-1BREATHE

"All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze

When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms

The whole world just fades away

And the only thing I hear is the beating of your heart

Coz I can feel you breathe

Its washing over me

And suddenly I'm melting into you

There's nothing left to prove

Baby all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch, slow and steady rush

Baby isn't that the way that loves supposed to be

I can feel you breathe"

Breathe - Faith Hill

I stare up at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath. I look over to see Bill is doing the same. He turns his head to face me and we smile at each other. I pull the sheet over my naked body and turn to lie on my right side. My cheek resting on my hands. I study Bills face. His gray hairline to the lines under his blue eyes, to the two day old stubble growing on his chin. The sweat he built up from our lovemaking is still on his forehead.

When my breathing slowed down I tried to think of what to say. My mind was still racing and I couldn't focus. I love how Bill can get me this way.

"Come over here." Bill lifted his left arm and I moved under it. I laid down and rested my head on his chest. He put his hands behind his head and I ran my fingers through his chest hair. I haven't felt so content, so loved in such a long time.

Tonite had been so perfect. Bill and I went bowling. Not something we usually do but it was a spur of the moment decision that turned out to be a lot of fun. Then afterwards we went to a local pizza place. I love it when Bill lets his guard down and I get to see a different side to him.

"Tonight was fun,"

"Yeah." Bill put his arms around me as I continued to stroke his chest hair. I looked up at him to see a smile plastered on his face.

"I meant the whole night Bill. Not just the part after you practically dragged me up the stairs and into the bedroom. Although that wasn't bad either." My left hand was resting on the right side of Bills chest and he put his right hand over mine.

"Wasn't bad? I remember you enjoyed it more than once Karen." I smiled as I moved my face into Bills side. He picked my hand up and kissed it, and then put it back on his chest with his on top.

After a few minutes of silence I debated whether or not to ask Bill about his childhood. He hasn't spoken to me about it before. All I know is he has a brother who is five years younger and is a doctor who lives in New York with his second wife. Bill and Thomas aren't close. I read in his file that there mother died twenty years ago after she was hit by a drunk driver while crossing the road. His father died three years after that. No cause of death was listed.

"Tell me about your childhood." Bill let go of my hand and put his right hand behind his head, leaving his left on my back.

"That was a long time ago, there's no need to talk about the past." I was a little taken aback. That wasn't what I had expected him to say.

"Did you not have a happy start in life?"

"It was alright. When my father was sober."

"He was an alcoholic?" I adjust the blanket so it covered just above my breasts. I could feel Bill running his left hand up and down my back.

"Yeah. He was great fun to be around when he was sober, but when he was drunk, you knew to stay out of his way."

"I'm sorry I brought it up. I had no idea Bill."

"It wasn't all bad. I do have a few good memories.'

"Can you tell me one of them?" I hope I'm not pushing it but I love this man and I would like to know about his life before I met him.

"Alright. Until I was seven, my mother, father, brother and myself had lived near the beach. Tommy, being five years younger than me never remembered it. But when I was six my mother had a stroke. My father believed the stress of the city brought it on so we did a sea change and moved to the country.'

"The country?" The first time Bill and I went on a date I suspected he had some sort of small town upbringing. He has that old school, gentlemanly charm that doesn't usually come from city raised men.

"Yeah. At first I hated it but then Chips came along and it became bearable."

"Chips? Who's Chips?'

"The best dog I've ever had. She was a Golden Retriever."

"Can you tell me about her?" I had never really thought of Bill as a dog person before.

"One day when I was seven my father took me with him when he visited a friends house and the dog there had recently had a litter of puppies and one of the workers was about to shoot the runt of the litter. She was only born with three legs so she couldn't be a working dog so they had no use for her. But I gave them all my pocket money for her."

"I guess saving the world has to start somewhere doesn't it?" We both laughed. "Did your dad want you to keep her?"

