Yoake Mae
(Before Dawn)
When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away
And I must go over still into the darkness of dawn
If I try to play it straight, it will no doubt fail
And tonight it won't go well between us again
You can't see all of my efforts, because it's only result
Is that it makes sense. It really is a "tight rope"
More effort, more damage—this is my daily life
Taking a cynical attitude may give me some comfort
Hiding myself, heated and irritated; living only a short time
The starry sky above me was so beautiful as usual. The clear weather of Seireitei just made the sky could be seen so clearly. The stars twinkled among the darkness, watching all over the suffering souls beneath them. Then again, I asked to myself, why the heck did the star still looked so beautiful in such a horrible situation like this?
Soon, it would be dawn. The sun would rising soon…. But why the wind was still so cold? Wait, this coldness… it wasn't from the wind. It was leaking out from me, from my mind, my soul.
Ah, I could feel it, the trembling of my body. I could feel my hands shaking like crazy and my knees went weak. My heartbeat increased rapidly, so did my breath's tempo…. Was this really happened? Did I really do that just a moment ago? Did he really don't fight me back?
Still shaking in horror, I rolled my violet eyes and landed my gaze on my zanpakutou, Sode no Shirayuki. I saw the white blade of mine had covered by thick, red liquid; it was blood. His blood…. I could even smell the iron scent of the blood. And it just made everything get worse; it made my body shaking even more and sent the dizziness to my head.
Finally, my knees gave up. I landed roughly on the ground by my knees as I tried to calm myself. Breathe, Rukia! Breathe! I told myself. But still, it couldn't do much; the reality that I just did such an unforgivable thing wouldn't change. Now, even my hands just gave up too. I couldn't hold Shirayuki in my grip anymore; I let it fell to the ground, causing a clanged sound that broke the silent of the death.
Then, I looked onto my shinigami uniform and I saw that it was wet, by blood…. I tried so hard to prevent the scream that was going to be released from my throat. Replacing my scream were the droplets of hot liquid flowed from both of my eyes. I started to cry, aloud. I cried like an insane person. Yeah, in fact, I felt like I was going crazy. Why you ask? Just one answer: because I had stabbed him, the one that I had 'something' for secretly.
Sobbing hardly, I pushed my self to turn my head up so that I could see him. And with some efforts, I finally could look to him, to his weak body on the ground, which was surrounded by blood pool from his wound on his chest. Yes, my own zanpakutou and my own hand had caused the wound. Right now, I felt like a sinner, I felt the huge guilty spread inside me.
"Ulquiorra…" I whispered his name weakly as my violet orbs met his emerald-green ones.
"Kuchiki… Rukia…." He whispered my name back with his weak, melancholic voice before he coughed out some blood.
I pushed myself once again to approach him. And when I finally reached at him, I touched his pale face and caressed the green cyan-line that descended from his eyes. His skin was sure cold. Was it because he was an arrancar? Or was it because he was dying? I didn't know….
"Why…" I whispered between my sobs, "Why Ulquiorra? Why didn't you fight me back? You are the Cuatro Espada, I'm sure you could defeat me with no effort at all…."
For a moment, his beautiful green eyes just buried into my eyes. But then, he answered, "Because… I didn't want to…. I don't want… to fight… you…."
His answer was really weird and made no sense at all. For god's sake, I was a shinigami, and he was and arrancar, part of Aizen's army that had attacked Soul Society yesterday. We were enemies. But why did he say that he didn't want to fight me? I didn't know, I didn't understand. My brain was too tired to think right now.
"Why…?" I asked again as I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my forehead again his.
Right now, I didn't really care if he was an arrancar or not. One thing was clear for me: he was dying, and it was because of me, because I was trying to protect the wounded-very-badly Ichigo from his zanpakutou. Oh yes, he was going to kill Ichigo, and that's why I attacked him, to save my friend, my precious friend. But then again, I asked myself: wasn't Ulquiorra's life precious as well as Ichigo's? I was too dumb to understand why the heck my body reacted without my permission and just attacked him like that….
"I don't… know…" came a smooth mutter from Ulquiorra's lips. "It just felt… somehow… doesn't right…." He managed to say before coughed more blood.
God, did he just joke or what? What wasn't right? Was fighting me felt doesn't right for him? Why? Why?! His answer just drove me even more confused, making more questions popped in my head.
