Drabble: It's Just the Way I'm Feeling
I wear your perfume now. Well, it's my perfume but I know you wear it too. Somehow, it makes me feel like I am connected to you again, even though the reality is that we are broken up and miles apart. It is not as if we were even together that long... But it sure felt like it.
It has been three months since the break up and I am slowly getting over you, except every message you send me, out of the blue, catapults me back to that time three months ago when we were together, and happy – all the promises we made to each other...
I felt so high on love, like I was a bird soaring through the sky but most importantly, I was your bird and everything I saw and everything I said had meaning, because you were in my life and I felt that nothing could bring me down. We were stronger this time round, at least I thought so. And whilst I am over you, every moment we shared keeps swirling around in my head.
I don't know how we got here.
Those moments were amazing and I felt so lucky, so privileged when I took your hand in my hand and you reciprocated with a smile – An honest to god, pure joyful smile of wonderment, that bore into my eyes and I truly felt like I had nothing to be scared about. You were going to be there for me and you were.
You were so caring and loving it was overwhelming. I got scared and I pushed you away... I became insecure too because I did not want to lose you. I felt so much for you but I could not put it into words. Truth be told, you had this aura about you that seemed untouchable. I, Marissa Cooper, the most popular girl in school was intrigued and afraid of you all at the same time. You were too good to me and too good for me. I felt like a bug underneath you, it was as if you were this giant (and I don't mean that in a horrible way!) and you could crush me at any time. And you did. I never expected things to move so fast – We rushed it and I think neither of us was truly ready – It was not Ryan's fault. I know this will hurt you to hear, but Ryan and I did get back together for a short time... But there were absolutely no feelings there – I was only with him to try to fill the emptiness I felt when you left. It didn't work; it never worked between us - ever. He and I both knew it.
So I am single now and pining for you. I do not know where you are. I checked your facebook profile and I see you are in a relationship. I am crushed again.
Why her though Alex? After everything that happened and the amount of times you broke up before? I don't understand.
I guess I will never understand. I gave you every right and every reason to leave... I lied, I pushed you away, and I'm sorry ok? I am sorry I'm so sorry... I should have never let you walk away from the bonfire that night.
I want to be with you forever Alex. Life partners, what do you say?
I am just laughing to myself now, realising what a fool I have been...
Waves – Take me away.
