A/N: My latest one-shot about Boyd and Grace! It came to me when I was sitting in front of the television, so I scribbled it down. I hope you'll all enjoy it. Please let me know what you think of it, even if you hate it. Revieuws are this girl's best friend!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately...
Kiss Me Goodbye
I used to belong here
be safe from the world here
share wine and believe
you'd share yours forever
The party was getting more and more annoying by the minute.
Boyd was sitting on his chair in a corner of the room, looking at the people around him. Or, at least, at two of them.
Grace was standing with her back to him. Adam's hand was on her arm. Judging by the way she was smiling, his profiler was having the time of her life. Unfortunately for him with someone else.
That used to be his place before. Close to Grace, where he could touch her lightly if he felt like it. Now it wasn't anymore. And that hurt him more than he was able to say.
He began to think of their shared past. Whenever anything had gone wrong in either one of their lives, they had turned to one another. She had made him feel safe, had convinced him he was more than an angry and bitter man despite of his past. He had been her rock when she'd been confronted with the betrayal of Charles, someone she had thought to have known for a long time.
But he had to confess he had always taken more than he had given. And she had never asked for anything in return. Maybe that was the reason Boyd had believed nobody could ever come between them.
He had believed that they would continue to share everything with each other. He obviously had been mistaken, because there she was, in love with someone else and he could never make up for the mistake he had made so long ago, not telling her how he really felt about her.
How typical of him was that, realizing he was in love with her when it was too late?
time passes to past tense
I walked past the sealed ends
pretended I was king
with my back turned on the faithful
And now there he was. Alone, hiding in the shadows. Angry with himself for stuffing up yet again.
He shook his head almost imperceptibly, mocking himself. He was known to screw everything up, he should have known before he fell in love with her that he could never have her.
Because he was well aware he wasn't always the most pleasant person to be around. He was rude, a pain in the ass, and downright aggressive sometimes. How could he ever have though she might requite his love, even if he had dared to ask her?
Boyd shrugged. It was probably what he deserved for the way he treated everyone. Had always treated everyone, if he were honest.
And it would be best if he tried to put her out of his mind as soon as possible. After all, it wouldn't do to live in the past.
Because that was what it was, after all. The past. Not the future, as it had always appeared to be.
kiss me goodbye
kiss me out of your eye
shooting star
let the clouds pass you by
Somehow the entire situation made him feel like he should say goodbye to her. Well, not to her exactly, she would be in his life in one way or another forever. But goodbye to what they could have had if he hadn't been such a fool.
He wished he had been brave enough to kiss her the last time they had spend the night together.
It had been almost seven months since that day now. A month before she had started dating Adam. And he could still remember it as if it were yesterday.
They had talked for hours. About the last movie they had been to, or the song that had been playing on the radio while Grace had been driving to his house. Simply holding one another.
Eventually she had fallen asleep with her head on his lap. Peaceful, as if the weight of the world was no longer pressing down on her shoulders. He had spend three hours just looking at her, occasionally wiping her hair from her face as she slept. He now wished he would have pressed his lips to hers, in their first and last kiss.
But he had missed his chance, afraid she would wake up and walk out on him because of what he had done.
Now he realized he would have rather made her walk out on him because he had kissed her than have her walk away because she had met another man.
these scents here are yours now
mine's blown out but somehow
I wish they'd return
just can't find a way how
He watched as Adam slipped his arm around Grace's waist.
It made him sick to see him touch her. Truth be told, he just wanted to tell Adam to keep his filthy hands of off Grace.
That made him think of the first time the team had met Adam. Grace had been seeing him for four months, and one evening he had decided to pick her up. She had introduced him to the team, and they had ended up going to a pub to have a drink together.
Boyd had been silent all night. He had been disgusted at the loving kiss he had seen them share right before getting out of the car. He had felt Eve's eyes on him all evening, silently pleading with him not to ruin the mood or do something to upset Grace. Or Adam, for that matter.
And now he was here, making it very clear he was unhappy with them being together. Shit, what kind of a person was he? What if she turned around and saw him sitting there, angry?
She would know why he was angry, he was sure of it. And it would pain her, because deep down he knew she wanted him to be happy for her.
This was it. He had to leave. He was tormenting himself by looking at those two, who were so very smitten with each other.
never becomes always
if you miss all these warnings
I sure missed them all
dragged you with me falling
As he made up his mind, though, his thoughts were still with his profiler.
He should have seen she was falling for Adam a lot sooner than he had. The way she talked about him, the way her face would light up when he called her to ask her how she was doing. All the signs had been there, yet he had refused to see them.
He had chosen not to see them, because a part of him had hoped if he ignored it, it wouldn't be real. How disappointing it was to realize it had been real for the past six months. And that there was seemingly no chance of them breaking up in the future.
