Only For You I Will Suffer
I stared in the mirror as, a girl from my past stared back. I hated seeing myself like this, I had promised myself I would never have to ever again, but here I was, staring gravely at my uniform and the Soviet Union flag that rested over my breast pocket.
The restart of the Soviet Union was not my idea, but Russia and Belarus'. While to me it had seemed that over the years Russia had smooth things over with the rest of the world, however, it seemed his feelings were not completely done. It was a G8 meeting that was the final blow to Russia. Ivan, had always been a cheerful man, even when he was angry, which got really creepy, but I saw something that was sight so rare, that at first I thought it was not true. Ivan came home, his face twisted in intense anger, his smile gone and his scarf missing from his neck.
"I am going to kill that America!" he shouted. "I will kill him and all those around him! I will make this world perfect, the way I want it…one day!" He slumped in to his chair, his face falling in to his hands. "But how, they will not listen to me, they will not hear me, I will forever be the villain Soviet Russia, they will always see me from my past!"
I looked back at him. "Vanya, what is wrong," I said watching him from the couch as he gripped his platinum hair between his tight fingers. Belarus left the place where she was sitting next to me on the couch and walked over and put her hand on his shoulder.
"Those stupid members of the G8, I try and try to communicate with them, I try to be friends with them, but they are afraid of me, they don't trust me. I want to have a perfect world, a peaceful world, just like any of them, but they will not listen to my ideas. They ignore me, because they don't think I am capable of making peace, they would rather hear what that stupid American has to say! Why is that guy so annoying? I know he calls himself a hero, but who does he really save by getting into everyone's situations, and sticking his noise where he doesn't belong, that is not a hero, that is a nuisance, he is nothing more than a buzzing fly, one that I am determined to stop," he said completely enraged. His anger scared me a bit as he spoke of hurting America, recently America and I have become friends, and I had also become really close to, Matvey, America's brother, we even had special relations between both of our countries. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing them hurt at my brother's hand.
"If they do not believe in you, brother, then you must prove it to them, and make this perfect world that you seek," Natalya told him, rubbing his back trying to comfort him.
"But how," Ivan asked. "I cannot do it alone. If I want a chance in making the world perfect I must first acquire the world, and no one can conquer the world on his own." His voice sounded hopeless, but his words had me concerned. I felt that my brother may have the wrong idea about making the world a perfect place under his rule, what he may consider perfect may be the opposite to other people. World conquest did not seem like the right answer, but I kept quiet not wanting to increase my brother's anger.
"You have us, your sisters, not to mention those damn Baltic States, and if you were able to obtain Lithuania, Poland would not be much harder to get as well, that damn fool seems to have some odd attachment to Lithuania, and without him, he is nothing more than an idiot, with that we can restart the Soviet Union, we can show those ally bastards just how scary we could have been so long ago, and then take the world for ours." Belarus said. I scared me how animated she got, Ivan and her used to talk about restarting the Soviet Union for a couple of years now, but have made no real progress, but it seemed that today they words were more serious, I could feel it in my gut, this was actually going to happen, they were actually going to do it.
"Really, you two will help me," Russia said he picked his head up and his anger left his face, there was the same happy smile that he always wore, and a hopeful shine resting in his lavender eyes. I stared back not sure what to say. I had not liked being in the Soviet Union the first time. In fact it scared me to see how many people we hurt, which was why I was one of the first people to leave the Soviet Union, at the beginning of its dissolution. I never really wanted to go back to that, and had never been as eager to rebuild as say my sister, or my brother, but I felt reluctant to tell Ivan no, I did not want to break the excitement and hope that was in his eyes, I did not want him to be seen as a bad guy, but I knew that his plan would do that, as well as hurting my new friends, I knew who would be one of his first victims, and I just did not want to see that happen to…him.
"Of course I will help," Belarus said. "I cannot think of a more perfect time in my life than when we were together, as one." Belarus' eyes sparkled as she began to think of how close she was to having that. "And if you married me then we could be together every day, and my entire life could be perfect."
"Ukraine will help too, da?" Russia asked looking at me and ignoring our youngest sister. I felt the pressure on me increase as both of them stared at me intently, awaiting my answer, I couldn't tell them no and break the spirits of my sweet little siblings, as much as both of them could scare me at times.
"Uh," I said reluctantly, I tried to look away from their stares and get the words out but I just couldn't when I tried to tell them how I really felt, I just ended up blurting out "I don't know." I knew why I didn't just say yes, his face seemed to hang in mind as I thought of the attack we would lead against the world, and the many, many invasions.
Natalia laughed, and I felt a twinge of regret as I remembered that she was the only one that knew of my true feelings for the North American twins, I had told her, unable to keep the news to myself, though I don't know why I expected her to keep it a secret from Russia. She loved Russia; I doubted she would hide anything from Ivan, even if it meant that she would be throwing her own sister under the bus.
"The only reason why she won't join is because she is in love Canada. She told me herself," she said hugging Russia's arm and giving me a sly evil look, she knew I wanted to keep it a secret, but here she had knowingly betrayed me. I would never really understand her hatred for me, her sister. When she was younger she was not like this, she had loved me the best before, she even looked up to me, but now…now she hated me, and I had a feeling it had to do with her odd obsession with my brother. My eyes shifted to my brother, I had expected him to be angry at me, and to explode, to yell at me for betraying him and making friends with his enemies but he didn't get angry. Instead he slightly tilted his head and said "Canada? Who is Canada?" I had to fight the urge to either do a face palm, or to burst into a giggle fit, everyone seemed to forget who Matvey was, in the beginning I had even confused him and his brother, but after I started to develop feelings for him, I quickly learned how to tell the difference. Now without even hearing them speak I could tell the twins apart, from any distance.
