"If you really wanna know yourself, it will come at the price of knowing know one else"-Will Toledo (from the song Cosmic Hero).
Chapter One: Isolation
"Lincoln. Wake up sweetie. We'll be at your school in a matter of moments", I heard my mother say as she gently shook me awake. I opened my eyes and I realized that we were inside Vanzilla. I looked behind me and noticed that none of my sisters were in the back, and then I remembered why we in the car.
Principal Huggins had called my mother at work informing her that he would like to meet with her whenever she was free. My mother, being the strict woman she is, decided that she didn't wanna wait and she scheduled a meeting for today. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I had just got home when Mom informed me of this. So after the long walk home, I have to to ride right back to school with my mother.
"Couldn't we do this any other day?", I asked her.
"No", my mother said plainly, "If there's a problem with you in school then I want to sort it out immediately." I knew I would get that response, but like an idiot, I still asked.
Within a matter of seconds, we made it to my school. I exited the car and walked toward the door leaving my mother behind me. I know it seemed rude, but I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so I could go home.
"Hold on Lincoln. Wait for me", my said. I sighed and stopped in my tracks. She grabbed my hand like I was a little child and we walked in together. The school looked different after hours. All the lights were dimmed a little and there was an eerie silence because of the lack of children or security guards in the hall.
As we walked to Huggins' office, my mother looked around the school with a small smile on her face. She must've been thinking back to her days as a small child in school. I knew that she looked back on those days as the most carefree part of her life. Unfortunately though, I don't have that luxury. When I look back on my elementary school days as an adult, I'm going to hate my memories with a burning passion.
We approuched Huggins' office and my mother knocked on the door. Almost immediately, the door opened revealing Principal Huggins in all his old grumpy glory.
"Hello Mrs. Loud. I'm glad we could meet today", he said with an uncharacteristic smile, "Come on in." He got out of our way and we entered the room. I always got a chill whenever I entered this man's office, and not even the feeling of my mother's hand would stop it. We sat down on two uncomfortable chairs positioned in front of Huggins' desk and my mother finally released my hand.
Huggins sat behind the desk and wasted no time getting to the point. "Let's just get right into it Mrs Loud because I'm sure you're a busy woman", Huggins said, "A lot of people at this school have noticed a negative change in your son's behavior."
"What exactly do you mean?", my mother asked. She seemed to be timid of what the answer could possibly be.
Huggins sat back in his chair and put a hand on his chin, "Well for starters, your son used to be a straight A student. In fact, we were considering bumping him up a grade, but now his grades have started to slip and he shows no interest in his studies."
I could feel my mother's eyes turn to me, but I didn't face her. "It's not only that", Huggins' continued, "But I've noticed that Lincoln has become fairly introverted and somber. He has stopped hanging out with his friends and has started to become reclusive."
He paused for a moment and looked at me and then back at my mother, "Now I have no problems with the fact that Lincoln wants to be alone. It's just that, normally when a student goes from social and talkative to introverted and quiet, it usually means that something is wrong."
I rolled my eyes at what he said. He's overreacting. There's nothing wrong with me, I just want to be alone for Christ sake.
"Lincoln", Mr. Huggins said, "Is something wrong?"
"Yes sweetie", my Mother said, "Is something wrong? You've been quiet at home to. You hardly ever speak anymore."
I wanted to roll my eyes and just say 'Leave me alone', but I stayed calm and said, "Nothing is wrong. I just want some time away from my friends. It's nothing against them."
"What about your grades then?", Mom asked making me face her, "If the grades on your latest report card is anything to go by, you haven't really been focusing in class like you used to."
I didn't really have an excuse for why I was doing bad in school. It's not because I didn't understand the material. It was so incredibly easy that Leni would be able to get it, but for some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I can't really tell you why because I don't really know myself.
"I'm just having a problem with the material. It gets difficult at times. I just need help", I said lying out my ass.
Luckily neither of the adults noticed that I was lying. "Lincoln, if you need help with the material, I can easily get you a tutor. It will really help you and it can get your grades back to straight A's", Mr. Huggins said, "I'll make sure that y-"
"Wait", I said cutting him off, "I don't want a private tutor. I can get my grades up myself. Just give me some time." Huggins looked at me with an unreadable face. Maybe it was because I interrupted him (which nobody dared to do) or maybe it was because I was purposely refusing help from a tutor.