He pushed himself up from his chair and grabbed his coat. There was no reason to stay, so why bother?
If he stayed, he would only cause her pain. And the last thing he wanted to do, was make her sad.
What he didn't see was Grace pulling away from Adam slightly, shaking her head at her boyfriend, and her eyes darting towards him.
kiss me goodbye
kiss me out of your eye
shooting star
wet my lips one last time
He sighed and walked through the door.
The cold evening air hit him rather hard, as it had been warmer inside than he had realized.
He fisted his hands in his pockets, his jacket draped loosely over one arm. It was only a few meters to where he had parked his car, he needn't put it on. Besides, the cold made him feel something else than the emptiness inside at having lost his best friend, the one he loved.
His shoes made a monotone sound as he walked along the road, creating a melody appropriate for the situation.
He knew she'd be asking him why he hadn't said goodbye when he saw her tomorrow. That was who she was.
But right now he didn't really care. He would face tomorrow when it came along. The most important thing was making it through the night.
kiss me goodbye
kiss me out of your eye
shooting star
wet my lips one last time
Suddenly he heard his name being called.
"Boyd?"
Without looking back he knew the person who was calling him to be Grace. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. He hadn't expected her to be paying attention to him. And he had no idea what was going to happen.
He slowly turned around to face her.
"Are you leaving?"
"Yeah, you know how much I hate these parties," he quickly answered.
A little too quickly, it seemed, for Grace frowned slightly at his words.
"Are you sure you're not leaving for another reason?" the profiler inquired.
He didn't know for sure whether he should tell her the real reason why he no longer wanted to stay. After all, wasn't he going home in an attempt to keep himself from telling her?
Yet a little voice in the back of his mind said it'd be better to be honest with her. He might not get a second chance. He had wasted so many opportunities over the years, this one he should use.
"I couldn't stand seeing you and Adam being so bloody happy," he finally confessed.
There was a look of shock on her face, though it was quickly dispelled. However, Boyd had not yet finished what he had started.
"So I think, Doctor Foley, that you should kiss me goodbye and go back inside. Someone's waiting for you."
kiss me goodbye
kiss me out of your eye
shooting star
let the clouds pass you by
"Kiss you goodbye? What do you mean?" she asked.
The uncertainty with which she spoke those words was mirrored in her eyes.
"I've loved you for a long time, Grace. But you are with Adam now. And I don't want to come between the both of you. I don't even know if I can still be your best friend, because I'll always want to be so much more. I'll always want to hold you, want to touch you, want to kiss you. So I'm asking you to kiss me goodbye. Then I'm going to walk away and you can go back to Adam."
Grace brought her hand to her mouth. The confession had been completely unexpected. She had no idea what to do.
Boyd turned towards the road again. The fact she wasn't doing anything made him believe he had crossed the line. Maybe he had really screwed up everything they'd had before now.
But he hadn't made it very far when he felt her hand on his back. Softly but insistently, she made his look at her.
"Oh, Boyd…"
"You don't have to say anything, Grace. I don't need the "you'll always be my best friend" shit, just tell me we'll never be together and let me be," he softly pleaded with her.
He couldn't go on anymore. He felt like sinking to the ground and cry his heart out, however cliché it may seem.
"I won't give you the "you'll always be my best friend" shit," she told him.
He looked right into her eyes now.
"Because I don't want you to be my best friend. I want you to be my lover as well."
"But what about Adam?" was the first thing he asked.
"We're not together anymore, Boyd. We haven't been for the past two weeks. But I'd invited him over before we broke up, so we decided we'd still come to the party together. We broke the news to the team about an hour ago," she confessed.
This was more than Boyd had ever dared to hope for. Even though he knew his back would be killing him tomorrow, he took her into his arms, spinning the both of them around.
This made Grace laugh, all of the joy she had felt when he had told her he loved her now bubbling to the surface.
He kissed her lips after he had put her back down, his hand in her neck to hold her as close as he possibly could.
"You know how I told you to kiss me goodbye before?" he asked when the kiss had ended.
She looked at him questioningly.
"Maybe you should kiss me again, so I don't misunderstand the meaning of our last kiss," he playfully said.
"Oh, I have an even better plan," she said as she came close enough to breathe against his lips but not close enough to kiss him.
He lost all ability to think coherently as she put her arms around his neck.
"I think we should drive home before we kiss again…"
Boyd smiled devilishly at that, grabbing her by the waist and passionately kissing her before beginning to drag her towards his car.
"My thoughts exactly, Grace. My thoughts exactly."
And by the way he said that, Grace knew she wouldn't sleep much that night.