City lights.
They were everywhere.
On a ground view, and at night, city lights were just distracting but necessary. Everything was lighten up. Every car has their headlights on, every building had their lights one, advertisements were being shown everywhere, and every establishment's logo was lit up. On a ground view, city lights were just normal, artificial, somewhat distracting lights. Lights that would ward away all the stars, lights that could be headache inducing, lights that were strictly necessary for everyone to function properly. On a ground view nobody stopped walking to take a picture, nobody ever thought wow this is beautiful. On the ground everyone needed city lights, et nobody ever thought to take a second out of their day to appreciate the city lights.
But that was the ground view.
That was down there and this, the faint buzzing of all the acitivty happening down there, drowned out by the biting wind howling in his ears, the better view of the few stars that were bright enough to stand out, despite the city lights trying to scare them away, the sturdy feeling of concrete beneath his feat, the loneliness, this was up here.
Up here the city lights were breathe taking. The cars were going so fast that from up there, they weren't just some random light source but a continuing line of light going through the streets with precision. Up here, you could see the city light farther away, the ones that really made the scene so stunning. The lights were so far away they just looked like colorful dots, and the buildings that had every room lit up, god, they made everything look so much better, despite the lights faintly blurring together. Up here, if you took in the full view of everything, of both the lights up close and those faraway, the whole thing looked like it jumped out a painting, the light farther away compensated for the lack of stars, the lights closer shined brighter, demanding more attention, but the lights in the back were always there, never being out-shined, yet never put-shining any of the other lifts. Almost as if they all correlated with each other to have the perfect balance.
Anyone who was up there would just have to stare at the beautiful scenery that demanded attention.
But right now, with the wind biting at his cheeks and assualting his clothes, causing them to make flapping sounds, with the beautiful city lights, the ones everyone loves to appreciate up here, all Alfred could think about was silver hair, pale skin, and eyes that somehow defied science and were a light lavender purple with little flecks of dark purple, and pink lips that were oh so soft and so warm, and so unlike the freexing cold that came with the beautiful city lights.
For such a long time, whenever they were in the same room as each other they were anything but civil. There were arguments, shouts, jabs, petty disagreements, insults, rumor-spreading, fists connecting to faces, feet connecting to sides, bruises exchanged, and so, so much more.
But that was a awhile ago.
They went from enemies, to friends, to something more, to 'death due is part'.
They weren't exactly the most affectionate, lovey-dovey couple but that was just what happened when they were put together, it didn't mean they didn't love each other or that they never were affectionate, but it just wasn't something they were constantly doing.
But that was then.
And in the future, in approximately three years after they exchanged vows, Alfred would grow to miss every single little brush of their fingers, every bump of their shoulders, every punch, every kiss, every hug, every touch that they ever exchanged.
Alfred lifted his foot and pressed it onto the ledge, bringing his other foot along with it.
He was standing on the ledge now, with nothing left for him.
The wind didn't stop for one second, didn't let him think for one second about what he was about to do.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Ivan was supposed to come home and they were supposed to make a nice dinner together, then they were supposed to go in their backyard and drink champaigne while looking at the oh so beautiful stars while playfully insulting each other. Alfred then was supposed to look at him and say some cheesy line about the stars being beautiful and so was Ivan, and then Ivan was supposed to insult him, call him cheesy, or stupid, but Alfred wohld know that he didn't mean it, because he would have that kind of smile on his face when he did stuff like that. Then that would be the end of their metaphorical story. A happy every afters. Like a fairytale.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Alfred closed his eyes as he heard to the doctor start an in-depth explanation of how this happened , though he wasn't really listening. He was still too shocked to comprehend what he just heard.
Ivan was dead.
The love of his life, the person he both hated and loved with every fiber of his being, was gone, dead, never to be seen again.
Faintly, Alfred felt Arthur puf a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it slowly in what was supposed to be a comforting manner, however Alfred was too busy trying to keep himself from falling apart to taks comfort in anything.
This wasn't like a fairytale, this was just a fairytale tragedy.
Alfred let out a small choked sob as he thought about that day.
The wind almost blew him off of the edge, almost causing him fall back onto the building's roof, but he kept his ground. If he was going to fall it wasn't going to be onto the the roof and it was going to be on his own terms.
The funeral was terrible.
Everyone was there. Alfred's family, Ivan's sisters, a few of Ivan and Alfred's mutual friend, but, for some godforsaken reason, people Ivan hated, disliked, or just didn't know were there, all dressed in black. Seeing those people there made Alfred angry, they barely even knew him! They had no right to be here, claiming that Ivan was such a good man and saying how much they missed when Alfred knew they didn't even care.
It made Alfred sick to his stlmach to see these people there, but other than that, and some anger that was boiling in his abdomen, he felt nothing. Absolutly nothing.
