Hey, it's me!
(guys panic, and hit the big red button)
Don't hit that! Everyone knows not to hit the big red one!
(place starts crumbling, everyone dashes for exit. even me)
Well, guess I'll just have to write out here. Ah well.

Well, this is a new one. This parody may not be as funny, but those were written when I was less mature. Anyway,

Disclaimer: I don't own Mario. The views expressed in the beginning are not my actual views on America. And I don't own Family Guy.


Okay, noobs, sit down, listen up, and have your crap platters- I mean, cookies. Yeah. Heh… So, there used to be some sorta utopia where the men had beer and never got off their asses while the women did all the work. This was commonly called "America." Well, one day this demon freak came and destroyed things & such, while being very cliched. The men were all not caring, as they tried to watch Monday Night Football while hoping that the pres would deal with it. Anyhoo, with America destroyed, several people went there with hopes of building an actual utopia. Suckers. They all had that dream gone when a lesser demon, called the "Mafia," took over. Some said treasure was under that town, but everyone else called it a load of BS. That has almost nothing to do with this, which I will now tell you. Now, GET OF MY F-CKING LAWN, BIATCHES!

So, anyway, this is a different story.

One day, Luigi was again rooting through autograph requests- wait, I mean… mail. Yeah. He brought all the shit in to Mario, who threw all of it in the trash. He then plopped over to the TV, where he began to channel surf.

"Let's see… god, TV's gotten awful. Nothing but commercials and some broadcast about Peach being kidnapped."

Pause.

"Wait, what?"

On TV…

"We're here now, at Theifplace, where Peach has been kidnapped, for once, not by Bowser."

Suddenly, the Universe exploded and the only things on TV were Barney and the Teletubbies… just kidding. But if physics were looking at us… who knows….

Anyway, Mario ducked as the TV spontaneously combusted and turned to ash. At that moment, Luigi walked in.

"God, Mario, again?" Luigi queried.

"Ooh, boy…" Mario slipped out of the house while Luigi was scolding, hijacked a ship, and went to Theifplace because it was farthest from Luigi.

PROLOGUE: A THIEF'S, UH… STUFF

Mario was sailing along, while Luigi can be heard in the background. Mario, singing like he's drunk off his ass (probably is), didn't notice the huge rock dwarfing his own ship and crashed. He swam ashore (even though he was drunk) and magically, he was in Theifplace. After drying off like a dog, he wandered off and found himself in front of a little Goomba who was chased by Crump.

"Like, help me!" Goombella shrieked.

"Uh…"

"JUST PAWN HIS ASS!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh…"

Mario ran at Crump and kicked him in the shin, while shouting "Ripoff artist!"

"Eek! Don't be mean, meanie!" Crump whimpered, like a little child. He then grabbed his knee and took deep breaths, like Peter in Family Guy.

"Things just keep getting weirder and weirder." Mario concluded.

Crump sent a bunch of X-Nauts at Mario, who ran screaming his head off while they just stare.

"Uh, dude, he just, like, ran off, man!"

"Do we get a raise, dude?"

"I dunno, man."

"WOULD YOU STOP THAT?" Crump yelled.

"Uh, sorry, dude."

"Sigh…"

In town, Mario and Goombella introduced themselves. All was good and fun, and then Toadsworth showed up.

"Oh, hello, Master Mario!"

"Oh, brother…"

"It seems Peach has been kidnapped! Uh… permission to panic?"

"Uh, sure."

"Thanks. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Toadsworth ran away screaming.

"Uh, like, what was that, like, about?" Goombella asked.

"Toadsworth. More boring than presidential speeches."

"Wow, that's, like, WAY boring."

"Yeah."

"So, you want to, like, head over to my place?"

"Sure…"

So, the duo walked to Goombella's. Inside was Frankly.

"I might want to warn you… you only hear him say "blah" and a couple other words. REALLY boring." Goombella forewarned.

"Blahblahblah treasure blahblahblah map blahblahblah here you go." Frankly said. Everyone but him was asleep.

"Love keeping my audiences riveted."

When Mario woke up, hours had passed. After hearing Frankly, he wanted to stay far from him. He jumped in the sewers and wandered to a large door, bypassing the black box.

"Ah, dammit, is anyone there?" the chest said.

"Blahblahblah I am!" Frankly said.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzz…"

Anyway, Mario jumped onto a pedestal. Goombella magically appeared and stared in awe at the lights and shiny things. All the weird stuff happened, like the map rising (wiring), lights (just guess), and the beam of light (cheesy special effects). The author (that's me, fools) ran in, drew something on the map, and ran.

"What was that?"

The narrator walked in.

"We're low on cash. Stupid budget cuts…"

Then, the narrator walked out. Goombella looked at the map.

"Like, that's Flowerburg! Like, there's a pipe here that leads to that!"

"Whatever…"

Mario wandered some more, and ended up in front of a Blooper. He took out a baseball bat, yelled "FORE!", and you can just guess what happened next. Let's say the Blooper wasn't going to have a hospital-free life. Anyway, Mario hopped over and entered the pipe, after literally having to take a plunger to it.


Well, that's fun. I guess.R&R, and don't flame. I don't care how cold it can get.