"Vanya, Canada is America's brother!"Belarus shouted upset that her plan to get me trouble did not work, though she was the same way when it came to the twins at times, if the four of us ever hung out, which was extremely rare, she would continuously ask which twin was who.
"No, no, no," Russia said. "That is England!"
"No not him!" Natalia said frustrated as she was now arguing with him, "His other brother, his twin brother."
"What, no, Sealand and him look nothing alike," Russia said still confused. After a few minutes of arguing and Natalia nearly drawing out a picture for him, while going through the members England's family, Russia finally got it.
"Oh ok, the French one with the cute little polar bear," Ivan said recalling seeing him at the meetings, and even sitting on him once.
"Yes," I admitted. "That is him." I expected the delayed anger to come now that Russia had finally caught up, but instead he smiled, a happy look coming into his eyes.
"That is the man who holds my sister's heart?" he asked looking at me.
"Yes," I admitted again, confused. What was he getting at?
"And he is the reason you don't want to join?" he asked. "You are afraid of hurting him, da?" The hopeful sparkle returned to his eyes.
"Da," I answered still not following.
"But if there was a way that you could know that he would not get hurt then you would join, da?" he asked once again.
"Da, why what are you planning?" I asked tired of being confused. He hated America, and had just said he wanted to hurt America and the rest of his family, why was he not angry that I was in love with one the members of his family, why was he not yelling at me?
"I would like to make you an offer, then," he said. "I will not feel ok with attacking my big sister, it would hurt me after everything you have done for me, and I know that you will not want hurt this Canada guy, because you are in love with him, and I know that would hurt you, so how about this, if you join my union then I will not touch Canada, unless he tries to invade me directly. Then we will both be ok, da? You will not have to fight the one you love and I will not have to fight my sister."
I was still unsure what to do, I did not want to be tied down by this union once again, I wanted to be a free country, and I knew that would not be true with my brother, he could be very controlling at times, I did not give an answer for what seemed like years, but was mere minutes, then Russia spoke, trying to persuade me further.
"How about this then, either you join or Canada and America are the first targets on my list," he said the creepy dark smile now covering his lips.
"What?" I said now shocked. I felt the tears begin to make their way to my eyes; he was threatening me, had he not just said that he did not want to see me get hurt, then why was he attacking me like this? He knew I loved Canada, and he could see my reluctance with joining, why was he forcing this on me? Had he been lying when he said he cared? Did neither of my siblings really care for me?
He tried to look sorrowed and pained, but he couldn't hide the dark smile and evil look in his eyes. "I do not want to hurt you, but if this boy affects you so much then maybe I will have to get him out of the way, and then see how you feel about joining me." Natalia laughed at side, still hugging his arm, they both walked over to me, the two mirroring each other with the dark looks on their face, as they approached me, trying to get me to join, trying to get more land and power in their quest for this so called "perfect world". I knew their hearts were pure, I knew that their reasons for wanting this were good-hearted, but just the dark ways they wanted to carry it out, seem horrible. A perfect world should be achieved through love and happiness, not through guns and war. I knew it was wrong, but I also knew the possibility of what could happen if they were to try and take Canada and his land; he had the possibility of dying. Just like the Native American empires that Spain had killed so long ago, Canada could disappear into nothing more than just a memory. I knew it was selfish, and that I should have cared for the world more than him, but he was my world, I needed him, he was my heart and soul, my other half. I couldn't let his land disappear; I couldn't let him disappear into nothing but more Russia.
I sighed knowing that someday possibly in the near future, I would regret this idea entirely.
"Fine I will join," I said reluctantly.
Russia smiled genuinely happy.
"Yay," he said. Belarus looked up at him and saw that he was smiling and smiled as well. I was the only one who did not smile; I was the only one who really understood how grave this situation was.
"But…," I said calling their attention. "I want nothing to happen to Canada, if you even harm a hair on his head, I will not hesitate in joining their side, fighting against you." I tried to muster up some of the dark appearance that I had seen them perfect. I was not sure if it worked because Russia continued to smile, but Natalia looked at me suspiciously.
"I will do nothing to him, Systra, I promise," he said smiling happy at me. I turned away from them, trying to hide, my true fear, but after a few minutes I began to feel, guilty and hopeless knowing that I had sealed in the fates of my friends, and that they could now possibly die because of my brother. I got up from the couch, ignoring my siblings as they stared at me. I head for the door and quickly jumped into my car, I knew that seeing him would not make my guilt any better, but I had to. I need him to love me and comfort me. I needed a moment to be selfish before worrying about the well being of the rest of the world. I need to embrace him before he turned against me.
Alright a new story! Woo! This idea actually came into my mind a while ago and didn't seem to leave, so I decided to write it, though I am not sure where this story is headed, heh maybe I should have considered that before writing it but whatever. I'm sorry if I wrote Russia OOC I'm not really used to writing for Russia, but I tried to keep everyone in character as best I could. Also if you have read my other stories than you'll probably already know of my love of CanUkr, but if you have not then get ready to see a bunch of fluffy CanUkr scenes mixed in to this action packed story. And if you actually like CanUkr then check out some of my other stories *is shamelessly promoting herself and selling out* Also if you like the story (or if you didn't, I really don't mind Constructive criticism), or if you have a questions review, reviews (well good ones any way) inspire me to write more chapters! So if you want an update sooner rather than later then review!
