XxX
Casey sighed and leaned her head back against the plush red chair, relishing the shadows of the dark as the projected starts danced above her. This was the only place she knew she could find solace; no one would even think to look for a former ZBZ turned lawyer in her alma mater's planetarium.
Her nose wrinkled as her wandering eyes caught sight of a couple clearly in love, but as she turned her eyes away from them she found yet another pair dressed in some sort of costume. She narrowed her eyes, trying to make out what they were wearing; the girl was dressed like an old, blue telephone booth and the boy was in a bad wig and tan trench coat.
Oh, it's from that British show, she thought,…what was it?...Doctor…something. Doctor Too? No… She worried her lower lip, questioning how she could remember so many Latin terms for school yet couldn't remember a simple TV show her brother always found a way of bringing up whenever they were at family dinners.
Casey rolled her eyes at the memory but smiled just the same. Rusty was the reason she was here; it was his graduation. Selfishness tickled in and she found herself thinking more about her own problems than her celebration for her brother.
Cappie had gone with her to Washington D.C. and, to her surprise, had made quite a few improvements in the last two years. But, as time wore on, they found themselves being torn apart by their same stark differences again. He was spontaneous, wild, and she had mellowed with time and was ready to settle down.
When he had up and decided to go to Europe for the next three months, fully expecting her to give up an internship she had been working all year to secure before going into her senior year, that had been the last straw. She had told him she wouldn't be there when he got back and he said ok and simply left.
She couldn't help but laugh; after all these years he still expected her to wait for him.
Though, she couldn't really criticize him much for his assumption. She had always waited for him in the past and she had yet to move out of their apartment in D.C. even though he had been gone for a month.
Now, here she sat, alone in the planetarium, with nine hours to kill until Rusty's commencement.
Dropping her head back, she sighed. Everyone was expecting Cappie to be with her and she hadn't told anyone about their split, not even Ashleigh. It was just too embarrassing to admit that, once again, she had failed at the same relationship for about the fifth time.
Guilt pooled in her stomach and corrected her selfishness; today was Rusty's day and here she was thinking about how she would explain her embarrassing break up to everyone.
"I'm just going to tell them he went on the trip and feels really bad for missing today. I'll tell them the truth later. I don't need to make it about me today." Casey whispered to herself, watching as Lyre played across the projection above.
"Make what about you?"
Casey practically jumped out of her skin at the reply. Once her heart settled, her hand still pressed against her chest, she turned to see who had found her.
Her soft green eyes grew as she realized who stood before her, "M-Max?"
He might have been dressed in a nice suite, but the ruffled rich curls of his hair and his hands stuffed into his pocket as he shrugged spoke of the boy she had once known years ago.
"W-what…what…" Casey stuttered, at a loss for words, "What are you doing here?"
"I…" It was clear his nerves were getting to him as his eyes anxiously looked around the practically empty room, "I just finished a…well…and…" He stood awkwardly with his thumb cast over his shoulder, "Yeah…"
She smiled sincerely, enjoying how little had changed about Max. Once a geek, always a geek, and she wouldn't have it any other way.
Max pointed towards her chair, trying to steady his voice, "M-may I?"
"Of course!" Casey moved over one so he could sit and the awkward silence began.
Being the once bubbly sorority girl caused her to break the silence first, "So…h-how have you been?"
"Good, really good, actually. I finished at Caltech last year, with honors, and offers started pouring in – people seem to be really impressed when the head of NASA is one of your references." He said with true humility, "I just finished an interview with the Dean at Cyprus and he offered me the position to be Head of the Science Department."
Casey pulled back, shocked by his revelation, "Why would you want to work at Cyprus? Surely Yale and Harvard would have called you too." She smiled, enjoying the blush she received in response to her boasting.
"I'm not sure." He rubbed his neck, "What are you doing here? I thought you would have graduated by now." Max asked, his soft eyes wandering to hers.
"I did, but Rusty is graduating so I'm back."
"Commencement isn't until 8 and…" Max stretched out his arm so his sleeve would fall and he could check the time, "It is now 11 AM."
Casey just shrugged, "I caught an early train."
