I've been dreading this day. However I know that I have to endure it. I don't have to do it for me, to prove to myself that I'm alright because I know that I'm not. I don't have to do it to prove to Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Mia, Dimitri, and my Mom and everyone else that I'm okay. I have to do it for him.
Mason.
I'm in my room trying to get ready. I have on my simple black dress. It has short sleeves and goes down to my knees. I always thought it was sort of simple, but he always said I'd look good in anything and everything. Tears are starting to roll down my cheeks. Thank God I haven't put on my make-up. I slip on my beautiful silver necklace that Mason gave me the Christmas before I'd run off with Lissa. I've always loved it but it seems I love it more know. I guess its guilt that the feelings he had for me got him killed. If I hadn't led him on he wouldn't have come back for me.
A knock sounds on my door while I'm brushing my hair in front of my mirror. I can see the door from here so why bother getting up.
"Come in," I say, voice thick with tears.
My door opens and Dimitri, Lissa, Adrian, and Christian walk in.
"Hey," Lissa says gently.
"Hey," I reply back, with no emotion even though what I feel is obvious with the tears rolling down my face.
"Talk to me." Lissa says.
"It hurts to talk Lissa...it hurts to breath so unless you have some magical way of bringing Mason back...I really don't want to talk right now." I snap.
"We're going to be late if you don't hurry. We've got to go." Dimitri says his voice soft.
I hesitate for a moment.
"I don't want to," I finally say my voice wavering.
"We have to," Christian says, "Or else everything we did is in vain"
"Fine," I say.
I make no move to wipe my tears because who the hell am I fooling anyway. I decide against make-up and simply get up and head to the door. The effort it took to make it to the door was unbelievable.
The funeral is beautiful. Mason's parents decided to bury him here at the Academy cemetery. The priest says all these beautiful words, but I don't really register them. I just stand there with my head held high. My eyes are fixed on the coffin the whole time, the coffin that holds my best guy friend. Lissa stands next to me holding my hand tightly. Christian holds her other hand. Dimitri is on the other side of the coffin with the other Guardians. I feel his gaze on me, but I refuse to acknowledge it. No one was on my other side, but then a hand slips into mine. My resolve is broken and I look to my right.
Adrian.
Normally, I would've pulled away from him. He was a Royal Moroi known best for sleeping with girls and drinking. However, he seemed to truly like me and I really needed the support. Instead of pulling away I squeeze his hand very tightly. He squeezes back showing that he is there and knows how much I hurt.
When the funeral ends the Guardians just turn and leave immediately. All except Dimitri leave. He stays where he is standing. Kirova leaves too. The kids who didn't know him or care leave too. Eddie – one of Mason's best friends- had to stay in the infirmary. Eventually, I get tired of the tension radiating off my friends.
I step forward and release Adrian and Lissa's hands. I walk over to where they had just finished burying him and stand over his grave. I gaze thoughtfully at his tombstone. It read:
Mason Ashford
1991-2008
Beloved son and friend
Beloved Brave Novice
Devoted Friend
The tears start to fall faster. I sit cross-legged on top of the grave. I let my head fall down in my hands. I hope my stance tells my friends they can leave. Out of the corner of my eye I see Dimitri begin to leave. Christian pulls a reluctant Lissa away saying they should go see Eddie. Adrian…Adrian sits beside me.
I look away from him.
"Don't do that," he says, "Don't pull away. I'm not here to try to get in your pants. I'm here to help and I'm here for you. I'm not usually this caring person. I'm Adrian Ivashkov for God's sake.I should be getting drunk somewhere in my room. Instead I'm here with a girl I've known for like a few weeks." He says voice kind of distant.
I look at him, my face skeptical. Like he could get a girl.
"I know it sounds corny but I know you're hurting and I want to help. I'm here." He says.
I break apart. The past few days everyone has tried to get me to talk but no one has said what I needed to hear. I'm here. I don't need to talk I need someone to be there.
I fling myself into Adrian's arms and cry. He holds me silently, gently rocking me back and forth. He never comments. I cry for what felt like hours. Eventually I just sat still in his arms still being rocked. I sigh and pull away gently. I'm going to miss him so much. I feel exhausted. I feel bad I never told him how I truly felt for him. However, I am grateful for all the time we spent together. All the amazing memories. Fooling around and slacking off. I sigh again.
I take off my necklace and drape it over Mason's headstone and stand up ready to sleep. Adrian stands, too.
"You're leaving it here?" he asks curiously.
"Yeah," I reply, "I love it and if I leave it here it ensures I'll come back once in a while and never forget." No, I'll never forget.
