It was nearing the end of the day, a day like any other at The Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop. Kids from all over Springfield were visiting to peruse the various pieces of merchandise, often asking to purchase ridiculously valuable comic book issues for insultingly low prices, much to the consternation of the store's overweight proprietor, Jeff Albertson, better known around town as Comic Book Guy.

"Ugh!" grunted Jeff in obvious disgust as the door slammed shut. After much arguing and haggling, he had somehow been talked into selling an issue of Radioactive Man to that Milhouse kid for half price, just because he had also thrown in some piece of junk he had with him. It was probably worthless, of course- he only relented just to get the whole thing over and done with, and because there was nobody else in the store to see him accept such a pitiful offer (and thus think that he'd do the same for anybody who brought him a piece of junk from the dump).

Comic Book Guy glanced disdainfully down at the object on the counter before him. An ordinary desk lamp, dusty and dirty, lacking a light bulb. Besides that, however, it did at least look like it should still work. The cord was intact, no fraying to be seen, it wasn't cracked, chipped, or dented. The dust really looked to be the worst of it.

"Hmph. I suppose it could be worse," Jeff muttered reluctantly as he eyed the lamp. "Might as well deal with this dust before I put this anywhere near the comics I plan to read by this," he added, as he took a handful of the blue shirt that was trying (and failing) to cover his formidable flab, and started wiping the dust off.

Almost immediately, blue smoke billowed out of the light bulb socket. Startled, Jeff dropped the lamp back on the counter as a tremendous cloud of blue smoke filled The Android's Dungeon.

"What the-" Comic Book Guy began, but before he could say any more, the smoke dispersed, revealing an immense human-like figure, though with a wispy tail in place of legs, as blue as the smoke the lamp had just spouted.

"I am the genie of the lamp," he said, in a formidable, booming voice that echoed around the shop. "You who have freed me shall get three wishes."

"Oh, give me a break," Jeff said, rolling his eyes. "A genie from a modern desk lamp? Now I have seen everything."

The genie narrowed his eyes. "If you doubt my powers, I can go back into the lamp-" he began.

"Not so fast," Jeff interrupted. "I said the situation was ridiculous. I did not say I didn't intend to take advantage of said situation. I wish for complete immunity from heart disease and any other obesity-related health problems."

The genie raised an eyebrow. "You know, I could just take care of that belly instead," he offered. "Go straight to the source."

"Tempting, but no," said Comic Book Guy. "My wife Kumiko has grown accustomed to the shape I am in, thank you."

"Very well. It is done," nodded the genie, as he clapped his hands together, creating a booming sound, not unlike that of thunder. Indeed, at that moment, Jeff found that breathing came much easier to him.

"Well, well. It seems you were not kidding," he remarked, trying (unsuccessfully) to sound unimpressed. "Very well. I wish to be able to restore comic books to mint condition merely by touching them."

The genie clapped his hands again, once more creating a booming, thunderous sound. "Done," he replied. "You have but one wish left- think carefully and use it wisely."

For a moment, Jeff said nothing as he thought things through. "Very well. I wish for unlimited wishes," he stated.

The genie folded his arms. "No can do," he shook his head. "The Genies' Council sealed that loophole centuries ago."

"Damn," grumbled Jeff. "Very well. I wish for more genies."

The genie shook his head again. "That one's been sealed as well."

Comic Book Guy grumbled his disapproval, before another idea came to him. "Okay... I wish that when I use up my final wish, the number of remaining wishes I have loops back around to three-"

"They got that one, too," interrupted the genie. "You are hardly the first to seek out whatever loopholes there may be around the three-wish limit, and the Genies' Council is quick to jump on them. Like I said, you have but one wish left. Think carefully and use it wisely."

"Okay, okay!" said Jeff. "Let me see..." And then, his eyes widened as an idea occurred to him. "I think I may have something," he murmured. "Yes... And Kumiko would likely enjoy this as well..."

"What is your wish?" prompted the genie.

Comic Book guy looked up at the mythical creature, a smirk on his unshaven face. "I wish Pokémon was real!" he declared.

The genie responded with a booming clap of his hands, and for a moment, blue smoke obscured Jeff's vision entirely, until the lamp started to suck the smoke in through the light bulb socket. Once it had all vanished, Jeff could see that the genie was gone as well.

Comic Book Guy glanced around his store. Everything seemed normal. He glanced at the racks of comic books, at shelves of merchandise, at the Taillow flying past the window outside... wait, what?

Quickly, Jeff ran to the door and threw it open. Flocks of Taillow and Pidgey were flying overhead. A purple rodent scurried down the street, followed by several other Rattata. For a moment, Jeff was speechless. When finally he found his voice, he could only say three words;

"Best. Wish. EVER."