King of the Goblins' was calling for quiet. I knew that this was Lt Quicksilver/Mercury who was my morale officer.

Our charming 'Witch Hazel' will have the honour with myself of being the very last to unmask this evening. First, I simply must know whom is behind this lovely 'Masque of the Red Death' mask. Step forward, sir." said Sil and a tall dude in red floated over to us trailed by 'Wolfman Mac'.

The 'wolfman' was revealed to be none other than Light Yagami while the mysterious 'Red Death' was 'Death' himself, the horrible shinigami death god, Ryuuk! There was a thunder of applause!

Next. Will 'Sherlock Holmes' and 'Dr Watson' step up to the podium, please?" I said.

"Just like that 'List of Adrian Messenger' film, eh Holmes?" asked a very familiar sounding voice.

"Yup. They kept us all guessin' until the end, my dear Watson. The identity of the murderer, of course, was elementary." chuckled another very familiar seeming voice.

Behind the spectacles and mustache of the good doctor was the master of the 'Outlaw Star', Gene Starwind!

Under Holmes's 'deerstalker' cap and huge Calabash pipe and beneath a lot of 'pancake' make-up was the ex-pirate and ex-smuggler extraordinaire and lucky hubby of the new President of Kurestan, Han Solo!

More applause greeted each new mask and face behind it until there was a mere handful remaining.

'Optimus Prime' and 'Batman' were revealed as Pancho and Cisco respectively. 'Cinderella' was the blonde 'Dynamite Kiss Doll' Eve while her partner, the brunette, Blackie was the long tressed 'Rapunzel'. All heads turned when Charles Augustus Milverton Garner, the 3WA's Territorial Sector Chief puffed out his chest and lit a foul-smelling cigar!

"Ho! Ho there, I say! Is there nobody here that recognizes their commander-in-chief? I have been with all of you, well, almost all of you for many years! Even our Commander is well known to me. No guesses?" demanded the gruff voice which really sounded like our 'Uncle Chuckie'.

"Spike Steigel? Is that you under there?" asked the unmasked 'King Kong', Jett Black of the 'Bebop'.

"Not this time, Jett." said 'Jaffa', the evil grand vizier of 'Aladdin' and the 'Thief of Baghdad', Spike Steigel, cigarette in hand.

"I think it's 'Faye Faye' (Faye Valentine of the 'Bebop') under there!" yelped 'Underdog' who had been unmasked as the 'Bebop's own Ed Appledore. She had a death squeeze on both Ein the data dog and Luna, the poor neko (cat) of the 'Sailor Moon' gang.

"You only gotta say it once, Edward! Nope, not me, folks." admitted the final 'Bebop' crewman, Faye Valentine who had come to the party as 'Prince Achmed', the 'Thief of Baghdad'.

"Mr Garner? We give up. Please unmask, sir." laughed Sil.

Garner was wearing no mask. Instead, make-up and paints had been used to disguise, I did not believe it!- Angela de Roncesvalles herself!

The room exploded with thunderous clapping and Sil immediately announced that Angela's was the best male costume and crowned her with a tiara of daisies. Now who would win for best female costume?

'Count Dracula' and 'Dr Fu ManChu' were revealed as our two Terran LA detectives Sgt Joe Friday and Officer Billy Gannon, respectively.

"Moving right along as the hour grows late, will 'Zorro' and his own sweetheart, 'Victoria Escalante' step up here, please?" said Sil.

'Zorro' and his lady love stepped forward. He bowed to us while she curtseyed.

"The lovely Victoria will now unmask. Ladies first, you know." said 'Zorro' while 'Victoria' smiled at him. Then she spat out the rose she had held in her teeth all evening, yanked off her dark wig and wiped heavy 'pancake' from her fresh, young face.

"Many of you know me although I am from your futures as is my compadre over there. In a way, I am soon to be related to the Boss Lady herself. You see, 'Zorro' and I are to be married when we conclude this mission and return to our own time era. My own dear mother is a 3WA chief, Ella Hathaway. I am Annie Hathaway and the first female pilot in the 3WA to pilot a 'time ship'. However, they have yet to be invented in your time era. OK. Your turn, partner." she giggled.

'Zorro' pulled off his pencil mustache amd drew his Toledo blade which he used to sever the side of his mask. Pulling off both black hat and black wig, the boy before us was a smiling redhead. His blushing bride-to-be was also a redhead.

"Me? I'm from Annie's 'time era' and I was or will be the very first 3WA pilot ever to be assigned command of a soon to be invented 'time ship'. Now how can I be related to the 'Demon o' Dublin' I hear you asking? Well, I'm related to the 'Rose o' Tralee' as well. Another hint? I am probably the only person who ever pissed in the face of the Boss and got away with it too!" he chuckled.

'Cupid' Kome Sawaguchi snapped her fingers and pointed at him.

"It's KR! That's the 'Dirty Pair's godson, Keitarou Riff, 'Goblin King'! Too bad we already got a male costume eh?" cried Kome. More applause and now we were down to just a single masked figure besides us.

"Will 'Maid Marian' please reveal herself to the company?" I said and 'Robin Hood's sweetheart stepped up to the podium.

"I am the truly bethrothed of Robin of Locksley and Sherwood. As to my true persona, however, I have yelled at each and every one of you in this room at one time or another. Earlier, of course, 'Robin' was revealed as my dear friend, Fritz von Dekker, the 'Green Baron'. I will tell you right now that I am not his captain of the 'Emerald Queen', Emma Emeraldas! I am a stern taskmaster and I have my own ship which is safely tucked away back at the Academy. Come now. How about a guess?" said a very high pitched and definitely not female voice.

"It's Johnny Smith, master o' the 'Flying Dutchman', me hearties!" yelled 'Spiderman' Will, Edie's pilot on the 'Mary Celeste'. The 'Green Lantern' had been his trucker partner, Sonny.

"Nah! It's gotta be Lord Ivanhoe's fiancee, Rebecca. Unless it's Lord Ivy himself." roared Mark Gordon who had opted to come as 'Fireman Sam'.

"Everyone give up? OK. So be it. Best female costume is 'Maid Marian'! Unmask, me pretty!" said Sil.

Blonde curls and pretty face dropped to the ground and Jonathan Harlock was leering at us and guffawing with mirth!

"Thankee! Thankee! Never thought I'd doll up like a skirt, did ye now, Dynamo?" he chuckled and 'Godzilla' agreed.

"What about our host and hostess?" demanded Diana who had come as her mama, Aphrodite/Venus.

Finally, I reached up to remove my witch's hat but Sil arrested my movements. Instead he shook his head and the 'King of Goblins' was gone! In his place was my morale officer although he was much taller and far more handsome than he had been before!

"OK! Enough suspense already! Who's the wicked old witch?" yelled Leila the jungle girl who had come in the guise of the super heroine, Hawkgirl.

I dropped my wig and false nose along with my witch's hat and 'old lady gnarled hands' gloves. Then my mask hit the floor. My long tresses fell halfway to the floor, I smiled and took off my ankle length black cloak. Mouths dropped open in awe.

"Look at that, ya mangy wolf! Shippou was right after all! It was the Alley Cat under there!" howled InuYasha.

"I thought sure it was the other Briggy, Marlene Angel, ya dumb mutt! Son of a gun! It was Alley Cat!" replied Kouga. I winced at the 'Alley Cat' cracks but I maintained my composure and kept smiling.

'Maid Marian'/Jonny Harlock glanced at the wall chromo and sighed.

"It do be nigh on to 0100 hours or one AM for ye landlubbers. We got us an early day tomorry so let's get to our bunks, eh? That is, after our host and hostess have led us into the final dance of the evening. May I have the honour, Sir Periwinkle?" said Jonny Harlock and he swept the 'Knight Templar' gal up into his arms.

Sil offered me his hand. I took it and we danced a slow waltz to the tune of the 'Blue Danube Waltz'. When the music ended, we all applauded. Then, before any of us could head for our bunks-

"Hold up a moment, please. As this is unmasking time, I feel that I must reveal my true self to all of you. You took me in, accepted me and made me your friend so it is unfair of me not to enlighten you as to whom I truly am and why I am aboard this vessel. With your permission, Mr White?" asked Lt Quicksilver.

"By all means, my boy!" boomed out White's voice from everywhere in the ship!

"Go fer it, laddie!" agreed Mr Black in a much louder voice.

"Very well. I was asked by Mr White to come along for the ride. He decided I should travel incognito, my true identity known only to three people in the 3WA- Marshall O'Halloran, Admiral Donovan and Subaltern Prydonia. Therefore, it was agreed that I would come aboard as an advisor to the Commander. It was her idea to order 'Lt Quicksilver' to be your morale officer.

"I am really the 'messenger of the gods' of Mt Olympus. Hermes or, if you prefer, Mercury, is my true name. Hence, my alias of 'Quicksilver' which is another name for the chemical 'mercury'. Now, off to your bunks and pleasant dreams to all hands. We make planetfall tomorrow. Flight crew? Leave a wake-up call for 0600, 6 AM. G'Night, my dear friends." said Sil.

"You heard the man. Dismissed." I said and the room emptied quickly. Sil began to leave and I put my hand on his arm.

"That was a great speech you gave, Merc. Now tell me why you are on this mission with us. Well? I am waiting, kiddo." I demanded and the young boy god began to fidget. I began to tap my foot and he started sweating! Can gods sweat?

"I have been assigned to you, Milady Prydonia. Mr White and Mr Black needed a messenger to carry messages back and forth between you and the Guardians' gardens. I was supposed to tell you but-" he began and I prompted him with a jab in the arm.

"I wanted the guys and ladies here to think of me as just a normal boy. Sorry, Commander." he replied.

"Who else knows why you were sent to the 'Daedalus', Sil?" I asked quietly.

"Both of the 'Dirty P-', I mean both 'Lovely Angel' leaders know. Nobody else although after my speech tonight, probably the entire ship's company knows. After all, I am the 'Messenger of the Gods' and quite well known thanks to Mr Bullfinch." he answered.

"Why do we need a special messenger, Sil? We have the comm badges, comlinks and comm relays. What does my mission have to do with the Guardians anyway?" I demanded.

"You will be reclaiming your Type 40 traveling machine, Milady. The details of your mission are known to both Guardians, to the 3WA staff back home and to the 'High Council' of your home world but you will receive your instructions on the morrow at the 'Citadel'. The exact nature of your mission is unknown to me, Al. Any other queries? I am quite tired." yawned the kid.

"I thought that gods were immune to things like tiredness and sleepiness, Sil?" I joked.

"For the duration of this mission, I am a mortal boy and as such, susceptible to the same maladies and emotions, fears and boring things same as humans are such as weariness and hunger. That reminds me, my dear. I did not have any dinner tonight. I was kept busy arranging this party of ours all day and well into the early evening. Is it true that you have 'magic boxes' aboard that can make me any kind of food and drink that I might desire?" he asked and I grinned.

"Not only food and beverages, Sil. Our 'replicators' can create anything you want or need, provided what you want poses no danger to the ship or its inhabitants. For instance, a 'repper' will not 'rep up' arsenic or any other poison for you. The machines are found all over the ship. There are several in that suite of rooms you are billeted in for the voyage.

"I have several others that I am going to present to my friends and relatives on 'Gallifrey' after we conclude our business. Off you go now, Sil and pleasant dreams. See you in the morning. 0600, I mean 6 AM comes quickly aboard ship, my dear boy. Good night, kiddo." I said and he saluted me and left for his own chambers.

I strolled over to the bar and sat down. Our resident 'Angel', Jonny Smith set a mug in front of me and poured out some minty mocha java for me. Then he placed a platter of chocolate cream doughnuts beside the mug, all without being asked.

"Thanks, Jonny but how did you know what I wanted?" I asked curiously.

"I didn't but He did." he replied and pointed towards the ceiling.

"My boss, Alley. Up there." he added.

"Thanks for waiting. I think I'll take my goodies up to my cabin. Where's your partner?" I replied.

"Mark? He was playing racing vidgames with Todd and Buzz but I think he hit the sack." answered Jonny.

"I meant the 'flying nun', your barkeeper partner." I said, taking a sip of the delicious brew and munching away on a heavenly doughnut. Had I too missed dinner I wondered?

"Trish? I packed her off to bed after the unmasking. Way past that young lady's bedtime, Al. No, you didn't miss dinner, it just seems that way when you're up later than normal, especially up here." replied the 'Angel' who looked like anything but an Angel!

Who are we to talk? Look at our 'Angels'! Intergalactic cops and starship commanders. As far from the halo as an Angel could ever be, huh?

"G'Night. See ya tomorrow, Number One." I said and I waved good night to Jonny's salute. Half way to the lift stations, I bumped into Mark Gordon who insisted on carrying my platter of goodies up to my suite. I told lift control 'Commander's Quarters' and there we were as quick as a wink.

Mark carried my goodies inside and I invited him in for a nightcap. He accepted and I 'repped up' some deep, rich java for him just the way he liked it, black and hot. Do all police officers take their java that way?

Not in the 3WA anyway. Our 'Duchess' took hers with loads of cream and tons of sugar. Our 'Fearless Leader' aka the 'Boss' added cream, a few sugars and then she 'spiked' it with good Irish whiskey!

I offered Mark some of my goodies and he grabbed three doughnuts when I told the big guy to 'help himself'.

For some strange reason, every time the platter seemed about to become empty, it immediately became full up again!

Of course! Maybe having a god aboard would be a boon to us. I was remembering an old Greek fable myth that Auntie LaMasana used to read to me more than a century ago.

'Baucis and Philemon were kindly folk who always helped out strangers. One day Mercury and his dad, Zeus, the king of the Mt Olympus gods went down to the land of mortals incognito. They were in the guises of two wandering vagabonds or 'drifters' as Periwinkle Brown would have said. No matter where they went, they were turned away until they came to this very old farmhouse where the elderly couple shared what little they had with the strangers.

'Whenever the platter became empty, it became filled again and the same held true for the pitcher of wine! The two oldsters finally realized that their guests were really gods! Zeus told them that he was going to punish the selfish people of the valley but he said he would spare the farmer and his good wife.

'Then Mercury asked them if there was any other wish they could grant them. The old farmer thought a moment before replying.'

"We are both old and will soon join our ancestours. If we could both be taken together at the end so that the one will not be left behind to pine away until he or she is called upon by your brother, Hades, good sir, we would be forever grateful." said Baucis and Philemon agreed.

"So be it! We bid ye farewell and we leave ye with our thanks." said both gods and they left.

'The next day there was a torrential flood which destroyed every single structure and living thing in that valley save for the old farmer's house, barn and holdings. The couple prospered and their magic platter and pitcher were always full. They gave thanks to the gods at their temples and brought offerings every week.

'Finally came the final day for the good man and his good wife. Leaves began to sprout from both of their heads and roots replaced their legs and feet while bark formed over the rest of their bodies and they turned into trees. What kind? Sorry but I have forgotten that part of the tale because I was usually asleep by that time.'

"Ma'am? Milady? Commander? Alley? You was a million miles away, Honey. I said, do you need anything else? It's getting late and a gentleman should not be in a lady's sitting room this late with the door closed. OK, so I'm old-fashioned! If there is nothing else, I'll say good night and thanks for a very nice evening. See you tomorrow, ma'am." said Mark and he too saluted me.

"G'Night, Mark and thanks. No, I need nothing else. Just a good night's sleep. I gotta be up at six. See ya." I replied.

When the portals had slid shut behind the big guy, I extinguished all of the room's illuminators except for one which I kept lit for 'Whitey'.

I was asleep as soon as my head hit those pillows. Silence and peace at last claimed the 'Daedalus'.

"Will you please keep your voice down, my lord? It's well past midnight and the entire ship is asleep." whispered Lan Fan, soon to be Emporer of Xiang's Ninja bodyguard and friend.

"If everyone's in bed, who's running this big balloon, Auntie Lan?" asked a small nine or ten year old schoolgirl named May. She was half sister to Lin, the next in line to the throne of Xiang.

"They probably got George steering us, Dummy. That's what Blondie told me they do at night." replied Lin. He was trying to keep his voice low and failing miserably.

"Don't call your sister a dummy, you moron! Honey, the automatic pilot that keeps the ship on course is called 'George'. That's what the Boss told me they always do aboard these vessels at night.

"They still keep a skeleton crew on the bridge and since we have no idea where that is or where we are, please keep it down, guys." whispered Lan.

"Lan? Maysie? Lin? What the Hell are you guys doing here? Rukia, better call Dog Boy and Wolfie. We got any room left on the 'Flying Falcon'?" asked a teenaged boy in a dark flightsuit. His hair was a deep orange like Nami Richards's tresses.

"OK, Ichigo. Just how the devil did these three get here anyhow? We're 'lightys' away from the Academy and that's the last place I saw this bunch!" replied the soul reaper 'girl'.

Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia Kutschski had guard duty for this level until six in the morning.

"Rukia calling charge of quarters. Come in, please. Over." Rukia spoke into the air using her comm badge communicator.

"Hey! Answer that reaper gal, ya dumb mutt!" growled Kouga the wolf youkai demon, the assistant to the charge of quarters or sergeant of the guard who was the big inu hanyou (half dog demon/half human boy), InuYasha. Kouga hated being woke up even though he was supposed to stay awake.

