Title: Something of light
Author: Sasuke181
Summary: Sasuke returns to Konoha after the war and is finally ready to accept his feelings for Team 7 and Sakura. This is a story about new beginnings and correcting mistakes of the past.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Naruto world, which is trademarked by Masashi Kishimoto. The characters in this story are created and owned by Masashi Kishimoto, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the world of Naruto. The story I tell here is my own invention, and it is not purported or believed to be part of Masashi Kishimoto's story canon. This story is for entertainment only and is not part of the official story line.
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"I could deny it if I liked. I could deny anything if I liked." - Oscar Wilde
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You are lying there and watching the tears streak down her cheeks. You know you have been forgiven but you simply cannot shake the weight off your heart. You watch her smile and talk with Naruto and you cannot stop yourself from wondering, "What did you ever do to deserve such love?" You cannot take your mind off her, even as the rest of the shinobi world wakes up from the tsukuyomi, nor when Kakashi helps you back to the village... back home.
As you sit on your bed in that white, cold hospital room you wonder what she is doing right now. Is she grocery shopping? Eating ramen? Tending to other patients and choosing to avoid you? Even though you have lied to yourself all those years you knew how you felt for her. You have known since that night. And throughout those years, when you lied to yourself about caring for Naruto and Kakashi you also pretended to not know what it was like to love someone.
You always had a soft spot for her. You were always over protective of her back then, never wanting to let anyone harm her but you never knew why until that night. Years have passed but that memory is still vivid in your mind. The cold wind blowing through your hair, carrying her broken voice to your ears, to your heart. Hearing her sobs, her love confession and her begging you to take her with you, you suddenly understood. Somehow, you loved her.
But you had Itachi to deal with. You owed it to your family and considering how you were around her, you simply couldn't take her with you no matter how selfish you were. You would not only be unable to focus on the task at hand but she would never be safe there.
As you were carrying her to that bench you knew you were bidding her your final goodbye. You knew that in a few years she would most probably forget you and you knew that she would be someone else's eventually. This was what pushed you to wipe away her tears and lay the gentlest of kiss on her forehead, hoping she understood that you remembered where it all started and understood your last words to her. And you walked away without looking back.
After your fight with Naruto, walking towards Orochimaru's lair, your keys jingling in your pocket, you became very much aware of the photo that was also in your pocket. You couldn't find it in you to leave it behind. You hoped that one day you would get to come back but you couldn't fool yourself - this was Itachi. The chance of being alive after killing him were slim to none. And you were not willing to leave him alive. You would have to risk your life to take him down and you knew it.
And even as you kept going, you told yourself that Naruto and Sakura would now be safe from you and from the heartache you would have brought on them had you stayed longer. Because they would eventually have to had to deal with you sacrificing your life to end Itachi's.
During those years with Orchimaru, you didn't intentionally think about her but she was always there, at the back of your mind. With Naruto and Kakashi. You thought of Kakashi sometimes. You thought of him whenever you improved your chidori. You knew he would be proud. You thought of Naruto a bit more often - when you were eating ramen on a mission Orochimaru sent you on, actually on all of the missions you were sent on. You never ever thought about the reason behind it, you just did it. You also thought of him sometimes when you were training with Orochimaru and he told you about your growth. You wondered what Naruto was at. Was he still growing at an unnatural pace? But Sakura... you never thought about her. And when something triggered any memory of her you pushed it down and focused entirely on your training.
That was probably why you dreamt of her more often. Her holding you when she thought you died, her voice, her eyes, her smile, her back as she stood between you and a rampaging Gaara, her tears and her in your arms on that night - you saw it all clearly in your dreams.
Standing atop that hill, you couldn't take your eyes off her. You watched as she ran from the underground tunnel to the shinobi that looked strangely like you. You watched as she grabbed his throat and cursed him. She was no longer that fragile little thing you left behind three years ago. And it nagged you that she was not looking at you. Before you could think it through you called out her name.
