It was early morning, the sun threatening to rise as Kahlan pushed through the trees. She awoke almost two hours before and decided to go for a walk to clear him from her mind. Zedd caught her staring at him the day before and now he would be sure to keep a closer eye on them. She knew better, but they spent most nights talking after the wizard went to sleep and before she could stop herself, she fell in love with him. He hadn't been the same since he was freed from Denna, but as he always did, he spoke to her in such a way that took her breath away. Before she had told herself it was because he didn't know what she could do, but now, she couldn't believe the lie anymore.
Breaking off a limb off of a tree, she began picking off the leaves, watching them as they blew away in the wind. If only her thoughts could be taken away as easily, she wished with her eyes closed.
"Kahlan?!"
She spun around at the terror she heard in his voice and rushed through the trees. She hadn't run more a few dozen feet when he came into her sight. He didn't stop when he saw her, instead he closed the distance and pulled her into his arms. Richard held her tightly, almost lifting her feet from the ground as he tried to bring her closer. His face was pressed between her neck and shoulder, his nose ticked by her long hair as he took in several deep breaths. She waited a moment before returning his hug, part of her terrified.
"What's wrong?" she asked, showing more of her fear than she wanted.
Pulling away, he dropped his arms to his sides and shook his head, seeming to think about what he had just done. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched you like that."
"Richard, what happened?"
Turning away, he wondered if he should tell her the truth. She wasn't looking in his eyes, she wouldn't know. "I woke up and you were gone. I thought you had left."
Grabbing his arm, she turned him to face her, instantly regretting the movement as he brought his eyes to hers. He could see everything, her every thought and emotion, all there for him to read. "Why would you think-"
"I heard Zedd talking to you," he admitted willingly. "I thought he may have convinced you to leave."
"It's not me that needs to be convinced."
"You can't leave, Kahlan."
"Every minute I am near you, you are in danger! How can I keep putting your life at risk?"
Grabbing her shoulders, he yanked her close, keeping his eyes on hers as he tightened his hold to stop her from moving away. "It's my life to risk. You think that this has only been hard on you?" he asked, almost knocking her over with the pain in his voice. "Every day I have to remind myself to be careful not to touch you, not to stare too long and not to pull you against me and kiss you the way we kissed that night in the forest. I lay there at night, so close to you and all I want to do is roll on top of you and make- This is hard on me too. It's not fair for you to escape this alone."
She was speechless, but her body was aching, demanding him wildly. Pushing her thoughts back, Kahlan held his gaze and prayed he couldn't see her imagination running free. She wondered what his mouth felt like on her skin, his hands slowly moving over her as she panted his name. She longed to hear his name flee her lips in passion, hoping she could hear hers from him. It could never happen. She needed to move away before she lost all control.
Taking a step back, she fought the urge to slam into him and connect their lips. His gaze was piercing, his eyes looking into her as she became unable to pull her own away. She liked the way he stared at her. He wasn't scared of her, there was no trace of fear in his forest eyes. They seemed to call out to her, a quiet whisper that drifted by with the wind, lightly caressing her entire body before fading away into the rising sun. She watched his eyes drop to her chest and she felt her breath stop.
"I can't do this without you," he whispered as he watched her chest rise with a slow and deep breath. "I need you to stay."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Then stay."
Shaking her head, she sighed in frustration. "You just told me how hard this is on you. Why would you tell me to stay?"
"I'm not telling," he answered softly. "I'm asking you to stay because I want you here. I may not be able to show my feelings for you, but it doesn't stop me from having them. As hard as it is now, I can't imagine how it would be if you left again." Stepping forward, he grabbed her hand without thought and pulled her toward him. "I need you with me. I know you're afraid of hurting me, but I'm not. Everyone has told me how dangerous you are, but I don't see you that way. Kahlan, I know you. You would never hurt me."