"Why, ya mangy wolf? She's callin' the charge o' quarters, not me. Lemme sleep, dammit." grumbled the big guy angrily.

"You ARE the charge o' quarters, dumbass! That's sergeant o' the guard. I'm yer second in charge. Answer her or we'll never get any sleep, Dog Boy!" said the wolf and the big hanyou shouted into the comm badge he was wearing and succeeded in deafening the newcomers and the two soul reapers!

"Hi Rukie! What's ya want, dammit?" growled InuYasha and he yawned.

"Did I wake you, sir? You're supposed to stay awake, stupid! The Xiang gang's back. Should I rouse the Commander? Over." replied Rukia.

"Good Kami! No! Don't wake her up at this hour! She's as cranky as 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed'!" yelled Kouga from his comfy desk where he'd been sleeping.

"Nah. Ya got any room left on the pirate's plane?" asked InuYasha with a loud burp.

Being awake made these two chowhounds hungry and each one had repped up a 'small' snack of cheesesteaks, pizzas, fries, onion rings, garlic bread, pierogies, shakes and pies!

"I guess so, sir. Shall I get them bedded down for the night? Over." replied Rukia while Ichigo grinned like Alice Liddell's 'Cheshire Cat'.

"Yeah. Do that, reaper babe. Don't bother us unless it's a real emergency like World War whatever. G'Night." grumbled the never efficient CQ sergeant-at-arms.

"Roger that and willco, sir. Kutschski out." replied the always efficient soul reaper lieutenant. Her partner, Ichigo, had just made captain so he still outranked her.

"You take 'em home and get 'em into some bunks, Rukie. There's only an hour until the day watch takes over so why don't ya pack it in for the night. I'll do another turn around the decks and then it should be close to six. G'Night, kiddo." said Ichigo Kurosaki.

"Thanks. I'm bushed. I don't think I could make another turn around these decks without passing out, sir. G'Night. C'mon you three. Follow me. Our shuttle's belowdecks." replied Rukia Kutschski, stifling a yawn.

Lan Fan picked up a tired May and half dragged her lord and master behind her. The Ninja girl had taken off her 'Black Ops' fox mask and stowed it away in her rucksack. She was carrying everyone's gear because 'royalty ain't meant for menial labour' as Lin had told her. She had told Lin that he was just plain lazy and his sister was starting to pick up his bad habits.

A short lift ride brought them to the docking bays. Gaara, another Ninja lad, was on guard duty at the shuttle and allowed them to pass when Rukia gave the password 'Relief' to him. Gaara already knew the Xiangites (Xianites maybe? I forget whether it's 'Xiang' or 'Xian') and offered to carry sleepy May to their quarters.

"Allow me to take your luggage, ma'am." whispered Renji Abari, another soul reaper who had been playing 'Duel Monsters' with Soi Fon. Renji was an officer in the Soul Society's 13 Court Guard Squad as was Soi Fon. Renji was Squad 6's lieutenant. His captain was Byakuya Kutschski, Rukia's elder 'brother'. She had been adopted by the Kutschski clan.

Soi Fon was captain of Squad 2, the 'Punishment' squad. Some hulking ape named Omigosh or something was her lieutenant. However, while Soi Fon was fearless, Omi was far from brave!

"You never offered to carry my luggage, lieutenant. Evening, Miss, sir. Lower your voice, Renji. The little one's sleeping. Hurry back, Abari. I feel lucky. See ya tomorrow, guys." said the small but fierce captain.

"OK. No cheating, captain. I feel lucky myself. Let's go, guys." said the tall officer and he hefted Lan's overstuffed rucksack. He grimaced at the weight but said nothing.

"My master's junk and his sister's is in there along with my own things, sir. Thanks very much." said the tallish Ninja girl who was quite striking but just as fierce as Soi Fon.

Rukia threw open an inner portal and pointed to two empty bunks in the back of the room.

"The top one's Ichigo's. You take the bottom one, your lordship." whispered Rukia. They bade Lin good night and Rukia led the Ninja girl and Gaara to the opposite portal. It swished open and she pointed to several empty bunks just inside the portal.

"They're all vacant except that top one in the back left corner. That's mine. Jammies and stuff in that big armoire over there and there's fresh undies in the bureau. You guys want a snack? (Lan shook her weary head while Gaara gently laid May down on the bunk pointed out by Lan.) No? Well, I'm gonna rep up some warm milk for myself. G'Night. Sleep well." whispered the tired soul reaper girl.

Ichigo had just returned from his second tour of the decks on the same level as my quarters were situated. A huge guy with a black eyepatch and a devil-may-care grin strolled up to him and the wall chromo bonged six times, 6 AM.

"Hi there, Kenny. All's quiet now but we got three newbies sorta last night. Those three kids from Xiang or Xian are back. Rukie's got 'em in our section. Where's Yashi today? Sleep in?" chortled the substitute soul reaper and a pink headed kid popped up from behind Captain Zaraki's shoulder.

"Here I am, Ichi! I never oversleep, do I, Kenny-Sama?" answered the pink-haired lieutenant of Squad 11. Kenpachi Zaraki was the squad's huge captain. Although Yachiru Kusajishi looks like a 4 year old girl, in actuality, she is several lifetimes older than myself and I just turned 130!

"We'll take over now, kid. Where's the brat?" growled Zaraki.

"Rukia was beat so I sent her to her bunk when the newbies arrived. Don't forget that when we visit the 'Citadel' tomorrow, we have to leave our zampakutou swords behind. No weapons are permitted in the chambers of the 'High Council', remember? They'll take our sidearms and rifles away from us while we're in the 'Cit'. That goes for you too, Short Stuff." said Ichigo.

"Kenny! He called me 'Short Stuff'! Hit him!" yelled the captain's personal cheerleader. He shrugged his massive shoulders.

"Why? You are short, ain't ya? He was just tellin' the truth, Yachi." replied Zaraki reasonably.

"He insulted me, darn it! Pound him!" yelled the feisty 'kid' on the big guy's shoulder.

"Sorry! I apologize, Yachi. Cool your jets, girl!" chuckled Ichigo.

"You meant Lt Kusajishi, didn't you, reaper boy wanna-be?" she said very icily.

"Ichi's a captain now, Yachi. Same rank as me. He outranks ya same as me." whispered Kenpachi. She fumed but said nothing.

Ichigo headed for his bunk and Kenny began to patrol the decks while ignoring the prattle spewing out of Yachiru. He was used to her after all of those centuries, I guess.

I awakened at a quarter to six to a familiar pulsing sound coming from just outside my portals.

A TARDIS? Unusual. The Doctors all knew that they were to dock those things belowdecks in the bays! All seven of them knew this fact so why was this one parked outside of my quarters?

I showered and dressed quickly. Gene and Han had both assured me that we would be making planetfall touchdown around 0700, 7 AM.

Before I had finished pulling on my pants, my portal swished open and, of all people, 'Grandfather' entered. Behind him I saw a tall grey china closet! The TARDIS obviously but what was it doing here?

"Good morrow, dear Allison. I promised to deliver your TARDIS and so I have as you can see. Any chance of some hot tea and perhaps a biscuit, my dear child?" he asked and I repped up a pot of tea and a platter of buns and scones, his favourite as well as my own.

"Thank you, 'Grandfather' for the door to door service. However, all TARDISes are to be docked belowdecks in our docking bays. Why, then, have you delivered 'Maggie' (I had named my TARDIS after Mr Garner's Scottish assistant. She was a direct descendant of Doctor #2's Jamie MacCrimmon.) up here?" I demanded and his face became grave and stern.

"I had thought that I' would be picking her up at the 'Cit', sir?" I added and I was perplexed.

He frowned and began stuffing shag tobacco into his old briar pipe, a prezzie from Sir Denis Nayland Smith whom 'Grandfather' had once helped to subdue the villainous Dr Fu ManChu, fanatical leader of the 'Council of Seven' on ancient Terra.

He fired it up and was soon fouling my room's atmosphere with dark smelly smoke. 'Whitey' shot past him and through the open portal and into my TARDIS. 'Grandfather' had carelessly left the 'doors' open on it!

"Darn it, 'Whitey'! Get back in here, boy!" I called, snapping my fingers and whistling but the puppy stayed put.

"Oh, do leave the poor chap alone, 'Grand-daughter'. There's nothing on there for him to swipe. We have some serious matters to discuss. First, where is that idiot boy god of yours this morning?" asked my guardian and I shrugged my shoulders while I was buckling on my gunsash.

"Beats me. Probably on the bridge if I know Sil. Why?" I asked while I was slinging my stasis rifle across my back.

"The lovesick fool was supposed to have told you that you are not landing on 'Gallifrey', my dear girl. That is why I brought your 'Maggie' to you aboard the 'Daedalus', Allison." he replied mysteriously.

Ever notice how long-winded the older time lords tend to be? #3 was bad enough, I did not need another one!

"Just what the Hell are you yakking about, 'Gramps'?" I demanded and immediately regretted saying it!

"Stop blaspheming, young lady! You may be 130 but I can still put you across my knee, Missy! And stop calling me 'Gramps'!" he howled like a banshee and I hastened to apologize.

"That is better. You will be getting orders from your new chief, Mr Garner very soon. He will be briefing you and your crew. You will be needing 'Maggie' for your mission. Honestly, that is all I have been told. You had better acquaint your pilots with this change of plan because I overheard Miss Richards saying that the ship would be landing around seven of the clock." he warned me and pointed at my wall chromo which told us it was almost half past six.

"Very well, sir. How will you get back home, 'Grandfather'? You came in my TARDIS, you know." I replied while attaching my small kanai dagger and Panther derringer to my forearms. 'Grandfather' pointed to my small arsenol and frowned.

"Must you carry so many weapons, my love? You seem to be picking up some very bad habits from these 'tro-cons' you are, I believe the phrase is, 'hanging around' with these days. I came here in my TARDIS, Allison with your machine aboard my Type 40 so when I dematerialize, my machine will leave and yours will remain. Do you like the 'china cabinet'? You can always change it to whatever you prefer, my dear. Well, I must dash. Goodbye and good luck. Thank you for the continental breakfast." said my guardian and he hustled out the portal and onto the TARDISes.

There was a familiar pulsing sound as the pylon piledrove itself up and down while the white light atop the 'china closet' winked on and off and then- I saw a 'ghostly spectre' lift off and away from my TARDIS. Then I remembered!

"Hey! 'Grandfather'! 'Whitey' was on that machine, darn it!" I yelled to the empty corridor.

Then there was a slight movement from my TARDIS and the closet opened. 'Whitey' raced out yipping like mad. Then I saw the long trail of toilet tissue behind him! I giggled and picked up my puppy.

"Commander to Colonel Starwind. Come in, please. Over." I spoke into the aether using my comm badge communicator.

"What's up, Princess? We're a bit busy up here what with the pre-landing diagnostics and all. Over." trilled my pilot.

"That is what I needed to tell you, sir. (Sure, I was the ship's commander but a colonel still outranked a subaltern!) We will not be visiting 'Gallifrey' after all. Continue to orbit until I tell you different. Understood? Over." I trilled back.

"Repeat that, please. We are not making planetfall here on your home world, ma'am? Over." he trilled.

"That's a roger, Colonel. Keep on orbiting 'Galli' until further notice. Put us on 'George' and take a break if you like. Just leave someone on the bridge. OK? Over." I trilled back.

"Roger willco, ma'am. I'm leaving Warrant Officer Higurashi on comm. That's old Dog Boy's mistress, kiddo. Starwind out." he trilled.

"Thank you, sir. Prydonia out." I trilled back and then I began to reroll the toilet tissue.

How the little devil got into the TARDIS's restrooms was beyond me.

Of course! 'Grandfather' must have left the doors open!

I replaced the roll and holding onto 'Whitey', I grabbed my jacket and deck boots. I boarded 'Maggie' and dematerialized. Then I rematerialized as a 'chest of drawers' when I had reached the docking bays.

I had to duck my head when I exited the TARDIS and I bumped into Squad 4's Captain Unohana. Unlike my fellow time lords #'s 1 through 7, she was a real doctor! I helped her to retrieve her medical files which I had knocked galley west!

"Sorry, mum. Here you go." I apologized.

"No harm done, Hon. Just some med files. Today I am going to give the reapers their annual checkups while you folks are visiting 'Time Lords Land'." she chuckled.

"Afraid not, Cap. We are not landing here after all. I am awaiting a briefing signal from Mr Garner. Oh! How do you like 'Maggie'? She is my own personal TARDIS. Stop that, 'Whitey'! Behave yourself!" I scolded my puppy who was chewing on the captain's wristchromo.

"Lovely. It looks like a bureau to me but what do I know, eh?" she giggled.

"A Type 40 can resemble anything on the outside. Except for the Doctor's, of course. Their 'chameleon circuits' are broken so they are stuck as an old 'police box' for good. It is not going to be in your way, I trust?" I asked worriedly.

"Nah. You oughta see all the other junk strewn around down here, Boss." she replied and then she wandered off to find her first 'patient'.

I took the lift back up to the bridge and Nami confirmed that we were still orbiting 'Galli' and that we were on 'George'.

"Hi there, gorgeous. Lemme get rid of my kid sister and her auntie and I'll take you up to our 'star room'. The view is so cool from up there." invited a tall, rangy teenager whom I judged to be about seventeen or so.

"Milord! This lady is not just another 'pick-up' from the bar! She's a subaltern, a very high ranking officer. You must excuse my master, mum. He is always a little bit addled in the mornings. I am his bodyguard, Lan Fan. This is his younger sister, May. His name is Prince Lin of Xiang (Xian?). We arrived late last evening. We were looking for-" said a very tall and attractive girl garbed in black who resembled a Ninja!

"I'm hungry, Auntie Lanny! I want pancakes!" yelled the ten year old schoolgirl beside her.

"After breakfast, I'll look you up again, Sweetie. After I ditch these two." whispered Prince Lin.

"I am on my way to breakfast myself. I will show you the way. Incidentally, my name is Allison, Allison Prydonia. Please call me Alley." I said and I led the way to the lift stations.

"Commander's in the room! Ten-Hut!" shouted Gaara when I opened the portal to our dining room. Several new crew members stood, snapped to attention and saluted me. The rest kept on eating and ignored us. I returned the salutes and led my small party to the table.

Lan, Lin and May were open-mouthed. I quickly explained to them quietly that I was a Suba, a liaison officer for the 3WA and my own home world and the commander of this ship, the 'Daedalus'. Lan and Lin were impressed. May dug into the pile of flapjacks that the 'cute white doggie' had just brought to our table.

"No elbows on the table! Sit up straight! No lolling back either, kids! Next time, young lady, you will wash your hands and face before coming to the table! More java or do you prefer tea? Milk for the child, I think. I shall return." said Mr Peabody and how I came to have that male Chauvinist pig doggie aboard was beyond me!

"Stowaways, eh? If ye were on me own 'Flying Dutchman', I'd be a-keelhaulin' ya! John Smith, master o' the 'Flying Dutchman', lad, lasses. Welcome aboard!" said the old sea captain who had been cursed to wander Terran seas for all of eternity until he had accidentally found one of our 'rifts' in the 'space/time continuum' and had wound up with us.

May loved the captain's pipe which made pretty smoke rings above her head. Lan was wiping off her charge's syrupy fingers while her master asked me how much a ship like mine cost!

Ignorant! Conceited! Another male Chauvinist pig! That was Master Lin of Xiang or Xian, wherever the Dickens that place was situated!

Lan whispered to me and I pointed back up the hallway.

"Three doors up and to the left. You cannot miss it, Lan." I replied and she took May by the hand and strode swiftly towards the ladies' room.

I drank another mug o' java and ate my own breakfast. I had just finished and lit up a cheroot when the 'holovid screen' above the table lowered and we were staring into the bewhiskered countenance of Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner of the 3WA!

"I apologize for interruptin' the mornin' repast, Commander. This time you will be handling a small problem for your own people on the council. A rogue time lord named Azarog has swiped one of our new 'demon cruisers' from 'Elenore City'. He's headed into Corallian country, the 'Bad Lands' where we have no authority. However, some of those ruffians do recognize 'Gallifreyan Law'. That's why you'll be pursuing him in your TARDIS once you reach the 'Neutral Zone' where 3WA law ends.

"Aha! I see that our 'alkahestry' friends are aboard. That's good. You may need them. Your mission, my dear Victorine, is to apprehend Azarog and return him to justice at 'Alderaan'. Deliver his rear end to 'Kurestan' after the 'High Council' has finished with him and then report back home to the Academy.

"Sorry but tell Mr Solo that we have no time for furloughs and I don't give a damn if his wifey is the Supreme Prez of the district! If she wants to accompany you, that's fine so long as she realizes that the 3WA/UG are not responsible for her protection. If she brings her own bodyguards, limit the number to three.

"You, er, did get 'Maggie' aboard safely? (I nodded) Excellent. Change course for the Zone immediately. Best of luck and say 'howdy' to 'Gramps' for me when you see the old codger again, Miss Prydonia. Garner out."

