When I was ten I realized that I was not like the other kids in my primary school. It was actually for a multitude of reasons. My family didn't have a lot of money. Ever since my grandfather screwed up as prime minister and our family's company failed the Ishimaru's lived on the border of poverty. My dad was a salaryman and my mom had two part time jobs. Even as a young child I couldn't stand watching my parents suffer that much. The only thing I could do was study. If I studied hard enough and worked hard enough then I could get into a good school and be able to restore my families honor. To clarify I made this decision before I was ten and it had nothing to do with the rest of the story. However a good story needs a solid exposition or else it will be lost on the audience.

I guess you could say that I didn't "socialize well." That is what my teachers would always tell my parents. It didn't strike me as much of a problem though. My mother thought differently. She would encourage me to try and make friends. But no matter how hard I tried I was never able to strike a bond with anyone. I wasn't exactly the most physically attractive kid out there or anywhere close to that. I rarely watched anime and was more concerned with the public policy decisions of the local government than the catching Pokemon or playing ninjas. These were all just minor disturbances. But they added together like pieces of straw on a metaphorical camel's back, in balance for the moment but if even one more piece of straw was added the camel would collapse and probably die from the effects of having a broken spine.

The teenage years are a horrible combination of uncontrollable hormones and broken expectations. The hormones began to flow during my tenth year. I was not alone there. Many of my classmates were also experiencing this sudden wave. Kids began developing "crushes" of sorts. It became a trend for people to start "dating" each other, although fourth graders can only do so much. Everyone became so much more aware of the other sex. Everyone except me. I couldn't care less about what the girls in my grade thought of me or most of the boys for that matter. Except one. I'll spare you the boring details of this young Don Juan but he was assuredly my first love. To my dismay I was rejected before I had even began as it became clear to me that it was taboo to have feel that way for another boy. Even as a child I knew if I was to ever restore my family's honor I couldn't afford a gay scandal. I believed that the only way to achieve long term success was by hard work. And so I added a new task to my schedule: keep myself in the closet. Forever.

When I was accepted into Hope's Peak for high school it seemed my efforts were finally beginning to bear fruit. On top of everything it seemed that my "social deficiencies" would no longer be a problem. As it was a top notch academy, and not the local public school I would have gone to, I was positive my fellow students would share my devotion to hard work. I could finally have friends. And while the other students may have had talents far different from my own, such as gambling and fortune telling, I liked them. Most of them at least. There was one classmate I did not like very much at all. His name was Mondo Oowada.

He was the super high school level gang leader which was barbaric at best and utterly deplorable at worst. On the rare occasion that he showed up to class he spend the entire time sleeping and goofing off. Today was one of those rare occasions and I'd had enough.

"Excuse me Oowada-kun" I began, making my way over to his desk. He had his feet propped up on the desk where his books should be although the closest thing to a book he possessed was the motorcycle magazine he was reading. Assuming he could read. He looked up at me in distaste. "Seeing as you have never actually been present for cleaning duty when it was assigned to you it's rather rude of you to put your dirty feet up on that desk of yours."

"It's my desk ain't it?" He responded.

"It belongs to the school. The school you are very lucky to be allowed to go to." I tried very hard to maintain a calm, even tone. It was difficult considering the effect Oowada had on me.

"But ya' just said it was mine." His voice was even smoother than mine. It made me angry.

"No I didn't." Shit. "Well, I may have said it was yours but I didn't mean that it belonged to you persae. Rather it is currently in your possession but you don't have ownership rights over it. It's more like a rental. Like a tuxedo or a time share."

I knew at that point I was rambling. He looked amused. "What did you say your name was."

"Kiyotaka Ishimaru. I am the head of the disciplinary committee and will not tolerate your delinquent behavior."

"Well Kiyotaka" I winced as he addressed me by my first name. Even my parents rarely addressed me by my first name. "I don't give a damn about your rules. If I want to put my feet here I'm gonna fuckin do that and there ain't nothing you can do to stop me"

"I- uh. . ." I was absolutely floored. Certainly I had experienced such insubordination before however Hope's Peak was supposed to be different. No matter, my will was stronger than his. "No! That is unacceptable. You must remove your feet from this desk at once!"

So much for a calm, even voice. However he did remove his feet from the desk as he stood up in front of me. He was noticeably taller than me although I was far from short. Nevertheless with him invading my personal space and glaring into my eyes I felt tiny. His face was so close to mine I could feel his breath. I stood my ground, glaring back. While he may have been an uneducated barbarian his kind could smell fear. If I moved back I would be letting him win.

"Is this better for ya' sir." He spat. Moist drops of saliva made contact with my face. His breath smelled of sandwiches. I never liked sandwiches.

"Quite" It was not much better. He was being more of a nuisance now and everyone in the class was watching our stare down. He narrowed his eyes. I followed suit. We held that position for what seemed like forever, each second longer and more agonizing than the one before. Sweat began to form on the back of my neck.

"Just kiss already!" Leon Kuwata shouted jokingly, pulling both of us back to real time. I began to panic internally. While I knew he was just joking, he was Kuwata after all and badly time jokes were kind of his forte, years of internalizing homosexual tendencies began to resurface. Could it be that someone had found out?

No, that is quite impossible. I had said nothing to anyone. There was no reason one would assume I was gay. Not even my parents suspected it. They were always asking when I was going to get a girlfriend or trying to tell me about a coworker's daughter or a friend of a friend. But what if they were doing that because they thought I was gay? Perhaps they were trying to bait me to coming out of the closet. Or maybe they were so disgusted with the concept they were trying to find a woman who would be capable of changing me. Maybe all my work to restore the family honor was in vain and I was merely bringing more shame to the Ishimaru clan.

I had to pull myself together. No more nonsense.

I walked away from Oowada towards the front of the classroom where I was assigned to sit. My cheeks felt warm and I feared that a blush might give something away. Thusly I did not turn around when I said "There is nothing to see here. Everyone should go back to their studying. Class will start again any minute" as I sank into my chair. I could feel fifteen pairs of eyes fixated on the back of my head. It had been one joking phrase, three words, four syllables, no serious implication whatsoever. But just as my discovery of my sexual orientation had dashed all my chances of ever being like the rest of my peers it seemed that one phrase was an ax to the reinforcements I had placed on the floodgates keeping all my secrets in. Either way I am running out of metaphors.