okay so i thought that it wasnt fair that only ao3 readers were getting these sidefics, so im posting them here too. mostly spamano, mostly silly and fluffy, please enjoy

this one happens during their freshman year, and it's significant because its the first time Lovino and Antonio use "Tomato Bastard" and "Lovi", respectively


A single bead of sweat worked it's way down Antonio's face. Pulled pork on spoon? Check. Correct angle for launch? Check. Franny still sleeping? Antonio couldn't help the small smile on his face, Check. He took a deep breath, then released the top of the spoon, aaaaaaaand...

"Unglaublich!" Julchen whine-yelled as the food landed perfectly in Francis' hair, "How do you keep doing that?"

Antonio grinned and shrugged, before urging, "Shhhhhh, if you wake him up then we'll have to stop playing."

Julchen rolled her eyes and focused on deliberating what to catapult next.

They were competing to see who could make the most of their leftover scraps land on Francis; partially because he was asleep during lunch again, after he promised that he wouldn't anymore, partially because they were bored, but mostly because they knew (from experience) that Francis wouldn't realize that his clothes and hair had bits of food in/on them for at least twenty minutes, and it was hilarious to watch him freak out when he noticed.

"Okay Tonio, watch and learn," Julchen smirked, readying a spoonful of gravy.

"Uh, Jules, are you sure that that's a good idea?" Gravy was light. Last time they tried flinging gravy, it had ended up on the wall, and they'd almost gotten caught.

She waved his concern away with a click of her tongue, "C'mon Tonio, I got this. Have a little faith in the awesome me!"

And then she let go of the top of the spoon by accident.

And the goopy, grey gravy flew two tables away and splattered all over Chun-Yan Wang's back.

"Scheisse."

If it had been anyone else, then Antonio wouldn't have been surprised if Julchen had done it on purpose-a food fight had been on the list of "Totally awesome high school movie cliche stuff that we have to do before we graduate, come one guys, it'll be awesome!", after all-but everyone knew that if you did anything to the tiny asian girl, then you'd have to deal with Anya Braginskaya, and not even Julchen had that low a regard for danger.

Well, Antonio thought as the most terrifying person ever stood up and slowly walked towards them, At least I lived a good life.

"Are we having issues, comrades?" Anya asked in her mockingly sweet voice, "Perhaps I can assist you."

Then she hurled a whole burger at Julchen, and admittedly, Antonio was ecstatic that she hadn't thrown it at him, and Julchen dodged it by flinging herself to the ground, almost giving herself a concussion in the process, and the burger was left to hit Elizaveta square in the back of the head.

There was a tense moment where it could've gone either way. Elizaveta could've let it go; she could've hit Julchen upside the head, smiled politely at Braginskaya, and gone back to her own lunch without any issues. But, unfortunately, Elizaveta couldn't stand to be one-upped by Julchen, and having a food fight was on Julchen's list, so when Julchen yelled "Food fight!", Elizaveta was the first person to overturn her tray.

Right onto Julchen's still-not-upright head.

From then it was chaos, since apparently everyone was all for the food fight. Antonio felt several unidentified food objects hit his back with a force that meant that it had to be Braginskaya, and he vaguely wished that he had friends who made enemies with less powerful arms.

But there was no time for regrets when people were literally slinging trash everywhere. Antonio managed to drop to the ground before someone's PB&J sandwich could hit his face, and he instantly realized that the ground was probably that safest place to be. Well, unless you were Julchen, because she and Elizaveta were still locked in their own mini food war, and the table that Julchen was hiding under gave her little to no cover from the onslaught.

But maybe Julchen had the right idea.

Antonio continued to crawl on the ground, occasionally getting hit by something but mostly staying safe, until he ran into someone.

"Ow, damn it, watch where the fuck you're going, bastard."

"Lovino!" Antonio instantly brightened, almost hitting his head on the table above them in his haste to look up. "Lovino, I didn't know you had this lunch!"

Lovino looked away from Antonio, his scowl deepening, and growled something under his breath before turning his glare back on the Spaniard. "Yeah, well, I do. And now I have to suffer through this shit that your dumb potato started."

