Hi everyone, I don't own any of this blah blah ... you know the story, anyway I haven't been writing much cos I was away but here it is and another one will be coming soon. Thanks to my beta reader JazziePerson and take a look at her Torchwood stories.

Friends - The One with the Eye Patch

(Set around series 3, Chandler is in his flat reading on the arm of a chair when Joey bursts in)

Joey: Kiss me!

(Chandler falls over the back of his chair)

Chandler: (getting up) W-hat!

Joey: I've got an audition for a major play and I need practice, urgently.

Chandler: (retreating) Not on me you don't!

Joey: Come on!

(He walks forward, Chandler throws the book at him then picks up the duck and makes it flap in Joeys face)

Chandler: Attack! Attack the crazy actor!

Joey: I need this part!

Chandler: Kiss the duck.

Joey: But it's got a beak.

Chandler: You're gonna get a fist from me.

Joey: (taking the duck) Okay.

Chandler: You know that can be classed as cruelty to animals.

(Joey lifts the duck to his face)

Chandler: You depress, confuse and disturb me.

Duck: (terrified) Quaaaack!

(Joey leans forward to the duck which promptly pecks him in the eye and he falls backward)

Chandler: I still feel more sorry for the duck.

(The scene changes to all the friends except Joey and Rachel sitting in Monica's living room playing cards)

Phoebe: Four Aces! I win!

Ross: Well done Phebes, but this is snap.

Phoebe: Oh, well this is boring, can we do something else?

Monica: No! I'm winning!

Ross: Only cause you smash peoples hand into the table.

Chandler: Yeah, there's a hand shaped hole in the table where you last smashed me.

Monica: Wuss.

(Ross gets up to put the cards away)

Monica: No! The cards go in the game draw.

Ross: (putting on a dramatic voice) Oh Yes! And if the cards go in the wrong draw, or one mug is a centimetre off its allocated space then the world will descend to chaos and disorder!

Phoebe: That's what we could do! Impressions!

Monica: (vengefully) Ok then, Guess who this is: (she does a slow drawling voice) Hi, I'mmmm o-ver pro-nou-nci-ng e-ver-yyyyyy wwwworddd.

Chandler: I'm no genius, but I'm guessing that's Ross.

Phoebe: Oooh! I have one! (Putting on a sarcastic voice) Could I BE anymore sarcastic?

Ross: Ha!

Chandler: Well if that's the way it is, (High Voice like Phoebe's and flapping his hands) Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! If I stop ooohing I might say something! Oooh!

Phoebe: Okay, that was the worst version of Joey I've ever heard.

Chandler: No Phebes that was y-

Phoebe: No, Joey is more like this. How you doin'!

(Joey walks in holding a newspaper up over his face)

Phoebe: We weren't talking about anyone especially you, I admit nothing!

Chandler: How'd the doctor go?

Joey: (Still holding the newspaper up) I'm gonna be fine, and after giving me a long speech about not messing with poultry he, well –

Ross: What?

Joey: You have to promise you won't laugh.

Chandler: Okay.

(Joey pulls down the paper to reveal an eye patch; all the friends bite their fists to stop laughter)

Joey: Okay, you can laugh a little.

(They all explode with giggles)

Phoebe: Arr! Joey, come aboard the good ship sofa!

Monica: Wow Joey, spray paint the duck and you can have a parrot.

Joey: Enough with the pirate jokes.

Chandler: Or what? We'll end up in Davey Jones locker!

(Rachel walks in, looks at Joey looks as if she's about to say something and then just giggles and sits down)

Monica: Joey, did you get the movie tickets for us all?

Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: Did you pay in doubloons?

Ross: We should probably go.

Phoebe Yeah, should I get the cab or will Joey take us in his boat?