A/N: I thought it would be funny to do a compilation series of one-shot for all the 'untold' stories of the Blood Gulch crew. It'll cover…a vast majority of bullshit lol. Rated M just to be safe thanks to future chapters.

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue

Summary: A series of one-shots regarding some of the untold stories from our favorite gang in a canyon.

*Cookies and Orange Juice*

Church growled as he forced the fridge open, covering his nostrils as a horrible stench wafted out. "Ugh! What the fuck happened in here!? Did someone eat and then throw up a pile of trash!? Or is a skunk juggling dead hamsters in here!?" 'Fucking really!? I can't even get myself a nice cold beer and bag of potato chips in this place! I knew I should've just gone to fucking bed; why the hell do I even bother?'

Tucker walked in, and the aqua soldier stumbled backwards, pinching his nose. "Jesus fucking Christ! What the hell is that smell!? Did something crawl up your ass and die or something? I mean, I know you're having digestive issues, but come on man."

Church glared at his teammate, almost wanting to bash his head in and lock him in the smelly fridge for eternity. Or at least until he suffocated. "Up yours, dickhead. All I want is a beer, but it seems as though God has to be a colossal piece of shit." He reached into the fridge with his eyes shut tight, and he used his slowly disintegrating sense of smell to find the culprit behind the horrid stench. "Ugh…whatever this shit is, it's fucking slimy. Reminds me of that disgusting porn that Tex made us watch for writing, 'I love Justin Bieber' on her TV in pink lipstick." 'Don't think about it…must not remember…'

The Blue Team leader slowly opened his eyes, and he was tempted to throw the culprit at the bitch he called his ex-girlfriend. "Tex, you fucking bitch. You don't even eat this shit!" 'You have got to be fucking kidding me. She doesn't even like the fucking smell of this when it's fresh!'

It was very old and rotten calamari, and Tucker gagged before he began to vomit profusely into a conveniently placed garbage can. "O-oh my fucking God…is that rotten squid!?" He wiped his chin, only to duck his head right back down and continue to empty his stomach. "Ugh…this is the most I've thrown up since that slumber party in college!"

"You seriously want me to believe that you banged an entire slumber party while drunk as shit?" Church muttered as he threw the rotten squid into the garbage disposal, making sure to throw half a lemon down it to clean the scent. Tucker caught his breath back, and he wiped his face with a rag that was most likely going to be burned instead of cleaned. "I'd want you to believe it, but in reality, the girls' boyfriends came in and punched me in the stomach more times than I can be bothered to count."

"That's what I thought."

"Oh, whatever man…"

Church sighed as he grabbed a can of air freshener and started to spray it inside the fridge. The lavender scent replaced the horrid stench of rotting seafood, and the Blue leader groaned in annoyance when he saw he wasn't able to get what he came for in the first place. "Great. Just fucking great. I'm out of beer. Which one of you assholes stole it? Because I'm seriously not in the mood to deal with this bullshit." 'I fucking hate my life. I really do. Why do I have the worst luck in the universe?'

"Probably that bitch you call an ex-girlfriend," Tucker replied with a shrug. "You know me; I prefer strong shit, like vodka or rum." Church groaned, and he was trying his hardest not to scream out a random streak of angry wears like a crazy person when Caboose popped in, holding an empty glass and a tray of chocolate chip cookies. "Oh, hello! I'm just here for some orange juice to go with my cookies!"

Caboose's eating habits were by far the strangest on the Blue Team. For some reason, the only things he ever seemed to consume were cookies and orange juice, which they always had an overabundance of. Tucker rolled his eyes, also trying not to yell out in anger, and Caboose cheerfully hummed as he picked up his giant container of orange juice. "Mmm cookies..."

He finished pouring it into his glass, and he looked at his leader/ person who also hated him the most for shooting him with a tank. Church was surprised at how quiet he was being, and he tried to not let out a streak of angry swears. "Caboose…where the hell do you keep finding these things? I thought you were banned from using the radio to order shit!" 'Goddammit. I just know that he ordered something fucking stupid. Why does nothing exciting happen?'

"Don't worry; you won't see anything that I ordered," Caboose replied happily. "For at least six to eight weeks." Church let out a frustrated growl, and Tucker sighed as he rubbed his forehead in annoyance. "Dammit Caboose, what the fuck did you order this time!?"

"You look like you need some beef jerky. It'll be ready in six to eight weeks."

"You ordered a fucking food dehydrator, didn't you?"

"Oh, you won't be complaining when we're storing twice as much ammo as we are now!"

"For the millionth time Caboose, you can't dehydrate bullets…" Tucker groaned in frustration. Church let out a frustrated scream, and he slammed his head into the wall of the base, finally unable to deal with the tremendous amount of bullshit that came with being the leader of the worst team in Blood Gulch. "I can't fucking take it anymore! Caboose, if you can give me one good reason to not shoot you where you stand, I'd really fucking appreciate it!" 'I'm done. The next person to piss me off is getting a bullet in the head.'

Caboose was silent for a few seconds, and he held out his container of orange juice and a package of sugar cookies. "I have cookies. The good kind. I think you need some to relax. Maybe you can stand in the shade and eat them with your orange juice."

"…fuck it. Give me the goddamn cookies." Church grabbed them from the retarded Blue's hands, and he stormed outside before beginning to eat them. He grudgingly had to admit that they were rather good, and the orange juice didn't have pulp in it either.

"Fuck me…I bet the Reds don't have to deal with this shit."

A/N: Next up, a horrible birthday to remember! If anyone has any fucked up and funny suggestions, then feel free to share; I need something funny for RvB to write since the Project Freelancer Plays Cards Against Humanity story is done XD.