He inclined back in his chair, his eyes boldly lingering on her as he thought. She grew uncomfortably stiff under his studious gaze, nervous what he would find.
"Cappie and I split up." She finally admitted, feeling as if the world had been taken from her shoulders.
"Things could still work out."
Casey smiled, shaking her head, leave it to the boy she had dumped to comfort her over the loss of the one she had left him for, "You can love someone and it can still be wrong to be together."
"Unless someone is hurting you, physically or emotionally, it isn't wrong to be with them. It just depends on how much you want to be with that someone. What you are willing to put up with to keep them and all." Max shrugged, his wisdom exceeding his years.
"A scientist and a philosopher." Casey chuckled, "Who would have thought?"
"Most of the time they can coexist." Max said offhandedly, not seeing her joke. He looked to her, his face analyzing, "What were you worried about making today about you?"
Casey sighed and fell back as the stars turned, "I just don't want to ruin it for Rusty, he has worked so hard. He deserved a day just about him."
"That is very sweet, but how would you ruin it for Rusty?" Max pressed gently.
Embarrassment colored Casey's face, "I…well…" She pulled at her thumb, not able to meet his eye, "No one knows that we split up."
"You are an adult, you don't have to keep everyone up to date on your personal life. And, like I said, it could still work out." Max gave a closed-mouth smile, sincerely showing his support, "You two have fixed things before, you could do it again."
Casey winced but, when she realized he wasn't trying to insult her, she relaxed.
"I'm not so sure this time." She sighed, "I have another year left of law school and I'm ready to settled down into life – a career and a family – but Cappie isn't."
"Ahh, I see." Max nodded. Casey smiled, he always had been a great listener.
"Hey, do you want to get out of here?" Casey asked, feeling the room closing in around her.
"To—to where?" Max asked.
"Anywhere." Casey hopped up, for the first time in a while feeling spontaneous, and offered Max her hand. Without a second thought, he took it.
XxX
They had walked around for a while, just talking, before going to grab a bite for lunch. As the afternoon wore on, Casey told him everything that was pressing on her mind; how she wanted kids but Cappie said he didn't, how she was thinking about applying to a few firms on the West Coast but Cappie didn't want her to even try, going so far as to doubt she would get the job, and how she wanted to get married and Cappie would always change the subject and ask why wasn't their life now good enough for her? She even told him how Cappie hadn't even said "I love you" before he left for Europe yet he still expected her to be there when he got back.
Through it all, Max patiently listened, making sure she had his full attention. Casey found the attention and care something she had been longing for and missing for a while now; it was something none of her previous boyfriends, except for Max, had ever given her.
Once Casey had finished, finding herself out of breath and emotionally drained, she found herself leaning in to kiss Max. Of course, he was slow to respond, but he did, and then one thing led to another…and they found themselves back in his hotel room…
XxX
Casey lounged in bed, the sheet having perfectly fallen so as to cover her from the coolness that echoed around the room. The afternoon sun streamed in through the window and cast a glow on the peaceful pair.
Max lay on his back with his eyes closed, his arm stretched out behind his neck in a make shift pillow. The only thing that gave away that he was still awake was his fiddling of her hair.
She shifted so she was lying on her stomach and chastely kissed his arm, "You were pretty good, you haven't let yourself go rusty." She jested lightly.
Max smiled, his eyes still closed, "I wouldn't say that."
"What do you mean?" She tilted her head, brushing her tresses to the side, "When was your last time?"
Finally, he fluttered open his long lashes, revealing his chocolate eyes as he tried to calculate something, "When did I leave Cyprus Road?"
Casey playfully whacked his shoulder, "Liar."
"I didn't lie." He answered matter-of-fact, looking at his arm in search of the future bruise. The girl was small, but she wasn't in law school without a good reason.
"That was really your last time?" Almost instantly, Casey could remember that moment in time. They had just come back from a movie in the park, some 1970's black and white sci-fi movie he had worn her down into going to see. She had to admit it hadn't been that bad, but she much preferred the after show in his dorm that night.
