Hey, guys! This fan fiction is about Grant redeeming himself for Skye and the team after betraying them to HYDRA. The first two chapters will be set at the start of his recovery and then I'll skip ahead a couple of months to when he's not as 'consumed by his inner darkness'.
Enjoy, and don't forget to review! x
CHAPTER ONE: INNER DARKNESS
Grant
The darkness that had always lived inside of me was worse now, swirling like a swollen river after a heavy storm. Thoughts after thoughts tormented me and I wanted to lose myself in the darkness. After all, it was only what I deserved. I had betrayed my whole team. I had tried to kill Fitz and Simmons. I had hurt Skye, the only thing in the world I thought that I could care about.
So I hurled myself into the darkness, let it consume me like a never ending flood. I realised that I did not deserve to live, because I was a terrible, twisted monster. Only someone who had no soul would let Garrett access the darkness that had started with my brother: when I had allowed my own cowardice to overcome me.
I was a monster; I deserved to die.
They took everything sharp away from me, but all that achieved was for me to find other ways to make myself pay. I would bleed a thousand rivers, if only it would give me redemption.
And then one day, when I was motionless in my cell, my voice long dried up, my will broken and the only thing I was sure about was that I had to die, an angel came to me in the form of Skye.
Skye
Coulson and I walk down into Vault D and I see Grant sitting there, on a bed. He glances up briefly before dropping his eyes back to a single spot on the floor. Coulson and I sit down in front of the cell, watching him. I was not a fan of this at first, but I made a promise, a promise I intend to keep.
It's been a year since HYDRA rose and destroyed our group. A year since Ward betrayed us.
"Hello, Ward." Coulson starts. Ward doesn't react one bit. He's like a statue, frozen in time.
Inside, my feelings are a conflicted, choppy ocean. How do I feel about Grant Ward? I though it was hate, but seeing him here, so broken, makes something ache inside me. I squish it down firmly.
He tried to kill Fitzsimmons! I remind myself. And Fitz is still damaged from that coma. He might never be the same again.
"How are you?" Coulson asks. Ward doesn't move, not until Coulson stands up and approaches the cell wall, his hand on the wall. Ward flinches visibly, before he realises that Coulson can't get to him. I watch his face, trying to view it as a non personal issue. I can't let myself get caught up in the tangled world that is Grant Ward - whoever that really is.
"I only ask because I wanted to tell you that we won't be torturing you anymore." Coulson goes on. "We'll be keeping you in this cell from now on, giving you some therapy every day or so. We want you to recover, Ward. We - no, I, realise how when someone messes with your mind, it can...well, fuck you up."
I think of some of the tapes I've viewed, of Ward's torture. The waterboarding, the electro shocks, the physical torture, the mental mind games. It was sickening to watch, but Coulson insisted I put myself through that. If I truly meant what I meant. If I would help Ward redeem himself.
I don't know why I offered it. But I do know that this is something I have to do. I have to help Ward redeem himself, so I can redeem myself. So I can shut down the monster my father says I am, and embrace my new life in S.H.I.E.L.D.
"Why?" Ward raises his eyes from the floor, and they are cold and dead. It's almost scary how empty they are. Like all his will has been drawn out of him. His voice is raspy, no doubt from lack of use and May breaking his larynx. Coulson looks taken aback that he actually spoke. Because for the last 6 months, he hasn't uttered a word. Not even when they tortured him to hell and back.
"Why? Why are we helping you recover you mean?" Coulson asks, recovering fast from his shock. Ward nods, a short jerky movement. I see the tendons in neck go taut, and I wonder if they'll snap, they look that tightly strung.
"Because even though you betrayed us, I still want to believe in you. I still want to believe that you can be redeemed." Coulson replies honestly. Coulson really want to save Ward, I can tell. Maybe it's because of how broken he himself was after they brought him back from the dead, or maybe it's because Coulson's naturally compassionate. All I know is that May's going to fight him every step of the way.
Ward flips his arms over to show the underbelly of them, and stares at his wrists and the flesh there. I see in the stark light of the room the raised, criss cross pattern of scars, regular at first, and then irregular as they cut over his veins with vicious intent. I swallow drily, the marks horrifying me although I already knew he tried to kill himself. But seeing the scars there, so simplistic yet they are a monument to how far Ward went inside his own head. And not for the first time, I wonder if he can be saved. Sometimes, people are too far gone to be reached again, but nevertheless, I'm determined to try.
"I don't..." Ward clears his throat. "I don't want your help."
"What do you want then, Ward?" Coulson asks with precise intensity. Ward drops his eyes again.
"I want to be left alone." He whispers. And then I stand up, and Coulson and I leave him alone in the dark.