Taking hold of his face, she kissed him, surprising both of them. He wasted no time in returning her kiss, his arms wrapping around her perfect form until she was so close, they nearly shared a single body. Stepping forward, he walked her backward until he found a tree to push her against. His mind screamed for him to slow down, to stop before he upset her, but he couldn't stop his mouth from meeting hers again and again. He slid his hands down her sides, slipping behind her as he lifted her dress.
He expected her to stop him, to push him away, but she didn't. A quiet moan left her lips, vibrating his mouth as his hand touched the soft skin of one of her thighs. The sound and sensation fueled his fire, pushing him onward. Growing braver, he lifted her left leg from the ground and moved it to his hips, rocking forward gently as she brought her other leg up to mirror his action. She parted her lips for his tongue, pushing hers forward to greet it.
Her eyes opened as his hands moved higher, realization hitting her as a stick broke in the distance. They pulled apart, Richard easing her down before turning away to see what had made the sound. They both expected Zedd to be standing there, horrified by their actions, but he wasn't. Instead, the Seeker and Confessor laid their eyes on a deer, who stared cautiously while taking another step. With a quick jump, the creature raced into the trees, searching for safety.
Richard turned back to her almost instantly, wishing he hadn't pulled away. He had never felt so close to anyone before and now that their contact was broken, he feared that he would never feel it again. She was still breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling quickly as she struggled to regain herself. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes darker than usual, but still as beautiful as they had always been. He longed to kiss her again, but he couldn't bring his body to move again.
"Richard, I-"
Touching her face, he turned her head slightly, panic in his eyes. "What happened?"
Kahlan tried to get free, but he had her pinned against the tree again, only this time, it was with heavy power. "It's nothing."
"Your nose is bleeding," he told her while he rubbed the pad of his right thumb under the nostril, removing the red liquid. "Kahlan, what-"
Frowning, she locked their gazes. "I told you I was a danger to you."
"I don't understand." She blinked, trying to bring him back into focus as she pushed herself harder against the tree for stability. "Is this because of your magic?"
Nodding, she closed her eyes and hoped the blood had stopped flowing. "If that deer hadn't come, I may have-"
"No you wouldn't have," he interrupted quickly. "This is only more proof. Kahlan, you would never hurt me. Look at this," he said showing her the blood on his thumb and hand. "You would rather hurt yourself than me." He pulled her to him with his other hand, winding his fingers into her hair as he brought his lips close to hers. "I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone."
"Maybe you shouldn't."
Richard smiled, shaking his head slowly. "You have given me every reason and more to trust you. You may see yourself as some kind of dangerous creature, but you're not. When I look at you, I see everything that matters. I see who you are, and I care about that woman. This woman, right here, the one you try so hard to hide away, I've seen her. Kahlan, you've let me know her. You've allowed me to be close to you."
"Richard," she said quietly, looking away and into the trees. "That woman cannot exist."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a Confessor. We don't have- We can't have feelings for someone. We aren't close to anyone other than other Confessors." Returning her eyes to his, she sighed. "People see us coming and they dart their eyes, they will do anything to avoid us. We are the monsters that walk the streets, stealing their sons, brothers and husbands away from them so that we can continue our line and them we come back and confess their daughters for any crime they may have committed. That woman you think you know, she doesn't exist."
He kissed her again, this time it was slow and gently, making sure she felt him linger willingly. When he pulled back she didn't open her eyes, she couldn't. "She doesn't exist to any other, but she does to me and I cannot understand why you wish it wasn't. If we care about each other, that's all we need. This, Kahlan-"
Her eyes opened and locked on his. "That's all we need?! Do you understand what I can do to you? This is all you need? I can care more about you than anyone else, but I will destroy you the same. Each minute I'm near you I could end your life!"
"You've had more opportunities than Darken Rahl and I'm still here. You could have made me step back, but you haven't. Kahlan listen to me, you will never hurt me, you can't."
Touching the sides of his face, she let herself go, telling him the one thing she never thought she could. "I want to."
Bringing her back to the previous position, he lifted her dress and wrapped her legs around him, pushing forward until she released a low moan. "Do it," he said breathlessly, touching his lips to hers. "Take me."
