Looking back, Makoto realized that the signs had always been there. Like the times when they'd all be leaving school together and Nagisa would have to go hunting for his shoes, and even Rei would tease him for being so forgetful and leaving them somewhere again. Or how, sometimes, Nagisa would get this faraway look in his eyes that would just go on and on, until Gou came along and chewed him out for spacing during practice.
Or how Nagisa didn't actually seem to have any friends outside of the swimming club. Not that the rest of them had room to talk, but Nagisa was different — he was a bubbly, friendly boy. The kind of boy that people flock to. But Makoto had never really seen anyone flock to Nagisa.
Well, girls did, sometimes. The amount of times that Nagisa had shown up with little ribbons and clips in his hair, or been found reading out the Top 20 Tips for Impressing Your Man from a magazine to a captive female audience... Well, they'd clearly accepted him an an honorary girl.
But Makoto had noticed that Nagisa didn't seem to have any other guy friends. And that was fine — he'd never really thought about it all that much. But the point was that, when Makoto rounded a corner one day and saw Nagisa surrounded by a group of his male classmates, it made him stop.
They were talking too quietly for him to hear, but that only made it feel more wrong to Makoto, so he decided to go with his gut and just step into the group.
"Hey, guys. Can I borrow Nagisa for a sec?"
The group dispersed quickly and awkwardly, and when they were more or less alone in the hallway, Makoto looked down at Nagisa and asked, "Are you okay?"
Nagisa raised his head and suddenly Makoto felt really silly, because he was beaming just like always.
"What do you mean, Mako-chan? Is something wrong?"
"Uh, no," Makoto stumbled. "I just thought—. Were they your classmates?"
"Yeah." Nagisa nodded happily. "They're my friends."
Makoto blinked and didn't say Then why have you never mentioned them? or Then why don't I know their names? or Then why did everything feel so weird? Because he wasn't there to interrogate Nagisa.
Besides, Nagisa probably saw friends differently to Makoto. Makoto's circle was fairly small, because there was only so much he could do to take care of the people he loved. But Nagisa's energy was boundless, his spirit greater, and he had this way of seeing to the heart of people that Makoto could only admire and envy. He probably saw everyone as his friend.
The conversation fizzled out and Makoto and Nagisa parted ways, with the promise of seeing each other at club practice later.
As it turned out, Nagisa was late to practice that day. While Gou — with her withering aura of righteous fury — stomped off to find him, Makoto couldn't help dwelling.
"Hey, Rei. About Nagisa..."
"Hm? What about him?" Rei replied, running through his intensive warm-up stretching regime.
"Is he—? I mean, does he get along with the rest of your year?"
"He's Nagisa. He gets along with everyone."
Makoto felt a spark of annoyance that he had no right to feel — after all, his thoughts had previously been very much the same.
"I'm serious. Who are his friends?"
"What do you mean?"
"Out of your peers. Who are his friends?"
"I don't know," Rei said dismissively. "Isn't everybody his friend? He's Nagisa, after all."
Makoto felt something inside snap.
"Stop saying, 'He's Nagisa,' like it explains anything!"
Rei's arms fell from their stretching pose and he stared at Makoto, who felt instantly hot with guilt.
"Uh, sorry. I didn't—"
"Is there something we should know about Nagisa?" Rei asked, seriously.
"N-no," Makoto replied, his face still burning.
Not yet, he added silently.
Gou eventually returned to the pool, dragging an apologetic Nagisa behind her. His eyes looked a little red, but maybe that was just Makoto's projection. He was still laughing and bouncing around as always, anyway.
From that point on, Makoto was more alert around Nagisa, though he learned nothing. It wasn't until about a week later that everything came to a head.
This time it was Haru who was nowhere to be found when club time came around. Now, that was weird. Usually, if Haru went missing, that meant he was at the pool. Makoto had to cast his mind back, pre-pool, to when Haru's "alone place" used to be the roof.
Makoto told the others and left on his Haru hunt. Just as he suspected, Haru was up there, leaning against the railings just like he used to.
"Ha—"
Haru sent Makoto a look that shut him up immediately. It was then that he noticed how Haru wasn't looking out at the sky, but had his head turned to the side, like he was concentrating on something. Like he was listening.
Makoto padded slowly over and Haru leant in to whisper, "Those guys are talking about Nagisa."
It was hard to see them — the group of boys tucked just behind a corner, voices lowered to conspiratorial tones. Makoto strained until he managed to tune in.
"—take the teacher's chalk and put it in his desk?"
"Eh. Kinda boring."
"Tacks in his shoes?"
"Kind of a girly prank, isn't it?"
"A girly prank for a girly guy."
"We need something new. He's not even reacting anymore."
"Hazuki's so dumb. He probably doesn't even realize—"
Makoto couldn't hear anymore. He noticed Haru looking down at his hands, and realized they'd balled into fists. While he was adrift, anger and shock and fear for Nagisa churning around him like a violent sea, Haru was moving.
"Realize what?"
The boys spilled around the corner at Haru's challenge, their faces a spectrum from fearful to defiant.
"This isn't any of your business!" one of them said, indignant as if he had any right to be.
Makoto knew Haru. He knew to recognize the ripples beneath the calm lake's surface, and he knew what happened when Haru got angry, reallyangry.
"You're talking about Nagisa Hazuki, right? Why don't you ask us? We know him better than anyone. We could give you some advice."
They were confused now. Makoto watched — it was like a nature documentary of a snake hypnotizing its prey.
"Yeah? Go on then. What would you suggest?" The looks on their faces were expectant, greedy.
"Give up," Haru said.
"Wha—?"