A memorable glint in his eyes told her he was remembering the same time, "Yeah." Max's goofy smiled seemed out of character for a soon-to-be professor, but it still remained on his face as he pressed his lips softly against her forehead, "You were always my second chance, Casey, I didn't want anyone else but you."
She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of being wanted again. Casey could feel the bed shift and she shivered as he gently caressed her jaw, his fingers running across her smooth skin to tuck a stray strand behind her ear.
She brought her hand up to cup his, leaning into his touch, "How can you forgive me so easily after all I did?" She whispered, her eyes still closed firmly. Sometimes, facing the past was easier said than done.
Max sighed, his sweet breath coming out and tickling her nose. He rested his forehead against hers, "Because I still love you and…" His nerves were getting the best of him and Casey patiently waited for him to continue on baited breath, "And real love forgives bruised egos."
She pulled away from his touch and fell back on the bed, her wrists pressing into her eyes. It wasn't because of the weight his words carried but because she had promised herself she wouldn't hurt him after the loss of his first girlfriend and she had broken her promise.
"I don't expect you to say anything back." He hurried to get out, his heart pounding as he felt her pulling away, assuming she was rejecting his advances when she was simply thinking over past mistakes.
"I know." A small smile drew across her rose lips, remembering what had first attracted her to him; he was nothing like Evan or Cappie. Max never had any selfish expectations for her; all he had ever done was strive to make her happy and encourage her to be the best she could be. He was one of the reasons she was just about to finish law school.
"Why did we ever break up?" She said aloud, forgetting she wasn't alone with her thoughts.
"Because you didn't love me." Max replied, his voice without bitterness.
Casey instantly shot up, "That's not true. I just…"
"Didn't love me enough." Max nodded, his head dropping so she wouldn't be able to read his eyes. It had been three years and the pain was still fresh because he did still love her, but he didn't want to burden her with it or make her feel like he was trying to guilt her into anything so he continued to look away.
"Wasn't that the right thing to do?" She defended, "Wouldn't it have been worse to string you along or…?" She shuttered, hoping she wouldn't have sunk so low as to cheat on him.
Max knew exactly what she meant and didn't press her, "I don't know." He sighed gently, trying to think, "But, it's in the past and it can't be changed, it's not good to linger on what ifs for too long."
"I thought I was doing the right thing…" She pondered aloud, ignoring his advice.
Max took her hand and chastely kissed it, "And you were." She smiled and lay back down next to him.
"Can you…" Casey worried her lower lip, trying to find the right words, "Can you be with someone you really care about but aren't madly in love with just because they love you the way you want to be loved?"
"It would most likely be considered selfish by modern standards but yes, you could." Max nodded, his thoughts listing the constellations as he mentally named them all. He hadn't caught the hidden meaning in her words yet or, if he had, he wasn't showing it.
"Do you think it could grow to something more?" Casey dropped her head back, awaiting his reply. The same thing use to happen when they were dating; she would grow so engrossed by his intellect that she couldn't help but admire his insight and hang on his every word.
"Love is abstract, you can't hold it or…or touch it or study it, but you know it's there. Now, how movies and books showcase it doesn't do it justice. They make it look like something tangible, something you just feel." He let his eyes wander back to hers as his gestures followed his train of thought, "But love actually grows from something, whether it be friendship or a loss or…" His eyes drifted to her lips and he swallowed hard, trying to regain his thought. He tore his eyes from her lips, knowing she wanted to talk, "The point is, it grows out of infatuation and, yes, you can have the butterflies and feel head over heels at first sight but love is what sticks around when all of the butterflies have migrated."
"So…you've told me the scientific answer but, what do you think about it?" She asked with a small smile. She had forgotten how much she used to enjoy his pillow talk, how much she just missed being around him. It wasn't until now that she realize exactly what she had given up when she let him go, "Could you go into a relationship with someone who had to grow to love you?"
Max gave careful consideration to her question, "As long as she was honest with me and she didn't go behind my back then yes, I could." He gave his goofy smile as he turned to look to her.
