Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.


Once upon a time, there was a kid name Alex Rider. A lot of girls thought he was cute, but he ignored the brainless little twits. He was a soccer player. He was very good at soccer. That's why he was on the soccer team. He was very good at martial arts. He had been taking karate lessons since he was six. He was also a spy. But he didn't like being a spy. So one day he went outside and killed himself, despite the brainless twits and soccer playing and karate. The end.


A/N: This was originally written as proof to Rowana Renee (go read her stories, by the way, they're awesome!) that I can, indeed, write crap, but she suggested it would be good as a parody. Therefore, here we are. This is the only story for which I will accept flames as well as reviews.