"Ah, it's Sakura."
And you couldn't stifle the little bout of satisfaction you felt when you saw her expression change and her head starting to turn in your direction. She knew. She remembered. As her eyes widened at the sight of you, your heartbeat increased a notch. She might have grown up, she might be more confident now but she would always be your Sakura, the girl who loved you too much for her own good. And you hear her say your name in the voice that has always made you strange inside. This is still the Sakura you left on the kept your eyes on her, knowing that Naruto was coming and that you would soon have to redirect your attention to him. But you couldn't deny that you enjoyed every little ounce of her attention directed at you. Despite knowing this should not affect you at all.
On that day, to your surprise, you were irritated to find out that instead of Kakashi another man came. Maybe you were hoping to see your sensei too, but you never let yourself think about it too much. And when you stared down at the group of four people at that time, you couldn't stop yourself from thinking that they simply didn't...click.
They were not and would never be team 7. That guy Sai and the Kakashi substitute definitely didn't fit with Naruto and Sakura. And they were supposed to be Team Kakashi? But no matter how much you hated him already, you couldn't ignore the pinch you felt in your heart at Sai's words. And Naruto's expression and badly hidden hope that you still cared made it worse. So you lied. To them and to yourself. You lied and hoped that they would understand and leave. On that day, for the first time ever, you were relieved to see Orochimaru appear. You needed someone to stop you after all... Although you would have never used that technique, you were glad that Orochimaru made it seem like he was the one stopping you.
That night, you thought of Naruto's expression as you gave in to sleep but dreamt of Sakura's heartbroken face. In your dream she was no longer that naive child who looked at you with stars in her eyes. She was now this beautiful girl who looked at you from a distance with a face void of emotion.
The door creaking shakes you out of your thoughts and forces you to take note of your surroundings. It's already dark outside and you are lying on your bed with your eyes closed. So you choose to pretend to be asleep. After all you don't know who just entered the room and you don't want to deal with any of the nurses who simply wouldn't stop talking. So you wait as you hear footsteps nearing the bed, the sound of someone pulling the chair next to the bed as silently as possible and taking a seat. You can already tell it's not one of the nurses. You would recognize that chakra signature anywhere but decide not to say anything and wait. After a long ten minutes, you finally hear your visitor's voice.
"You are not asleep and you know I'm aware of that. I'm not going to pretend otherwise but this is important and I want you to listen to me. So you can keep your eyes closed and pretend I'm not there. But ultimately you'll have to give me an answer."
The person took a deep breath.
"Five years have passed since you left the village, five long years. While you have gone ahead and accomplished your dreams and forgotten about us, we, your teammates - yes, we are still your teammates, no matter what you said - have worried about you, cried for you, fought for you. There will be a trial coming up and we will stand by you through it all because we believe in you. I just want to hear this from you..."
A longer pause this time. You can tell that the person is afraid of continuing and wonder why.
"Is it worth it? Will you stay this time? Have you really let go of the hatred in your heart and are you ready to go on with your life? With all of us here for you?"
You finally open your eyes and sit up in your bed while keeping your eyes on your sensei's eyes. He is serious and with the way his shoulders are slumped you know that he's readying himself for the worst. You have after all let him down in so many ways and it's not surprising that he reacts this way. But it does hurt and you want to make it up to him. It's remorse that you feel. You have destroyed so many relationship on your way to vengeance and have let those people who loved you the most believe that you didn't care one ounce about them.
And here you thought Kakashi was perceptive. With one look at the team you had assembled to hunt down Itachi, he should have figured it out. Team seven has always been in your thoughts.
You struggle to find the right words and are eternally grateful for Kakashi's patience. But after a few minutes of trying to form a decent answer and failing you can only say a simple and pathetic,
"Yes."
Because Kakashi is Kakashi, he understands, breathes a sigh of relief and smiles at you.
And this is where the tale of Sasuke, not Uchiha Sasuke, just Sasuke begins.
