Hot and Cold: 100 Father-Son Moments

By Seondhand Soul

"Lies"

Lloyd pulled his legs to his chest, staring out the window of the inn, much grander than any inn he'd ever stayed in before, even the one in Palmacosta, with its bathhouses and feather-stuffed pillows. But he supposed that's what it meant to be in the flourishing world, where even he could tell the Mana was thicker.

He felt sluggish, and not because he was bandaged head to toe from his fights at the Tower of Salvation. Lloyd was oppressed by a nagging feeling of constant sorrow, his heart festering like a wound that the Professor's spells and no amount of apple gels could cure.

Frustrated, he stood and began to pace, despite his aching wounds, despite the fact that he had pushed himself too hard trying to escape from the Renegade Base and get everyone to this Meltokio place safely. Maybe that was the problem, maybe it was because he didn't have anything to help distract him from his own feelings, but there was a lot going on inside of him right now that he couldn't reconcile.

Do not exhaust yourself, Lloyd.

He could hear the voice, stern and chiding, could almost feel the hands on his shoulders as he was firmly pushed back onto the bed, remembering a scene not so different from this the first time he had escaped from that place. They hadn't known one another very well, but even then the mercenary had his best interests in mind. Lloyd had never doubted that.

Until now.

Now there was no mercenary standing in the corner watching him with shadowed eyes, no constant and comforting familial presence that blanketed Lloyd in the security that he wasn't the only one who knew what it felt like to grieve. There was nothing but a hole in his heart where that man had placed himself, the man he had thought he could trust with his life.

"I won't cry!" Lloyd growled, something inside of him snapping as he lashed out, his fist slamming into the wall where it left a deep dent. "Not because of you, you bastard! You don't even deserve my tears!"

But they came anyway, hot and wet, just as the strength left Lloyd's knees and he sank to the ground, cradling his newly bleeding knuckle in his lap. Silent sobs racked his body, sobs caused by a pain that was not from his bruised rib or his black eye, nor even from his dislocated shoulder and battered hands. It was a pain born from his heart, from the knife stabbed there when those normally kind eyes turned cold and cruel –

I am one of the Four Seraphim of Cruxis, the organization that guides this world, sent to keep close watch over The Chosen.

He shivered.

Maybe, maybe he could have dealt with this if that one thing hadn't been true. Maybe he could have dealt with all of this if he wasn't alone in this room right now while the Professor was with Genis and Colette in a different room. If … If that bastard had actually been what he said he was, maybe he could have someone to talk to right now about how much it hurt to lose the person that meant most to him in all the world.

He could imagine it, those dark eyes filled with concern, that deep voice urging him to speak about it, hands carefully pouring over and rechecking his already bandaged wounds.

You have pushed yourself too hard, though I do not blame you.

He would have understood, would have understood what it meant for Lloyd to lose Colette, the one person who had inspired him most. She believed in him and treated him like a person, even when no one else did, back then, when they were both kids. To everyone else he was just some freaky outsider being raised by a non-Human, but to her she was Lloyd, just Lloyd, and that was all he had ever needed to be to make her smile.

Not seeing her smile … It had shattered him.

Do not worry. Did you not say it yourself? There is always a way. We are here in Tethe'alla now, Lloyd. We will find a way to save her.

"Shut up!" He shouted, curling in on himself, tears falling freely now from his eyes, his nose running as he shook with the force of his sorrow. "Shut up! No one asked you! I don't need your help!"

But he did.

Lloyd couldn't afford to lie to himself anymore. He couldn't do to himself what had been done to him – He had to be honest. He needed Kratos right now, more than anything. He needed those cold hands and that quiet voice, and he needed Kratos' quiet way of telling him he was wrong without ever pushing him too far.

He needed Kratos to correct him, to give him advice, to help him work out how to feel in this situation.

But he didn't have that.

He couldn't have that.

He would never have that again because Kratos had lied.

Colette wasn't the only person Lloyd had lost in the Tower of Salvation.

"Why?" Lloyd forced himself to uncurl, to stand and walk back over to the bed and sit down. "Why did you do this to me? You're … You're like my brother … You were like my brother."

Though before he could imagine what Kratos might have said, could almost hear his voice in the darkness, this time there was nothing but silence ringing in his ears.

And that was because he couldn't no matter how hard he tried he couldn't have ever imagined Kratos doing something like this. There was nothing that could have convinced him that steady presence, the man who had taught him swordsmanship, was actually an evil Angel out to take Colette to her death.

Nothing about the way he acted had ever hinted at this, if anything, Lloyd had thought Kratos had … Had really loved him the same way he loved Kratos. He thought Kratos cared about him like family … But … But …

He was wrong.

Kratos was the reason he was nursing these wounds. Kratos was the reason that Colette was soulless. Kratos was the reason Lloyd's eyes stung from crying.

Yet …

Yet …

Do not throw your life away!

Boy, calm down and think things through before you act! Do you think your parents would want you to waste what they gave you?

Your mother and father would be proud to see their son still cares for them, so –

You do not need to thank me for helping you seek vengeance, Lloyd. You are not the only one who has lost people that he has loved …

What would you want done with you? If your life had been taken by an Exsphere? I would want to be of use to someone with the will to break this tragic cycle …

It was your father who killed your mother … Are you sure you can forgive him?

Go with you? Hm … I'll … Think about it.

If it's something you can do over … Feel free.

Lloyd.

Do not die.

It was so hard to believe that those words had been spoken in malice.

"Why, Kratos?" Lloyd lay down and stared at the window, though which he could only see the tops of the buildings and the sun sinking lower and lower between them. "Why did you do this to us? We trusted you …" He closed his eyes, exhausted enough to sleep, but he was certain sleep wouldn't come for many more hours. "I trusted you."

Again, there was no answer, only the throbbing of the headache that had started to grow between his eyes, and the silence of the void Kratos had made in his heart.

Nothing was left to comfort Lloyd now, nothing but the lies Kratos had used to make Lloyd trust him, and the final lesson that sometimes the only one you could rely on was yourself.