It was only three days since your last visit when I realised it. Found out that I missed you but could live without you, you were always this constant factor but you weren't necessary, not that important.

Maybe at one point you were too important, I would have given up the air I breathe just to look at you a little longer, a little more. You were this unchanging beauty; you reminded me that there was at least one thing in my life that would remain the same. That was both a curse and a gift at the same time.

You offered me an escape. At the time you were a god sent looking back though it was a way for me to run away. It was like it used to be with you by my side, I could forget what I hated and hated me in this world. I forgot the threats but I also forgot my friends, my life, away from you that is.

It wasn't hard to see what you were doing to me. How you affected me so negatively, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to care.

Then Jacob came, Jacob rescued me and he wanted me to meet his friends, didn't want to keep me for his self but share me. Brag to the world his achievement, like I was his prize for waiting out my Edward phase. He was so considerate and caring; he was my air, my hero, my sun.

You never looked at me the way he does, never looked so amazed, so in awe. You touched me so differently. You held me with trepidation, like in was going to break, like I would be discussed with you if you broke your control for even a minute.

He holds me tightly like he's afraid I might disappear. That's my fault I know, I played with him for so long, too long. I don't know what I wanted back then. What I needed. I do now, that's why I am writing you this letter, why I am saying goodbye.

It's for the best I think, I don't want to give up my life the possibility of children, of a future. There are limitations to how much I love you and this is it, I can't continue to act like this means nothing like my family are irrelevant.

If you love me like you say you do then you will let me go like you promised Jake all those months ago in the tent.

I will always love you, just not the right way.

Bella x