The 'holovid screen' retracted upwards into the ceiling and the chief was gone as quickly as he had arrived.

"I heard the guy, Commander. Nami's changing course for the Zone. I'll break off orbit and lift off as soon as you gimme the order, Princess. Over." trilled Gene Starwind.

"Make it so, sir. Energize. Prydonia out." I trilled back through my comm badge communicator.

"Attention all hands! Attention all hands! We are lifting off. Find a seat and strap in tight. Commander's orders. No exceptions. Five minutes. That is all." said 'Nikita', my ship's very own computer programming unit.

"We have lifted off, kiddies. ETA to the Zone is three solar days. You may unstrap yourselves, move around, get loaded, whatever. Thankee fer flyin' the friendly skies o' Prydonia Space Lines." drawled Han Solo and we settled down for three more boring days!

Was I ever glad I had a morale officer aboard, folks! As if on cue-

"Everyone have a smooth liftoff? I let Jonathan the 'Angel' take the science officer job. I watched from upstairs in the 'star room'. Guess I'm gonna be a morale officer for awhile longer huh? The old geezer find ya, Al? He asked me where ya were, said he had a prezzie for ya. I sent him up to your quarters this morning. Might as well ditch the artillery, 'time lady'. We ain't takin' ya home after all. Oh yeah, I was supposed to tell ya that but I must've forgot. Ciao!" said Sil.

"Hold on there, pal o' mine. We are heading for the Klingon/Romulan 'Neutral Zone' in Corallian space. Then we are taking 'Maggie', my new TARDIS, into the 'Bad Lands ' beyond it. I think that calls for us to be armed and ready at all times. Do you not concur, Lt Quicksilver? Arm yourself and you may consider that a direct order, Merc." I replied and sent him off to the arsenol and armouries.

I walked into the navigations room next to the bridge. Nami was the only one there and she was playing vidgames.

"Who's supposed to be on the scanners this shift, Ensign Richards?" I demanded and the Terran pirate girl consulted her PDO unit.

"Ensign Rangiku Matsumoto and Sub-Ensign Toshiro Hitsagaya. I saw those two heading for the holodecks, ma'am." she replied. I was flabbergasted. Did not duty mean anything to these officers?

"Send Trish to find them and tell them to get up here immediately if not sooner. They do have the 'flash step', do they not? Now, Ensign, not next OctNov! That is an order, Nami!" I almost exploded at the poor girl. She hastened to comply.

"Permission to leave the bridge, ma'am? I am the only one on duty here." asked Nami Richards and I nodded.

"Go ahead but make it quick. I will hold down the fort for you. Hurry." I replied and she scooted off.

"Commander to all hands! I want my flight crew back pronto. Send Todd Stiles and Buzz Murdoch to be my gunners. I want Mark Gordon as well. He is my weapons officer. Lt Van Helsing, Colonel Starwind, Captain Solo, Commodore Harlock will also report to the bridge immediately. We are heading into dark territories and we do not know what to expect. That is all. Prydonia out." I said into my vidmike to the PA system.

"Any surprises out there, Han? Like asteroid belts?" I asked my co-pilot a few minutes later.

"Nope. Just the usual rabble. Pirates, smugglers, killers, convicts, cut-throats and so on, Princess. By the way, I asked Leia and she said she'd like to travel back home with us to the Academy. She'll bring only two protectors with her. If that's OK with you, ma'am? (I nodded) OK. We'll see if we can find ya any shortcuts to the Zone. Toodles." answered Solo and I grinned.

"Shall I send Mr Garner a signal that we are on our way at last, mum?" asked Sir Integra Van Helsing. My comm officer seemed to always have a cigar in her mouth!

"Yeah. No! Belay that order, Lt. Maintain comm relay silence until I tell you otherwise. This ship sat unattended for several days before I was given her to command. At the earliest opportunity, I will have Suba Von Dekker (You know him as the 'Green Baron'. He was our scientific officer aboard my 'Dae'.) run a tachyion particle beam sweep of the entire vessel. Better safe than sorry, as 'Grandfather' would say, people.

"Better make certain sure that all hands aboard know about that comm relay silence order, Lt. That goes for vidcellphone relays as well, Han. First person or whatever that tries to comm relay a signal off this craft, I will confiscate all communications devices except for our onboard comm badges and comlinks. Thank you, Integra. Carry on." I said and everyone seemed very impressed by the ease and efficiency I was showing in issuing commands.

Well, why should I not? After all, I am a hundred and thirty years old! OK! I know that on my own world, that is scarcely more than a teenaged girl but here things were very different!

I decided to take a stroll around the ship just to get myself some exercise. Things on the bridge were going smoothly. Rangiku and Toshie had arrived out of breath for their scanning duties. Did not these soul reapers know that we had turbolifts? Did their 'flash stepping' take that much energy?

After I had coached them on what to watch for, they settled down to watch for the 'blips' and listen for the 'beeps' that would mean trouble for us.

When I arrived back at my own quarters, I put 'Whitey' on the floor and he immediately began tearing up an old Teddy bear toy someone had given to him.

I was surprised to see smoke emanating from my sitting room and I was about to call security when someone coughed and retched followed by a volley of curses.

"Damn dad blasted crap! How can you humans smoke these foul things? Horrible!" grumbled Sil, taking an old Meerschaum pipe from his mouth and spitting into an ashtray. Talk about disgusting! Yucky!

"Where did you get that old thing? Let me guess. Captain Smith? (He nodded glumly.) How about the tobacco? Either Sir Denis or Mr Holmes, right?" I giggled while I was unzipping my flight jacket and kicking off my heavy deck boots.

I unlimbered my stasis rifle and dropped it on the settee. Then I unbuckled my gunsash and laid it on an occasional table with my arm dagger and derringer. Then I sat down on the sofa beside our mischievous boy god.

"It certainly feels good to get rid of that junk! Want some java? I'm famished after that stroll. I'm going to have a few Danishes. By the by, just how the Hell did you get in here? I thought I had locked the portals this morning." I said and he grinned.

"Locks mean zilch to a god, my dear child. Java sounds good, lots of milk and sugar, no substitute sweeteners though. I love blueberry Danishes! Oh and if you're a good little girl, I won't tell 'Grandfather' that you blasphemed. Never mind. I am your morale officer, remember? I'm picking the old noggin for new ideas to while away the next seventy odd hours or so, preferably without any activities that will remind our guests of our upcoming mission. Ever been to the 'Neutral Zone', Alley?" he asked and then proceeded to spoon sugar into his java on top of a huge dollop of clotted cream. I lost count after twelve spoonfuls!

The room felt warm so I pulled off my heavy turtleneck sweater, leaving me in a grey 3WA tee shirt over my uniform pants. Sil began whistling 'The Strip' and said 'Don't stop on my account, baby! Take it off! Take it all off!' Are all gods perverts?

"Do not forget, lieutenant, that I am still your commanding officer, you pervert. So? Any ideas pop into that old noggin despite that foul shag you got from Sherlock?" I asked, reaching for my fifth Danish. Eat your hearts out, all you weight conscious folks on ancient Terra! In space, it is almost an impossibility to gain excess weight!

"I got it from that British fop, Nayland Smith actually. Do you have any cigarettes around this place, Al?" he replied.

I pointed to several cigarette containers around my suite and he took a smoke from the closest one. I produced my lighter. He ignited his cigarette and nonchalantly pocketed my lighter. Well, he is the god of thieves, you know? I put my hand out.

"My lighter, please?" I demanded and he grinned sheepishly. He tossed it back to me and I pocketed it.

"Sorry, kiddo. Force o' habit, I guess. Anyway, how about a sporting match or two?" he asked and added yet more sugar to his java. What a sweet tooth!

"Football takes too much time to arrange a game. Basketball takes way too much energy out of my troops and I will need them at their peak when we find Azarog. Incidentally, he was one of my proctors in lower-middle school, Sil. I remember that he was very irked with me because I did not fully comprehend 'time strata delineation' although he went over it with me six times! I barely scraped by that semester! He gave me a C minus grade. I barely passed and 'Grandfather' and I made several trips to the woodshed. Ow! It still hurts to even think about those days!

"Wait a sec. How about a golfing tournament? No coaching needed. Hardly any prep time involved. We could use a holodeck for a course and I can have some golfing equipment and attire repped up for whoever wants to play. That will take care of one day at least, Sil. How about it?" I asked, flushed with excitement because I had never played the sport before.

"OK. However, we'll have to set some ground rules because of all the special powers our guests possess. No flying, no use of magic, Ninjutsu, kenjutsu, no cheating using any special powers. I think that about covers it, Alley. A 'Duel Monsters' tourney would be nice but it would take far too long. Croquet seems like a safe pasttime, wouldn't ya say? No special 'fuku' (clothing) required and we use another holodeck and rep up the necessary wooden balls, mallets and wickets. The sport does not require any strenuous activity so there's another day gone. How about tonight?" asked Sil and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Darts? We already have several dartboards in both the game rooms and the rec room. I know we have a plentiful supply of darts because Miss Rio is a terrible shot and the other day she kept whizzing them past me at the bar! She did hit me in the tushie with one and that was when I confiscated her darts and the board! They're in my study. Have you seen 'Whitey' since I came back? He is much too quiet to suit me." I said and Sil pointed towards my kitchen.

'Whitey' trotted out, his bowl flled with goodies he had apparently just repped up for himself!

"You march right back to the kitchen with that, young man! You know perfectly well that your feeding time is not until 1300 hours, an hour after my luncheon! Do not give me that look, boy. No, 'Maggie' is downstairs. Go and bring me your bowl after you put all that stuff in the fridge and I will give you something to tide you over until lunch.

"Sil? Please make arrangements to prep holodecks for golfing and croquet. Get someone busy repping up the stuff we will need. Put that 'Lothario' prince (Lin), his girlfriend (Lan) and sister (May) on that detail. Rio and Fllaysie (Allster) know how to use reppers so rope them in to help as well. They're probably online buying out ' ' and the 'Higurashi Mall' anyway. We will use the rec room for the dart matches this evening. You might as well take that board and those darts in my study with you now. Let us say tonight at twenty hundred hours, eight tonight for the festivities to begin. Got all that?" I asked and his fingers were flying across his PDO unit's keyboards.

"I'm a god, Honey. Remember? We gods never forget anything. (I grinned when I recalled that Sil 'forgot' to tell me that we were not going to 'Gallifrey' after all!) See you at lunch, my love?" chuckled Mercury.

"Get out of here, you nut. Save me a chair at first lunch, eh? Bye now." I laughed and he left with a bow in my direction. How he could bow so deeply despite having an armload of darts and a dartboard was past my understanding. I do not believe that I will ever understand gods!

I decided to check my PDO for messages.

The usual muck. Guard mount reports. Galley schedules. Babysitting duties.

Must remember to add Lanny and 'lover boy' Lin to that list.

Bridge reports.

Last report had us on course for the Zone with 65 solar hours' flight time remaining.

Lt Sawaguchi knocked three teeth out of Lt Abari's mouth when he had insisted that a 'zampakutou' sword was a much superior weapon to a Mark XII disruptor pistol.

Note to self. Kome Sawaguchi reduced in rank to Warrant Officer Third Class. Boring tripe!

Hullo! What is this? I spoke into the air.

"Commander to co-pilot. Come in, please. Over." I trilled.

"Yup? Ya wanted something, Princess? Over." trilled Han Solo.

"I see that you have managed to find us some sort of short cut. Is that correct, sir? Over." I trilled.

"Ye Haw, Sweetie! The 'MacAllan Nebula' will shave half a solar day off our time. Fifty-two hours instead of sixty-four. A bit risky but Gene and I have been through it oodles o' times without a scrape. Up to you, Lovey. Over." trilled my adventurous co-pilot, with a drawl in his voice that could have been sliced with a tante.

"You say it is safe but what is the, how do you say it, the 'catch', Commodore? Over." I trilled.

"Like any neb, once ye're inside o' the thing, yer visibility is almost nil and ya lose all comm relay signals. That means that ya can't send or receive. Even our comlinks and badges won't work. It'll take us about two hours to pass through 'MacAllan' but there won't be no surprises awaitin' us at the other end. Is it a 'go', kiddo or not? Over." trilled my veteran pilot, Gene Starwind, a starship master in his own right aboard his own vessel, the 'Outlaw Star' which was safely berthed back home at the Academy's spaceport. I bit my lip and decided.

"I am coming up. Put us on 'George' for the nonce. Prydonia out." I trilled.

I yanked on my deck boots, grabbed my jacket and gunsash and darted out the portals. I ran up the gantryway stairs three flights to the bridge, pulling on my jacket as I ran. Buckling on my gunsash took less than a minute. I arrived on the bridge panting like a 'Glethorgian Jacaronda' beast.

"Easy there! Come up for air, Princess! We won't reach 'MacAllan' until after lunch. That is, if we use it?" Gene Starwind let his question hover in the air, daring me to reply.

"I want to see this thing first, Colonel. Ships I have been aboard have used 'worm holes' safely but I recall that 'nebulae' contain toxic gases which are quite explosive and inflammable." I replied guardedly.

"Ya musta went through the 'Sagitarrian Neb', Love. That one was a real ball buster! The 'Mac's a simple little cloud that limits vision and restricts comm relays, that's all. There she is. That small greenish patch above my finger on the star vidcharts. See it? (I nodded and squinted at the tiny speck.) Your choice, Sweetheart. Make up yer mind before we lose our 'window'. If ya say 'yea', we have to yaw starboard (turn to the right) in the next two solar minutes. Yea or nae?" demanded Mr Solo. Gene's hands were poised over the controls. I nodded decisively.

"Do it. Take us through the 'Mac', me old boyos. Trill me when we reach it. I am going to remain on the bridge until we have passed safely through it. I will be in the break room for lunch. Shall I send up trays for your crew, Gene?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Nah. Thankee anyhow but we can rep up something ourselves. We don't leave our posts when we're doing any tricky maneuvering, Al. You might ask the 'Grannies' if they'll bake me up an old-fashioned blackberry cobbler though. Repping just ain't the same as home baked! Hmmn hmnn! My mouth is a-waterin' already! We'll trill ya, Princess. Bye." said Starwind and I left the bridge after checking in with the gun crew (Todd, Buzz and Mark), the scanners (Rangiku and Toshie) and my 'navvy', Nami Richards. All seemed like smooth sailing all the way to the Zone and I breathed a mini-sigh of relief. We were not there yet, were we?

"Pilot to Commander. Come in, Princess. Over." trilled Gene Starwind as I was starting on my third dessert after my luncheon had finished.

I spoke as if he was right beside me which fascinated little Maysie to no end. She thought it was a form of alkahestry or alchemy! It was just our comm badge communicators.

"I read you, sir. Anything to report? Over." I trilled.

"You said you wanted to be on the bridge when we reached 'MacAllan', didn't ya, Sugar? We have arrived. You coming up? Over." trilled Gene.

"Affirmative. On my way. Prydonia out." I trilled and almost upset the table in my eagerness to be on my way to the bridge.

I apologized and asked Lin, Lan and Maysie if they would care to see the 'nebula' from the bridge. Maysie and Lanny were ecstatic and Prince Lin asked me if I was going to be there. I replied that I was going to stay on the bridge for next two hours until we had passed safely through the anomaly.

"I had best be with you, fair maiden, to hold your hand so you will not be afraid, my dear child." he replied and I hoped I was not going to be sick or burst out laughing or giggling.

Although Lin, at 18, was a year older than I, I only 'looked' like I was 17. In reality I was older than his great grandfather! A 'time lady' afraid of a tunnel in a space cloud? Give me a break!

"Then hurry along, guys. Follow me. We have to hustle or the skipper will miss his 'space window' and we will be traveling for another three solar days!" I said as I raced for the lift stations with Lin beside me and Lan and Maysie hard on our heels.

Out of breath, we arrived on the bridge. I looked at our forward bow vidcams and did a double take! The view was inky blackness as far as the eye could see!

"Is that 'MacAllan Nebula', old guy?" demanded Lin whose manners were virtually nonexistent.

"That it is, sonny. Princess? You do realize that the moment we enter that thing, that view is gonna be all we have for the next two solar hours, don't ya? There can be no comm relays, not even shipboard comms. Do you understand that? Come sit on me lap, lil darlin'." said a grinning Gene Starwind and he placed Maysie on his lap.

The kid was enthralled with all the controls and gadgetry. Her hand strayed towards the 'yaw' throttle bar.

"Don't touch that, Honey. That steers the ship, darlin'. Come sit with me." drawled our co-pilot, Han Solo.

"Maysie! No no! You mustn't touch anything on this vessel without permission. Bad girl!" scolded her Auntie Lanny, slapping her hand.

"No harm done, Miss Fan. Commander? If you are going to be on my bridge, you and your pals had better sit down and strap in securely. Han, make sure that lil miss on your lap is strapped in with you. Better make an announcement to the ship's company, Niki. Five minutes, then we go." said a suddenly intense sounding pilot.

"Attention all hands! We are entering the 'MacAllan Nebula' in five minutes. Sit down somewhere and strap in securely. When we enter, you will notice intense blackness outside. This will cut our views down to nil. There will be no comm relaying possible for the next two hours and that includes shipboard comms. We go in five solar minutes. That is all."

