Summary: I don't know how it happened … I don't know what I did to deserve this fate. What God did I anger? What horrible deed did I do … to get stuck as a slave to the Host Club?! Riku/Kairi Kingdom Hearts and Ouran High School Host Club crossover! Rated T for mild language and Yaoiness (blame the twins)

Hikari: I'm sure I'm not the first one to come up with this idea … and probably not the last either XP but I thought it would be a cute idea and I wanted to try it … but with a different spin ((hopefully)). I have some interesting plot twists that you won't find in the anime ((or manga)) planned out, so that's just letting you know that I'm not following the anime to every last detail. Besides, don't you think that would get boring? Especially for those who've seen the show. Also, the characters will act more like the hosts they are impersonating from the anime while still retaining their own personality; this'll be more apparent in later chapters. Just thought I'd let everyone know. You may begin reading now! X3

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Ouran High School Host Club. How sad … T-T


Somehow Everything Went Wrong

Chapter 1: Seventh Terrace of Purgatory


Hello, my name is Kairi Funaki, and today has to be the worst day of my life.

It all started a few weeks ago when I received a letter stating that I was accepted into Destiny Academy. Don't get me wrong, it's a great school, one of the best, but I lived in Radiant Garden … not the Destiny Islands. So, since the school was paying for all the expenses, dad decided that my education was the most important thing at the moment and up and moved us to the island. It's hard trying to start over again, but since my father made the sacrifice of moving then it was only natural that I would have to make sacrifices too, right?

Once all of the unpacking was done, I realized that the next day was my first day of class and that my uniform the school had promised me two weeks ago wasn't going to arrive on time. So, instead, I picked out a cute outfit for my first day of class that would be appropriate and hopefully close to what the uniform actually looked like. But when I woke up this morning I realized that my internal clock had other plans for me. It decided it wanted to be a bitch today and struck me down with that once-a-month disease that all homosapiens with a uterus and ovaries – AKA females – get.

I woke up cramping and ill-tempered, and when I spotted that cute little outfit I cringed. There was no way the zipper on that stylish skirt was going to zip over my bloating stomach. So, I slipped into a pair of comfortable baggy jeans and a loose fitting earthy-green sweeter before heading out the door.

Bad idea.

It was easy to say that amongst the sea of uniform clad students I stuck out like a prep at a sci-fi convention. It seemed that no matter where I went everyone, and I mean everyone, was staring at me. And did I mention that I hate to be the center of attention? I didn't? How foolish of me …

To sum it all up, my first day wasn't a blast, and by the time my last class was over with you'd think that my day could only get better, right? Wrong. I decided to stay after school to work on my homework and maybe sit down with a nice book and read for a few hours, but no matter how hard I searched I couldn't find an open room without chattering students inside. Not even the library!

All I wanted was a place to study. Just a quiet room to myself. Was that really too much to ask for? I should have just gone home. It would have been quiet there. But I have this nasty habit of thinking that something good will always come from my misfortune. What was that called again? Optimism? Well, after today, I never want to be optimistic again.

Why?

Because I entered the third music room …

All eyes shifted to the door as it slowly creaked open. The six figures watched with curiosity as their first guest of the day entered the room. You could imagine the shocked expressions gracing their charming faces as a young boy entered the room. He stood, dumbfounded, with an English book clasped close to his chest as his large, blue eyes scanned the room through his crimson colored bangs. He was lost, that was obvious, but when it finally dawned on him that he was standing in Host Club territory he made a hasty retreat for the door.

Luck, however, was not on the young boy's side as the door – his only escape – was pushed closed just inches before he could reach it. And there, standing tall and elegant, was a young male with kind aqua eyes and shimmering silver hair. He was beautiful, and he was blocking the young teen's escape.

"Funaki-san, correct? The new transfer student?" The male questioned with his smooth voice as he leaned in ever so slowly to the young boy until they were eye to eye and nose to nose.

The boy stuttered as he tried to back away, only to run into two solid figures, and, before he had time to think, he was captured. Arms were locked around his torso, keeping him in place, as both males leaned in close and smiled identical toothy smiles.

"Yeah, Funaki-san!" The brunette spoke up.

"You're in our class, right?" The other male, a blonde, questioned.

"Duh! Funaki-san was sitting right behind us!" The brunette spat at the other male before turning his attention to the frightened boy, "Do you remember us?"

"We're the Harada brothers," Both males spoke simultaneously.

