I've had this idea for a while now.
It's a two part song fic.
The first is I'll Keep Your Secrets (Orihime's perspective), and the second is After the Fall (Ichigo's perspective), both of which are from Trans Siberian Orchestra's Beethoven's Last Night.
When I started writing the first one, I realized that I had to finish and release them together, because otherwise it wouldn't make any sense. The stories are interlaced, showing the same events from two different perspectives, but only reaching a conclusion at the end of After the Fall.
These songs are, in my opinion, two of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. If you get the chance to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra in concert, by God do it! It is to this day the single most amazing and awe inspiring performance I have ever seen.
I had been actually thinking about doing one of these for Mephistopheles' Return, another song off of the same album, but… the ending is insane. A choir sings fourdifferent choruses at once.
It's beautiful… but insane.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
Lost in your dark…
I see you there.
What do you see beyond your stare?
And you believe that no one else can know…
Late one night as she walked her way home Orihime Inoue saw a man standing by the riverbed, gazing out into the night. It took her a moment to realize who stood out in the dark and the cold. She'd recognize him anywhere.
It was Ichigo.
She contemplated going over to him. He had been acting strangely for a while now, ever since the fighting finally came to an end. She was beginning to worry about him, wondering if perhaps something was wrong with the young man that had so enraptured her.
But just as she was about to call out to him the clouds drifted past the shining moon, filling the area in a pale glow. The sight she suddenly found before her, bathed in moonlight, stole the breath from her lungs and made her heart lurch painfully.
She could see his face now.
Even from a distance she could see the hurt, the suffering, the ache, and the sorrow…
And the fear.
She had never seen fear on his face before. He was always so brave, so strong… and yet…
And yet there he stood in the dark, staring out into the night, quiet, lost, and so utterly alone…
What should she do?
What should she say?
What could possibly be done to ease his pain?
As she stared at the water, black in the night, she found no answer.
And as the moonlight receded, she heard the sound of quiet steps.
When she turned back she saw that he had gone, without even noticing her presence.
What is this thing you keep inside…
Out of the light and wrapped in pride…
Always afraid that one day it will show?
She saw him at school the next day and he seemed the same.
He scowled, he chatted with his friends, but something was just… off.
She wondered if maybe she had imagined it.
Maybe things were fine, and she was just overanalyzing.
But then she saw it again.
It was fleeting; just an instant during class where everyone was focused on the lesson, except for the two of them. Orihime watched him carefully, and as he gazed out the window she could suddenly see the pain, the worry, the fear.
It was there.
Maybe it had always been there.
Maybe she just hadn't been able to see it until now.
What was he afraid of?
What was hurting him so?
Why hadn't he said anything?
Why hadn't anyone else noticed?
… No…
Of course no one else noticed.
She was his greatest admirer, and even she hadn't been able to tell.
Not until last night.
He'd hidden it so well…
But she could see it now. Even after the moment passed, she found that if she looked closely enough she could still find it buried behind a straining mask.
I'll keep your secrets.
I'll hold your ground.
And when the darkness starts to fall…
I'll be around there waiting…
When dreams are fading…
And friends are distant and few.
Know at that moment I'll be there with you.
She didn't tell anyone.
This was his secret, and if Ichigo wanted people to know that something was bothering him he wouldn't be trying so hard to hide it.
Instead she decided to keep it to herself, and try to figure out what was wrong on her own. She wanted to help him in any way she could. She loved him, and she hated to see him hurt like that.
So she watched him. She spent time with him. Every chance she got she would check on him, to see if something had changed.
He didn't seem to notice.
He was never far away, but he was never close either. She wished he would be closer. She wished he would realize that she was there for him. That she cared about him, and that she was worried. She wished that he would trust her to help carry whatever burden that lay upon his heart.
Maybe she was just being daft.
Maybe she was just letting her dreams run wild.
Maybe she was just fabricating the whole thing.
She didn't care.
Even if her dreams never came true, even if they became old and faded, she would stay right where she was…
… By his side.
That way, no matter what, he would always have at least one person there for him.
Even if there was no one else.
What are these voices that you hear?
Are they too far or far too near?
What are these things that echo from the past?
One Sunday, as she walked by the river, she saw him again.
He sat on the grass, gazing at the horizon, waiting for the sun to set.
She watched him as he stared off into the distance, mumbling to himself.
