He leaned in and she'd let him. They're lips collided hesitantly with each other, carefully and delicately, and his hands left the edge of the roof to cup her face gently. He teasingly traced the sides of her mask gingerly, as if one touch could shatter everything.
Then he got greedy, his teeth gently nipping her bottom lip, and she gasped, her mouth curling into a smile and she dived back into the pool of bliss. He shifted closer, his hands coming from her cool cheeks down to her back, hugging her closer. They could feel their warm breaths gently caressing their lips when they parted and their eyes remained closed as if they were scared to see what would be on the other side. His lips nudged hers once again, playfully, and she closed the gap between them.
It was more passionate and hungry, and they both drank each other's presence in. He felt the overwhelming emotion of joy and couldn't help but to grin. He felt her smile against his as well, and he wished, that this was the way things where, because he was finally happy.
She wasn't thinking when she traced his lip with her tongue, taunting him into another round of the dangerous game they were playing. He willingly obliged and pushed his body closer to hers, until they could feel the heat radiating from them both. Her hands slid up to his hair, gently tugging the blonde locks. Their noses barely touched when they turned their heads in unison, sucking in the cool, cloudless night.
In the back of his mind, there was a small voice screaming for him to stop. The fear of loosing her consumed his thoughts, and he pushed back into Ladybug, crashing his lips into hers sucking her bottom lip. Her hands trailed down from the back of his neck to his arms, clutching them and pulling him closer.
Something in her mind suddenly clicked and her fingers tightened over his forearms, forcefully removing them from his embrace. She scurried away from Chat Noir, as if being close to him was infecting her. His soft green eyes snapped open with surprise, and quickly replaced his joy with hurt. It stabbed him in the heart, and the feeling broke into his bloodstream, uninvited and a wave of agonizing pain flooded his insides.
"I-I," Ladybug breathed shakily, "we can't do this."
"Why?" Adrien croaked, desperation gently dripped into his mind, and the last piece of remaining hope he clung onto slipped away as he willingly welcomed desperation. Of course this wouldn't work out. Why would it?
Marinette's eyebrows furrowed, why can't they? "I don't know." She whispered. "What if something happens? What if this changes everything?"
"My lady, I am afraid everything is about to change." Adrien murmured. He shakily stood up; he could barely hold the tears that threatened to overfill his eyes. Adrien walked over to where Ladybug was sitting and offered a hand.
Marinette gripped Chat Noirs gloved hand gingerly; "I don't want them to Chat." She pulled herself up, not letting go of Chat's hand when she did.
"What if-" Adrien drew in an uneven breath, "What if this is good?" He didn't want to look at Ladybug. If he did, he wasn't sure if he could hold it together.
"What if it isn't Chat?" Marinette replied, a single tear slid down her cheek without her permission. "What if-"
"My lady-"
"Chat." Marinette was silently crying now, she refused to let her voice waver, "I can't loose you."
"I won't loose you." The firmness in Chats voiced forced Marinette's eyes to look up to him.
The stabbing ache in Adrien's heart increased at the thought of loosing Ladybug. Not because he loved her, but because she was his friend. Ladybug and Chat Noir was his escape. Ladybug was his best friend. When he is Chat Noir, with Ladybug he was truly himself.
"Chat…"
Adrien shook his head, "I will not loose you Ladybug." His sternness surprised himself. "There is nothing you can do to make me loose you."
"I'm not going to loose you either Chat." Marinette said, her heart breaking as she watched Chat Noir crumble in front of her.
Adrien watched as Ladybug too large strides to him, and lunged towards him, her arms bringing him tightly towards her. His chin gently brushed the top of her head, and he returned her embrace, swallowing her presence. Tears slid freely down his cheeks and his chest shuddered and he gulped the air around them.
Marinette didn't know how long they stood there, on an abandoned rooftop when everyone was asleep. Her cheek pressed against Chat's chest she felt safe.
"Chat?" She whispered to his chest. Chat Noir hummed in response, "I have to go."
Adrien made a small whine, his heart feeling as heavy as it was at beginning. "Of course my lady." He murmured into Ladybug's hair, "Of course."
Marinette unwillingly slid out of Chat's arms, and started to back away from the cat. "Chat Noir?"
Adrien's downcast eyes met Ladybug's bloodshot sapphire eyes, "Yes my lady?"
"You will never loose me, you silly cat."
Adrien watched as Ladybug swung away, her last sentence still lingering in the air, lifting his mouth into a small sad smile. He turned and left, and it was as if the whole exchange had never happened.
Marinette arrived back home and she dragged her exhausted body to the shower with thoughts racing through her mind. She changed from Ladybug to Marinette whilst she was walking. Tikki promptly left, understanding that she needed to be alone with her thoughts.
She sighed as warm water drizzled down onto her. Her tired muscles unlocking as she stood under the showerhead. Her head fell back with exhaustion, her whole body slouching. How she kept this up, she had no idea.
'Would it really be that bad?'
What happened was inevitable.
Even when they first started, the only thing that kept Marinette from giving Chat a chance was the possibility of Adrien. Chat Noir was always there for her, and he listened to her. She could tell him the things she wouldn't be able to tell Alya. She could remember crying on his shoulder as he patted her back comfortingly. She could remember how they would lie together under the stars after patrol and laugh about the stupid things that they've done.
It's been four years since they've started everything. They've been together since the beginning. They've grown too strong and united and shit, Marinette was scared. She couldn't throw away their friendship to risk something.
