I Only Wish
PoV: Irvine
Part 1 - The End
Large stained glass windows in every direction. Light shinning through beautifully, coloring the inside with all shades of the rainbow.
Garlands of flowers lined the tops of the balconies of the church and then down, wrapped around the large columns.
People, all so formally dressed, filtered into their seats. So many people, it made me realize just how large families could be.
The red, unrolled carpet laid abandoned in the center of the aisle. Waiting, just waiting for the moment it would be showered in petals and have the innocent and loved walk over it.
…How much longer was that exactly? My brain could register it. None of this really meant anything to me.
The room must have had a quiet chatter among it, though I heard nothing.
I only felt…and all I felt was pain and emptiness…
The small weight in my hand grew heavier with ever breath I took. Which only, in turn, increased the weight in my heart.
A hand touched my shoulder and slowly, slowly I turned to meet your eyes. Full of joy, light hopes, and promises…none of it for me, but for the future you would have after this moment.
You…you were the one who gave me this burden I held in my hand. Why that was, I feel I will never understand.
Do you think I could blame you for the burden in my heart as well? Something you know nothing of?
You smiled at me, but I was unable to return it. I had no will left in me to act for you, not any longer.
Even I had my limits…and this moment, I was immeasurably over that limit.
All that smile said to me was a promise; a promise that this was the end. The end of my own hopes and dreams, my illusions of having anything more than what I have with you, at this very moment, gone.
I had to face the truth and have my world end…for your happiness.
I've done so much for your happiness that…I think I might have killed my own chances of ever having some of my own.
Though it was through no fault of yours…only mine.
I turned away from you and looked back to the tall double doors that she would pass through soon enough.
No, it was all my fault. Everything that happened, that I felt, that I wished for…you weren't to be blamed or burdened with.
I had decided that long ago to never burden you with it.
It's just…that it's so much to carry on your own.
I felt tears sting my eyes, threatening to fill them and fall, but I only breathed and willed them away.
Hold onto to that pain…just for this moment. Don't wreak this for Zack. You can hold it together, just a little longer…please hold on…
I begged of myself.
I closed my eyes and felt my heart throb painfully with every beat it took. I counted those beats until I reached ten. I breathed again and opened my eyes.
This was the very last chance I had, but I wouldn't take it. It was far, far too late, and I wouldn't hurt you like that. I wouldn't.
Instead I stared off at those tall burnt umber colored double doors, and the red aisle before it, all within that hue light. So beautiful, it really was.
Tears stung again as my vision blurred as memories of you flooded in.
For that moment I was gone…
I wasn't in that painful moment that forsaken me.
No…I was with you, on that day we had met.
When I was still innocent, when I was still happy.
When chances where everywhere and time together was endless…