Nikita, our own computer programming unit, finished her announcement. By that time, Lan had strapped in Maysie with Han as well as her master, the lovesick idiot and I had strapped Lan Fan into an assistant gunner's seat. Then I sat down in my command chair and cinched my straps tight.

"All ready, children? And away we go!" growled the grizzled old veteran pilot and he yawed so far to port (left) that I thought the 'Daedalus' would turn upside down!

"Dead slow, old buddy. It's been eons since we came through the 'Mac' and we dunno what's in there this time." drawled Han Solo while Maysie strained her eyes and then rubbed them to see if that made the vision any better. It didn't!

"Han, send out a probe. Straight ahead of us about half a kilometre. Miss Fan? Those are photon torpedo controls to your right. You see anything moving out there, you fire one of 'em. Got it?" ordered Gene.

"Yes, sir! By the way Suba, I used to be a first lieutenant and master was a second lieutenant. Maysie was a subby. You OK with us keeping those ranks for the duration of this mission, mum? All clear ahead, Colonel Starwind." replied Lan Fan.

"What do these things do, old timer?" demanded his majestic highness haughtily, pointing at the disruptor cannons' firing levers.

"Those are for our disruptor guns, Lin. Do not play with them. Those could fracture the membrane of the nebula. Keep your hands to yourself, please." I answered.

"Buzz? Todd? Which one of you has our phasers? (Buzz Murdoch raised his hand.) Fine. Todd, that leaves you with the laser cannons. Be careful with both of those weapons, boys. Either of them could burn a hole in the cloud." I warned.

"So what? Then we could get out of this gasbag a little sooner, right?" chortled Todd Stiles.

"Nope. Then this vessel and anything within a few thousand 'lightys' of it would be vapourized in an instant." drawled our co-pilot. Little Maysie tugged at Han's sleeve and pointed.

"Hey, Mr Solo! What's that blue light way out there? Is that the way outta this dark closet?" she asked. Han's reaction was extraordinary!

"Lanny! Straight ahead! Set your detonators to go at a hundred kilometres! Fire three photons at that beam of light! Now, Sweetheart, not next Tuesday! Keep your head down, kid! Hurry up, girl! Time's a-wastin'!" yelled Han.

"Good Kami! Han, is that the 'Gobbler'? When I give the go ahead, fire at that thing with phasers and lasers, boys! Get ready, yer majesty! We may have to lay in some disruptor blasts too! Commander? Anyone in the 'ready room'?" shouted Gene.

"Just 'Kitten' and 'Cat' (Minnie Mae Hopkins and Rally Vincent, our own 'Gunsmith Cats' from ancient Terran Chicago). Why?" I asked reasonably and politely.

"We might need the 'rail guns', Princess. Hey Gene! The 'Blonde Bomber's in there! Want me to trill her?" drawled Solo.

"Ya can't, old pal. No comm signals. 'Member? Alley, you better go tell her. She knows where the controls are and how to use 'em! We'll have to relay firing instructions to her. Tell her to stand by and to wait for my orders. Got that, kid?" yelled Gene.

The roar of the photons, the zaps of the phasers and the crashing of the laser cannons almost deafened us!

"Get on them disruptor guns, boy! Fire on that pinpoint of greenish blue light! Keep firing! Shields up, Mark! Stand by on the 'rails'! That thing is still coming!" howled Gene and now the explosions of the disruptors were added to the mix.

"Yo! Gene! Han! What the devil is that darn blasted thing? Nami! Go out in the hallway and relay information to 'Blondie' when we feed it to ya! OK! What the Hell is it? An asteroid? A small battle moon? What?" I shrieked.

"The 'Gobbler World'! It's am entire planet and it consumes asteroids, stars, moons, black holes, anomalies and other planets! We cannot destroy it! If we hit it hard enough, it may be forced to move over a bit because it's blocking our exit hole outta this gasbag!

"Han! Tell 'Blondie' that thing's co-ordinates! Four shells straight into it and another eight into its port or starboard side! Yeah, better make it the port side o' that thing! I can see clear space behind its starboard side! Trish! Go! Tell Nami!" roared Gene Starwind and the poor guy sounded panic-stricken!

"Miss Richards? Tell Miss Hopkins to fire four 'rail shells' right into it and then eight more into its left hand side. Hurry!" said Trish and then she flew back to the bridge.

"Hey 'Blondie'! Ya get those co-ordinates we fed ya? OK. Four shells dead centre bull and eight more into its left side. Got it? Better strap in tight, cats! It's gonna get bumpy when we try to squeeze past that thing!" yelled our navigator to the 'Blonde Bomber' and 'Cat'.

"We heard ya, pirate! 'Kitten'! You about ready now? Steady! It's about seventy kilometres from us, sixty, fifty, forty, thirty, twenty-Fire! Now wait for it! Twenty, fifteen, ten, five and- Fire! Eight o' them babies right into its left rear end! Yay! It's turning to port! Nami! Tell Gene we'll be clear in thirty seconds! Go, girl!" howled 'Cat' Vincent.

"Trish! Clear sailing all the way to 'Neverland' in thirty seconds! First star on the right, straight on until 1400 (2 PM)! Go!" yelled Nami Richards and the 'flying nun' scooted off to the bridge where she told Gene what she had been told to say.

"The 'rail guns' done it, old pal! I owe those two young ladies a milkshake! Brace yourselves! It's gonna be a tight fit!" said Gene and he threaded the 'Daedalus' sideways along the right hand side of the 'Gobbler'!

"Ya ain't the only one, old buddy! And one o' them young fillies drinks stronger stuff than we do! (He unstrapped and set Maysie on the deck.) Somebody take this lil missy to the 'star room' so she can see the best view of her young life when we exit this cloud." drawled Han.

I detailed Rio DelCroix and Fllay Allster to take Maysie down to the 'star room' because Auntie Lanny and her big brother were still needed on the weapons. I had wanted to see the sight described by Han as well but duty called so I stayed in my chair.

"Ya hear all the firing, Rio? Right down the hall on your left, Sweetie." said Fllaysie and Rio nodded. Both of the girls were munching on 'Kersy' bars of chocolate and fruit.

"Did I ever! Sounded like they even used the 'rail guns' this time! Guess who'll have to clean those damned things?" grumbled Rio and Fllaysie Allster winced.

"Us, I'll bet!" she groaned and Rio nodded in agreement.

Maysie had dragged one of our big easy chairs to the 'star window' and had plopped herself down onto it. When Rio and Fllay came in, she pointed to the 'fireworks' outside. We saw it as well, albeit from a different angle and it was spectacular!

"What is it, Colonel?" asked a fascinated Lan Fan and Han laughed.

"The light show? That's the 'Seven Sisters' constellation, the 'Pleiades', basking in the reflected light of the 'Mac Neb'. Purty, ain't it?" drawled the ex-smuggler and even her master seemed enthralled by it all. I glanced at my wristchromo.

"1405. About five past two, gentlemen, ladies. ETA to the 'Neutral Zone', sir?" I asked and Han began calculating on his PDO unit. Gene took a deep swig of his java and lit up a cheroot.

"Better than we'd hoped for, Princess. Five more solar hours. Make it around 1900 hours, seven PM tonight. Ya shovin' off in 'Maggie' tonight?" he drawled and I nodded.

"The less time we are left in these 'Bad Lands', the better I shall like it, Mr Solo." I replied and I lit up a cigarette. Trish handed me a mug o' java with mint leaves and I thanked her for it. I took an appreciative sip and sighed.

"We all get to go along with ya in yer shoebox thing, Beautiful?" asked Prince Lin with a grin.

I grimaced but held my tongue. I had been trained well in diplomacy and tact. Guess that was why I was tagged to be a liaison officer, eh?

"No. I cannot leave the 'Daedalus' defenseless. I have no idea how long it will take to find this guy and drag him back here so I am leaving most of the crew behind. I am leaving all the kids behind with the exception of Maysie. Her alkahestry may prove useful as will her brother's. Yes, I know. You are your master's bodyguard, Lanny. You will come along as well. We will be having dinner at 1700 (5 PM) and that is when I will announce my TARDIS crew.

"What a marvelously kawaii (lovely) sight indeed. Mark, you had better detail a squad to clean and service our weapons. Make certain sure that they are all fully reloaded as soon as possible and that includes the 'rail guns'. We used a dozen shells and that is a quarter of our ammunition supply for them. If there is nothing else, gentlemen, I will excuse myself to work out my TARDIS crew roster. Well done, everyone. Have Niki tell the ship's company that the crisis has passed. See you at dinner." I said and I had an afterthought.

"Mark? Better find replacement gunners for the photons and disruptor guns. I will be taking Lan and Lin along with us in 'Maggie'. I'd better take one of the Doctors along as well. Probably #3 because he never seems to get out that much. All I will need him for is to advise me on how to manipulate my TARDIS anyway. Have a pleasant afternoon, guys. Bye." I said and I left the bridge for my own quarters.

A while later inside the big bore (inside of the barrel) of the 'Daedalus's 'God Gun'-

"Damn! How come we get detailed to clean this bloody thing? Just 'cause we're the youngest officers on this old tub, I'll bet!" groaned 'Subby' Rio DelCroix.

"Don't I know it, man! And 'Zamazon's havin' an early Kurisumasu (Christmas) sale today too!" wailed Ensign Second Class Fllay Allster. Major Naturle 'Nattie' Edwards nee Badgiruel looked annoyed as well! She was the weapons officer aboard the 'Dae'.

"How many times did they fire this blasted piece o' junk, DelCroix?" she moaned.

The blonde Major stripped off her third pair of work gloves and tossed them down the 'recycle chute' and began pulling on another pair.

"Just once I think." replied the young 'subby' (Sub-Ensign Third Class) while swabbing down the 'ceiling' of the gun with a mop.

"It got this filthy from just one shot? What'd she use? Blanks?" complained the Ensign from 'SEED' angrily. She was swabbing down the 'walls' with a mop in either fist.

"You wish! If she had used 'blanks' we'd be here until next Kurisumasu, kiddies!" growled their 'skipper' who was wiping down the 'ion generator' with 'Formula IV-0-XI' and sponges. Her once white coveralls were stained a repulsive grey and black.

"Careful 'Nattie'! Naruto and me just waxed that 'floor' you're standing on- Oops!" chuckled Sakura Haruna, the Ninja Chunin Shinobi girl when their boss went arse over tincups and hit her fanny on the 'floor'- hard!

"Darn it! Now my bottom's all greasy! Where are those two freeloaders? Jessie and James (Team Rocket of Pokemon fame) are supposed to be helping us!" The boss was livid with anger.

"I sent 'em to get us some grub and java, mum. Hey Saki! Ya missed a spot!" joked Naruto Uzimaki, the Ninja Chunin Shinobi teen boy with the 9 Tailed Kyune (Fox Demon) Chakra inside of him. Sakura was not very amused and threw a bucket of greasy soapy water at him.

"Here comes trouble!" said a redheaded teenaged girl who was trundling a huge overladen 'anti-grav trolley' full of goodies into the gun's innards.

"And make it double." piped in her brother whose hair was likewise as red as our fearless leader's coif. James was lugging two big urns of java and tea up the spiral staircase to the monstrous weapon.

"Food! I'm starvin' to death, Miss Jessie!" howled Naruto, grabbing a handful of burgers and handing one to Sakura.

"Gee! Thanks a lot, Piggy! Got any mustard?" replied the pink-headed Chunin gal.

"Just a little and no more ketchup either. Starfire ate all of it while we were waitin' for the java in the galleys." explained Sakura, wolfing down a burger and pouring tea for the major which Rio grabbed before 'Nattie' could get to it.

"Yo! Send somebody topside to open these damned gunports! I gotta lube 'em but good!" bellowed the big guy who loved to hunt for and then disrobe Elf maidens. Junpei and Ari were cleaning the 'business' end of the gun.

"Save us some Philly steak sannis, please." called the lithe actress/transporter captain through her cupped hands. Junpei sat down and lit up a cigarette. Soon smoke was billowing down the long gun's 'hallway', causing Jessie to cough and her pretty green 'aizu' (eyes) to tear up.

"You gotta smoke, huh?" yelled James. He had just run out of smokes. Jessie was a non-smoker and a tee-totaler. She wasn't a bit like her brother.

"OK! Everyone get down here and take a break! Grab some chow and drinks afore Naruto eats it all up! And I thought that Saiyaans and demons were hogs! Hand me a liverwurst and pickle on rye, please."

The major had shed her coveralls and gloves and seemed quite content to lunch in her cute orange sports brassiere and bikini briefs!

"Better not let Lance catch ya sittin' around like that, Nat. After all, you're a married woman ya know." chortled Sir Richard Burton who had been painting the faroff 'walls' with a sealant.

"How quaint, my dear major. Orange suits you well, my dear." laughed Alice (Wonderland/Looking Glass) Liddell who had been cleaning Dick's paint brushes and had now come to dine with this motley crew.

"What the old man don't know won't hurt him, 'Nattie'." giggled Fllaysie who was on her third hero sanni. Apparently the 'Zamazon' sale would be going on for quite a spell. At least, the ashy blonde didn't seem as upet as she had been.

"Your attention please! At 1900 hours (7 PM) tonight, the Commander of Prydonia (Me) will announce her crew for the away mission. She will be taking 'Maggie' (My brand spankin' new TARDIS) on her first maiden flight.

"It is at present 1645 hours (4:45 PM) and a quarter hour until Mr Goatie (Smith) will be ringing the dinner gong. Please be certain that you have washed or bathed before sitting down at my table. You may consider that an order. That is all. Colonel Peabody signing off." boomed out the white doggie's voice over the squawkboxes.

"He should have reminded you to be sure and 'dress' for dinner, Major Edwards, ma'am." guffawed Warrant Officer Third Class Kome Sawaguchi who had just arrived. She had smelled the food and besides, she had a 'signal' for Mrs Edwards.

"Careful, WO3 or you'll be a WO4." said the briefly clad major quietly. One never knew just when this lady was joking and when she was in deadly earnest.

"Give me the comm relay message, 'Pinky' and sit down and have some goodies." chuckled Nat.

"Hmmn. Unh huh. Looks like Allster, DelCroix, Stiles, Murdoch, Gordon and I will be going on 'Maggie's 'maiden voyage' later tonight. That was darn good, kids. Well done, everyone. If you'll excuse me, I must go down and 'dress for dinner'.

"After I have scrubbed off this grit and grime that is. See you in a bit, guys." said the taller officer, climbing into a clean set of coveralls and zipping them up. She grabbed her deck boots and disappeared down the stairwell.

"Hope that 'Zamazon' sale is still there whenever we get back to the 'Dae', Fllaysie." harped Rio.

"I think we could all do with a scrub and a wash up before din din, guys." said Ari and the 'Wrecking Crew' helped clean up from the 'feast' and lower the 'trolley' and urns down the stairs.

They all vamoosed for their rooms and a nice hot shower before putting on the feedbags.

Dinner was quite noisy as it usually was on these vessels. I declined a fourth dessert and took my java with me when I returned to the 'star room' for some peace and quiet. I still had my crew to choose to accompany me on 'Maggie' and I had to finish my roster before seven.

Unfortunately, I was not alone. Several of our 'ice roaders' had appropriated both the 'star room' and all of the recliners in the room. I shrugged my shoulders and chose a seat on a low shelf to the right of the 'window'. Then I took out my PDO and typed in the following data.

Pilot- Gene Starwind; Co-Pilot- Han Solo; Comm Relay- Sir Integra W Van Helsing; Executive Officer- Alucard; Security Chief- Seras Victoria; Weapons CO- Naturle B Edwards; Navigator- Zoe Morton; Scanning- Oranemia 'Nami' Richards, Rally 'Cat' Vincent and Minnie Mae 'Kitten'/'Blonde Bomber' Hopkins; Gunners- Rio DelCroix, Neko Olson, Fllay Allster, Todd Stiles, Buzz Murdoch, Mr Peabody (Sherman was left behind on the 'Daedalus') and Kome Sawaguchi; Chief Engineer- Dynamo; Space Tech Engineers- Blackfire, Junpei, Sarah Stryker, Mildred 'Stun Gun Millie' Thompson, Merrill 'Derringer Girl' Stryfe, Diana 'Wonder Girl' Prince; Commander of the Guard/Chief Fighter- InuYasha; Sergeant of the Guard/#2 Fighter- Kouga; Fighters- Goku Son, Vegeta Brief, Anne Hathaway, Keitarou 'KR' Riff, Ichigo Kurosaki, Rukia Kutschski (Her 'brother' the captain was in command of the reserve fighter units back aboard the 'Dae'), Renji Abari, Toshiro Hitsugaya, Rangiku Matsumoto, Kenpachi Zaraki (It goes w/o saying that Yachiru came w/ the package), Soi Fon, Kiske Uruhara and Fritz 'Green Baron' Von Dekker; Scientific Advisors- Doctors #3 and #7 (K-9 had been lent to me by #4 Doctor on condition that Sarah Jane Smith, Jamie MacCrimmon, Leila the Jungle Girl, Ace, Jo Grant and Liz Shaw all accompanied us. I agreed at once. Then Lin, Lan Fan and Maysie all volunteered as well as Spike Steigel, Jett Black and Ed Appledore who brought along Ein and Luna. Good companions for my doggie 'Whitey'); Dining Hall- Lance Edwards, Pinako 'Granny' Rockabelle, Winry Rockabelle, Esther 'Granny' Moses-Clampett, Ellie May Clampett, Daisy Duke (Her Uncle Jessie and cousins Bo and Luke as well as Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane and Deputy Enos Strait and 'Boss' Hogg had all volunteered but I needed them on the 'Dae') and Jane Huntley; I took along Edward and Alphonse Elric, Van Hohenheim, Deanna Troi as well as Izumi and Sig Curtis and Legato Bluesummers for alchemy work. As an afterthought, I chose Gaara the Ninja from the Village Hidden in the Sands but I left the other Ninja kiddies behind under the command of Kakashi Sensei. I needed some skysled and skycycle pilots so Sonny, Will, Hugh the 'Polar Bear', Eric, Alex the 'Minister', Drew, Rick and 'Bear', the 'ice road brigade' drivers were added to the mix. With Fritz along, I had to add both Jonathan Harlock and his niece, Emma Emeraldas for good measure. I was commanding my TARDIS and that was to be our crew!