Alfred would take that over the soul-crushing grief that would surely take him over any day.
Alfred took a deep breathe through his nose and allowed to ro escape through his mouth as a shaky exhale.
Alfred wiped the tears off of his face, stopping himself from crying any further. He was going to see Ivan soon, anyway, there wasn't enough now for crying.
Alfred looked down at the sidewalk that was so far away yet looked so close. He banished the bad memories that plagued his head, and instead chose to focus on the good memories, the good side of things.
Those memories washed out the bad ones, flooding his head with Ivan, as Alfred closed his eyes and lifted his foot of the edge, allowing their foot to hover in the air. Alfred took a deep breathe and allowed his other foot to follow the other, causing him to fall off of the building, with nothing but memories on his mind.
"Hey, Ivan."
They were both sitting on the couch that was placed in their living, facing their TV. The faint sound of rain tapping the roof and window and such could be heard. It was their day off and they decided to spend it together, though there were supposed to go out but the rain ruined that. Ivan was sitting at the far end of the right side of the couch, right up against the arm, and Alfred was in the middle, though he slowly started to shift closer to Ivan as time went on.
When they both decided to stay inside, Alfred went on his phone, doing whatever he wanted on the Internet, or the playing the many apps on his phone, and Ivan started to read a book he never had fhe time to start. Though, Alfred had long abandoned his phone and opted to instead stare out the window, contemplating what he was about to say.
"Hm?" He hummed as he reluctantly tore his gaze away from his book to look at Alfred.
"I love you."
There was a moment of a silence, one that was somewhat heavy and filled with anxiety, fear, and doubts. And in that moment of silence Alfred quickly went back to looking at his phone after it emitted a small ding noise, indicating that his brother was done with his turn in Words With Friends.
"Katzenjammer? Is that even an English word?!" Alfred broke the silence and started to pull up a tab on the Internet, determined to find out if his brother was cheating or not.
When the page was half way loaded Ivan responded. "I love you, too."
Alfred's head snapped up to look at Ivan again but he found that he went back to reading his book, flipping to the next page.
Somehow, Alfred moved in the air, and now he was looking up at the dark night sky, his back facing the ground, with one or two dim stars dusting the night sky.
The wind was ruffling Alfred's hair, it was getting into his eyes, mouth, and ears, but Alfred couldn't bring himself to care. It was going to end soon anyway.
Their first official date wasn't exactly what everyone dreamed a first date would be like.
They had went to nice little Italian restraint that was close to the university they went to. It was nice little establishment, decorated in a fashionable manner without being too stereotypical or flashy, it wasn't cheap or too expensive, and it wasn't stiff, either, nice and laid back. And one the plus side, Alfred was friends with the owners, so, extra breadsticks for them!
Everything was going just fine a dandy, at first. They talked about many things, they told stories, talked about their day, classes, teachers they hated, etc. Theh only got into a heat discussion once, which was huge progress for them.
Then, after dinner and dessert and such, they had to pay.
They both went to grab the check at the same time, their hands bumping as they tried to grab it as quickly as possible.
Ivan said he would pay for it, but Alfred quickly shut that down and said he was going to pay for it.
"But I was the one who suggested this place, therefore I pay!"
"I get more money than you."
"All the more reason I should pay!"
"That doesn't make sense."
After a little bit more of fighting, the waiter came back, suggested that maybe they should split it, and they both begrudgingly agreed (though Alfred did slipped an extra five dollars into his half of the tip, just so he had the satisfaction of winning.)
All in all, looking back on it, Alfred couldn't think of a more perfect first date.
The edge of the building, the one that Alfred stood on not so long ago, looked so far away.
That's how he knew he was so close to the ground.
If somebody was watching this on the outside, watching his fall, it would only last a few seconds, after all, gravity only needed such a small time to make such a big decision.
Kill or let this one go?
Though gravity hardly ever let anyone go, especially when the fall was from such a tall building.
And to Alfred, these few seconds felt like an eternity.
And right now, Alfred couldn't be any happier.
Because right now, as a small smile slipped onto Alfred's face, all he could think about was silver locks that were so soft, pale skin, pink, soft, warm lips that felt so great against his, teeth that would always bite a little on his broom lip, impossible purple eyes that Alfred swore were contacts, cold hands that Alfred would always take into his warming them up, soft laughs that weee so rare that Alfred just had to treasure them, warmth that would come from the left side of the bed, making any night ten times better, the small fights that one of them would start and then apologize for after they both cooled down, small food fights that would leave the kitchen looking like a disaster, the bubble fights they would have when they both washed the dishes in the sink, leaving them both wet.
And right now, as Alfred was one inch away from hitting the ground, from leaving the world for eternity, all he could think about was Ivan.
And when he hit the ground, a blissful smile on his face, all he could then think about was seeing his love again.
