AND TO LOVE YOU

By

Sara Murdoch

The West Wing

Aaron Sorkin's characters being borrowed with heartfelt thanks: Josh Lyman & Donna Moss. Other characters are original.

Rating: Totally unoffensive fluff

Genre: Future fic fluff

They say life begins at forty. Mine began a little after that but I always was slow when it came to matters of the heart or, you know 'getting a life'.

I don't know exactly when it happened; sometimes it feels like it has always been this way. That she has been with me forever and I have not known a time when I was without her. Of course that is not the case. I was alone for so long, amongst people but still alone. Living day to day, working, eating and sleeping (well sometimes). I even socialised with colleagues who became friends, had sex, got drunk, but I never let them close enough to me to really know me.

Looking back I'm not sure why I did that, why I always have done that, I know I have these dark moments and I don't think they would understand, however I still believe it is an unconscious behaviour.

She understood, she pushed and pushed in that magical way of hers. She chipped away and then one day she was part of me, as essential as air.

It's like that Hollies' song, 'All I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you.'

'Making love with you
Has left me peaceful, warm and tired
What more could I ask
There's nothing left to be desired'

Once we had made love I could never have gone back. She spoiled me for all other women, 'There is nothing left to be desired'. I could not say it any better even with a 760 verbal baby!

Except there was more, she gave me more, two sons and a daughter. I never imagined I would be a father. My mother had despaired of me, given up with trying to make me feel guilty, which is quite an achievement for a Jewish woman with no grandchildren. I was there for each of their births, an amazing and life affirming experience every time. We have Noah the scholar, David the athlete, and little Katie my angel. Yes I am a little over protective of her, so sue me!

Arms slip around my waist, rousing me from my musings, and a soft voice whispers in my ear, "Are you okay baby?" When I don't reply she moves in front of me, "Josh?"

She takes my chin in her hand lifting my head so she can see my eyes. I can tell the moment she realises I am trying not to cry. She smiles and brings her hand to my cheek. "Oh Josh, you knew this day would come, you have to be strong."

"I don't want to do it." I whisper as a tear escapes to roll down my cheek on to her hand.

A small sigh escapes her lips, a sigh of exasperation and humour in equal measure. "Baby you are doing it for her not you. You don't want to let her down do you?"

"I never want to let her down, but she's too young. It's too soon." I know I am being selfish not to say childish.

She outright laughs at me now, "Get over yourself Lyman. She is twenty-six years old. She is not your baby anymore and Scott is a nice guy. He's even a democrat. What more could you want for a son-in-law?"

I have the sense to look a little sheepish, but still say, "A monk?" I cannot help but grin at her and revel in her kissing both the dimples (I have never understood her obsession with them). Then I am lost in her as her lips meet mine. It never gets old; I can never get enough of her.

My hands move of their own volition, and she pulls away, "Not the hair Josh, the hairdresser will have a cow if you mess it up now!" She smiles to show she is not really mad.

"Hey it's your fault you kissed me."

"Only to get you stop obsessing."

"Oh really that was the only reason huh?" I smirk at her, daring her to respond.

"Of course, Josh, why else would I want to smudge my lipstick?" She is smirking too now.

"I can recall many, many times when you have enjoyed having your lipstick smudged, Donnatella." I swoop in to steal a chaste kiss, "Many times."

"Don't you two ever stop?" We both turn, holding each other around the waist to see Noah and David smiling affectionately at the old folks.

"No", I answer as I claim another kiss from the fair Donnatella.

"Daddy, are you ready, we have to go soon." Katie comes out of the room to our left where she has been getting ready with her mother, Scott's mother and the bridesmaids. The room Donna was coming from when she found me.

Taking a deep breath I turn to her. Donna steps away and I go to Katie taking both her hands in mine. "You look amazing." I can barely speak, she reminds me so much of her mother all those years ago at President Bartlet's second inauguration.

"Thank you Daddy." She smiles and drops one of my hands to wipe a tear from my cheek. "Don't cry it's meant to be a happy day."

"I am happy, happy for you, but I am also sad to be losing my angel." I admit.

"I'll always be your angel Daddy, but I am going to be Scott's wife and I love him so much." She stands on her toes and kisses my cheek.

"Yuk, this is way too sickly." David comes over to give Katie a peck on the cheek, "See you out there sis."

Noah takes his place, "Sis you're marrying a good guy, but if he ever hurts you he'll have the Lyman men to answer to." He takes the edge of his pronouncement by kissing Katie on the cheek. "See ya when it's all over."

Once Donna has said her final best wishes, and given me a look, which leaves me in no doubt that I will be sleeping on the sofa if I mess this up for our daughter.

With a final smile and kiss to my angel's cheek I tell her, "Well then let's get you married then."

Handing my angel over to her fiancé is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I sit next to Donna who squeezes my hand to let me know she understands, as she always has.

She leans in to me and whispers in my ear, "Just think Josh, now all the kids have finally left home, we can walk around naked again!"

It never gets old.

END