"Whew! I am certainly glad that is over with at last!" I said to 'Whitey' who was busily employed in gobbling up all the goodies on the tables! I sighed and lit up a cheroot.

"Mum? What are those bright lights up ahead? A space 'truck stop' perhaps?" asked the handsome Eric de Grier and I got up to have a look. What I saw sent me racing over to a vidmike box on the bulkhead wall!

"Who the Dickens is piloting the 'Dae'? That is the Federation/Romulan 'Neutral Zone' dead ahead! Stop all engines and I mean now! Talk to me, dammit! This is Prydonia! I am coming down!" I shouted and I dropped the vidmike without bothering to replace it in its box!

I tore out the portals, dropping both java and smoke in my haste to reach the gantryway stairwell. I darned near fell down the stairs in my headlong flight to the bridge. 'Sharon' clattered noisily to the deck floor of the hallway but I paid it no heed and ran on until I had reached the bridge.

"Commander on the bridge! Ten-" someone shouted.

"Belay that crap! If we violate that Zone, Romular will declare war on Gallifrey because a Gallifreyan is commanding this craft! Stop! Halt! Cease this vessel's darned forward motion immediately!" I yelped.

"Hit the brakes, somebody!" howled Todd. Rio began throwing switches like mad!

"This vessel will self-destruct in five solar minutes." announced 'Nikita' in a solemn voice.

"DelCroix! What the Sam Hill were ya thinkin', girlie? Han! Commander! We need the recall codes and fast!" yelled Gene Starwind and I looked at pilot and co-pilot with a blank stare on my face.

"I-I-I d-d- do not know any recall codes, Colonel, sir." I stammered and the colonel's face went as white as a sheet. I was thrust aside roughly and fell into a gunner's chair.

"Nikita? Time? Tell me, Niki!" shouted Angela de Roncesvalles, dropping into my own commander's chair.

"Three solar minutes, sixteen solar seconds, Tribune de Roncesvalles. Please give me the recall codes while there is still time." said our computer programming unit.

"Very well. I only know the third code. It is 'Varan Mystical Antares'. Is that correct?" demanded the last female Templar Knight.

"Yes. Give me the other three. There are now two solar minutes to self-destruct." announced Nikita.

"Who knows the other three, Contessa?" yelped Han Solo and for once, he was not drawling like an ancient Terran Texan.

"Integra! Put a signal through to the Academy. Donovan and O'Halloran know the other codes. Quickly!" shrieked Angie.

"They are on the wire, Trib. Donovan says 'Alydar Epsom Lords' and the 'Boss' says hers is 'Elysian Hades Kalavala'.

Angela repeated those codes and Niki told us we had less than a single solar minute left!

"Who has the last code, Reds?" I roared and she pointed at me!

"You do, Commander." she replied and I went as pale as day old ale!

"There are now eight solar seconds left. Seven, Six-" Niki droned on until I finally got it!

"The final recall code is 'Gundams Are Great'!" I screamed and-

Three, Two- Self-destruct has been cancelled! All warp core engines have ceased to operate." said Nikita and we all breathed a huge sigh of relief!

Buzz was the first to break the awkward silence. He spun me around in the gunner's seat and almost shouted in my face.

"How?" he demanded breathlessly. I pointed to my PDO's vidscreen.

"I opened that file, Mr Murdoch. The one listed as 'For emergency use only'. 'Grandfather' said that Mr Galadriel had told him to place a certain phrase in my system but not to tell me what it was. I remembered that darned old file's title and-" I sobbed, tears streaming down both of my cheeks.

"Glad ya 'membered, Princess." said Starwind and Solo nodded in agreement.

"Just in the nick o' time, guys!" yelled Neko Olson and I realized just how close to the end we had come. Rio was crying and apologizing and then the waterworks dam burst its floodgates!

"DelCroix! Consider yourself under arrest and confine yourself to quarters. Get off the bridge and that is a direct order, Lance Corporal Third Class." growled Major Edwards.

Allster and Sawaguchi led the still bawling and whining teenaged girl down the corridor to the lift stations.

"OK with you, Brigadier Prydonia?" snapped 'Nattie' and I nodded dumbly.

"1900 hours. Everyone please report to the rec room unless you are on duty. That is all." announced Nikita and it hit me that I had called for a briefing at seven o'clock.

"C'mon, Sweetie. You'll feel better after a cuppa. Got your roster on here?" said Angie, picking up my PDO unit from the deck floor where I had dropped it.

She shoved it into my hands and lit up two cigarettes, sticking one of them in my mouth. We took the lift down to the rec room.

"Nervous?" she whispered and I nodded. Angie gave me a reassuring pat on the back and sat down at the bar. I was about to speak when-

"Commander in the room! Ten-Hutt!" shouted Kakashi Sensei and the place went as quiet as a tomb. Everyone was standing to attention and saluting me. I returned their salutes.

"At ease. Please be seated. It was a long and tough process but I have chosen the crew for my part of the mission. Accompanying 'Whitey' and myself on my 'Maggie' will be-" I almost screamed and then I began the long litany of names I had placed in my PDO unit an hour before our near catastrophe.

I won't bore you folks by repeating the roster which can be found about three dozen paragraphs back. There were sighs (relief?) and complaints (I wonder why? Did anyone really want to come on such a dangerous quest?) galore before Chief Poporo rapped his laser sword hilt on the bar top for silence.

"That will be enough of that crapola, people! Your commander has decided and that is all there is to that! Act your ages and behave yourselves with dignity and decorum as befits members of the 3WA! You may consider that an order and if there are any more disruptions, you will answer to yours truly, dammit! Anything to add, ma'am?" said Mr Popo but I shook my head.

"Very well. Ten-Shun! Dis- Wait for it, Missy! Dismissed!" he ordered and the lull was broken by the resumption of conversations and games and drinking at the bar and tables.

"Do they always get so upset when they are not chosen for a mission, Chief?" I asked.

He lit up a horrible smelling cigar while Chief Engineer Dynamo packed his pipe with foul smelling shag tobacco and ignited the mixture, causing me to cough and retch. Neither gentleman paid me the slightest bit of attention! So much for perks of rankings, I suppose.

"Always, Suba. Ya got yerself a damned loyal crew on my 'Daedalus', Alley." replied the big Triceratops 'Godzilla'-like lizard and he blew a huge smoke ring which Faye Valentine speared with her empty shot glass.

"Have one on the house, 'time lady'!" said Kagome Higurashi, tonight's barkeep. Her partner was Mr Naraku. He was, I had been told, some sort of demonic person. Of course, I did not believe a word of that malarkey! Probably just the alcohol speaking, I guessed.

I accepted the mocha java root beer ice cream soda 'float' and downed a big gulp which set me to choking.

"Take it easy there, Alley Cat! You'll choke to death on that thing!" yelled InuYasha while he and Wolfie began thumping me on the back so hard that it hurt!

I waved them away and thanked them for their concern. I would need a gallon of 'Frozee Toro' balm before my back stopped smarting and stinging! They meant well so I did not admonish them.

Dixie McCall touched my sore back and I winced. Despite my protests, Nurse McCall dragged me off to sick bay where she insisted on bathing my inflamed back and shoulders with cool water and some ointment she called 'Ben Guay' which did make my back stop hurting.

"Take one of these before you go to bed, Commander Al. You'll sleep like a log in the woods." said Mike Morton, the only real live 'doctor' aboard my vessel. I looked at the small white capsules dubiously. 'Samminexx' was printed on each one.

"Very mild sleeping pills, Honey." Dixie assured me.

"If you prefer, I can use the autohypo and give you a sedative that way, Al." joked the medical man but I deferred treatment and swallowed one of the capsules with a drink of water Then Dixie walked me back to my quarters where we shared a pizza before I began yawning all over the place.

Dix glanced at her wrist but her wristchromo was in'Whitey's mouth! I scolded the pup and retrieved Dix's timepiece from the naughty doggie. She patted his head and left for her own bunk or so I hoped. Then a sudden thought struck me and I called her back into my sitting room.

"Dix? How about coming along with me on 'Maggie' tomorrow? I could use a medic. I'd take Mike too but I would not wish to leave my 'Dae' without a doctor, a real doctor." I pleaded and she smiled.

"Sure. Meet you on the bridge at six. OK? (I nodded) Besides, Mike's an old 'fraidy cat. He'd hide under his bunk if you tried to drag him along on a mission, I'll bet." chuckled the nurse and she left.

I slept the sleep of the just and I awoke feeling very refreshed. After a quick breakfast, I strolled to the bridge and found my 'Maggie's crew were all assembled in the hallway.

"Miss Ari shooed us off her bridge, Al. Where's your 'police box' anyway?" asked Buzz Murdoch and I grinned. I pointed to a tall file cabinet standing across from the bridge room's portals.

"My 'chameleon circuitry' is not broken so I can make 'Maggie' resemble anything I like, Mr Murdoch." I replied and #3 Doctor grimaced as did #7.

"Unlike ours, Buzz. I am getting used to my 'box' though. How about you, Doctor?" asked #7.

"I have 'Bessie' so it's not so bad. Have you seen Jo and Liz, Ace?" asked #3 and the buxom teenaged girl pointed to a pair of brunettes in matching sundresses who were trundling an overladen 'anti-grav' trolley along the hallway towards 'Maggie'.

'Maggie's 'cabinet' popped open and the big Scotsman stuck his head out.

"Are ye gonna yak all the damned day or are we goin' after that skurly jackanapes?" he demanded in a very gruff voice.

"All ashore that's going ashore! Last call! All aboard!" giggled Zoe Morton from behind Jamie.

"Get aboard, everyone. Zoe, lay in a course for the 'Bad Lands' as soon as everyone has boarded. Hurry up, folks. Time she be a-wastin' ya know." I chortled and I boarded last of all. I put 'Whitey' on the console where he began to investigate Liz Shaw and Jo Grant's 'goodies cart'.

"Where the bloody Hell's the bridge, Commander?" drawled Han Solo and Gene Starwind chuckled.

"This seems to be the bridge, old buddy. Those must be the controls over there. Hey, Doc!" replied Gene and both #3 and #7 Doctors looked quite offended.

"My dear fellow, my name is Doctor. Kindly refrain from addressing me as 'Doc'!" said #3.

"That goes for myself as well, sir. What do you want anyway?" added #7, the 'Leprechaun' Doctor.

"If I'm gonna pilot this thing, I need to know how to fly it, don't I?" said Gene and Han nodded sagely.

"And I'm co-pilotin', Doctors." agreed Han Solo.

"Only authorized personnel are permitted to operate my TARDIS, sirs." snapped #3 haughtily.

"Your TARDIS, Doctor? You meant mine, didn't ye?" corrected #7 and I lost it!

"Yours? I believe that 'Maggie' is MY TARDIS, gentlemen!" I said and I was hot under the collar, that I most certainly was!

"I don't care who this craft belongs to, dammit! Who knows how to operate it besides me?" yelled Zoe Morton who had already laid in a course for the 'Bad Lands' beyond the 'Neutral Zone'.

"Aha! If this mere child can pilot it, anyone can." observed the 'Leprechaun'.

"The 'Little Fellow' taught me, sirs. However, I cannot navigate and fly the damned thing as well, can I?" she objected.

"Oh, very well. Pay attention, Colonel. This side of the console is for time travel only so don't touch these controls. Once Miss Morton has laid in the course, simply press the green pad to activate the dome light and the 'piledriver pylon'. At the same time, pull down on this grey switch to 'dematerialize' the TARDIS.

"When the buzzer sounds to signal our arrival, push the grey switch back up so that we will 'materialize'. Press the red panel to stop us. Check this gauge and this one beside it. The first measures the outside radiation level and that one tells us whether or not the atmosphere out there is breatheable.

"If all that checks out fine, pull down on this big red knob to open the inner portals and the outer 'doors'. That control above the door release knob is the 'chameleon circuit'. Our TARDISes don't have a working one of those things. With it, one can change the outward appearance of the craft. I suggest, my dear cousin, that you change that to something other than a stick of furniture before we 'rematerialize' at our destination.

"Not all that complicated, is it, sirs? Hello! Where has the snack cart gotten itself to, eh? I'm feeling a mite peckish." explained #3 and Gene had been taking notes on his PDO and so was everyone else it seemed to me.

"You forgot to tell them about the 'GC' indexes, Doctor." admonished #7, pointing out the huge tome under the console.

"Oh yes! I almost forgot. This is the 'Galactic Compendium'. It is sort of like an intergalactic 'Yellow Pages' telephone directory. You can find almost any time era and/or destination anywhere in the known Universes, ladies and gentlemen." explained #3.

"Liz? Jo? Please assign living and sleeping quarters to our ladies. Jamie? Leila? Will you please do the same for our gentlemen? Has anyone seen 'Whitey'? Zoe? We have a separate section for pets as you know. Please show our animals the way. No. You can assign Mr Peabody to quarters with the gentlemen. Sherman can stay in my own quarters with 'Whitey'.

"Doctors? Will one of you kindly show our chefs and cooks to the kitchens? (I glanced at the wall chromo which read 0730 hours or half past 7 AM) Goodness! We had best get a wiggle on if we want to reach our destination before lunch. Colonel, will you please do us the honours? The rest of you find a seat somewhere and strap in. Anyone remaining in the control room will just have to grab hold of the console and hang on very tightly while we launch. Ready when you are, sir." I said and I took a firm death grip on the edge of my console.

"Here we go, kiddies." said Gene. The familiar pulsing sound was heard, the lights flickered and the huge 'piledriver pylon' began going up and down like the piledriver on an oil drilling derrick. Outsie I knew that the dome light was winking on and off while my 'file cabinet' was slowly but surely dissipating into the aether of space and time.

We were tossed violently against each other and I heard Lance Edwards cursing savagely from the kitches where he had just dropped something he had been preparing for our luncheon! My fault. I should have warned him not to start cooking or baking during the launch cycle. The shaking subsided and I slowly released my hold as did the others.

"ETA to 'BL' territories will be 1350 hours. That's ten before two Terran solar time. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em." chortled my svelte 'navvy'. Zoe picked up Ein, Luna and K-9 from the floor and headed for our 'pet hostel' area. #3 and #7 had located the 'goodies cart' and they were feasting on sannis and baked goods. Gad! They ate almost as much as the Saiyaans did!

"Now what, Princess?" drawled Han and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Nothing, sir. A TARDIS automatically places itself on 'George' after a launch cycle has completed. Until the buzzer sounds, you need do nothing at all. I say! No more sandwiches? When's luncheon being served I wonder?" asked #3 while #7 wolfed down the last sanni and washed it down with mocha java. I was about to point out the food/beverage creating units when-

"I brunged a few 'reppers' along for us, ma'am." said Fllay Allster.

"Good thing too 'cause Lanny's cooking 'soap' for lunch! Yuck!" added Rio DelCroix who had spent the evening before confined to her quarters. I had debated whether to leave her behind or not. However, we had promised her Dad that we woild keep an eye on her and at least here she could not buy out the 'Higurashi Mall' on 'Zamazon' because I had insisted that only PDO units would be permitted aboard my 'Maggie'.

"Not 'soap', Dumbass! Mr Edwards is baking us a 'souflette'. That's a yummy eggy thing but ya gotta be real quiet when it's in the oven or it'll fall or somethin'." corrected Cagalli Yula Athna. She had been a last minute medical replacement for Reaper Cap of Squad 4 Athura who was doing some kind of experimenting with Squad 12's Cap back on the 'Dae'.

Caggie was a WO3 (Warrant Officer Third Class) and was very proficient with first aid. She also adored Ist Lt Dixie McCall who was the closest thing we had aboard to a real doctor.

Maysie and her older brother Lin and his 'bodyguard' Lan Fan had gone exploring. The Doctors had warned them not to stray beyond the corridors with yellow arrows on the walls because my TARDIS was a lot bigger than it looked owing to the fact that Type 40's existed in more than a single dimension!

