Author's Note------hey, this story came to me during my study hall class when my wrist went numb so i dug my nails into my wrist to get the feeling back. . .i love Edward and was very sad that he left in New Moon, but this story came so i had to write it. . .Also, i don't know if i should continue with this. . .please r&r after to tell me how you feel, whether its to support or to critique. . .i love the feed back. . .thanks, beautiful-bella

Disclaimer----sadly i don't own any of the characters or the Twilight series the lucky Ms. Stephanie Meyer does.

A Moment of Pain, of Freedom

I woke up expecting to feel cool arms around me but I didn"t, 't then the truth dawned on me. My fairytale, my dream had ended. And I felt the pain, not physical pain, but emotional pain. I wish I could escape this never-ending pain. I had been almost a whole month since he left me. Although, I never thought of killing myself before, recently I had been thinking about cutting myself. Every time before when I thought about it I knew it was so stupid. But when we watched a video about it in school, I heard how when those people cut themselves they didn't feel any of their emotional pain, only physical. I loved the idea of getting away from this terrible pain. But, could I handle the blood, could I ever really be desperate enough to do it, was I depressed enough to do it?

As I slammed down my books on the table, I realized the pain was different today, worse. "Bella, this is enough. You won't eat hardly at all. Please eat; are you trying to commit suicide?" Charlie asked angrily tired of seeing me like this. "No dad, I'm not trying to commit suicide. I'll try to eat more." I said stuffing half a granola bar in my mouth to prove it. "I have to get to school. Bye dad love you." I said getting up.

I left the house wondering how much more pain I could handle. Seeing Charlie like that, so sad and angry was terrible, I hated seeing him like that.

The day was terrible, one of the worst. When I got home I was crying, I felt angry and hurt. I through my jacket and backpack down and started to break down, when I heard the phone ring. I ran to the kitchen to answer the phone when I tripped making a sharp can opener fall with me also. Slowly, my trembling hand picked it up. I completely forgot the phone and I blacked out. Suddenly, not knowing how, I was in my room against the wall. Without thinking, I got the can opener ad sliced horizontally (right to left) on my right wrist. The pain was unbelievable. All my other emotional pain left me. It was filled with a sharp sting and it was increasing. The pain was such a release. I felt so free, this is freedom, I thought. I sighed in relief. For this moment of pain, I got a moment of freedom. Then, the blood came; I smelt the rust and salt make me dizzy. I felt the freedom slipping away. The last thing I remember I felt was more pain, both physical and emotional, because I saw Alice and Jasper. Then, darkness came over me.

"Bella, how could you. Do you have any idea how scared and betrayed I felt? I love you. What if you cut too deep, what if something happens? Please promise me you won't do it again. Think of how much it would hurt Charlie to see you like this, think of Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, me, everyone. Do you think any of us want to know what could happen if this continues. Please don't do it again." Alice said looking directly into my eyes.

"But how do you know what I did?" I asked dumbstruck. I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming, I don't feel any pain.

"I saw it in a vision. I tried to call you to stop you but it didn't help. Plus Jasper felt all your emotions." Alice said matter-of-factly, although her eyes were still sad and angry at the same time. "Bella, please I know how it felt but I can't handle it if you do it again. You are like my sister. Don't hurt yourself. We all love you. Promise me and Alice you won't do it again." Jasper pleaded sadly. "Okay, I promise," I said.

Then, I went under the dark and heard my alarm clock. Its Saturday, oops I set my alarm clock.

When I woke up, I knew I had dreamed it, and I wanted to feel that moment of freedom. I grabbed the can opener, went to the bathroom, and placed my right wrist over he sink, so I wouldn't get any blood in my room. As soon as I took the can opener, I felt two cold tiny arms around my hands and I remembered I had promised him and Alice. So many promises. . . He made me promise not to do anything stupid or dangerous. Alice made me promise not to hurt myself again. I knew it was a dream but I couldn't break my promise. I loved them too muck. The pain returned in waves, each wave worse than the last. Better get used to the pain, I thought. The can opener fell into the sink. (A/N There weren't really Alice's arms, Bella just imagined it.)

I grabbed the can opener fell into the sink outside. I went right where he left e, I hadn't been here since. I dug a hole, dropped the can opener inside it and covered it. I knew I couldn't keep it because the temptation was still there. As soon as I was done, I let the memories I had repressed come back and I cried for what felt like eternity, but really was only a couple hours. When I heard the cruiser I got up and said quietly, "I love you Edward, I love you Alice. To all the Cullens, I love you. Forever." I walked inside and I became numb, lifeless, because my life has gone. The can opener was my funeral to my life, I was a zombie now.

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Please R&R, tell me your thoughts and opinions. . .good or bad

--beautiful-bella