"You're trying to break Nagisa's spirit, but I'm telling you that won't happen. He's not so weak to be crushed by the petty pranks of a bunch of idiots. You should give up."
"Phsaw. Should've known Hazuki would run to his boyfriends for help," one of the boys spat.
"Uh..."
That was a new voice. Everyone's heads whipped around to the stairwell door. Rei stood there. And beside him, Nagisa.
Everyone was stunned into silence for a long, heavy moment. One of the first year boys was the first to recover.
"This is why everyone gives you a hard time!" He addressed Nagisa directly. "Why don't you just stand up for yourself, huh?"
Makoto wanted to answer — he wanted to tell them the basic truth about Nagisa that they had managed to miss: that he was better than them. But for some reason, he just couldn't seem to open his mouth.
Nagisa wasn't speaking either. He wasn't even really looking at those boys, his eyes flitting from Haru to Makoto to Rei, his face flushed and open and miserable. It was obvious that these awful words were nothing new to him , but the fact that his friends had heard them — that hurt him.
"Say something!" one of the boys yelled at Nagisa, and Nagisa actually flinched away. "Be a man for once!"
One of the others laughed. "Or do you like it? Want us to treat you like a girl, Nagisa-chan?"
Everything seemed to happen at once. Haru was flying forward, fist outstretched, the calm lake beset by a storm. And Rei must have started moving when Makoto hadn't noticed, because he was already behind Haru, holding him back by the shoulders. That struck Makoto as strange, because he was the one who always watched Haru, knew the warning signs when he was about to do something incredibly inappropriate, and held him back from the brink when necessary. But Rei was the one who had acted.
The answer came slowly, and even as Makoto's knuckles connected with the sharp hardness of cheekbone under the soft pliancy of cheek, he still couldn't quite get it to make sense. It was only afterwards, when that last boy who had spoken was laid out on his back, hands flying to his face, and Makoto was left standing, staring down a group of suddenly scared little first year boys.
Suddenly he was aware of how heavy he was breathing, how hot his blood felt as it surged through him, how much he wanted to turn to the next boy and the next and the next and keep hitting them until they stopped making Nagisa look like that.
Mako-chan!
He didn't want Nagisa to look sad, or ashamed, or trapped. He didn't want him to be exposed in such an ugly way.
Mako-chan!
He didn't want Nagisa to look at him like he was hurting or afraid or— vaguely angry?
"Mako-chan! Stop it!"
"...Nagisa?" And just like that, the fury drained from Makoto, leaving him trembling under the weight of all the emotions left over.
"You shouldn't start fights, Mako-chan," Nagisa said, and his smile looked a little forced, but his words had strength to them.
Makoto stopped and straightened up. He was vaguely aware of a warmth wrapping itself around him and, when reality finally trickled back into his world, he noticed that the other boys had left the roof. Now it was just him, and Haru and Rei looking at him with something like wonder, and Nagisa's arms wrapped around his waist, Nagisa's face pressed into his chest.
"Did— did I just—?" Makoto started, then switched to the more important question. "Nagisa, are you okay?"
"I'm fine — you're the one who's gone crazy!" Nagisa said, sounding choked. "Haru-chan, too! What were you thinking?"
"Those guys—. They were—." But what could Makoto say? They were hurting you? They deserved worse? That wouldn't make Nagisa feel better.
"Sorry," he said, instead. "I know you don't like that kind of thing, Nagisa. Forgive me?"
"Me too," Haru added, quietly, eyes averted.
Nagisa shook his head, and this time his smile was entirely genuine.
Rei coughed awkwardly, his own fierce love conveyed through how close he stood to Nagisa now, supporting him silently through the simple way their arms brushed together.
"Well, anyway. We're all late for practice." Rei pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"Waah! Gou-chan is going to kill us!" Nagisa wailed.
"Come on, guys. Let's go," Makoto said, fitting back into his role as the placid big brother.
"I want to swim," said Haru simply, as he pushed past to head down to the pool.
Everyone followed, Makoto bringing up the rear. As they descended on the stairs, Nagisa held back too.
He didn't say anything though, so Makoto finally spoke up, in a soft, private voice, "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Nothing to tell." Nagisa shrugged.
"But they're not going to stop. They're going to keep doing horrible things to you, and you—."
Nagisa turned his head and looked Makoto straight in the eyes.
"My whole life..." He took a deep breath. "My whole life, people have said I look like a girl, or I act like a girl, or I must be gay. But they don't know me at all, and they don't want to know me. They just want somebody to tear down."
Makoto didn't know what to say, and he sensed it wasn't his time to talk anyway.
"But you guys know me." Nagisa finally broke eye contact, lowering his head to hide red cheeks. "If they want to say stuff or do stuff, I don't care. But if you and Haru get in trouble for fighting, or Rei gets targeted... I don't want that."
Makoto swallowed. "You shouldn't have to deal with that alone."
Nagisa's reply was immediate. "I've never felt alone."
"Good. Because you're not," Makoto said firmly, already going through things in his head — how they weren't going to let those guys tamper with Nagisa's things or say stuff or threaten him ever again. Rei would have to be the most vigilant. Haru would probably say it was a pain, but he'd help out anyway.
"Hey." Nagisa broke through his thoughts. "How's your hand?"
"It hurts," Makoto replied, suddenly realizing that it was true.
"Jeez, that's why you shouldn't hit people! Mako-chan, I never expected it of you."
Makoto went to apologize again, but Nagisa cut him off.
"Thank you."
Makoto found himself smiling, warm with affection. "That's what friends are for."
Nagisa looked up, and his own smile put Makoto's to shame.