I decided to check out my craft's 'zero room' which was the closest thing I had to a brig. Hopefully, on the way back home, the 'zero room' would be occupied by the renegade time lord Azarog whose capture was our current mission's assignment.

"You know what this chap looks like, my dear?" asked #3 Doctor whom I had found in the strange chamber aboard 'Maggie' called the 'zero room'. I handed him a vidphoto of a very evil looking guy with a long black beard and eyes that seemed to bore into your very soul! He looked to be about Gene's age- mid 40's.

"A nasty looking customer indeed! He certainly doesn't look like he did back in school on Gallifrey." he said.

"Yes, sir. He looked much younger when I had him in the ninth forms. Which 'regenn's he on now, #3?" I replied. He shrugged his shoulders and relatched the 'drawer' where we would be keeping Azarog when and if we ever found him.

"I imagine he's up to #3 or #4 'regenn', child. You forget that while you had him for an instructor, I was his fellow classmate. In fact, in the seventh form, we were 'roomies'. When the 'old man' (#1 Doctor looked a lot like 'Grandfather' Castelein) met him, he had yet to use his first 'regenn'. That was in the Terrans' 11th Century in Northumberland in merrie old England.

"Aza was going to defeat the Vikings for William of Orange, the Conqueror a few days earlier than the history books showed! It was AD 1066 and there would have never been a 'Battle of Hastings' at all! You can just imagine what meddling with time and history would have brought about for the later generations of all the Universes, my dear cousin. He looked like a Christian monk and his TARDIS was an ancient sarcophagus, of all things! The 'old man' 'marooned' the old fool in that time era of Terra.

"The 'little fellow' (#2 Doctor was even shorter than myself) took pity on Azarog and repaired his 'Mark IV' for him. He dropped out of sight after he left that time era. He was confined to the 'Matrix' on 'Galli' for a few centuries when the Council found out what he had been up to during #1's visit to Terra. Steven and Vickie know all about that. They'll tell you all about Mr Azarog and his antics. Of course, they only knew him as the 'monk', you understand.

"The Council released him about the turn of this century (The 23rd) and he's been a good boy. Then Lord Kalderanus had a signal from a friend of his on 'Minerva' that the scamp was up to his old tricks again. That's why you're being sent to get him, Al. He intends to stop the war between the Federation and the Romulans so there will never be a need for a 'Neutral Zone'. That would play merry Hell with the 'Bad lands', especially 'Corrallia'! The sooner you get this chap, the better.

"Almost noon and I'm hungry. By the way, have you seen Liz and Jo? They went 'exploring' with Vickie, Steven, Leila and Jamie. I hope that they haven't gotten lost again. Come, my dear cousin. A spot of lunch will do you a world of good. Hullo! There go Hansy and Grets (Hansel and Gretel were our resident 'witch hunters' and were as restless as the ice winds of 'Gar') with Miss Starfire." said #3 and I did a double take.

Starfire was not supposed to be aboard 'Maggie'. I had intentionally left her behind on the 'Daedalus' because her older sister Blackfire was one of my space techs aboard. The girls did not get along well together at all, it seemed.

Well, no sense sobbing over an overturned teapot, I suppose. #3 Doctor and I quickened our pace and decided to take the stairway down to the dining room. 'Maggie's lifts were not operating well and I decided that I would ask Dynamo to have them repaired after the mission had concluded.

"Who in the blue blazes are you two?" demanded UNIT Commander Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart. He had decided on a short stroll around 'Maggie' to allow his excellent luncheon to digest. He turned a corner at the top of the ornate stairwell and almost walked into two overgrown children!

"If you please, sir, my name is Gretel but you may call me Grets, sir. Everyone does." said the girl with a deep curtsey.

"Name's Hansel, Pops. Pleased ta meet ya." said the boy, resheathing his sword. The girl quickly reholstered her ion cannon.

"Say 'sorry' to the nice gentleman, Hansy. P'rhaps he would like to play with us, dear brother." suggested Grets.

"By amy chance, do you two know the 'Doctor'?" asked the older officer and Grets grinned.

"Which one, sir?" replied the girl while her brother looked bored and kept pulling on his sister's arm.

"Which one? How many have you seen, Miss Grets?" asked the poor Brigadier. After all, he knew only #3 and maybe #4.

"Seven. What's it to ya, old man?" snarled Hansy until Grets batted him across the head.

"Behave yourself, Hansy! I'll tell the Commander to make you swab the decks again! Forgive him, kind sir. My brother can get a bit addled, you see." apologized Grets. Stewart was busy counting on his fingers.

"Starfire! Star! Where the devil have you gotten to, girl?" shouted avoice that the Brigadier knew only too well.

"Benton? Sergeant Benton? What do they have you doing?" demanded the non-com's CO.

"Sir! I am babysitting, sir. However, I seem to have misplaced my charge." said the taller soldier with a snappy salute which Lethbridge Stewart returned just as crisply.

"Begging your pardon, Brigadier, sir but what is your assignment?" asked the CO's exec.

"Ssh! I am supposed to be on KP duty but a UNIT Commader does not do the dishes, Sergeant." replied Stewart.

"Is that a fact? If I have to do the washing up, you are gonna do the drying, Mr Brigadier! Here's your apron, sir." said a tall blonde teen wearing grey overalls.

"Hi Winry! Who is this old geezer anyway, Mr Benton?" asked Hansy and the Brigadier's face got quite red.

"Who are you calling an 'old geezer', you young scamp!" yelled the UNIT CO while Grets and Winry giggled and poor Benton stared at everyone.

"He works for the Doctor, Hansy. Get that apron on and come with me, Mr Stewart. Everybody has their chores to do on 'Maggie'. Mr Benton! What have you done with our Starfire? If she gets lost again, there's gonna be Hell to pay!" Winry called over her shoulder while she stiff marched the poor Lethbridge Stewart back downstairs to the kitchens.

"Miss Winry got that wrong, guys. The Doctor works for us at UNIT and the Brigadier is our Commander. You two kids better come with me and help me to find Miss Starfire. Let's try the holodecks and stop swinging that sword around, Hansy before you hurt someone." ordered benton.

"Yeah, don't stick yourself with it like you usually do, brother of mine." chuckled Grets.

"You had better keep that cannon in its holster, Miss Grets. We don't need any accidents." said the sergeant.

"Aha! Look, my dear Watson. I deduce that the sergeant is seeking his young ward, Miss Starfire." said Sherlock Holmes who was blowing smoke rings with his Calabash pipe.

"How on Earth did you know that, Holmes?" demanded Dr Watson. This guy must be really dense, folks!

"Because the chap has been bellowing the child's name all over this overgrown tool chest, my dear fellow."

"How absurdly simple, Mr H.!" cried Grets.

"That, my dear lady, is my line." grumbled Dr Watson.

"And here is mine, old boy. Elementary." chuckled the great detective.

"Anybody seen her?" yelled Mr Benton from the end of the corridor.

"Yes. I saw her heading towards that 'zero room' place, Senor Benton. That way, sir." answered the tall slight masked man dressed entirely in black. Zorro was pointing with his Toledo blade in the opposite direction.

"Muchas gracias, Senor Zorro. C'mon, kids. Let's go find her before she breaks something else." groaned Benton.

"Something else? Has the lovely Fraulein Star of Fire broken something, Mr Benton?" asked the 'Green Baron'. Fritz von Dekker had just finished clearing the table and refilling all the condiment bottles, sugar bowls and creamers. Like you ought to know by now, everyone works in the 3WA with no exceptions!

"She busted that big TV screen in the control room this morning. No big deal 'cause there weren't no shows on anyhow." explained Rio DelCroix.

"Starfire broke the vidscreen above the pylon on 'Maggie's bridge. There are no television shows playing on it anyway. That is the correct form of grammar and enunciation, Subby DelCroix." admonished Tribune Angela de Roncesvalles. Then she realized what Rio had just said!

"Does Alley know about that? That's the screen that tells us what is outside of the vessel. I had better get Dynamo to fix it. Excuse me." she said and dashed for the lift stations.

"Do I know what, pray tell?" I demanded. I had just left my 'zero room' and the errant child was definitely not there.

"Miss Star of Fire accidentally broke your television set on the bridge. Not to worry, mum. The Tribune Templar girl has gone to find Mr Dynamo to repair the damages. Would you care for one of my cigars, my dear?" asked the Baron. I bent my head and spoke into my comm badge.

"Niki? Alley. Could you please locate Starfire for me? Relay her location to Sergeant Benton. Thanks. Prydonia out." I trilled.

"Surely. I have just comm relayed Mr B. Starfire is playing in your garden near the big bell." trilled Nikita.

"How in the Dickens did the child get down there? Be sure you give Mr Benton precise directions. I do not want anyone getting lost on my 'Maggie', Niki. Thanks." I trilled.

"She is in my 'Cloister Bell Gardens'. That is on Lower Sub Level 17. I hope Niki tells Nr B to take the lift. It is quite a long way down. Excuse me. I need to find 'Whitey' before we dock. Make sure you're all on the bridge at two. I will brief everyone on our mission at that time. Oh and try not to get lost. 'Maggie' is much bigger than she looks." I warned and then I headed for my cabin.

"Hullo there, puppy. What are you doing on the bridge? No! Bring that back! Junpei! Blackfire! 'Whitey' just swiped my 14765 spanner! Don't let the young scalawag get away! Millie? Please bring me another DKG circuitry board. Star really done a number on this thing!" growled the huge Triceratops alien dinosaur-like creature who was my Chief Engineer.

My portal swished aside and 'Whitey' raced in and dropped a huge tool at my feet!

"Where did you find that thing, boy?" I yelped, moving my foot just before the spanner hit the floor.

"I'll take that, young man! Sorry, Boss. He swiped it from Mr D. He needs it to fix the bridge TV set. See ya later, mum." said Blackfire, one of our space technicians. She had retrieved the tool and disappeared down the hallway. I sighed and 'repped' myself a steaming mug of mocha cocoa java while 'Whitey' stole the sleeping Luna's ball of yarn.

I settled back and kicked off my boots. I tapped keys on my PDO quickly and efficiently until the wall chromo chimed twice. I gathered my junk together and pulled on my boots. Then I locked 'Whitey' in the kitchenette with a bowl of ceral and a bowl of milk. As an afterthought, I refilled Luna's milk bowl before I left for my very first briefing. The very first one that I had ever called anyway.

"May I have your attention, please? I said-" I shouted when I had reached Maggie's main control room or 'bridge' as they had all dubbed this room on my TARDIS.

"Yo! Shut the Hell up! Suba 'Alley Cat's got somethin' to tell us, guys!" roared the big hanyou teenaged kid from ancient Japan on Terra. I was grateful for the help but I hated that 'Alley Cat' crack. However, I let it go and said nothing.

"Thank you, Lt. Please make yourselves comfortable. I will not take up too much of your time." I said. Someone had thoughtfully 'repped up' some chairs for me. A sly wink from Mr Peabody told me that he had done the honours for me. I smiled at him and returned the wink. Then I strode over to my console and stood with my back to the controls.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our mission is quite straightforward and simple. Accomplishing it will be anything but simple. We have been charged with tracking down and then apprehending a rogue time lord from my home world of Gallifrey.

"Azarog is rumoured to be hiding somewhere in the 'Bad Lands.' Therefore-" I announced.

"You can't mean the 'Bad Lands' in 'Corrallian Space', Honey? They're akin to the 'Spanish Main's 'Tortuga' on ancient Terra, Missy 'Alley Cat'! they're damned dangerous worlds out there!" howled 'Brilliant Dynamite Neon' whom Lt Quicksilver/Mercury had urged me to add to my crew.

I had been told that this gentleman had been a gang leader of a group of toughs on planet Gunsmoke. Colonel Legato Bluesummers had tried to dissuade me from bringing along 'BDN' but I trusted Sil's judgment so here he was.

"Of course she means those 'Bad Lands', big guy. Azarog sure as Hell would not be hiding out in the 'Dead Lands' of Gallifrey, would he? That is precisely why I practically ordered Commander Prydonia to bring you and the 'Bad Lads' along on this little jaunt.

"You damned well know this sector of space better than anyone aboard with the possible exceptions of Captain Starwind and General Solo. Where do you suggest we start our search, Brill?" said Mercury quietly. Brill thought for a moment and then slapped his knee.

"Lexicol V! I heard tell that a lot of Khan's boys had gone to ground there. It's a haven from 'cowboys' (He meant intergalactic bounty hunters, not the same kind as Cisco and Pancho) and Azzy could easily lose himself in those hangouts. Let's start there, Sweetie." suggested Brill and several of his 'Lads' nodded in agreement.

"Zoe? Know how to find this Lexicol V?" I asked and our chief navigator shot a beam vidmap across the far bulkhead wall.

"See that winking green illuminator in the centre of the screen? That's us. See the blue blob way over there due West of us about 600 'lightys'? That's Lexy Five. At 25 Warp, we should reach it by 1800 (6 PM) tomorrow night. Shall I lay in a course, Commander? (I nodded) OK. Only don't look for any anomaly shortcuts because even if I found any, I sure as hell wouldn't want to start prowling around these 'Bad Lands' willy nilly, Boss.

"Nami? Go find Starfire and put her up in Alley's 'star room'. Tell her to watch for a star cluster that looks like a bird. That'll be 'Phoenix Trails'. The bird's beak will point the way to Seti. I will not land this thing on Lexy Five. We'll use Seti as a base of operations. It's one of Lexy's moons and pretty much deserted this time of year.

"Meanwhile I'll lay in our course. Everyone keep on your toes. Enjoy yourselves but stay off the holodecks. Al, can 'Maggie' 'cloak' herself?" asked Zoe Morton, flicking ash into a small ashtray she carried with her.

"I do not understand, 'Navvy'. What is 'cloak'?" I asked and everyone smirked or laughed. Even Rio giggled. I soon found out why.

"She means can this tub of yours make itself invisible, Princess?" drawled Han Solo.

"Not exactly but we can make 'Maggie' resemble whatever we like from the outside. Will that help?" I replied and Zoe grimaced and ignited another cheroot. She slowly shook her head.

"I was hoping that we could slip through these 'Bad Lands' undetected. However, I suppose if you made this thing look like an ancient Greygoran temple and we all got kitted out like monks and nuns we might not look too suspicious on Seti." reasoned the svelte Lt Commander.

"Seti? How about when we visit this here Lexy Five place, Z? Don't ya think that nuns and monks will look a little outta place with all them pirates and smuggler, not to mention murderers and thieves?" demanded Wolfie Kouga.

"Haw haw haw! Whassa matter? Ya scared, ya mangy wolf?" guffawed the big hanyou, InuYasha and Kouga bristled with anger.

"Who's scared, ya worthless dog? Hey Kaggie! Better 'sit' yer pooch afore he gets into trouble!" snarled the wolf youkai demon.

"Enough! When we start our searching on Lexy, we will disguise ourselves accordingly. You two will not need any disguises, of course." I said and I was staring at the dog and the wolf.

"Will it really be all that dangerous, mum?" asked Cagalli Yula Athna. Cag was a gunner and held the ranking of Warrant Officer First Class much to the chagrin of Fllaysie Allster whose ranking was still a mere Ensign although I had made her an acting second lieutenant. Her sidekick, Rio DelCroix I had wanted to promote but she made so many mistakes that I was forced to keep her as a Subby or Sub-Ensign but I did make her an acting ensign against my better judgment and Sil's advice.

"Never fear, milady. I, Prince Lin of Xiang will protect you from those ruffians." said Lin.

"And who will protect you, Dumbass?" chortled Lan Fan, his Ninja bodyguard. She and her master I had made second lieutenants but I had also made Lan an acting first lieutenant.

"I too will watch out for the bad guys for ya, my dear older brother!" said the feisty Alkahestry practitioner, nine year old Maysie. I felt that I had to put my foot down and I did.

"None of the children will be leaving 'Maggie' and that includes you, Maysie. Do not pout. You and the other children have a very special job to do. You must take care of our animals. I know that my 'Whitey' likes you, Sweetie." I said and the child brightened and wiped her eyes.

"Well? Give the orders, Suba Prydonia." said an impatient Zoe Morton. I realized that nobody did anything unless I authorized them to do it!

"Make it so, Lt Commander Morton. Energize all systems." I commanded and my chief navvy sighed and crushed out her cheroot.

"By your command, mum. C'mon Rio. You're my 'go fer it' gal, ya know." said Zoe and Rio hurried to catch her up.

"Any questions?" I said and I kept my fingers crossed that nobody had any to ask! I had no idea what half of the commands I had been giving even meant! I had heard the real Boss Lady use them before as well as the Brigadier.

"Ten-Shun!" shouted the big hanyou dog boy.

"You are dismissed. Thanks for coming." I said and I saluted my crew. Think anyone saluted back? Nope. I asked Brill if he had any vidmaps of Seti and Lexy Five and he said he would drop them off at my cabin. I thanked him and he headed for the bar trailed by his 'Bad Lads' gang.

"See this picture of a big red bird, Star? That's what you have to watch for and when ya see it, trill me or Miss Morton. OK?" instructed Oranamia Richards, another one of our 'navvies'.

"Yes! I watch for the pretty birdie out the window. When I see it, I yell for you or Miss Morton." replied Starfire.