"Saying things like that isn't cute, and not all Jules' fault..." Antonio pouted, but his companions doubtful glower stayed put (Come the fuck on, bastard, Lovino thought at that moment, I live with Ali; compared to her's, your pout looks like a gremlin's!), "We were just trying to hit Franny, and-"

Actually, where was Francis?

What if he was still asleep?

What if he had been suffocated by a food avalanche!?

Antonio mentally weighed the pros and cons of searching/rescuing his friend. Then Antonio mentally cursed himself for being so nice, because it was way too likely that Francis was fine, and that he would be getting himself messy for no reason, but what if Franny was hurt?

Antonio rolled his shoulders in preparation for going back out into that still-going-strong fight. "... I'll be right back."

"What?" Lovino grabbed Antonio's sleeve, shaking his head quickly, "Are you an idiot? Wait, I didn't need to ask that-just try to stop being an idiot for once, and just stay here, dummy."

"Don't worry about me, I promise I'll come right back here to you in one piece, after I make sure that Franny's okay!" Antonio said as he gave Lovino what he hoped was a brave smile.

Lovino simultaneously dropped his hands, flushed, and looked away. "Don't act like you're going off to war, bastard; it's just a food fight."

And with as much of a blessing as he was going to get, Antonio was off.


Seven minutes later, Antonio made it back under the table, covered in tomato sauce, of all things (He was actually pretty sure that that was Julchen's fault).

Francis had been fine, and he had teamed up with people. Apparently while he was hiding, the food fight had become a food war between two main alliances. Francis was one of five leaders on one side, along with Alfred F. Williams-Jones (Middle initial necessary), Braginskaya, Chun-Yan, and Kirkland (Antonio had been pretty annoyed that Francis was ever teaming up with the Brit, but when he saw her aim, he realized that he probably would've made the same decision); the other group was led, surprisingly enough, by a quiet Japanese girl whose name escaped him. Second in command seemed to be either Elizaveta or Julchen, depending on who you asked, and there was also some kid from his middle school English class, Martin or something.

Antonio was asked his alliance almost immediately after leaving his sanctuary and, in interest of being a good friend, declared himself neutral. Neutral was apparently code for "He doesn't care, everyone hit him!".

Well, unless you were Vash Zwingli, since he had apparently yelled that he was neutral, and was still amazingly, completely spotless.

But he was scary, and he had a fantastic arm too, so he didn't really count.


The first thing Antonio heard when he crawled under the table was a weird, strangled snorting noise. And then he heard the most beautiful noise in the world. Antonio had heard Lovino laugh-like genuine, not in a mean way laugh-exactly three times, and each time was filed away in his memory.

And Antonio did not have an obsession with Lovino, despite what certain "Prussian" people might have thought. Antonio just thought that he was super cute and that he had a beautiful laugh, was that so weird? (Since he had met Lovino, Antonio had gotten really good at ignoring the part of his brain that said yes, that is super weird, and Julchen is probably right, because that part of his brain was wrong). It was just that...

Lovino looked different when he laughed.

His frown lines disappeared, and his eyes lit up-and you could really see the pretty honey color in them, it was really nice-and he looked a lot more like his age.

"Christ, what the hell happened out there?" Lovino managed between giggles, "It's been like five minutes, God, how do you screw up this bad?"

"Is it really that bad?" Antonio asked as he picked at his food-stained shirt.

"No, no. Actually, y'know," Lovino's laughter died down and he wiped a stray tear from his eye, grin still in place, "That's a pretty good look for you, Antonio."

Antonio, caught up in the moment, because wow, Lovino's smile was so cute (And he meant that in the most platonic way possible. Right.), thoughtlessly said, "That's a good look for you too, Lovi," elaborating after Lovino quirked his eyebrow in confusion, "The smiling thing. You look really cute!"

And just like that, the scowl was back, "Don't say such dumb shit, tomato bastard."

But hey, Lovino's cloudy glares just made his sunny smiles all the more precious, right?

(And it was a bit harder for Antonio to convince himself that that was meant completely platonically.)