"I'm Sora!" the brunette stated.

"And I'm Roxas," followed the blonde with less enthusiasm.

"Uh … y-yeah …" The student managed to squeak out, earning a devious smirk from the brothers.

"Oh, so you three have met before?" The silver-haired male questioned, "It's nice to know that that our charming young transfer student has already made a few friends."

"I wouldn't really call them friends yet …" Funaki muttered, mostly to himself.

The two males frowned softly before their identical blue eyes met. They were silent for a few moments as they studied their 'leader' and then the young student standing between them as the evil gears within their minds began to rotate. Their frowns slowly curled into mischievous smiles as a telepathic plan was formed.

"So, Funaki-san, I had no idea you were gay," Sora bluntly stated as his brother chuckled softly.

"G-gay? How am I gay?" Funaki shot Sora a confused glance before noticing the sparkle within the silver-haired teen's eyes, "I-I'm not gay—"

"It's quite alright, Funaki-san," The silver-haired prince spoke as he once again leaned in uncomfortably close, "The Host Club is here to serve everyone's needs, so there's no reason to be ashamed. In fact, you should be proud of the way you are."

"But I'm—"

"Now I must admit that you are a little early," The silver-haired male continued without skipping a beat, "We still haven't finished setting everything up, but we'll do all that we can to make your visit a pleasant one."

"N-no I don't want—"

"What's your preference, Funaki-san?"

"… What?!"

"Your preference. What type of male host are you interested in?"

The silver-haired male snaked his arm around the boy's hip as he pointed to a young male with shaggy grey hair and a pale face illuminated by the glowing screen of his laptop, "That is Zexion Oonishi." After hearing his name the male's head rose as his steel-blue eyes peered over his angular, thick-rim glasses. "He's what we would call the 'Cool' Type."

Funaki was then turned slightly and forced to face another male who was setting plates and cups down at a table, "That is Xigbar Murakami, but we like to call him Xiggy." The silver-haired boy smiled at the nickname, but the said male didn't even bother to give the two his attention, "He's the 'Wild' Type." 'Wild?' Funaki though, 'He's more of a silent type if you ask me …'

"Next to him is Demyx Hideki."

"Hey!" Demyx chirped before he quickly approached the two. He gave Funaki a sweet smile while clasping the boy's hands within his own, "What's your favorite kind of cake?!"

Funaki stared up into the male's blue eyes before smiling back at the man. He wouldn't deny it … Demyx was adorable with his sparkling eyes, soft cheeks, and … was that a mullet or a mohawk? Funaki pushed the thought aside, "I'm not really into sugary sweets, but if I had to choose it'd be strawberry."

"Mmmm … Yes! Strawberry cake is one of my favorites too," Demyx proclaimed as he began tugging at Funaki's arm, "Come have some cake with me! I have strawberry!"

"Not now, Demyx," The silver-haired male spoke, "Funaki-san hasn't received the chance to view every type we have to offer."

Demyx frowned, "Fine …" However, the male didn't seem too down considering two seconds later he had pounced Xigbar and was riding on his back like a little child.

"Demyx is the 'Loli-shota' type," The aqua-eyed male explained, "He may not fit the type exactly considering he's taller than most of our members and lacks childlike features, but isn't he just so adorable and innocent!" Funaki gave the male a small nod in agreement before he was turned once again to face the two boys he had already met before.

"And those two are the 'Little Devil' type," The male spoke as both Sora and Roxas flashed the young boy the 'V' for 'victory' sign, "Though it may not look like it, they are twins."

"Fraternal twins?" Funaki assumed.

The silver-haired male gave the young boy a silent nod before spinning him around until he was practically tangled within the male's arms, "Or …" The male leaned in close once again as he stroked at the young boy's cheek, "Perhaps I am more your type?"

"N-no!" Funaki gasped as he struggled to escape the male's grasp.

Zexion watched the two from the other end of the room before deciding that he needed a little more information about the gay student, so he summoned the two that knew him best "Sora. Roxas."

"Yes, Zexion?" The two questioned, leaning in on both sides of the male. Odd, he suddenly felt crowded.

Shrugging off the feeling, Zexion continued, "You said he's in your class, correct?" Both smiled before giving the male a nod, "Tell me about him."

"We don't know much about him," Roxas replied.

"Yeah, he doesn't really talk a lot," Sora continued.

"It's almost as if he's deliberately trying to avoid others," Roxas added.