Kahlan closed her eyes in an attempt to hide her tears, wishing she could take her words back. "I can't."
Kissing her, he moved slower than before, taking the time to memorize the every curve of her lips. She dropped her hands to his chest, clutching his brown vest, having her arms between them to keep his chest from hers. He was the first man she had ever kissed and she would never be able to forget the sensation it provided her. She had believed that something so simple couldn't give her such pleasure, each moment their lips were connected, and she was proven wrong. She wondered if all women experienced it, if it was something she had written off because no man would ever kiss her. He was great at it, she thought, letting her mind focus on the way his teeth lightly pulled on her bottom lip before briefly sucking away the light pain. He must have kissed many women, it was the only explanation she could think of and then she wondered how terrible she was for him.
Breaking their kiss, she pushed him back, though it was not enough to bring her feet back to the ground. "What are we doing?"
"I'm kissing you," he said flatly, with a hint of a smile.
"Why?" The word came out before she could think, but when his mouth curved up into a grin, she didn't hate herself for asking.
"Because that's what two people do when they care so much about each other."
"Do they?" she questioned quietly.
Moving a bit closer, he nodded. "They do."
"We should get back before Zedd wakes up."
"We have time," he said quickly, pushing harder against her until she stopped trying to move away. "We can explore this tradition a little further."
"It's not a good idea."
"Maybe not, but we're here and we know that we both want to and if I don't kiss you again, I'm going to go mad."
"I can't-"
"Yes, you can," he countered instantly.
Shoving him away, she nearly fell to the ground. "I can't, not when you're holding me like that. I can't think when you're so close to me."
"Kahlan," he whispered her name into the wind, letting it carry it to her and when she met his eyes, he knelt down before her. "I don't have to hold you like that and I'm sorry for- I'm sorry I upset you."
Staring at him, she tried to find the right words for the question in her mind. "How can you be like this?"
"What?"
"This. After everything that's happened and everything we've been through, knowing all that you do, how can you want to be near me?"
"I've already told you," he replied at once. "I trust you and nothing that's happened has changed that. You didn't tell me what your magic could do, not because you wanted to hide something, but because you wanted to protect our friendship." He smiled warmly, bringing her heart to pound. "You thought more about how I would feel than you. How could that change the way I feel about you?" Inching closer, Richard straightened part of the bottom of her dress. "It only makes me care more about you. Not many have ever thought about how I would feel about anything, but you did. You put yourself into more pain because you were trying to spare me some. I know how I reacted toward you after Denna and if you would rather I pretend this never happened, I will try. If it would make you more comfortable, make you stay, I will go back to the silence."
She looked at him for a few minutes, watching as he firmly held her eyes. He meant every word he said, she could see it as clearly as his strength. After another minute, she spoke, "You shouldn't have to."
"We shouldn't have feelings for each other either, but we do. I mean it, Kahlan, if this will help you, I will do it."
"I don't want-"
"Yes or no, Kahlan. It's that simple. If you say yes, I'll understand and I will do everything I can to keep from doing this again."
"I don't want you to," she said truthfully. "But I am being selfish."
He pulled her forward until their lips locked and she was on her knees. "It's not selfish to want this, Kahlan and I promise to never push you too far. When you want me to stop, I will."
"I don't think I'll ever want you to stop."
"When you need me to, then," he corrected himself. "When the moment comes and you feel your magic, don't do what you did today. Tell me to stop. I don't want to hurt you again." She didn't say anything, not that he thought she would, but when she looked down to the grass, he moved away from her and came to his feet. "It's your choice, Kahlan. I won't push you to do something you don't want to. If you want to, you can come to me."
Before she lifted her eyes, he was hurrying back to their camp, hoping to find the wizard still asleep and oblivious to their absence. He prayed his words would stick with her, lingering with the feel of his lips on hers. When the night came, he hoped she would come into his arms or even more, he hoped she would still be there when he awoke.
***The End***