Sometimes his face would contort or twitch, but mostly he just seemed to be talking to the air around him.
It went on like that for a while, but the longer he sat there the darker his expression became.
He only stayed for a few more minutes before suddenly standing up and marching away, visibly upset.
She watched him go, and didn't bother to go after him.
Even if she did, there wasn't much she could do.
She knew that if she asked, he would hide it.
She knew he would lie to her to keep her from worrying.
She knew, because she'd do the same thing.
Instead she went down to the river, down to where he had just been sitting. The bent grass was still warm to the touch. As she sat in his spot and watched the last of the sun dip below the horizon Orihime couldn't help but wonder.
What was this place to Ichigo?
Why did he come here alone so often?
And why did it always seem like he was in so much pain?
Who are these ghosts you see at night…
There in the shadows of your life?
They only live by the light you cast.
A few nights later she was attacked by a Hollow.
And he came to save her.
It wasn't very powerful. Orihime probably could have handled it herself.
But he came anyway.
It had been a while since she'd seen a Hollow. They used to scare her, but not anymore. There wasn't much left out there that could frighten her. Not after everything she'd seen.
Not after Hueco Mundo.
And yet it seemed that Ichigo had gained the fear that she had lost.
When he came rushing in he had seemed almost panicked, almost desperate, and even after the Hollow was slain he still seemed nervous.
What could have done that to him?
He walked her home that night, just the two of them in the dark, as Orihime tried to fathom what was wrong with him. He seemed so bothered, checking every shadow as they passed, but why, she didn't know.
What was he letting get to him?
Why was he letting himself suffer?
She just didn't know…
As she stood at her front door and he moved to leave, she made a decision.
She turned and grabbed his hand.
She had something to tell him.
I'll keep your secrets.
I'll hold your ground.
And when the darkness starts to fall…
I'll be around there waiting…
When dreams are fading…
And friends are distant and few.
Know at that moment I'll be there with you.
"Kurosaki-kun, I don't know what's wrong, and it's not my place to ask, so I won't. But I can tell that something's bothering you so I just wanted to say that I know, and I'm here if you need me. If you want to talk or if you just want some company all you have to do is tell me; I'll be here waiting. I want you to know that no matter what I will always be there if you need me, that you can tell me anything, and that you don't have to face anything by yourself if you don't want to."
She leaned up then, and placed a gentle kiss on Ichigo's cheek.
Before he could react she bade him goodnight and retreated back into her apartment.
He didn't say anything, and she didn't want him to.
It was just an offer.
She had just opened a door for him.
One she hoped, someday, he'd step through.
I'll be around…
When there's no reason left to carry on…
And every dream you've ever had is gone…
And the dark is deep and black without a sound…
And every star has been dragged to the ground.
Know at that moment I will be around.
They never talked about that night.
But they talked about other things.
She listened to him.
He listened to her.
They'd talk about anything, not really caring about the conversation.
They just seemed to enjoy the company.
She realized that Ichigo had something heavy weighing on his mind. He never said so, but he didn't have to. She could tell that he was torn about something. It was like he was trying to make a decision; a terrible, horrible decision that was slowly killing him inside.
But he never told her what it was.
So she watched him. She watched his eyes as they talked. She'd seen so many things in those eyes…
Joy…
Sorrow…
Pain…
Guilt…
… And something else.
Something that made her heart jump and skitter, but she didn't know why.
It almost looked like… longing.
Sometimes, towards the end of one of their conversations, Orihime would see that look, that longing, in his eyes. It was always brief, vanishing as soon as it came, but it was there.
He wanted something, wanted it desperately, but what?
The forlorn look was always replaced by a look of determination… and, perhaps, resignation.
But why?
Then, one day, Orihime got a phone call...
Know at that moment I will be around.
He'd asked her to meet him here by the river.
He said he had something important to tell her.
He sounded…
Sad?
Upset?
Resigned?
Hurt?
She couldn't tell.
She still came.
She waited for a bit, until she turned her head and caught sight of him a few feet from the nearest street corner.
She couldn't suppress the smile that made its way to her face.
She'd long since stopped trying.
She saw the tortured look on his face as it seemed to melt for a moment.
Then he began striding up to her, determination shining in his eyes.
Her smile softened to one of concern as he stopped just a few feet from her.
She didn't say anything.
She waited for him to start.
He had wanted to talk to her.
She would listen.