I could tell you that my sobs became even louder from confusedness, desperate, anger, and sadness now. It just made wondered even more. And it made me wished so many impossible things. I wished Aizen didn't attack Soul Society yesterday, I wished Ulquiorra just disobeyed Aizen and didn't come along with him to attack my homeland, I wished I didn't have to fight him, I wished he wasn't an arrancar, I wished I wasn't a shinigami, I wished we were just mere humans lived on the MAterial World so that we can meet each other through a normal way, fall for each other and become lovers….
"You are the stupidest arrancar I've ever met, Ulquiorra! We are in a war! We are enemies! We should fight each other!" I yelled to him.
I heard Ulquiorra sighed. Then I opened my eyes to stare into his beautiful eyes, swimming in the deep, green pool of his orbs. To my surprise, he suddenly brought up his weak hand and swept away my tears from my cheek.
"If you said so…" he said, "then why… are you… crying for me… Kuchiki Rukia?"
I was taken a back. God… he asked it. He asked the most fearful question for me. The question I couldn't answer—wait! No! It was the question that I, Kuchiki Rukia, was too afraid to answer. I was afraid if I answer it honestly, it would make my friends, my family and my comrades hate me…. Yet, if I answer it with a lie, I was afraid he would hate me even more. Yes, I was too afraid to admit that deep down in my heart, I had fell for him; I had fell head over heels for my enemy, Ulquiorra Schiffer. Since he had asked it, what should I give as a reply for him now?
"I…" I was dumbstruck, unable to spat any possible answer available, what I could do right now was stuttered. Great. "I-I…"
Though he was dying and I was just stuttering like a dork, somehow, he patiently waited my answer, staring at me wit those beautiful emerald-green eyes. Weird, yes. Why he wanted my answer anyway? It was so unlike him. After all, he was the most stoic and emotionless one among the Espada, the one that always calculated his actions, hic words, and his moves. He always categorized someone who wasn't strong enough as 'trash', and I was categorized as it as well. So why he wanted an answer from a 'trash' like me? I really couldn't understand him.
"Ulquiorra…" I knew I wouldn't be able to spat it out, but however my mouth just wanted to try and try again, though my brain had forbade it to do so. Maybe, just maybe, it was because my heart actually wanted me to say it out aloud? "I-I… Ulquiorra… I…."
Oh, stupid mouth! Stupid brain! Wouldn't you too help me to do something with this situation? Would you stop stuttering like a fool? For god sake, the man in front of me was dying! And he was waiting for my answer! Just say it, you jerk!
"I-I'm sorry!"
What?! Just that?! Why the hell something that came out from my mouth was just 'I'm sorry'?! and after saying those words, my sobs grew more uncontrollably.
Dear god, why didn't you gave another fate from the beginning? If I had to lose the man I loved, then why you made us met each other at the first place?! Why you had to make me killed him by my own hands? Were you toying with him and me? Didn't you know how painful was my feeling right now? I bet you didn't….
"Kuchiki Rukia…" Ulquiorra called my name, pulling me out of my mind back to the painful and unbearable reality in front of me. Now his voice even grew weaker. This wasn't good.
"Yes…?" I managed to replied his call between my sobs.
"Stop crying like a trash…" he said, "woman….."
Then, slowly, his green eyes became dull. His heartbeat grew quieter and quieter, until it finally stopped. His breath wasn't there anymore, and the life had left him. Ulquiorra Schiffer, the Fourth Espada, was dead.
The next second, I watched with the tears streamed down my face as Ulquiorra's figure turned into shiny dust and disappeared; his soul had been purified by my zanpakutou. So, this was it ended eh? He was gone because of me, and I hadn't say about my feelings to him? I was very pathetic….
With tears still streaming from my eyes, I glanced over my shoulder to see the unconscious figure if Ichigo who was wounded very badly. Though I lost the one I loved, at least, I could save one life…. My precious friend….
Suddenly, my body gave up. I collapsed on the ground, and I still could see the sun started to rise before everything went black….
"I love you, Ulquiorra…" I whispered before I fully lost my consciousness.
When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away
And I must go over still into the darkness of dawn
If I let my emotions free,
My dreams will once again not go well
--#--#--
I think the balance sheet of my life is imperfect
If add up the pluses and minuses, will it really equal zero?
I want to control all my luck
That may be used up before my life is ended
You didn't know—you can change logic at your will
I hurt myself because of you, over and over;
But my love didn't go away—it kept coming back
The toughness gained from my damage is unbelievable
I won't be able to sleep at all tonight either
Years and years had passed since that day. It had been seventeen years if I wasn't mistake. It had been 17 years since the day Ulquiorra dead, since I killed him. How ironic….