"And, what if the person she thinks she loves more comes back?" She whispered her thoughts aloud, her hand fisting into the blanket. Her eyes lingered on the far wall, remembering how Cappie always had a way of forcing himself back into her heart. They had history and it was hard to forget.
Max lovingly caressed circles into her bare back and gently kissed her temple, "Then you can go back to him, if that is what you really want. Personally, I have learned to live in the moment and let tomorrow tend to itself." He said, giving up on their third-party game.
Part of her wanted him to say he would fight for her, making some obscure references to some video game character or such, but the other part of her, which ultimately won out, knew that wasn't in Max's nature. He cared about her, but he sought her happiness above his wants.
It was like the last few hours they had just shared, with her talking about another guy and him simply listening. The funny thing was, she knew he would remember everything she had told him. That was just the way he was, he studied her and knew what went into making her the Casey Cartwright she was today because of his willingness to listen and learn.
And then, when they had gone back to his room, he had remembered every single thing she liked, down to the most insignificant details. She didn't have to direct him and there was no awkwardness as there typically was with one's first time with a new lover or, in their case, a rekindled one.
"I don't want to look back anymore, I want to move forward. I'm done letting the past ruin my future." She settled back into the bed, taking hold of the pillow with her mind made up.
"So…a-are you…what are you going to do?" Max sat up in bed, trying not to show how awkward he felt.
Casey huffed, unsure of herself, "I have no idea. I can't just be there when he gets back, but it's not like I have anywhere else to go. Ash is in New York and it would be lame to move back in with my parents. Plus, I have an internship starting in July back in D.C."
"Well, if you really want to move out you can always stay at my apartment; it's an hour drive from Washington but it's closer than New York." Max offered sweetly, "The couch pulls out, so you can take the bed and I can sleep in the living room."
She brought her hand up and gently cupped his face, enjoying watching him lean into the touch, "Thank you, Max, for everything." She quickly kissed him before moving to look for a clock, "Do you know what time it is?"
"It's…" He held out his wrist, "Almost 4."
"I am supposed to meet up with my parents before the ceremony." She groaned, sitting up and making sure she kept herself wrapped in the sheet. Casey stopped when a thought came to her, "Hey, why don't you come with me?"
"M-me?" He stuttered, pointing to himself.
"No, I was talking to the pillow…of course you!" Casey picked up the pillow and tossed it to him, he caught it with ease and set it aside, "You helped Rusty out a lot his Freshman year, he'd love to see you! And, as you know, I have an extra ticket." She finished sheepishly.
Max opened and closed his mouth a couple times before saying, "Alright, s-sounds good."
Casey smiled and combed down his bangs before moving to get dressed.
A gentle smile grew on her face as she pulled her dress back on and tried to straight her hair. Her eyes lingered on the mirror, watching Max's reflection as he dressed.
He was so good to her, he always had been. Why she had left him go was beyond her. At the time, she had loved Max, but she hadn't wanted to let Cappie go because he had been her first love. Now, with a little more life under her belt, she saw that what one wanted at first wasn't always what one needed, or truly wanted. Her ember of love for Max could grow into a constant flame that would never go out, while her love for Cappie was but a flash in a storm.
With a bright smile, she made up her mind. Taking a steadying breath, she found her courage, "Max?"
"Yeah?" He replied, tucking his shirt into his slacks with his typical geek fashion.
Her teeth gently bit into her lower lip. For the first time in a long time, her eyes brightened as she thought about her future, "Do you think you could help me move out of my apartment? I think…" Her smile grew strong, confident in her choice, "I think I'm going to take you up on your offer."
She had never seen his smile so big, not even when he had been accepted to the Oxford internship or when he found out they were rebooting Star Trek.
"On one condition though." She turned back to him, her hands on her hips, "It's not fair to kick you out of your own bed."
Max started to shake his head, "Casey—"
She held her hand up and he stopped, "It's not fair, but I do have an internship this summer that I need to be well rested for so we will just have to share your bed."
His smile only brightened as he nodded, unable to find the right words to say. But, sometimes, a smile was all one needed. Casey offered him her hand, which he took, and the two left without a second look back, knowing they would face tomorrow, and all those to follow, together.
XxX
