She said she loved me. Chuck watched the Atlantic Ocean underneath him as the plane he was on soared through the sky. Out of all the things she could have said to me, she told me that she loved me. And what did I do? I just looked at her and told her I wasn't good for her. I was just going to disappoint her. Of all the people in the world I could have said that to, I said it to Blair. Blair. The worst person for me to do something like that to. I've been in love with her for quite some time now, and I'm pretty sure I just blew it. I should have just told her I loved her. I'm such an idiot.
"Excuse me, sir? Can I get you anything?" Chuck looked up to see the stewardess smiling. He didn't even notice she was there. He'd been staring blankly out the window, thinking about Blair and those three words that she had said to him. Honestly, that was all that was on his mind lately.
"Um, no thank you, I'm good," Chuck said back to the woman.
"Well let me know if you need anything sir," she replied back to him with a smile as she moved on to the next passenger.
Chuck just nodded at her in reply and shifted his eyes back to the sea thousands of feet below him. He was too busy thinking about everything he loved about Blair. He wanted her to know how he felt. He was afraid to tell her in person because he couldn't face the tears again. Even if the tears would be tears of joy. Maybe I should write something to her to tell her how I feel, Chuck thought. It might make me feel a whole lot better about the situation.
He saw the stewardess walking back down the aisle and caught her attention. "Excuse me, miss? Do you by any chance have a pen and a piece of paper available for passengers on this flight?"
"Um, I think we do. Let me go check and I'll be right back," the stewardess replied with a perplexed look on her face.
Chuck smiled at her in gratitude as she walked away to go look. It took her no less than 20 seconds for the woman to look. She walked back with a pen and a pad of paper in her hands, and Chuck was relieved she had found something. He thanked her for finding the items and she smiled and walked away.
Okay, this is go time, he thought to himself. He clicked the pen and let the ink flow onto the paper.
Blair.
I never will be able to tell you how I feel in person. It'll just be way to hard for me to do. It's hard enough as it is for me to let any emotion out that I have. I know that it was probably the toughest thing in the world for you to do, say those three words to me. I'm glad you did though. When I told you that it was too bad and that I didn't care, I didn't mean it. I was just lashing out on you. I had all of this anger that was rushing through me because my father had died. I felt like I was going to have no family for the rest of my life. But then there was you. You've always been there for me, and I've never appreciated it. So now I'd like to tell you, as I travel as far away from New York City as possible, how I feel about you.
I love that you always seem to call me out on my bull. I love that you dream your life is a Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn movie. I love that you are so manipulative and sneaky that you've got an entire prep school, teacher included, fawning over you and your fabulousness. I love that you actually play the game. You don't run away and sulk about it like the other girls do. You challenge me. I even love the fact that you hate Humphrey quite possibly even more than I do.
I love the nape of your neck, and the way I fell when I'm kissing it. I feel whole, wanted. I love that you can be so vulnerable and fragile sometimes that all you need is the right kind of attention from that one person that can always seem to put that sexy smirk on your face. I love that since the first moment I even laid eyes n you, I know that you were the one for me. The women that I've been with have got absolutely nothing on you. I love that you wear a different headband every day of the week, and I've never seen you with the same headband twice. But most of all, I love that you are just you. You're perfect. I would never change anything about you. Blair, I'm in love with you. I always have been. I've just been afraid to admit it, and I can't hold back my feelings anymore.
I hope you can understand that I'll be gone for a while. I'm not telling you where I'm going because I don't want you searching for me. I need to be searching for myself. I know I left you the wrong way, and I regret that. I shouldn't have left like that in the middle of the night. I didn't want to break your heart by telling you personally I was leaving. Now I'm afraid that that just leaving that note and taking off broke your heart even more than me telling you personally. I'm sorry about that, and I hope that you can forgive me.
All my love,
Chuck.
Chuck sighed as he stared at the finished note. He'd mail it to Blair when he reached the airport. He folded it up gently and put it into his carry on bag. As Chuck looked back out the window a single tear flowed down his cheek, realizing what a mistake he had made. He left Blair, his one true love, all alone in New York City. And now more than ever, they both needed each other the most.