"No. You don't yell for us. You use your comm badge and you trill us, Star. You do not leave this room and you do not take your eyes off that window. I'll send Rio up with your dinner. There's a 'repper' beside you if you get hungry or thirsty. Just watch for that bird. No playing!" ordered Nami.

"Can I sit in one of the big chair thingys, Miss Richards?" shouted Starfire and Nami nodded.

"So long as you keep your eyes glued to that window, you can sit on the ceiling, Star." said Nami on her way back downstairs to the 'bridge'.

"Star knows what to watch for? (Nami nodded) Good. I just laid in our course. Keep an eye on the scanners. I don't like surprises. Remember that we are not able to 'cloak', kiddo." said Zoe.

"Darn it! Doesn't Z know that I'm a navvy not a scanny? Hi 'Whitey'. Does your mistress know you're up here? Better keep everything locked up and nailed down, guys. The 'swiper' is on the ! Did you feed this guy yet? Rep him up some 'Ruffalo Red' and he needs some water." said Nami and Rio picked up the little furball and carried him off to the break area.

"OK if I put us on 'George', Z?" asked Gene but Zoe replied in the negative.

"Unh unh, Gene. I haven't been this deep into the 'Baddies' in more than a year. No telling who's out this far. We may have to dodge in a hurry. I wish I knew what to make this thing look like to everybody out here." grumbled the chief navvy.

"Make 'Maggie' look like the 'Millenium Falcon', Honey. Nobody'll give us a second glance. They'll think we're just on a run o' the mill smugglin' run." drawled Han and Gene chuckled.

"He's absolutely right, Z. Use the 'chameleon circuit' and make it so. I'll authorize it. Ya do know how to do that, don't ya?" replied Gene Starwind.

"Does Trish know how to fly without a jet pack and rocket boots? Not to worry, guys. The 'Little Fellow' showed me the TARDISean ropes a long time ago. Let me see. Han, I need a pix or a vid of your ship. Can you pull one up on the vidscreens for me? Great! That's perfect.

"Now I simply use 'Maggie' to trace the outline and press this gizmo twice. Done! We now look like a flying junkheap. Only don't open the doors and take a look because we are at Warp 30 at the present time. Anyone want some java or tea, sodas or goodies? I have to use the facilities." said Zoe and everyone shouted their orders which she noted in her PDO unit.

"Any company out there, Pirate Girl?" asked Gene, yawing to avoid a small moon.

"Nope. Just clear space and scattered moons. You just missed that last one so watch it, sir." yawned Nami Richards. She wanted a nap but duty was duty. She wondered how Captain Luffy, Sanji, Soro, Ussop, Nico Robbie, Chopper and the Frankie Family were making out on the new ship back home.

It was going on to five long years since she had been unceremoniously yanked from there and dumped on the 3WA flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2' and into the arms of Legato Bluesummers that long ago night.

"Double dollar for 'em, kid?" whispered 'Derringer' Merrill Stryfe into Nami's ear, startling the Hell out of the poor girl.

"Huh? You scared me, Merrie! My thoughts? Feeling a little homesick was all." she replied.

"Worrying about the old gang, eh? I'm lucky. I have Vash, Nickie, Millie and Legato with me. Want me to spell you for awhile? You look tired, Pirate." asked Merrie and Nami smiled.

"Thanks, Merrie. I sure could use a breather. Nothing so far. Gene almost found a moon awhile back but now it looks pretty clear for the next hundred K kilos or so. Oh and I never have to worry about Luffy and the gang as long as they got Sanji and Soro along with 'em. I do wonder sometimes if they have found 'OnePiece' yet or if we ever will find it." yawned Nami and she stretched and stood.

"Thanks again. I'll be back after dinner. Want anything? I'll bring ya up a platter if you want." asked the Terran pirate, draping her jacket around her slim shoulders which hid her tattoos from sight.

"Nah. When you come back, I'll eat. Plenty of junk food here that somebody left for us. Have a nice rest and don' worry about me. I'm an old hand at scanning. Anything to keep me off the babysitting detail suits me just fine." laughed Merrie and she tossed her jacket on a small table and kicked off her heavy deck boots.

Meanwhile, Brill, Sil and I were poring over the vidmaps of 'Lazarus City', the closest town to us on 'Lexicol V'.

"Not too damned much here, Cap. Taverns, fences, pawn shops, malls and food courts for the most part. A few churches but they're all mostly deserted. These kind of guys and gals ain't got much need of religionin'. Revy would have a ball in Laz. No bounty hunter in his right mind will come anywhere near this place." said Brill. He ignited a cigarette and took a pull from his 'doctored' cocoa.

"So where do you suggest we start, Brill?" asked Mercury, helping himself to more chokkies from the huge box he had given me for my birthday.

"Here. The 'Drunken Spaceman' pub. Everyone in these parts eventually ends up there and it's a good place for gossip and all kinds of illicit and illegal activities. I'm sure glad that somebody had the moxie good sense to change this tub's outward appearance." said Brill.

"Amen to that! One thing you will not find in the 'Bad Lands' is a luxury space liner! That would be like carrying coals to Newcastle." replied Sil.

"I never heard that expression before, Sil. What does it mean?" I asked.

"Damned if I know, Al. I heard Dr Watson using it with Sherlock." answered the 'Mary Celeste's exec. I think that I have three execs on my 'Daedalus' and one of them was in command of her during our mission. I had left the Baron in charge.

"Then we will divide ourselves into teams of three and canvass the city. We all have our comm badges so keeping in touch with each other will be easy." I said. Both Sil and Brill looked at me like I was insane!

"You can't use those things in the 'Baddies', Cap. The comm relay signals will be a dead giveaway that you're coppers. Better for us to use those comlink earrings. Hope your 'Tardy' has some good disguises, Honey. These dudes can smell the law a 'lighty' away from it!" said a suddenly worried Brilliant Dynamite Neon.

"Plenty of spare clothing and gear from many different worlds and time eras, guys. The earrings are OK for us ladies but what about you boys?" I asked. I seem to have a bad habit of acting like a real moron it seems!

"Al, these toughs almost all wear earrings. Even I, on occasion, have worn them for adornment." chortled Mercury.

"The ones that don't can use the ink pens. I suggest that you leave the toys behind as well." said Brill, placing my PDO unit on the table.

"They'll be lost without those things, Brill. You sure they'll have to go without 'em?" asked Sil.

"These fellas are old-fashioned, Sil. They hate progress. I doubt if you'd find anything like that thing anywhere within eighty 'lightys' of Laz City. They stay right here aboard 'Maggie' and that is final, Commander." said Brill.

"Weapons?" I said and bit my tongue.

"Sure. No ion cannons, stasis guns, laser swords or anything else that is standard issue for your cops. Disruptors and blasters and plasma rifles are the norm around these parts. Oh and he stays behind as well, Cap. Are you part of the away teams, Suba Prydonia?" replied Brill.

"Well, I always wanted to explore these infamous 'Bad Lands', gentlemen. (Brill shook his head) No? OK, I'll stay here and direct operations." I said morosely. I was not having any fun at all on my first mission.

"Don't fret, kiddo. I'll tell ya all about it when we bring Azarog back." joked Sil. Brill again shook his head.

"You can play ops director with her, Lt. You'd give away the whole damned game!" snapped Brill.

"Whom do you suggest I send, Mr Neon, sir?" I snapped back at him.

"For starters, me, my 'Lads', Solo, Starwind and the two demons. Your ladies would be a distraction. A hindrance rather than a help. Look! You damned well asked me for my advice, Missy P.! Do you want it or not?" roared Brill angrily and I caved in. A good leader knows when to listen and when to agree. 'Grandfather' told me that many years ago.

"Fine. You, one of your 'Lads' and 'Dog Boy' will be one team. Starwind, another of your lads and Wolfie will be a second. Solo and two of your lads will be the third. Wolfie and Dog Boy will not wear jewelry and I doubt if Mr Solo and Mr Starwind will either. I suppose that you and your 'Bad Lads' have no such objections, Brill?

"OK. Each of you will be equipped with a 'scouter' tracking device so we will know where every man on every team is at all times while you are off of my 'Maggie'. Make a quick sweep of the town and then report back here. Then we will move on to our next destination. Understood?" I ordered and they both nodded their heads.

"Questions?" I added.

"Just one, Princess. If your 'Tardy's staying on Seti, how are we supposed to get to Lexy Five?" asked Brill with a grin on his face.

That was a good one! Sure I could use my 'transmat beams' to drop them off but only Gallis used the darn things and only intergalactic patrols and the like used 'transporters'. I had not thought of bringing along any sky cycles or sky sleds. I did not even have an air car or a speeder aboard my TARDIS!

"Why not use one of the shuttles I repped up yesterday, Brill? Once you touch down, you can 'cloak' it and separate into teams. In a pinch, we could 'tractor' it back aboard 'Maggie' if there's any trouble over there." said Sil. Bless him! He came to my rescue in the nick of time- again!

"Then that is all settled, gentlemen? Good. Ah! I see that it is almost time for dinner. Please advise the teams and have them report to the docking bays at 1800 hours (6 PM) tomorrow evening. Sil will hve the shuttle prepped and awaiting them.

"Captain Neon will take charge of the three teams and command one of them. Colonel Starwind and General Solo will be the other two team leaders. Sil and Buzz will show you our wardrobe rooms. Integra will issue you all either comlink earrings or pens. Time for dinner. See you down in the dining room, gentlemen. Dismissed." I said and my two guests left for the dining room.

I was steamed but I understood why Brill and Sil had both nixed my going along with any of the teams. As Commander, my place was here directing the show, not down there endangering the mission!

OK. We 'Gallis' are trained in self defense but unarmed combat self defense. We are not taught the use of weapons unless we are chosen for the Imperial Guard. Down there I would be more of a hindrance than a help. How right Brill had been! I knew nothing of blasters, disruptors, laser swords, ion cannons and the like. I could not even wield a stasis gun correctly.

I sighed and slowly walked down the gantryway staircase to the dining rooms. I came in by way of the kitchens to avoid the inevitable 'Ten Hutt!' jazz. I succeeded and I chose a small table near the kitchens.

"Good evening, mum! Want a menu?" asked Winry Rockabelle a mite loudly and I signed to her to keep her voice down. I was lucky that nobody had heard her or if they had, they gave no signs.

"Menu? Since when do we have those, Winnie?" I asked. She reached above and behind me and tapped a panel on the wall. Instantly my table was alive with menu suggestions and pictures.

"Mr Rock (Obajime. He was some sort of computer teacher but he was back at the Academy or so I had been led to believe.) set it up for us. He's traveling 'in-cog-ni-to' so I ain't supposed to tell nobody, see? You won't tell, will ya? (I shook my head). Good. Just tap whatever ya want and the Grans will cook it up for ya. Then I'll bring it to ya, mum." replied Winry.

I chose Beef Wellington, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas and carrots, onion soup and minty mocha java. For dessert, I chose apple pie a la mode because it sounded suave. OK! I found out all a la mode meant was with ice cream on top! Still it was scrumptious and everything was very delish. Learned that word from Rio.

I managed to slip out through the kitchens unnoticed and went to the 'star room' where Mark Gordon insisted that I take his chair since all the others were occupied by the 'ice road brigade' and I accepted graciously.

His 'Angel' pal Jonny Smith was standing by the 'window' and staring thoughtfully out into space.

"A 'souchez' for them, Jon." I joked.

"Huh? Oh, is that what you Gallis call a penny? My thoughts? I was just thinking that somewhere out there is my Boss's domain- Heaven with the Peraly Gates and the Big Book and all. Wonder how far we are from it?" he replied wistfully.

"It ain't in yer 'Galactic Compendium' book thing either, Princess. I know 'cause I checked!" said Mark and I giggled.

"You probably did not have the proper permissions, Mr Gordon. Only senior level time lords are permitted to know certain locations in the Universes and I suppose that 'Heaven' is one of those places." I answered and then I shook my head at Mark.

"Do not look to me for assistance, sir. I am only a 'junior' Councillor and nowhere close to the required age minimum requirement of 600 years! Golly! I only just turned 130, guys!" I laughed.

"She's got you beaten by a mile, Jonathan!" chuckled Mark while Jonny frowned.

"I do wish that you'd stop telling everyone how old I am, Mark. After all, I don't go around telling anyone that you're a long since retired police officer from the Oakland Police Dept., do I?" growled the 'Angel' and in the next breath, he apologized for his anger.

"I'm sorry, Mark. Those remarks were uncalled for, dear friend. Please accept my apology? I beg your pardon as well, ma'am. I must remember my place. You are my CO and Mark's." he replied.

"Forget it, pal o' mine. I get steamed up sometimes too." said Mark.

"You probably are not getting angry, Jon. As we penetrate further into the 'Bad Lands', human emotions are affected. We Gallis are trained to control our emotions same as our 'cousins', the Vulcans. That is why I have not been affected. Please understand any emotional outbreaks in the rest of the guys and ladies. They cannot help it, you see." I explained and they both assured me that they would help as much as they could.

"Princess? Jonathan is, well, he's sort of already dead so how come-" asked Mark who was embarrassed by his question.

"The 'Baddies' affect all humans, the quick and the dead. Our soul reapers aboard are all deceased. Did you not know this?" I replied.

"Is there anyone normal on this tin can?" shouted Mark and everyone in the room was staring at us.

"Depends on what ya mean by 'normal', Gordon. We drove ice roads on Earth once upon a time. Now we drive space trucks instead. Hey! Couldn't help overhearing that bit about Jon's 'Heaven'. Wonder if Alex can find out for ya? He's a minister. Hey! Somebody grab my beer before Rick does!" yelled Hugh the 'Polar Bear' ice roader.

I do not know how many times I have told those guys that they can 'rep up' whatever they want. Somehow most of them did not get the message as you might say.

I reached below our 'window' and 'tuned in' my view to 100K magnification. I pointed to a tiny speck of yellow far off to the right.

"That is our destination. It is the moon 'Seti'. We will use it as a base of operations. We will send the teams over to 'Lexicol V' using skysleds and skycycles. (I yawned). I think I will retire to my rooms. Good night to all of you. Pleasant dreams." I said and I went down to my own cabin.

"OK. OK. I will feed you, 'Whitey'. Stop jumping all over me." I soothed my puppy and fed him some meat and dry cereal. Then I refilled his bowl with fresh milk. He gobbled and slurped happily while I sat down to watch some vidTV. I tuned into the 'Citadel' News Channel (CNC) from my own home world.

I was curious as to whether there was anything new about Azarog. There was! I increased the volume level and almost fell into the set!

"Acting Lord President Barusa has cautioned all citizens in and around the 'Citadel' to be extremely careful because the suspected rogue time lord, Lord Azarog, has been reported to be in the general area. Exercise extreme caution. If you spot this miscreant, please vidcell relay the station at '417 CNC', Extender 'xxxp'. Your identity will be protected and this is guaranteed by the 'High Council'. Azarog is wanted on several charges including-"

So! What the Dickens was Azarog doing back on 'Galli'? I wondered. I grabbed my vidcellphone and tapped out keys furiously.

"Hello? Whom is speaking please? I am very sorry, Madam Prydonia but it is against galactic law to allow ordinary citizens to speak to anyone in the 'Citadel'. Well! I never- If you will control yourself, Madam, I will inquire about Ensign Galaxina's wishes. Perhaps she will agree to speak to you. Please hold the relay line for a moment."

I listened to 'Wayward Wind' song lyrics sung by Lanny Annie, one of our newer pop stars until-

"Madam? Are you still there? Fine. Her Ladyship has agreed to speak with you. One moment, please." If I were of a temper akin to our Boss Lady's, I would have told Miss Fancy Drawers, our galactic relay operations clerk where to go and what to do on her arrival there!

"Yes? Who is this and what the Sam Hell do you want? Calling me at this hour! You need to have your brain examined dammit!" yelped Galaxy and I realized that back at the 'Cit', it was close to 3 in the morning! No wonder the ops clerk was so grumpy and Galaxy had asked not to be disturbed!

"I apologize for awakening you, Galaxy but I needed some information and I knew that if anyone had the real dope, pardon me, data is what I meant to say. In any case, you would know if anyone did." I said.

"OK. OK. What kind of 'dope' as you call it do you want, Alley? Lemme get a stylus and a fresh wax board! Damn! Knocked the illuminator thing on the floor! OK. Got it. Shoot! Unh huh. Yeah. Sure. OK. I'll check in the morning but I'm almost certain that it's all newspape hype. Nah. If that nutcase had've been spotted this close to the old geezers (High Councillors) digs, they would've evacuated the 'Cit' for sure! OK! Lemme get some clothes on, will ya! I know the 'Cit' files are open 37-9 (Gallifreyan days are 37 hours long and our weeks have 9 days.) so I'll drive down there and check this out for ya. Leave yer relay lines open. Huh? Why? Look Stupidass, you get paid a lot more than me! If I comm relay you back, I have to pay the freight and if you comm me back, I get charged half the freight! If the link stays open, you get to pay the piper entirely and not me! Oh and don't go to sleep on me, Al!" said my old school chum.