"Interesting …" Zexion spoke as he turned slightly to face his 'leader' – also known as Riku Suzuki – and Funaki, only to find the young boy losing a pointless battle. Once Riku had his arms around someone there was no chance for escape … even though most of his 'victims' never tried to resist him. A smirk graced the young male's face. This was the first time he had ever seen such hate from a client. It was … amusing.

"Riku, I think—" Zexion's voice caught in his throat as he watched the young boy worm his way from the Riku's grasp. He watched in horror as the boy stumbled to freedom, only for his back to slam into a pedestal that displayed a small sculpture.

All eyes were now focused upon Funaki as he gasped. From the corner of his eye, Funaki could see the small – tacky – statue of a cluster of paopu fruits wobble from the impact, and he knew that it wouldn't remain standing much longer. Funaki quickly turned to reach for the statue, but he was too late. The porcelain item slipped through his fingertips and shattered against the floor.

Silence engulfed the room as everyone stared down at the shattered remains of what was once a very expensive item.

"You broke it!" Sora gasped, stating the obvious.

"What a shame," Roxas sighed, "That piece was going in the school auction."

"Yeah … the starting bid was eight million munny," Sora added.

"E-e-eight m-million?!" Funaki gasped, "Eight million? Seriously?" Funaki was unable to believe that thing cost such an ungodly amount of munny.

"Seriously," the twins replied, smiling softly.

"Y-you really believe that's worth eight million?"

The twins chuckled, Xigbar's lips curled into a small smirk, and Zexion's left eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Like it or not, that's the price," Zexion grumbled as he tried his best to keep his cool, "And, if you don't mind me quoting an old saying, 'if you break it, you buy it.'"

"B-but I don't have eight million munny!"

"Then it looks as if you'll have to work for it," Riku stated, finally recovering from the event, "From this day forward, you, Funaki-san, are our personal pet."

"P-p-pet?!" Funaki screeched while the twins chuckled at his misfortune.

"Xiggy, have our young friend fitted in one of our spare outfits," Riku ordered as he tugged at Funaki's green sweater with a look of utter distaste upon his face, "Our pet has to be presentable to our guests."

"W-wait a minute!" Funaki gasped, "Isn't there another way?"

Zexion stepped into the conversation as he cupped Funaki's chin within his hand and examined the young boy's face, "It's possible that with the proper haircut Funaki-san would make a presentable host."

"I suppose …" Riku muttered as he swept a few locks out of Funaki's face, "His eyes are very beautiful."

"Yes, the rich blue is a nice contrast with the color of his hair," Zexion added, "and they are far more vibrant than the twins' eyes."

"Hey!" Both Sora and Roxas shouted, insulted by Zexion's harsh – but true – words.

"Um … I don't think I'm … qualified as host material," Funaki muttered.

"Don't be so modest," Riku huffed, "You'd make a perfect host—"

"Over time," Zexion quickly added, "Funaki-san doesn't have any experience as a host."

"Yet," Riku stated as he flashed Zexion a sly smile.

"But for now he'll start out as a waiter," Zexion finished, his word being the final say. He didn't even give Riku a chance to argue as he wandered off to his computer.

"You heard the man, Xiggy. Find a spare waiter costume for Funaki-san," Riku ordered.

"Right," Xigbar spoke as he stared down at Funaki with his golden eyes.

Funaki swallowed the lump within his throat as Xigbar's eyes gazed over his petite figure as if calculating measurements within his mind before heading to a closet at the other end of the room.

"Roxas. Sora," Riku called the boys to his side, "See if you can't do anything about Funaki-san's hair …" Riku's eyes then fell on the twins' spiky-hair styles before adding, "but nothing too wild."

The twins grind, "As you wish, my lord!" And with nothing left to say they lifted Funaki off his feet and ran off to a corner of the room that was sectioned off by a curtain.

Still in his a dictator mood, Riku turned to Demyx, "Our lovely gusts will be here soon, Demyx, see too it that the remaining tables are set."

"But my cake—"

"You'll have time to eat your cake later, Demy," Riku stated before facing Zexion, "And you … just … keep doing whatever it is you do on that thing."

"Fine by me," Zexion replied as he continued to play a rousing game of solitaire.

Ten minutes later, Sora and Roxas had neatly trimmed up Funaki's hair. At first, Funaki was a little afraid to let the twins attack his hair with a pair of scissors … especially while they were bickering with one another on what style they should use, but once they agreed on just hacking off the split ends everything seemed fine. They combed out the tangles and styled it appropriately, and – for armatures – they did an amazing job.

