/Do they miss me?/ I wondered, gazing blankly up at the ceiling. /Do they wonder if I'm still alive?/
I sighed /Probably not. They're probably to busy gushing over Josh to even notice I'm gone./
I could just see them, watching Joshua, smiling and showering him in the love they never bothered to give me, but you know what, I'm going to prove to you that I'm a good son. I'm going to give them a reason to love me. To be proud of me like they are Josh.
Then I don't have to look at him and feel jealous. I mean, don;t get me wrong. I love my brother. It's just... Sometimes I can;t help but feel bitter. When I see them giving Josh love, be patient and caring towards him and not me. It's hurts, to think you're not good enough. To wonder why you're mother and father like you're brother more than you. To sit there at night and wonder, try and figure out what you've done wrong and what you can do to make it up to them.
It's even worse when you do something you're proud of and then it's just shot down, either by them telling you it's still not good enough or them telling you they don't care and just chasing you off, them telling you "Alex, I don't have time for this. Why don't you just go and play with your friends."
Even more painful than any of that though,was getting yelled at for the smallest thing. Or better yet something I didn't do. It happened a lot believe it or not.
I reached up to scratch my face and felt something wet on my cheek "Since when did I start crying?" I wondered aloud, looking at my fingers "I shouldn't be." I sighed "I apparently did something to deserve it. It's the only reasonable explanation. I mean why else would they treat me the way they did."
It was only a matter of time now, though. Once I get out of the hospital, I can go home, tell them about all the things I've managed to do while in the army, show them I made something of myself.
Maybe then they'll be proud of me.