They both grew older together; she was there when his voice was cracking. He was there when she was a good half a head taller, until he suddenly grew a good foot taller a year later. Marinette smiled at all the jokes Chat Noir made about it, and how she would gently slap him on the arm after.
"My my my, my lady." Chat Noir purred behind her. The damn cat was the only one capable of sneaking up on her.
"Yes Chat?" She pushed down the urge to shiver as she felt his presence behind her. It had been a week since she last saw him and she'd missed him.
"Has my Bugaboo shrunk?"
Marinette frowned, 'shrunk? Bugaboo? Hell no.' She turned ready to talk back at him, but her eyes widened as she realized that all she saw was a leather-clad chest. She heard Chat Noir snicker softly as her eyes slowly moved up to meet his mischievous eyes.
"What the fuck."
"Now now my lady, there's no need for that kind of language." Chat Noir buzzed with delight at her reaction. For the first couple of years after they've met, Ladybug had been growing taller than him and it annoyed him to no end when Ladybug looked down on him. Now it was his turn.
"How…?"
"I am a man now Ladybug."
She had to stop herself from laughing when she heard him say man. "You think this changes anything?" She scoffed, poking his stomach with her finger. 'Jeez that's hard.'
"No of course not Ladybug." Chat smoothly replied, hands on hips. He paused, "Do you need a lift to see past the building over there?"
Marinette gaped, "No!" She whispered to herself. "You take that back you damn alley cat." She wacked his arm playfully.
"I'm sorry my lady, I can't hear you from up here." Chat's grin looked like it would split his face down in two as he cupped a hand around his ear for effect.
Marinette could feel her lips arching into a smile, turning she sighed dramatically, "It's too bad really…" She trailed off, 'Take that back', "I always liked the shorter men."
She heard Chat stutter, 'yes, victory is mine.'
Then he purred, "And I've always liked shorter women, so I guess I'll just have to make you change your mind…"
She stiffened when she felt the presence behind her, 'too close.'
"Y-You can try Chat."
She felt his breath against her ear, "I intend to, my lady."
Red blossomed across her cheeks, "You,I-I-," She took a deep breath, "I don't think-" Suddenly the breath was knocked out of her and suddenly her feet could no longer feel the ground and all she could feel were the hands that firmly grasped her waist. Her hands automatically came to hold onto his arms, gripping them tightly. "What the fu-"
"Can you see past the building now my lady?" He asked cheekily.
"Fuck you."
"Yes please."
"Shut up and put me down."
"Maybe later."
"Chat Noir, put me down or so help me-"
Marinette couldn't help but to softly smile.
'I can't ruin what Chat Noir and I have.'
"Fuck Plagg." Adrien said.
Once he hit the ground, Plagg slid out of his ring and glided to the couch. Adrien grasped his blond locks in frustration and leaned against the wall of his room and slid down. His knees coming up to his face, he curled up, his breaths uneven and his chest shuddered in attempt to hide his sobs.
"Shit, why do I have to ruin everything?" His hands curled into fists and he brought them down with frustration.
"Adrien-"
"Plagg, what can I do, I've just lost everything." He choked.
Plagg huffed with impatience, "Stop being so dramatic," He flew to hover over Adriens shoulder, "Ladybug isn't going to leave."
"You don't understand Plagg!" Adrien curled himself into a tighter ball, "I've ruined everything!"
"Adrien-"
"No!" Adrien shouted, "It will never be the same again," he laid his head against his knees and hiding his face from the world, "and it's my fault."
"None of this is your fault!" Plagg snapped, "Stop blaming yourself and get yourself together!"
"Plagg, you don't understand-"
"Oh for gods sake, both you and Ladybug made this happen. It isn't all your fault."
Adrien mumbled, "Ladybug didn't mean for this to happen."
"I guess she kissed Chat Noir accidently then?" Sour sarcasm filled Plagg's words, "Get to bed Adrien." His voice softened, "Don't beat yourself up."
Adrien lifted his head up from his knees, his eyes lost their usual spark in them, dull, emotionless. His mouth felt like it was pulled down permanently, his heart felt heavy in his chest. So this is what you felt when you feel like the world has let you down.
"No." He said.
With his father constantly restricting him, scrutinizing him and shoving him piles of tasks to do, the only thing holding him together was Ladybug. His teachers only saw what he wanted them to see. He had to choke down his negative feelings and focus on his studies; he needed to show his father that he was good enough.
Good enough.
He wanted to see the pride that he saw four years ago, a couple days before his mother had passed.
He remembered how it felt vividly. It felt like the ground was ripped from under his feet, and he was falling, falling, falling. He felt tired. Tired of dealing with what the world had to offer to him. Tired of constantly pretending that he was happy, when inside all he saw was darkness, the never-ending tunnel of sadness.
His father turned cold against him, neglecting him once she had passed. He made sure that the responsibilities he was supposed to give were to Nathalie, whom he paid. He left a twelve year old to drown in his sorrows as he lost both his mother and father.
Sometimes Adrien felt like screaming.
Sometimes he wanted to rip his heart out of his chest.
Sometimes he just didn't want to feel anymore.
But sometimes he would laugh. He would feel the sharp sting of wind against his face. He would grin when he talked to Ladybug. He would laugh until his stomach hurt and tears, tears, tears that were not there because of self doubt, but because he was happy. He would fight till his muscles where sore but would find relief when he fist bumped Ladybug. He would feel sadness when he watched Ladybug twist past the buildings and would only turn until he couldn't see her again.`
But most importantly, he felt love.
That's what Adrien longed. With his entire god damn heart.
I am so fucked.
"Plagg, transform me."
