さようなら, ごめんね
Gin

I'm sick and tired of playing these games.
I don't wanna keep living a lie.
I miss you.

The nightmare started a century ago. Though then, it was more like a dream to me than a terrible mistake.

I joined Aizen in hopes of power, thinking that, for some reason, he would somehow give me more than being a Captain of the Gotei 13. To a young me, he was a father I never had. An idol.

A god.

He promised to give me anything I wanted. And in exchange, I was his right-hand man, doing his bidding and following his footsteps. It was foolish, but at the time, it wasn't.
He could give me anything?
What a load of shit.

Could he promise me you?

Remember the day we met?
The day that became your birthday?
From that day on, my life was yours. I wanted to be there for you. Everything I did was for you. I entered the Shinigami Academy – for you. Even if it didn't feel that way to you, it was.
I dreaded leaving you by yourself, but I forced myself to believe that it was for the best.

Was it?

The academy was wonderful.
I worked so hard and learned so much. I felt so… successful. Like I was on the top of the world.

Not like Aizen.
And of course, that was before he entered the picture.

I graduated from the Academy only a year after I entered. Sure, I was a prodigy. But smart?

Don't make me laugh.

I showed my worth – and got dumped into that division. 5th Division, under the eyes of Hirako and Aizen.
I guess everything was already screwed up by then.
Being known as a prodigy, I quickly became trapped. I got addicted. To power. To status. To things I thought I needed to be happy and successful.
Things that Aizen claimed he could give me.

I didn't realize that all I needed was you.

After I became the third seat of 5th Division, I barely saw you anymore. I knew you entered the Academy as well, but I was already long gone. Already under Aizen's wing. Lieutenant, Captain – I've been it all.

Traitor.

I've even held the title of traitor. I guess I still have that name.

Can I get rid of that one? 'Traitor'? Who the hell wants to be labeled as a 'traitor'? Maybe just Aizen.
But I don't. Especially when it's you I'm betraying.

I'm weak.
I've had so many chances to escape. To forfeit. To run. But I didn't.
I'm scared.
Once Aizen began talking of killing all of Central 46 and the Ouin, and leaving Soul Society, I knew this was wrong.
But I never did anything.
Maybe I should have. Running is also a coward's solution. But it's better than what I have now. What I have now; this isn't a life. Hueco Mundo has no life.

If I turned on Aizen – or even killed him – would that be okay?

I know nobody would want me back. Especially Yama-ji.

But I give up. Damn it all, I give up. I should never have joined him in the first place.

You know what I wanted? To be a good Soul Reaper. To be a good captain to Izuru. To have friends among the Gotei 13. To pick those dried persimmons in my garden.
To have more time with you.
To have a life.

And that's why…
I want to come home.I'm sick and tired of playing these games.
I don't wanna keep living a lie.
I miss you.
Can you forgive me?

Can you forgive me?

---


Gin and Rangiku, a great pair. ^_^
This is my treat for their birthdays: Gin today, September 10th. Rangiku's will come a bit later on her birthday.
I totally believe Gin's good. So here's a sliver of my thoughts on him.

Happy birthday, Ichimaru Gin.