Disclaimer: I don't own Corpse Bride… nor do I own any other characters in this story!

One winter's eve, Victor Van Dort, Victoria Everglot, Emily, Harry's Girl 01031992, Nausicaa of the Spirits, and Random Little Writer were sitting in a café sipping cappuccinos, teas, and hot chocolates. They were talking about the weather, politics, and the parody they recently finished. Out of nowhere, the paparazzi came and kicked down the door of the café, their camera lights were flashing and the paranoid café owner, who was afraid of being exposed for killing a sock puppet, was hiding behind the counter.

"Harry's Girl!" One of the paparazzos exclaimed. "What is your opinion on Google buying You-Tube?"

"Victor!" Another one cried. "Can we get a picture?" Victor shielded his face with a magazine, since he was camera shy.

"Nausicaa!" a paparazzo exclaimed. "I'm a representative for Star Magazine. Our readers want to know what you think of Britney and K-Fed's divorce."

"Random!" another one shouted. "What's your reaction to your Corpse Bride parody winning 5 Oscars?"

"Victoria!" one paparazzo cried. "How's your marital life with Victor?"

"GET OUT, YOU ANNOYING SLIME BALLS!" Emily screamed. "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT WE'RE TRYING TO ENJOY OUR BEVERAGES?! GET OUT BEFORE I SHOW YOU PICTURES OF MICHAEL JACKSON IN A BIKINI!"

The paparazzi were silent for a second; then they screamed and ran out of there like a stampede of banshees.

Emily sat down and sighed.

"These paparazzi people need to stop following us…" Victor said. "I'm getting really paranoid like the lady behind the counter. I really don't want to end up like her."

"Yeah," Harry's Girl said. "Just last night I was sitting in my room doing homework and some paparazzi climbed up to my window and started snapping pictures of me until I sprayed them with that sour candy spray."

"I'm gonna need some counseling after these paparazzi attacks." Nausicaa said.

Just then, Random thought of a brilliant beyond brilliant idea.

"I just thought of a brilliant beyond brilliant idea." Random exclaimed, clearly repeating the text before she spoke. "We should get rid of those paparazzi once and for all."

"I've tried everything." Nausicaa sighed. "I've tried burglar alarms, restraining orders, and even force fields… Nothing makes them go away!"

"Au contraire," Random replied. "My plan is fool proof… but we're going to need some extra help."

End of chapter... What'd you guys think of this first chapter? Review and Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Cake, pomegranate juice, Mountain Dew, and portraits of Victor Van Dort will be sent out.