From the curses, crashes and the like, I figured that Galaxy was getting dressed, running down to the docks and claiming her holocar. Then she was speeding half way across town to our records centre and finding out what was what about Azarog. I waited with baited breath.

"You still there, Al? OK. Here 'tis. The CNC was ordered by the High Council of Gallifrey not to panic the citizens of the 'Citadel' because there is absolutely no basis in fact of the suspect Azarog being anywhere on Gallifrey.

"Of course, you know those idiots at CNC, Honey! They went ahead and released it anyway! Aha! Here's the last 'dope' on Azzy. 'Suspect spotted at 'Angel & Demon' pub in Lazarus City.' Hey! Ain't that place somewheres in the 'Baddies'? Huh? Lemme see.

"Looks like it's dated from yesterday. Yesterday, 'Cit' time. Dunno what that is on 'Lexy 5', Cat. Huh? Sure. Of course I'll ask Virgie to step up the patrols around the 'Cit'. Will he listen to me? Well, he was your date at prom, not mine! OK! Dammit all! I'll ask him! Anything else, Dumbass? Sorry! I meant to say 'Dumbass, mum.' OK! I do have to be at my desk by 0700 and that's like less than four hours away! If I get docked for this, Missy!

"Fine. You do that, Madam Liaison! Don't forget to comm relay Commodore Irondrawers (Lord O'Casey ws Galaxy's CO at the 'Cit' and a stern taskmaster who would make Simon LeGree look like Mother Goose!) and tell him that you think he should gimme a day off next week and a nice long weekend too!

"Does a Suba (Subaltern was my ranking.) outrank a Commodore, Al?" asked Galaxy with a yawn and I heard more swearing but not from her! I realized that Galaxy was comm relaying while flying, a no no even in the 23rd Century on Gallifrey!

"No but I'm also an acting Brigadier and a acting brig outranks a sitting commodore, Hon. I gotta get some sleep myself. Thanks a lot, Galaxy and I owe you one for this." I said.

"You mean you owe me another one, girl! Remember when I took the heat for that time you cracked up 'Gramps's brand new air speeder? Catch ya later, kiddo. Gotta comm off before that patroller catches me! Bye." said Galaxy and I made a mental note to suggest that Galaxy be promoted to Warrant Officer 5 next quarter. I would have to call 'Old irondrawers' tomorrow too.

I smiled to myself. 'Old Irondrawers' and the 'Boss Lady' O'Halloran would make a good pair! I then admonished myself for having such wicked thoughts about my superiors!

I picked up my 'Princess' style vidphone and comm relayed to Brill Neon. From the cracks and snaps coming over the line, Brill was shooting pool with someone. There was a volley of curses before he came onto the line.

"Yeah? Who is it, dammit? Huh? Oh, it's you, ma'am. Afraid there ain't anything more I can add to what I already told you and Sil but- What? Oh, you do, huh? Where? Yo! Shut up, guys! I can't hear the Princess! Thanks.

"Repeat that, Love. The 'Angel & Demon Pub' in Laz City? How tough a guy is this Azarog fella? Why? Because the 'A&D' is one of the roughest Hellholes in town, that's why. Nobody in their right mind will go anywhere near that place if they ain't known there unless they got a death wish, Honey!

"You have personal knowledge that he was last spotted in that place? For sure? For certin sure? Well, OK. However, GNN (Galactic News Network) is sayin' that he was last spotted near old Rathie's Tower on your home world, Lovey.

"Huh? OK. I'll meet you and Sil on the bridge tomorrow at 0600. Yeah, I know that's 6 o'clock in the morning, Princess. OK! I'll make this next drink my last one for tonight. I won't oversleep! Fine. I'll bring the teams with me.

"Level with me, Love. Are you really a member of the Galli 'High Council'? Yeah? The youngest ever? Really? 130? Honey, ya don't look a day over 90! Me? A little older than my toes and somewhat older than my teeth, Lovey. See ya, Boss Girl. 'Night. Neon out."

I said good night to a dead comm relay line and hung up the vidphone just as a crash came from my kitchenette followed by 'Whitey' racing for my bedroom!

"What did you do out there, boy?" I yelped to his retreating form. I walked into the other room and fell over something, banging my shins painfully.

"Niki! Switch on kitchenette illuminators, please!" I said and the room was flooded with light. I looked down at the pile of food boxes on the floor. I couldn't have barked my shins on those soft packets. Then I saw the overturned tureen of homemade tomato soup that Starfire had made for me yesterday!

I had taken one taste and set it on the counter and forgotten about it. Unfortunately, it was sitting in front of the big box of 'Woofy Treats' whose contents were scattered all over the floor!

Starfire's soup making method was simple. For tomato soup, one simply poured ketchup into a pot and added everything in sight including whatever liquids were around the place! Then one simply blasted it with energy in the oven which had been pre-heated to 600 Fahrenheit!

The result? A mess in the oven, the kitchens, an unpalatable concoction guaranteed to make you sicker than you were before you asked for the soup not to mention the blue murder shrieks from the Grannies when they saw their kitches afterwards!

The edge of the tureen pot, which was made of Kelvinite like everything else in the 3WA it seemed, was as sharp and keen as Senor Zorro's Toledo blade! Guess what my shins had hit hard on the way to the floor?

I was bleeding from a deep cut below the knee on each of my shins! I tried to stand and the pain was excruciating! I whimpered, then I sobbed and cried until finally I tried to stand up.

"Someone help me please? Help! Medic! Doctor? Mike? Dixie! #1! Ouch! Oh Auntie Vanna's bloomers, that hurts! Can anyone hear me?" I screeched to high heavens. I forgot that I was wearing a comm badge with a built-in vidmike!

Naturally, those were far from being the first exclamations that cane from my mouth but darn it all, even a time lady can be excused for swearing and cursing when she is in such terrible pain?

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Gadzooks! When will these people realize that portals have klaxons on them?

"Yo! Alley Cat! Open the damned bloody door already! OK! We're comin' in, Honey! Hey Wolf! Help me to bust this door down! One. Two. Three-" howled InuYasha and I tossed a can of something at the portal's release panel just as the two demonic forces burst into my sitting room's foyer.

They were followed by Kagome, Dixie, Mike, all the Doctors and his companions. Last to arrive were Mercury and Brill. Then while Dr Morton conferred with #2 to #4, #1, Kagome and Dixie rushed to my side and slapped dishtowels onto both of my legs.

"Keep pressure on these compresses, guys. You take the left leg, Wolfie and Dog Boy take the right one. Lots of pressure! We have got to stop this bleeding!" shouted Nurse McCall.

Obediently, Kouga sat on my left leg while InuYasha plopped down onto my right leg! The aether was blue for a week with the words I uttered over the next few minutes.

Then a strange looking pink-headed Ninja girl rushed in with Naruto. She placed her hands just above my still bleeding legs and then she pressed down on both shins as hard as she could!

I screamed the house down. I swear I saw a strange greenish light emanating from the child's gloved fingertips and then I passed out!

I found out later that Dr Morton had hit me with an autohypo charged with a few hundred cc's of 'Axileine 30', a powerful pain killer and sedative. Then #1, bless him, wrapped both of my now bare legs with some sort of medicinal bandages that speed up the healing processes.

Wounds heal very quickly in space but you also lose blood faster and can easily bleed out all of your life's blood in a few seconds!

For me, a Gallifreyan time lady who had yet to use her first of a dozen 'regenns', death would merely have been a new life cycle starting much earlier than the norm for my race. For others, death would mean the end forever!

I was grateful that I had been found in time and although I did miss moonfall in the morning, I was able to brief my away teams and wish them well. 'Whitey' was allowed to visit me in sick bay after Dixie and Mike had put away anything that could be swiped!

He jumped onto the bunk and licked my face. Guess he was saying sorry for the mess he had caused. The cleaner 'droids would clean up the mess anyhow. When Starfire heard that her soup had caused the incident, she insisted on making me up another batch!

Winry convinced her to 'rep' it rather than cook it this time and she helped the alien girl from 'Teen Titan' to prepare this tomato soup for me and it was very good indeed. Starfire had 'repped up' so much that the whole crew had tomato soup for their luncheons that day!

#1 Doctor insisted on checking on my progress and he announced that I would be 'all healed up admirably well' by next morning.

"My dear young lady. Why did you not simply stop the flow of blood to and from one of your hearts? That would have saved you considerable pain and suffering. You know we almost lost you when those two idiotic demonic creatures sat on your poor legs.

"However, thanks to my own quick thinking, we were able to save your life, my dear Allison. Well, I must be going now, my dear. I cannot be dilly dallying here all day. Are you going to stay in bed all day? Get Miss McCall to take you up to the star room where you will have a lovely view of this moon. As your doctor, that is my diagnosis." said #1 and I smiled at him.

"Pardon me, Doctor but the Commander is my patient, not yours, sir. I think she will need six weeks of bed rest and then we can begin her physical rehabilitation. She may even be up and walking on her own in less than a year." said Dr Mike Morton who just did not seem to understand the vast difference betwixt Terran medicine and medicine out here in deep space on other worlds!

"Quite right, old timer! Princess Prydonia! Get out of that bunk and come with me for a run around the TARDIS immediately!" said a pumped up #2 the 'Little Fellow'.

"The 'Little Fellow' is quite right and so is 'Old Grand-Dad' here. A nice relaxing swim in a pool on your holodecks is just the ticket. Jo and Vickie will take you there." said #4. Why he did not trip over that long scarf of his I will never know!

In turn, #5 through #7 Doctors arrived, gave their own diagnoses and then begin squabbling and bickering until #3 showed up and told everybody that he had just discovered a leak in my new 'zero room'. That sent the lot of 'em racing off to deal with the problem.

I made as if to rise before the pain hit me! #3 gently eased me back onto the bunk and sponged my face with cool water.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with your 'zero room', Allison. I merely thought that you looked as if you needed rescuing from all of those mother hens! Sorry, my dear but it was all i could think of on the spur of the moment." he chuckled and I giggled as well.

"There! You see? You are feeling better already, Cousin. Hmnn. Almost lunchtime. After lunch, I think a turn around the decks might be OK for you. In an anti-grav chair of course. While it is true that wounds heal more quickly up here than on a world's surface, wounds inside a Type 40 or a Mark IV TARDIS do take a bit longer, you know. Now, you eat up that tomato soup and drink your tea. Doctor's orders. I must hurry before they run out of that delightful soup." he said and he was gone.

I giggled when I thought of him hurrying not to miss his delightful soup! We would all probably be eating that stuff for the duration of the mission and on the way back home to Galli on my 'Daedalus'. We might even have some by the time we reached Alderaan!

Then Starfire and Miss Rockabelle would 'rep up' more for the voyage to my new home on Shimougou! Dixie brought me more tea and soup. Then she checked my bandages. She smiled and bathed my face again with cool water.

"Dix? (She hurried to my bedside.) How many stitches, I mean sutures did it take? Will there be any scars? Will I ever-" I began and then I started to whimper and whine like 'Whitey' I am sad to have to say.

"Damnedest thing I ever saw, Princess! That mumbo jumbo of Pink's coupled with the amazing healing powers of those magical bandages of Grand-Dad's and Dix's own quick thinking in getting direct pressure (I grimaced when I remembered how that had been accomplished!) on the lacerations did the trick.

"I didn't need to put any sutures or stitches into either leg. Grand-Dad and Miss Pink assured us that you would have no scars and everyone aboard says that you will be walking about unassisted by tomorrow! I will believe anything now! I doubt if Kell (Dr Kelly Bracken was his and Dixie's boss back home on Terra) would though! This soup is delish! Take over, Dix. I am going down to lunch!" said Mike Morton whose bedside manner was improving by leaps and bounds ever since he and Dixie had been catapulted from 20th Century Terran Los Angeles into the 23rd Century aboard the Boss lady's flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2'.

I slept for awhile and then Starfire showed up and insisted on helping me to get dressed. She bawled all during my shower, dressing and didn' stop crying even after she and Rio had managed to manhandle me into a floating anti-grav chair unit.

Why? Because I wanted a last check on the bridge crew and a last look out the star window at Seti. Tomorrow I fully intended on taking 'Maggie' to 'Lexicol V' and parking her in the seedy pub district of 'Lazarus City'.

'Maggie's Place' public house with a 'Closed for Alterations' sign on its door would discourage anyone from trying to enter my TARDIS I reasoned. Of course I had not mentioned these plans to anyone aboard. If the Doctor found out, they would certainly try to dissuade me from such a 'foolhardy action' so I was taking no chances.

The bridge crew were relieved as were the scanners and navvies when I finally bade them good night and took my leave of them. Although it was very late or very early depending on one's preferences, there was still a full house in my star room!

Mark, Joe, Billy and Sherlock were swapping 'whoppers' about crimes they had solved when I came in. My anti-grav unit bumped into the outstretched leg of poor Dr Watson causing the poor dear to involuntarily kick Jonathan Smith in the small of his back.

"Easy there, Doc. Maybe I am already dead but I get twinges every now and them." chuckled ou resident Angel while the good doctor hastened to apologize. Then he noticed me.

"Your pardon, Milady. I should not have had my leg blocking the door. How are you feeling, my dear? Any more pain? I say! Holmes, a cuppa for the Commander. Allow me to trundle you to the window, my dear girl. There. Let me tuck this traveling blanket around you. Better?" said the good doctor.

"Fine. Please do not fuss over me so much, sir. Thank you, Sher. No more pain but I can feel that 'Ax 30' starting to kick in so I'll just finish my java and go to bed, gentlemen. You do understand that although we will be sending out away teams, none of you will be accompanying them?

"Brill will be in charge and I allowed him to choose his own teams. A bit rough in these 'Bad Lands', guys. I promise that we will stop off at 'Kagura' on our way home from Kurestan and everyone will be given, I believe the word is 'liberty'? (Joe Friday nodded) Anyway, thank you for understanding. That was delicious and quite satisfying, Sher.

"Now I am feeling a bit sleepy so I will bid you all good night. I just cannot seem to keep my eyes open." I yawned and Sherlock and Dr Watson insisted on accompanying me back to my cabin.

"Then there was the time I caught a bank robber in Oakland single-handedly-" boasted Mark Gordon as I left the others to their smoking, drinking and bragging.

"Did I ever tell you how Holmes and I once saved Queen Victoria from a very embarrassing situation-" said the good doctor and he launched into a long droll story but I dropped off to sleep I fear.

Apparently, the two Victorian gentlemen had trundled me home and then tucked me into my bunk. When I awakened next morning, 'Whitey' was snoring on my tummy. I stretched and gingerly tested my equilibrium by planting my feet onto the deck keeping a firm grip on the bunk rail.

"Already up, Alley? I scooted up here to warn you that Starfire's cooking breakfast for you. If I were you, mum, I'd get dressed and beat a retreat to the bridge. I'll bring you some real breakfast. How ya feelin', Cap?" said Sister Trish who was fluttering or orbiting my bunk.

"Good idea, kiddo. Thank you for the warning. Now clear out so I can get dressed. OK? I'll be back as soon as the teams leave. Then I have something else to do. Thanks again." I said and our resident 'flying nun' swooped down the hallway.

I wasted no time in kitting myself out in my flight togs. I slid my feet into deck boots and began to jog down the hallway. I spotted Dr Mike who was frowning at me and I quickly slowed down to a fast walk. I took the lift up to my bridge and I was just in time to catch the last of the three teams before they left on a skysled.

"Brill and Han's teams are already on their way, Al. Now I'm off. Have a nice rest, kid. I'll comm relay as often as I can. Hopefully we'll find Azarog today. I sure as Hell don't like hangin' around these 'Baddies' any longer than is absolutely necessary.

"I know what you're thinkin', Princess. My advice is don't do it. Sure, ya could disguise 'Maggie' like a pub or a tavern. Sure ya could hang out a 'Closed for Repairs' sign on the door but that would be an open invite to heist the place! Those brigands will steal anything!

"If Azzy's around and he spots a couple of yeggs who are unable to bust into a closed up pub, well, he is a time lord, ain't he, Sweetie? He'll put 2 and 2 together and you'll come up trumps and Bob's yer uncle! So stay put, Honey!" warned Gene Starwind.

"We goin' today or not, Pops?" yelled the 'Bad Lad' gang member who was piloting Gene's skysled. Gene saluted me. I returned his salute and he hopped into the craft and snapped shut the roof. Then off they roared for 'Lexi 5' and 'Laz City'.

"Good luck, sir. Come back safely." I breathed and I slowly walked down the gantryway stairs to the dining room. My legs, however, felt just great. When I had awakened this morning, I had carefully examined my legs for scar tissue or marks and they were both clean!

I knew I was going to catch Hell from the Doctors, Dr Mike, Dixie and the rest of the gang for pulling off the bandages but Hell! I was the Commander and I can do whatever I darned well please. Right? Suddenly my musings were interrupted.

"If you say so, Love. It is your vessel." chuckled Zoe. I was in shock until i recalled that the Plutonian navigator girl was also a Beta Zoid! In other words, a mind reader!

END of Chapter 1. Chapter 2 'Bad Patient' or 'Rogue's Gallery' coming soon. Have a nice and safe holiday season, my dear friends!- Alley & your friendship team.