You could have kissed him.
It would have been as easy as breathing.
Everything was inviting… the warmth of his gaze, the privacy Ron had unwillingly (and unknowingly) allowed you to have, the certainty that you two were alone in a tent in the middle of a God forsaken place – and in the middle of a war -, the adrenaline, the butterflies in your stomach, the tingly feeling where he had placed his hands while you danced… and your desire, of course.
His eyes – you mentally cursed those emerald green eyes – were fixed on you, in a way that sent shivers down your spine. He seemed to see right through you, uncovering you, watching your heart skipping beats inside your ribcage… As if your hesitation had given you away and he were discovering something you had until then kept hidden way too deep for anyone to notice. You felt exposed. Bare. You didn't like that. It was almost like seeing the mechanisms of his brain working, as he slowly joined the pieces of the puzzle and understood everything. It was obvious the moment realization hit him.
His eyes were fixed on you, questioning you, waiting for you, challenging you, while your mind ran a hundred miles an hour trying to decipher the mystery of what to do next. You knew your actions would change things. You knew what you did would mean making a choice – something you'd been postponing for years. That was a fact. But what would be the consequences, what to sacrifice, how to decide – those were questions you had no answer for. Only time could give you those answers. Yet time was, unfortunately, the one thing you couldn't count on.
You just stood there, immobile, as doubt took over you in a moment that lasted an eternity, staring at him while you weighted your options. For the first time in your life, you needed someone else to decide for you. You wanted him to make the first move, to let you off the hook and spare you the enormous amount of guilt and regret that choice would guarantee you. He didn't do anything but looking at you, though, and you just hated it. If only he had moved closer and kissed you until your lungs ran out of oxygen, you would have known what to do. But since he didn't, you didn't have a clue and were unable to act even if your life depended on it.
You could have kissed him, but in the end, fear was stronger than anything else and you walked away.
If only you had known what kind of chance you were letting slip away…