After that he was shoved into the changing room with his new uniform, and though it really wasn't his style he put it on anyway. The outfit was simple enough with pencil-leg black pants and a light-grey vest over a dark-blue, long-sleeved shirt that was a little too long for Funaki, but he easily solved the problem by rolling the sleeves up to his elbows. And for the finishing touches he added a black tie.

Looking himself over in the mirror one final time, Funaki stepped out to of the changing room to find that all the tables had been filled with giggling school girls. Funaki inwardly sighed at the sight as he mentally kicked himself. He should have just gone home. It wasn't until a moment later when he spotted the cart of treats and with it a letter written in elegant handwriting that read:

Pet,

You're job is to make sure that our beautiful guests waiting for a free host are treated with the utmost care. Make sure all of their needs are met. Offer them snacks and drinks, and be gracious to each and every one of them. They are precious to us …

Yours truly,

Riku Suzuki

Funaki gave a snort as he stuffed the note into his back pocket before wheeling the cart into the crowded music room. He was making his way over to the waiting area when he took notice of the club members in action and how some had dramatically changed. The first was Zexion and the way his mouth would curl into a soft, pompous smile or the gentle chuckle of laughter that would escape his lips every so often. It was frightening to think that just a few minutes ago he seemed indifferent to the world as he typed away on his laptop.

Then there were the twins who couldn't keep their hands off one another. Funaki found it sickening to look at, yet the hopeful gleam within their fans' eyes was … sad but enjoyable. It was as if they were expecting the two boys to rip each other's clothes off and go at it on top of the table like wild animals.

Demyx seemed the same cheerful bundle of joy as before and Xigbar was still as silent as ever, but for some odd reason he was now sporting an eye patch over his right eye. The red-head was confused – for lack of a better word – but he dismissed the thought as soon as he caught sight of Riku. He seemed even more annoying than before while he caressed cheeks and whispered sweet nothings into the ears of giggling girls. It was obvious that he was the popular one, surrounded by at least six girls at a time, and it was also obvious why. He gave them just what they wanted.

'Man-whore …' Funaki thought to himself as he parked his cart next to a table of young girls.

"Hello ladies," Funaki spoke, catching the eyes of all the surrounding young women, "Can I interest you in anything?"

"Oh my," A girl with wavy, brown hair giggled, "I haven't seen you before. You must be new."

"I just started today," Funaki replied with a charming smile, earning soft giggles from the other three girls.

"What's your name?" The brunette questioned as her emerald eyes roamed the boy's body.

"Uh … just call me Funaki."

"Are you a host, Funaki-san?" A blonde questioned.

"No, I'm just a waiter."

"That's too bad …"

Funaki blushed softly before motioning towards his cart-o-goodies, "Would you like any snacks?"

"What do you have today?" The brunette asked.

"Um … it looks like I have sandwiches and cakes."

"I can see that, silly," The brunette giggled, "What kind of sandwiches?"

Funaki leaned to the side to peer at the ingredients between the thin slices of bread only to end up just as clueless as before, "… You're guess is as good as mine." This earned an eruption of giggles from the four girls.

"Then surprise me," The brunette spoke, as her eyes locked with Funaki's in a lustful fashion.

A nervous chuckle escaped from the frightened red-head as he quickly picked out a sandwich and sat it down upon the girl's plate, "W-would anyone else like a sandwich?"

"I'd rather have some chocolate cake."

"Oh me too!!"

"Can I have a refill of sparkling water, please?"

Funaki smiled warmly at the girls as he tended to everyone's needs, and it wasn't until he started pouring the water when someone began shouting his name. It was a very annoying someone. With a soft sigh, Funaki excused himself and slowly made his way to Riku's side.

"What do you want?"

"Isn't he an obedient little pup?" Riku chuckled as the girls around him giggled.

"He's so adorable!" one of the girls practically squealed.

"Oh, I know!" Another girl quickly agreed, "I think it's because he has a soft, feminine face."

Funaki's eyebrow twitched as he turned to leave but was stopped when a firm yet gentle hand grasped his arm, "Could you please bring the cart over, some of my lovely ladies wish to have their drinks refilled," Riku's smooth voice ordered.

"Of course …" Funaki sighed as he did as told.

