Hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
Jack-O'-Lantern Bros by jorktastic
Gloyd Orangeboar waited in anticipation from behind a chocolate fountain, a smile stretched wide across his face. He put the candy corn binoculars to his eyes and watched for his victim. Any minute now.
He'd set it up perfectly, with a tripwire skilfully positioned right at the start of Mint Chip Boulevard. Candlehead always took this route when she was on her way home. All he had to do was wait it out.
Once the wire was activated, a bucket of chocolate sauce would engulf the unassuming racer, splattering her completely and snuffing her candle out. It was a simple enough prank, but it never failed to make him laugh. Hysterically. Hey, Gloyd wasn't exactly known throughout Sugar Rush for his maturity.
He had waited all day to get Candlehead alone. Usually she was with Taffyta Muttonfudge, whom he didn't dare mess with. At least not face to face. Taffyta was vicious, and, unlike Rancis, could throw a decent punch. So Gloyd had carefully tracked Candlehead's schedule and made all the necessary preparations to ensure that his prank would go smoothly.
Anyone else would call this stalking. For Gloyd, it was all part of the research. He could be meticulous and observant when a prank was involved. He took his mischief very seriously.
"Right on time," he whispered, as he saw the Ice Screamer zip by, ice cream tires leaving a clumsy sugar dust trail in their wake. Candlehead was a blur of pink and green and flickering flames.
Everything went according to plan from there. Candlehead's front wheels slid over the invisible wire, and the chocolate sauce came cascading down immediately. The flame on her head went out with a satisfying hiss, and within moments she was soaked from head to toe in a glorious chocolaty mess.
Gloyd snickered to himself, feeling the thrill of a flawlessly executed prank vibrate through his code.
Except –
"M-My candle!" his victim shrieked, bursting into tears and pulling the Ice Screamer to a full stop.
Gloyd blinked in surprise. "Oh, shit." He hadn't been expecting there to be tears. That had never happened before. Where were the screams of rage and murderous threats that usually came with his pranks? Or was that only Rancis?
He ran down the Cakeway to approach the sobbing girl, bouncing easily down a layer of sponge cakes. Gloyd hated crying. Sure, he was a total dick, mostly to Rancis, but he preferred it when his victims were pissed off. Pissed off was funny; crying was just sad. If Candlehead had tried to punch him, then it would have been okay. Then it would have been funny. Instead, guilt began to pool in his stomach and tug at the very fibre of his code. He wasn't programmed to make people cry.
Gloyd mustered up some humility, which was a little difficult considering he had none, and opened his mouth to apologize. "I'm sorry, Candlehead! It was just a joke." Please stop crying please stop crying.
It was interesting to see that her main concern was the fact that her candle was out, and not that she was drenched in chocolate sauce. That was different, as far as reactions went. He made a mental note to skip Candlehead the next time he went pranking.
Candlehead wiped her eyes and sniffled a bit, then lifted her head to look at him. "My candle," she whimpered, pointing to her hat. Chocolate dripped down in pixellated rivulets, and it was the saddest thing he'd ever seen.
"I know," said Gloyd, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I'll make it up to you. Um. Sorry." He shuffled his feet and chewed on a fingernail. That might have been the first time he'd apologized for something.
In an instant Candlehead jumped out of her kart and hugged him, clinging so tightly that for a moment Gloyd thought she was actually trying to suffocate him. He patted her on the back gingerly, not really used to comforting people. That was more Jubileena's area of expertise.
The chocolate sauce was everywhere now, and he thought they probably looked pretty silly, two kids soaked in chocolate and hugging in the middle of the street.
"I think we can relight your candle at the Kart Bakery," Gloyd suggested, once she pulled away.
"Okay!" she said, with a cheesy smile plastered on her face. Gloyd stared. Hadn't she been crying like, two minutes ago?
He decided it would just confuse him more if he asked.
"Hey, Beard Papa," the prankster said, with a roguish grin. Gloyd had a bit of a reputation at the Kart Bakery, known for stealing parts and rigging the mini games so that players ended up with malfunctioning karts. That's what they got for not picking his Kernel!
The Kart Bakery watch guard glowered at him, which was just… mean.
Gloyd put his hands up defensively, but his tone was still mischievous. "This is an emergency."
"He's with me!" Candlehead sang. "We're gonna fix my candle."
Beard Papa rolled his eyes, but let them walk through the gate. Well, Gloyd walked. Candlehead preferred to skip.
They found a gas stove in the corner and Candlehead scampered over, instantly drawn to the fire. She was the world's happiest pyromaniac. Gloyd carefully took her hat and held the candlewick to the flames to relight it. He wondered how she could be so attached to such a simple thing.
"There you go," he said, placing the hat back on her head. "All done."
"Yay!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down ecstatically. She was already entranced by the glowing flame.
"Well, that was easy." The boy glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then scooped some candy corn out of the kart decorations box.
Candlehead glanced at him admiringly and grabbed a fistful of mint chocolate chips for herself. "Are we rebels or something?"
"Most definitely," Gloyd replied. He still felt kind of bad about the whole situation, even though Candlehead seemed to have gotten over it entirely. "Umm," he said through a mouthful of sugar, "do you want to hang out today? I'm doing my normal pranking rounds. You can come with me. I mean, if you want."
The green-haired girl nodded. Her eyes were shining with excitement. Gloyd just hoped he didn't let her down.
"You're so funny, Gloyd!"
Candlehead giggled from next to him as they watched Rancis Fluggerbutter burst out of his house in a dramatic fit of anger. He even did that with practiced flair and a perfect hair flip, Gloyd noted, impressed. It was like he'd rehearsed.
Peanut Butter Avenue was usually pretty quiet once the arcade had closed, but when Rancis' hair was involved… it was another story entirely.
"Yeah, this is a pretty good prank," the brunet agreed, smirking to himself as Rancis started screaming from under the hill. They'd had a lot of fun adding dye to all of his hair products. Candlehead had picked the colour. "He always has the best reactions."
Rancis was red in the face and fuming, as per schedule. Maybe it had to do with the fact that his hair was now a rather festive shade of green? "Gloyd, I'm going to kill you! And I mean it this time!"
"Come and get me!" the brunet yelled, waving down at Rancis and sticking his tongue out. "You look sooo much better with green hair! You're almost as pretty as Candlehead, ya know."
Candlehead laughed, throwing her head back with a carefree sense of delight that made Gloyd feel like the funniest person in the whole arcade.
He gave her an odd look. "Wait, aren't you friends with him?"
"Yeah, but it's still funny!" She put her hands under her chin and beamed at him.
He nodded, eyebrows lifting in amusement. "Hell yes it is. We better go now, though, or he's gonna catch us!" Gloyd grabbed her hand and they sped off through the avenue in a flash of orange and pink, leaving Rancis behind to shout obscenities at them.
"Who's next? Ooh, can it be Crumbelina?" Candlehead asked, as they stopped for breath. She hopped onto a pink macaron and twirled around, candy wrapper skirt flaring out wildly. Whoosh. Her enthusiasm was contagious and he had to crack a grin.
Gloyd would never understand her completely – but it wasn't like any of the other racers did, either. He liked being around her, though. She was fun. And he'd never had a pranking partner before today.
He smiled at her. "Sure. Anyone you want." Heck, he'd even prank Taffyta if she asked him to.
Candlehead slipped her arm into his, and together they ran all around the Macaron Maze to find Crumbelina DiCaramello. They couldn't stop laughing the whole way there.
"Gloyd, Gloyd!" Candlehead said, getting on her tiptoes to pull the pumpkin hat from his head. She grinned toothily and put Gloyd's hat on top of her own, so that the flame on her candle illuminated the pumpkin. "I'm a Jack-O'-Lantern."
The prankster looked at her, mouth agape. "You're amazing." And honestly, only she could pull that off without looking ridiculous or spontaneously setting on fire.
She bounced up and down, pigtails swinging erratically. "Yup!"
"You know what?" asked Gloyd. "Let's... be bros." He felt almost nervous. She was his first friend.
"Really?" said Candlehead, her eyes widening. "Just me and you?"
They fistbumped, or at least they tried to. It took about seven attempts, because Candlehead kept giggling and missing, but eventually they got it right.
It was official.
Bros for life.
-fin
