AN: Writing this made me sad. (Of course, that may have had something to do with my choice in music while doing so, but who knows.)
Disclaimer - I do not own anything you recognise.
I'll explain this further below.
--
She thinks he remembers. She really isn't all that sure, as they never really talk of it, but she like to entertain the hope that he still remembers. She likes to pretend he still can recall when she was a Queen, and they were so deeply in love. She likes to think he still remembers Narnia.
It is not that they do not love each other still, she muses, but that it is much easier to love someone when her holding more power than him is not looked down upon. That is much easier to love someone in a land where love is everywhere, and surrounds everyone. That it is much easier to love someone when Aslan loved them both.
Aslan still loves them, of course, as he said he would forever, and Aslan never lies. But there is something to be said for having more than memories.
He is called a different name here, in England, but she clings to the old habit in solitude, the last threads of a beautiful cloth, the last words in a wonderful story. She grasps at the name as though it was a lifeline, which, it really is.
She is depressed now. She tries so hard to hide it, from her husband, from her children. She tries to hide it, so that her children never see their mother hunched over in corners, sobbing a silent prayer.
She only goes on for them, really. For her children, and the hope that her husband will remember Narnia, and the love they had there. She goes on because she does not want them to be hurt; she does not want to cause them pain. She does not want them to have to feel despair.
She knows her children will grow up to be magnificent. She knows that they will be kind, and gentle, and courteous, to everyone who deserves it, and that they will be valiant enough to stand up against those who do not. She knows they will treat everyone justly, and she knows that one-day, her four children will be as royal as their mother was, once upon a time.
But sometimes, she wishes she could go back. She knows she can't, she knows she spent her time there, but she cannot help her wishes. She wants to be queen again, to have grace, and power, and everything she does not have here.
But she knows she would never be able to live with it if she deserted her family. So she will go on.
She will care for her four beautiful children.
She will love them, and she will love her husband.
She will stop being Queen Helen.
She will start being Helen Pevensie.
--
An: So, I had noticed that Mrs. Pevensie has the same first name as Queen Helen, and though I am fairly certain Frank and Helen do not go back, I thought it would be appropriate that the Pevensie's mother was the first queen of Narnia. (After all, the messed-up time line makes everything so much fun to keep track of.)
Well, anyways, I'm done.
