Jesse's Song
This is a sequel to the Season 18 episode "Jesse". Festus felt such anguish over having to choose his badge over his friend that I felt sure he must have had a hard time dealing with the loss, especially when Jesse died in his arms. This is my answer to the question, "What happened next?"
I don't own the characters-I just like to hang out with them
Chapter one
The dusty, prairie wind ruffled the hair of the somber men crowded around the open grave, their hats twisting uneasily in their hands. Staring with unseeing eyes into its inky depths, they paused as they remembered their friend, killed by a man for the money his death would bring.
"Jesse," Deputy Festus Haggen whispered with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorrier'n I kin ever tell ya. I wish…I wish I coulda done somethin', anythin', other'n what I done."
Dave Carpenter, trail boss for the cattle drive Jesse Dillard had been a part of, finished saying the words over Jesse's grave and walked to stand beside the grief-stricken deputy.
"Festus, if it's any consolation, I know for a fact Jesse would never blame you for what happened."
"Mebbe not, Mr. Carpenter," Festus said wearily, fingering the shiny deputy's badge he was so proud of. "But I sure do. If'n I wasn't awearin' this here badge, Jesse and I might be on our way ta Mexico or…or anywhere's 'bout now."
Carpenter placed a hand on Festus' shoulder. "Take your time and say your goodbyes."
Festus looked up briefly and watched as his friend and fellow deputy, Newly O'Brien, and the men from Carpenter's camp moved off down the hill to their horses.
Looking about him, Festus smiled briefly. "Ya sure would like this here place Mr. Carpenter picked fer yer grave, Jesse."
Sitting on a small hilltop, the grave overlooked the Arkansas River as it flowed placidly below. Cattle milled about its banks grazing contentedly and lowing softly.
"I jes cain't fergive myself for what happened. I'd do anythin' ta change it. But I cain't," he said lowering his head. Wiping a hand quickly across his eyes, Festus placed his battered hat back on his head and started down the scrub-covered hill to the men waiting below, stopping once to look back at Jesse's grave.
Coming up on the group of cowboys, Festus heard one of the men whining. "What we gonna do without no cook? We still got at least one more month till we get to Denver. Mebbe longer with the way things is goin' and I ain't so happy with what we bin eatin' since Jesse...well, since he died."
Carpenter shook his head slowly, staring at the ground. "Don't know, Bob. It's too late to be findin' someone to just up and take off with us for the next month."
"Well, we gotta find someone," another cowboy said unhappily. "We'll starve otherwise."
"I'll do it," Festus said softly, not looking at the men about him, who looked at each other in surprise.
"Festus?" Newly questioned. "You? But, what about Dodge? We need to be gettin' back. The Marshal will be expectin' us soon."
"You go on, Newly. Help Matthew all ya can till he kin find someone ta take ma place."
"Take your place? Festus..."
"I ain't goin' back, Newly. I cain't be a deputy no more. Not right now. It cost me too much." With that, Festus slowly unpinned the badge from his chest, buffed it briefly on his shirt and handed it to his friend.
"What about all your friends in Dodge? Miss Kitty, Doc, Matthew, me? You sayin' that pain in your heart means more to you than your friends that wanta help you?" Newly asked sharply.
Festus jerked his head up at Newly's words and tone. "Naw! That ain't awhat I'm sayin' ya knot head. I'm sayin'..." Festus looked away for a moment. "I'm sayin' I need me some time. Try ta figger out why what happened happened. Don'tcha see? I cain't do that if'n I'm sittin' in Dodge drinkin' beer and havin' y'all tellin' me it ain't ma fault."
"It isn't!" Newly said crossly. "What happened..."
"Was my fault. Jesse's too fer runnin'. The law's fault fer sentencin' him the way they done. I don't know I can serve that there law no more," he said sadly, shaking his head. "Don't make this no harder fer me, Newly. Yer a good friend, but try ta understand."
Newly stared hard at his friend for a moment, knowing what Festus was giving up. "You'll come back, won't you?" he asked softly, concern for him in his tone.
Raising his head slowly, Festus stared at his friend for a moment, then nodded. "When I think I can, Newly. I'll sure try."
"You'd better. Doc'll have my head as it is for not bringin' ya back with me."
"Foot, he'll prob'ly shout fer joy. Town'll be so quiet he won't know what ta do," he said with a laugh.
Newly laughed along with him for a moment. "If you don't come back, I'll hunt you down, hogtie ya and haul ya back ta Dodge on that mule of yours. Don't make me do that," he said with a small smile.
Nodding, Festus smiled back and held out his hand. "Ya been a good friend to me, Newly. Couldn't ask fer better."
Newly grasped the weathered hand tightly in his own. "I feel the same, Festus. If you ever need anything...ya know where I am."
"I do," he said softly. "And Newly? Tell Doc, Miss Kitty and Matthew...well, tell 'em...tell 'em I'm sorry. And that they's the best friends a feller could ask fer. Ya tell them that won't ya?"
"You know I will, Festus."
Newly strode to his horse and mounted. Wheeling back towards Festus, he pointed to him and said, "Remember, I'll come after ya if ya don't come back."
Festus nodded and raised a hand in farewell. "Be safe, Newly."
"You too, Festus. You too."
With that, Newly turned his mount and raced towards the river and crossed it quickly, leaving the drovers staring after him uncertainly.
"Uh, Festus...ya can cook can't ya?" asked Carpenter.
"Can I cook? Can I cook? Why yer lookin' at one of the best cooks the Haggen clan ever produced! Goat meat stew, rattlesnake pie, skunk cabbage greens, sweet biscuits...why...my best dish though, well that'd be ma coffee," he said with a laugh, heading off towards the chuck wagon sitting off to the side. "Hope ya got plenty of it 'cause I make it a mite on the strong side. Now Matthew, he don't much like it but then he's a city feller. And then there's Doc, why he..." Festus stopped in mid sentence, realizing who he was talking about: his friends. Friends he might never see again. Looking down at the ground, he nodded slowly and continued softly. "Yes sir, I can cook. Whether or not y'all like it...well, that I cain't garantee."