"When it came to animals, my dad loved dogs. He said they were the most loyal friend you could have and they don't back and all they ask is for you to feed them. My mother was a little harder to convince but after she spent the afternoon with her, we all knew she was going to be apart of our family."

"How did she get the name Chips?"

"Tommy named her. He was only two and as I recall at the time he was eating a bag of potato chips. He started calling her Chips and it just stuck."

"What made her the best dog you've ever had?" I close my eyes as I lay there wrapped in Bills arms and try to picture everything he's telling me.

"She was my first dog. I grew up with her. Before Tom started going to school, every single day him, my mum and Chips would walk me to the bus stop and every afternoon after school they would all be waiting for me. When Tom started going to school and we were old enough for mum to stop coming with us, Chips always did. Even when it was raining she would still walk the two kilometres there and back twice a day."

"Did you let her sleep in your bed with you?" It's such a beautiful thing when man and animal can co-exist in a happy, safe environment.

"When she was a puppy she was allowed to sleep in my room but it always had to be in the basket on the floor. But when she got older and bigger my mother made her sleep outside on the porch. But because she only had three legs I justified it in my head that she needed to sleep inside so she would be protected.'

"You would sneak her inside?"

"I thought I was sneaking her in but I found out years later than my father always knew. He never said anything to me at the time but one Christmas when I went home, when he was trying to get sober, he told me how proud he was that his son has such strong loyalties.'

"One of the first things I noticed about you is how you don't forget where your loyalties lie."

"I know Chips was just a dog but she really was my childhood best friend. When I started driving she always sat in the front seat, I always saved her half my dinner, my mother always made sure she was always in the Christmas card photos. When I graduated high school I had to leave her behind. That was hard."

"It's always hard leaving behind the ones you love in order to live your life." I kissed Bills chest and he tightened his grip around me.

"When she was about fourteen she started having problems so my parents took her to the vet and she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was in a great deal of pain. They took her home and my dad was going to shoot her in order to stop her suffering." Bill paused. I didn't say anything, I just waited until he was ready to go on. "He couldn't do it. They took her back to the vet and bought pain relief medication and waited for three days until I got there so I could say goodbye. Then we took her back to the vet. She went peacefully."

I could feel the tears forming and a lump in my throat. "You got to say goodbye to her. To tell her that you loved her."

"Yeah. The thing that I really remember is my parents had no money, barely enough to feed themselves every week and they chose to spend what little they had on a dog. All the respect that I had lost for my father over the years because of his drinking came back. That week that I stayed there I got to see the man my father was all those years ago. Before the alcohol became his life."

"It's amazing how one being, who wasn't even a person, can have such an impact on someone's life.' How is it possible this beautiful man wasn't married when I met him.

"I love you Karen."

"I love you more." I lifted my body up so I could kiss Bill goodnight. I then lied back down and rested my head on his chest again. "Can you tell me another story?"

He let out a little laugh. "Why don't we just put the TV on and get some sleep and over breakfast tomorrow I'll tell you the story of how I got on a plane to go to France and I woke up in Australia."

"What? How did that happen?" A thousand scenarios floated around my mind.

"I'll tell you in the morning. Please don't wake me up with your snoring again tonight."

"What! I don't snore. You're the one who snores Bill."

"No, you're the one who snores. You woke me up this morning and I thought it was the alarm going off."

"I don't snore."

Bill wrapped his arms around me tighter. "Goodnight Karen."

"I don't snore."

"Goodnight Karen.'

"Goodnight Bill but for the record I don't snore.'

I stayed awake and waited for Bill to go to sleep. I laid there for over an hour just listening to his heart beating and our breathing. I think about how much meaning my life has now Bill is in it. I was never one of those women who needed a man to make them happy and I never needed anyone to validate me but I can't deny my feelings. I used to think it was just a romantic fantasy when people would say they got butterflies when the person they loved walked in the room or when people would say they don't leave there homes because they are afraid they will miss a phone call from there partner just saying hi, but as of lately they both apply to me. And I wouldn't change a single second of it.