"Alright then", Mr. Huggins said as he laid back in his chair, "I'll give you until your next report card to bring up your grades. If I see one C on it, than I'll require you to work with a tutor. Understood?" I nodded. Well would you look at that? I now have a reason to do the work.
"That will be easy for my son", my mother said, "He'll get those grades up no problem."
"I would hope so", Mr. Huggins said as he adjusted his glasses, "Y'know Mrs. Loud, while I have you here, I would like to talk about another child of yours."
My mother sighed and said, "Luan."
"Oh yes", Huggins said annoyed, "Luan."
My mother groaned and handed me her keys. "Go wait for me in the car Lincoln. I'll be out there soon." I quickly walked out the room and ran out of the school. As soon as I was out of there, I punched the ground. It was a stupid idea I know, but I was too furious to worry about the extreme pain in my hand.
I've been introverted on purpose and I didn't want anyone to notice. I nearly had a heart attack when my mother said that she had noticed it. Why didn't she say something before? Has my father noticed? And more importantly, have my sisters noticed? The last thing I want to happen is for my sisters to notice my recent introversion. If they do, I'm fucked.
The reason for my recent introversion is not something I can easily explain. It just seems like I've grown tired of everyone in my life. I barely acknowledge my friends anymore and I don't talk to my sisters at all, unless I'm doing favors for them of course. I haven't even talked to Ronnie Anne all that much. My love and respect for these people hasn't faded away mind you, I just need a break.
That's just it. I need a break. I suspect that in a couple of days, maybe weeks, I'll be back to my old self, but for know, I just need a little break. That's it.
As the sound of one of the school's double door opening took me out of my thoughts, I turned to see my mother giving me a bewildered look, "I thought I told you to wait in the car."
"I wanted to stay outside for a while. I like the fresh air", I responded.
"Oh", my mother said not realizing the obvious lie, "Well come on Lincoln, your father should be done with dinner by now."
Great. Dad's famous casserole dish. Oh joy.
Neither me or my mother said a word on the way home. She didn't even give me a threat about how if I didn't get my grades up I would be grounded or anything like that. There was just silence. When we finally made it home there was no mention of me needing to get my grades up to my father. Hell, he didn't even acknowledge me at all. All he did was kiss my mother on the cheek and handed her her dinner.
My father didn't even ask why I needed to be seen by the principal, neither did any of my sister's. They didn't even greet me when I came in. I was a bit annoyed at first, but then I realized that if they didn't acknowledge me, I wouldn't have to talk to them. I smiled at the sudden epiphany and I went to my room to enjoy some solitude.
I decided not to eat dinner that night, for I wasn't feeling very hungry, and luckily, no one in my family seemed to noticed. And to make it even better, no one even came in to say goodnight to me or wish me sweet dreams.
Life was good in the loud house.
The next morning, I quickly got dressed in my room and waited for Lori to call me down to take me to school. I would've just walked to school, but that means I would run into Clyde and I would have to talk to him. I don't have the energy to do that. I didn't bother taking a shower today as I knew that my sisters were going to hog the bathroom, I didn't feel like dealing with that.
I was beginning to drift of back to sleep when I heard Lori call my name, "Lincoln! Come here!"
I sighed and started to walk to Lori's room. As soon as I exited, Lana came up to me and hugged me, "Hi Lincoln! How are you doing today?" For a split second, and a split second only, I was fooled into into thinking that she actually cared how I was doing, but soon reality kicked in.
"What do you want?", I dead panned.
Knowing that she was caught, Lana let go off me and said, "I need your help with something."
"Lincoln! Where the hell are you!?", I heard Lori yell.
I rolled my eyes and looked at Lana, "Tell me later okay? Lori needs me for something." Lana nodded and ran downstairs to do God knows what.
I walked into Lori's room and I saw her texting someone on her phone. What else would she be doing with her time? It's not like she has to get ready for school or anything. That would be ridiculous.
She noticed me and her face immediately twisted into anger. Any other person would be concerned about a pretty girl suddenly becoming angry once they feast their eyes on you, but I've gotten used to seeing Lori angry. Angry Lori amounted little more than bitchy complaints and empty threats. I used to be scared of her. There have been days when I was even terrified of her, but not anymore. I've gotten used to Lori's bitchy hissy fits.
She stomped over to me with her face turning red from anger, but I didn't get worried. I knew that the worse she could do was yell at me. She grabbed me by my shirt collar and lifted me up so that we were looking at each other in the eye.
Great. Eye contact. Another thing I didn't want today. Just great. "Lincoln", Lori started, "Why haven't you been talking to Ronnie Anne?"