The next few hours went by rather smoothly as Funaki greeted every guest and worked hard to make sure all of their needs were met, and all the while aqua-eyes focused solely on him.

"Riku," A young girl huffed, it was one of his needy guests, "Are you even listening to me?!"

Riku's eyes slowly drifted to the angry woman before him, "Of course I am," He lied while brushing a few strands of hair from her face, "I'm sorry if I seemed distant. I was simply daydreaming of a beautiful young woman with silky midnight hair."

A deep blush quickly flooded the young woman's face as she giggled ecstatically. Riku smiled down at her before placing a gentle kiss upon her forehead as he inwardly sighed knowing that he was safe, "Unfortunately, our time is coming to an end."

"Already?" The girl whined as her eyes fell on the clock, and sure enough it was five o'clock.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course!" the girl replied with a smile as she rose from the couch and Riku escorted her to the door; biding her farewell.

Once the host room was emptied, Riku casually approached Funaki and wormed an arm around his hip, "I noticed you were attracting a lot of attention."

"Mostly from you," Funaki replied as he continued to stack dirty plates onto his cart.

"I have to keep a watchful eye on my new son, don't I?"

Funaki sighed, "Listen, Riku, I'm not—"

"Funaki-san!" The twins shouted as they both practically tackled the poor boy.

"You did great for your first day!" Sora proclaimed.

"And you look so cute in your outfit!" Demyx added as he pushed past Riku and joined in on the hugging fest as he pulled all three boys into his tight embrace.

"Give them some air, Demyx," Zexion ordered as he watched all three boys struggle for freedom.

Demyx only chuckled as he released the little freshman from his grasp.

Zexion approached Funaki with an impassive expression present upon his face, "It seems that a large amount of our guests have taken a liking to you."

"I noticed that as well," Riku chimed in, "I think we should promote him to a host!"

"I was thinking the very same thing."

"C-can't I just stay a waiter?" Funaki suggested.

"You'll reduce your debt faster if you're a host," Zexion stated.

"Then … I guess I'll try being … a host …" Funaki grumbled as the twins grinned in amusement.

"Good …" Zexion spoke as he handed Funaki a school uniform, "Then you'll report back to us tomorrow immediately after class." It was more of a demand than a question, and Zexion didn't care to hear the boy's answer as he turned and headed back to his computer to calculate the profit that was made today.

"But right now you're still a waiter, and those dishes won't clean themselves," Riku spoke before walking off.

Funaki was ready to hurl a plate at the back of his 'master's' head, but someone stole the plate from his grasp before he could. The boy turned to find Xigbar standing behind him with a soft smirk upon his lips, "Trust me, it's not worth it," He stated as he began to help Funaki clean up the tables, "You'll only put yourself further in debt."

"Let me guess, these are fine porcelain plates imported from a far away land?" Funaki grumbled.

"Land of Dragons to be exact," Xigbar spoke, "And each is worth three hundred munny."

"I hate you rich snobs …" Funaki spat as Xigbar chuckled softly at the boy.

Thanks to Xigbar and Demyx, Funaki managed to wash every dish and cup in less than two hours, and though their hands were pruned they were satisfied with a job well done. However, Funaki's plan of confronting Riku and beating the living pulp from the twins was ruined when he realized that they had already gone home.

"See ya tomorrow, Funaki-san!" Demyx shouted as he left, followed by a silent Xigbar.

"Bye, guys …" Funaki sighed as he eyed the uniform that was given to him all the while thinking 'What a strange day …'


Hikari: Chapter one is completed! Yay! And for those who are interested in the title of the chapter, or wondering why they hell I named it that then I shall explain. I first wanted to name it 'Seventh Circle of Hell' but then I began to wonder what the seventh circle was for because I had no idea. XP I found out that it's for those who've killed themselves, caused violence against others, and violence against God (Blasphemers!! That's a fun word to say! X3). So anyway, I decided that it didn't really go with the chapter or the story for that matter so I kept reading and found the Terraces of Purgatory, and guess what the seventh one is?! Lust!! For both heterosexuals and homosexuals!! XD So I just had to use it cause it fit so well.

And thus ends my exciting tale …

You may now review and tell me how much you like/hate it. Yes, I actually accept flames! But if you must flame me then please give me reasons as to why the story sucks. That way I can improve! Yay for constructive criticism!! Also, I have a tendency to read over my mistakes. Most are minor, but if you see any then feel free to tell me so that I may fix them.

Thank you!!