I hated to admit it, but Ulquiorra's death had changed me a lot. Its bitterness had successfully made me stronger and became more mature, but in other side, it made me grew quieter. And it made me afraid to fall in love again because I was too afraid to loose it.
Ah, in fact, the strongest reason why I couldn't love someone again was because I couldn't forget about him. And my feelings toward him just grew even stronger as the days passed by. Countless times I had tried to erase these feelings, but somewhat this love just kept coming back and grew stronger.
Even though so many things had changed since 17 years ago, my heart was never changed. Even though I was busying myself with my tasks as the new vice captain of the 13th division, and even though there were many guy had asked me to be with them, my heart's decision was still and would always be the same. It was still attached to him, to his emerald-green eyes, his melancholic voice, and his soul.
I sighed as I realized that my mind once again was looking back at the past. I just found that I always remembered about the past—especially about Ulquiorra—when I was watching the breaking dawn like now. It couldn't be helped, I guess, since that unforgettable moment I share with Ulquiorra before I lost him was around the dawn.
I closed my eyes and felt the cool; gentle breeze blew softly around my figure, clearing my thought. As I opened my eyes, I smiled at the view of the breaking dawn. I had to get back to Soul Society now. After all, I came here was just to attend the birthday party of Ichigo and Orihime's first son. And I just get attached by the night's view, which had successfully made me stay here too long. Really, the scenery from this apartment's roof was one of my favorite things in the Material World. I smiled again before I turned my back, ready to leave the roof and go back to Soul Society.
But before I reached at the roof access door, it had swung open, revealing a boy around sixteen who was wearing a black, long-sleeved t-shirt and baggy blue jeans. And that moment, I could swear my heart was going to blow up for too fast beating. Why so suddenly my heart bumping wildly against my rib? The answer was simple; it was because this human boy's look.
As I stared to him, his emerald-green eyes stared back to me. And without I realized, we just stared at each other like that for a moment. While he stared at me with some curiosity (maybe he was wondering what was a woman doing on a roof top around this hour), I stared at every details of his figure. His stunning eyes, his pale skin, his black, shoulder-length hair…. Even without those cyan-line on his face, I still could recognized his figure, the figure of someone I loved so much, Ulquiorra Schiffer.
Was it really him? Suddenly, I felt something wet on my face; I was crying.
"Why are you crying now, woman?" the boy who looked EXTREMLY similar to Ulquiorra asked to me.
God! Even his voice was just the same as Ulquiorra's voice, that deep and melancholic voice. Was this boy Ulquiorra's reincarnation? If he was, that meant I finally found him; found the missing piece of my soul, the one I had dreamed for so many times on these 17 years.
"Say," I managed to say between my unreasonable and so sudden cry, "What's you name?"
The 'Ulquiorra-looked-like' boy seemed like he was going to sigh. "You don't answer my questions and just questioning back," he said in bored tone with bit sarcasm in it. But however, he answered my question though, "I'm Elios Schiffer."
My eyes widened. Then, a smile, which had lost for quite a long time from me, found its way to my lips.
"And now you're smiling and crying at the same time," he said again, "You're strange, woman."
Hearing those words, my smile just grew even wider. "This is," I explained, "Because I've just realized how dark the night I've been walking through, and how bright the dawn I finally meet again."
However many times it's repeated
It revives again and again—because it's love
You can't blame my emotion
Because you should know it will never fade away
When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away
And even though I'm in the darkness of dawn, I have to go
I don't care about the "bad affinity"
Even if our love is not doing well, nevertheless we have deep ties
--THE END--
A/N: Yaaaaaayyy….!!! It is done~~~!!! XD Ah, the song I use here is 'Heart of Sword~ Yoake Mae', one of Samurai X's endings that performed by T.M. Revolution.
Oh, if you wonder why Ulquiorra became a human, it's because I think when a hollow is dead, he/she will sent to the Soul Society then they can be reborn on the Material world. Well, I don't know whether my thought is right or not. But, if it's not, I apologize, and let's just think that it is. Hehehehe….*ducking shoes thrown by the readers*
And I also apologize for any mistakes on grammars/spellings/tenses I made in this fanfiction. English isn't my first language, so please bear with me. Anyway, I really need a beta reader. Any volunteer please?
Disclaimer: I own nothing from BLEACH, cause if do, believe me, Ulquiorra will be the main character instead of Ichigo! XD
Anyway, love it? Hate it? Your reviews—or even flames—are welcomed!
Thanks for reading! n_n