Really? That's it? That's why she stopped me from taking a short nap before school? To talk about fucking Ronnie Anne.
"Why do you ask?", I asked with little signs of caring in my voice.
I believe the tone of my voice made Lori even more annoyed, "I care because Bobby just called and told me that Ronnie Anne was on the verge of tears when she got home from school yesterday. She said you flat out ignored her when she tried to talk to you. Infact, she's says you've been doing that all month!"
I heard four loud gasp coming from outside the door, and before I knew it, the rest of my older sisters were in the room and they immediately surrounded me.
"You've been ignoring your girlfriend!?", Luan asked.
"Wow bro, that's really harsh", Luna said, "You can't treat your girl like that."
"It's like, totally disrespectful and mean", Leni said in her normal doopy way.
"I would beat the shit out of my boyfriend if he intentionally ignored me", Lynn said as if she needed to remind us that she was tough, "I'm surprised she hasn't dumped your ass yet."
"So Lincoln, explain to us why you've been treating your girlfriend like she doesn't exist", Lori said looking like she was getting ready to snap my neck if my answer wasn't what she wanted.
I sighed, "First, she's not my girlfriend. Second, I've been ignoring her because I don't want to talk to her right now." That was the truth. It was a simple answer. Any normal person would understand, but alas, my sisters are not normal.
"What!?", Lori yelled getting ready pounce on me, "What the fuck does that mean!?"
Are you really that dumb?
"What do you think it means?", I asked, "I don't wanna talk to Ronnie Anne right now."
"But she's your girlfriend!", Lori yelled nearly breaking every glass object in the house, "You can't just ignore her!"
"Yes I can", I said, "I've been doing it for a month. And for the last time, she's not my girlfriend."
"Lincy!", Leni said shocked beyond comprehension, "How could you say something like that about your girlfriend?"
The sentence 'She's not my girlfriend' falls on def ears at this house.
"Leni is right bro", Luna said, "I understand wanting to have some time to yourself, but you could at least acknowledge your girlfriend when she tries to speak to you."
I groaned and said, "Fine. I'll talk to Ronnie Anne later and apologize. Can I go now?"
"No!", Lori yelled.
Oh for fucks sake!
"You can't just apologize after flat out ignoring your partner", Luan said, "You need to do something romantic with her to prove that you still care about her."
She's not my girlfriend for fucks sake! Why does no one listen to me! Are you fucking def?!
"No. I'm not doing anything romantic with Ronnie Anne. She wouldn't like that", I explained.
"Oh really?", Lori asked.
Well would you look at that, she finally stopped screaming like a banshee.
"Yes, really", I said.
"That's not what Ronnie Anne said. She wants to have lunch with you alone today.", Lori said.
"She didn't say tha-"
"Yes she did!", Lori said interrupting me, "You are going to meet Ronnie Anne for lunch at school and you are going to treat her like a girl deserves to be treated. If I hear that you've done something like this ever again, I will-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll turn me into a human pretzel. Can we go now?", I said getting tired of her bitching.
"Don't you ever interrupt me again!", Lori said annoyed by the fact that any of her siblings would have the guts to interrupt her when she was giving orders.
Luna got in between both of us before Lori could strangle me, "Cut it out you guys. It's time for to head to school and you two keep acting like children, we're going to be late."
Really? She's the one acting like a child!
Lori pushed Luna out of her way, not even looking to see if she was okay, "Remember what I said. If you do anything to make Ronnie Anne sad or angry, I'll make sure you regret it."
You don't really care about her. You act like you give a damn about her happiness, but you really don't. You're just afraid that your precious Bobby will break up with you. God knows what would happen if you lost your only reason for existence.
"Whatever. I'm walking to school. It's better than sitting in a car with you", I said with little force in my voice. Before Lori could say anything else, I walked out the room without even facing any of them. I didn't say goodbye to any of my sisters, I ignored Lori screaming after me to return to her room and I completely ignored Lana calling after me. I just needed to leave the house. I needed to be alone.
As soon as I walked out the front door, I felt relieved. I was alone and there was nothing but silence. No yelling, no arguing, no being demanded and guilt tripped into doing things I don't want to do. Just perfect and beautiful silence and solitude.
I loved this. I needed this. I wish I could just be alone all the time and enjoy the beauty of not having a care in the world, but I knew that I was wishing for something that wasn't going to come true.
I would never be able to enjoy solitude and silence, not as long as I was alive.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter.