Chibiyu: Curse my ability to be bad at making titles! And this is for joni87 who requested me to write it on the hyperboards of Jonas fanficion. Thank you for the idea!
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Falling to the Bottom
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Summary:
I was in my element and nothing could go wrong. At least, that was what I thought until I saw his face sticking out of the crowd. Until I watched him walk calmly pass security and onto the stage. Until he cornered me on my bus. Until he told me that I had twenty seconds to live.
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Deep breath Nick, you've done this before. Nothing about this is different from the other times. So just go out there and do your best. You know the drill.
"NICK! NICK! NICK!"
You hear that Jonas? It's your fans chanting your name. Just like every other night. They believe in you. And without them, you would be nothing.
"Hey Nick! It's show time!" Sonny called and I nodded to him, squashing the nerves down with a deep breath. You would think I would be used to this by now. But I don't think I ever will be. There is always a chance that I will disappoint my fans with the performance and I can't risk that. I won't ever chicken out though. My fans came for a show, and I plan to give them one.
"Let's do this." I stated, grabbing my guitar and walking out onstage and into the wall of deafening screams. I love my job.
…
It was getting to the ending song of the concert, this time I wanted to close with "Who I Am," and I got a little idea. Actually, it wasn't mine, someone backstage suggested it for yesterday's show, but I think now is a good time to try it out.
"Hey guys!" I yelled out to the crowd and of course, screams met my call. These fans would scream no matter what I said. And you know what; I wouldn't have it any other way. "Hey Philadelphia, calm down for a minute!" Like I thought, they all screamed louder at the mention of their city name. I couldn't help but smile at the excited looks on all of their faces. "Who out there can sing?" I called and again, everyone screamed but quite a few people raised their hands. "I want the people I pick to come up on stage with me, and sing a little song, I think you all know it." I paused, waiting so I could hear myself over the screaming. How could they sing after all that noise? "Who I Am." I finished my sentence, looking at a few of the girls whom I noticed had had their hands up.
"Alright now, stay in your seats." I warned, looking at some girls who snuck up closer. They both giggled and ran back, leaving me to smirk and roll my eyes. "Ok, who can sing?" I asked again. "You in the black Jonas "When You Look Me in the Eyes" Tour shirt with blond hair, come up here!" Her eyes lit up in excitement and she ran over to where the guard was waiting for her, nearly tripping.
Who else? Her! "You over there in the pink tee shirt and black hair! Yes you, jumping up and down on your chair. Be careful, now." I laughed as she instantly stopped and just starred. "Come on up!" I urged her and she smiled, laughing, running out of the aisle, the biggest smile on her face.
I looked over to my left to see if anyone was over there, and that was when I noticed something…odd. There was this man, about fifty, in a business suit, just standing there, looking like he should be there. But I didn't invite him to come up onstage. And his eyes…I almost shuddered. They were cold gray, untouched by the smile plastered on his wrinkled and pale face. But he got passed security so he must be ok…Right?
I got into the song after I invited two more girls up on stage. But when I got to the second chorus, there were more than five extra people onstage. In fact, there were at least twenty, out of control fans, who had jumped on stage. But I just have to keep playing or else people will think there is a problem. I finished the song, getting claustrophobic with how close these fans and their cameras were getting. How can I get out of this? I looked to the back and smiled as I saw Jordin Sparks and her crew running out of here. And I wish I was with them. But I can't be. I just have to get through this song…
Finally! I played the last chord of the song, which seemed to be so much longer now, and I sensed them all ready to jump and trap me. I quickly ducked down and backed away and under the back curtain. I stood up just in time to see them all jumping on each other, falling to the floor, just were I previously was. I never thought in a million years that that would have worked. I have to run now!
I ran out the back door and onto my tour bus, closing the door behind me and locking it, knowing a few fans would have seen me leave. My heart thundered from the fright and running. I hated t when fans got overly excited and did stupid stunts like that. They ruined the show for the other people who had enough sense to stay in their seats! I straightened up; panting and I put my guitar on the couch before collapsing next to it.
"Hello Nicholas." I jumped up and spun around and nearly screamed in surprise. The old man that was on the stage was standing in the corner. But no one but and the driver and sometimes Big Rob and I were supposed to be on this bus. No one else had the key!
"What are you doing here?" I asked, feeling nervous again. I didn't like the vibe around his man. He was dressed nicely but his eyes and too thin lips…it made me want to shiver. And the...was it hate radiating from his eyes?
"I ask the questions around here." He ordered, the bus dropping ten degrees as he walked over and towered over me. I tried to take a step back but my feet hit the couch. "No one can save you Nicholas, they are all locked inside." What? He laughed, grabbing my arm and squeezing, his grip impossible to break. "Oh, if only you could see the fear in your eyes."
He pushed me roughly back onto the couch and I realized that I was afraid. I had no security and no one could get to me. But if this guy just locked the doors, someone should have a key and be able to get out…right? But he looked so confident in his actions…what is going on? But I couldn't even begin to grasp the answer. I don't know if anyone knew this, but when you are terrified, like I am now, everything seems to fade away until there is nothing but the fear that consumes your heart. All of your thoughts stop, you don't even begin to think about fighting back, the only thing on your brain are the horrible scenario's, each worse than the last, of what will happen to you. When you think, it's the fear thinking for you. When you speak, the fear always controls your voice. And it's no different with your eyes. He knew I was afraid and I couldn't hide it. But why was I in a scenario where I had to be afraid?
"What are you-?" I started to ask but I got cut off. A sharp sting burned in my cheek and it took me a moment to realize that this guy had just slapped me.
"I told you, I ask the questions." He really did just hit me! But what did I ever do to him? Why is he doing this? What will he do to me? "Listen Nicholas…" He whispered and the whole bus fell silent. Listen for wh-
Screams. Bangs on doors and walls. Crying. The sound of thousands of hearts thundering in fright and beating as one. My fans and my friends were still locked inside. What was going on in there?
"They won't die, but you might." The man whispered in my ear. I shivered, not having heard him come this close to me. I slowly looked up to stare in his menacing eyes. I saw everything he wanted to do to me playing like a movie in those orbs. I saw the resentment, the hate, the cold, and the rage. Who was he? What did I do to him? What did he mean that I might die?
"I've been waiting since the beginning of the tour for you to bring a fan or two onstage." He told me, confusing me even more. "Just so I could cause a distraction and get you in here, alone." What is he talking about? He lunged forward and wrapped his hand tightly around the back of my neck and he dragged me forward, slamming my face into the wall across from us. It stung but thankfully I turned my face so it just hit my cheek instead of breaking my nose. So he brought all those fans up and started it. Wait, since the beginning of the tour? That's when he was hired as a stage crew person. I was always nice to them and thanking them…so why was he doing this?
"Still confused Nicholas?" He peeled me from the wall and spun me around to face him. He let go of my neck but he was blocking my only exit. "Think back to your very first show and why it was canceled." I thought back and I watched all color drain from my face in my reflection in the window. "That fan that got hospitalized because she got trampled, she died Nicholas." He informed me, sorrow and heartbreak worming their way into the chill of his voice. "Want to know who she was?" I already knew. "She was my daughter." And I took her from him.
"She loved you and she died because of you. Now I am going murder you so you can see her on your way to Hell to apologize." He was going to kill me? "I kill her killer. It seems like a fitting way to settle this. It's time for you to pay for her death.""
I couldn't respond. Just as he finished his sentence, his fist flew out of nowhere and nailed me in the throat. I stumbled back, unable to regain my breath as blackness seemed to close around my vision. And then the pain hit me. It seared all across my neck and down to stomach, like I had been punched multiple times instead of the once. It felt like candles were being held to my throat and the hot wax was dripping down into my stomach. And I knew it was far from over. I heard him coming closer. I looked up just in time to see his fist colliding with my face.
Searing hot pain, making my vision go from black outlined to spotted, sprouted from my nose and I felt the bone crack and break. I barely felt the blood gushing out of it but the metallic taste in my mouth was impossible to not notice. Before I could steady myself again, his fist collided with my stomach and I doubled over, clutching the area that just felt like it got hit with two ton bricks.
"You're pathetic." He sneered, stepping back for a moment. "Whatever Tasha saw in you, I sure as hell don't." He lifted his foot and brought it down, hard on mine. But thankfully I was wearing a shoe so that blocked a lot of the force and pain. But it was enough to make me uncurl, and then he took the cheapest shot in the book.
I went down, screaming an octave higher than I should be, and I curled up in the fetal position. His foot met my spine and I whimpered, still unable to move from this position from the pain down there. Did I deserve this? After all, his daughter was dead because of me. It wasn't my fault, directly…but indirectly, if I had more security or if I hadn't made the crowd so crazy… I can see why he hates me…I killed his daughter. I took a life without even knowing it…I felt like I was falling to the bottom of a bottomless pit, tumbling and turning, unable to stop the descent.
His foot came down on my leg but I barely felt the pain. Everything was numb was my heart rejected the fact that I killed the girl, Tasha. But my mind accepted it and it was now locked in combat with my heart, making emotional and mental pain the dominant over physical. I felt his foot stomp down again and this time, sharp stabbing pain shot through my spine, making me gasp out. And one more time and I felt something move, something crack, and the three kinds of pain mixed until all I could see was red. Until all I could hear was the blood throbbing in my ears, each pulse bringing a fresh wave of hurt. Until all I could feel was the endless abyss of this torture. I didn't even know if he was still hitting and kicked me.
"There's one more thing Nicholas." He whispered, sounding like he was inches from my ear. "This bus is rigged to explode twenty seconds after I push the trigger. Which gives me plenty of time to get far enough away and still have a great view to watch you go to Hell. I barely could process any of the words he was saying. In fact, it was a miracle I was still conscious. Or maybe a curse because with being conscious, came feeling and awareness and I didn't want that right now. I wanted to stop feeling this ache and sink into the coming darkness. But something held me back. It was his words. The ones I heard and was able to decipher the meaning.
Bomb. Bus. Twenty seconds. Go. Hell.
Bomb on the bus? Twenty seconds….until it explodes…and I will die. God, please be with me. And with this man. He is hurting and he needs your guidance.
"Goodbye Nicholas." And then I heard the bus door slam shut and I knew that I was doomed. But I still had twenty seconds. I pried open my eyes and forced myself to uncurl. I didn't feel the pain anymore. Everything was numb and cold. I wasn't afraid, or panicked, I was in shock. I was about to die. I shakily reached up, ignoring the sight of my own blood, and grabbed a hold of the one picture I brought with me.
It was of Joe, Kevin, Mom, Dad, Frankie, and I, this past Christmas. We were all crowded around the tree wearing identical goofy grins. I smiled as I hugged the picture close, my strength and will to live, gone.
"Don't give up Nick." I lifted my head and looked around, swearing I just heard Joe. I was delusional…I must be. "Live little brother!"
"Don't die!" Kevin yelled and I shakily pulled myself onto all fours, still not feeling any pain. But I couldn't stand. My legs wouldn't support me.
"Hurry sweetie!" Mom urged me on and I was moving towards to door.
"You can do it Nick." Dad whispered and I bit my lip, forcing the door open with whatever meager strength I had left.
"Keep going big brother." Frankie told me and I kept going. I dropped out onto the street and pulled myself as far from the bus and as close to the arena where I had been playing as possible. When I hit the wall, I clutched the photo tighter, and watched the bus erupt in flames with an earth trembling BOOM! A moment of relief but then I watched as the sun disappeared and I looked up, and screamed.
…,…,…
I was floating, or at least, it felt like I was. I didn't feel a ground beneath me; in fact, I didn't feel anything touching me at all. Was I dead? Was I unconscious? I wanted to reach up and check for a heart beat, but I quickly found that I couldn't move. Panic flooded into me and I tried to struggle against the invisible bonds, but to no avail. I sighed and kicked out angrily, pain jolting up my leg and the gaps was lost in my throat.
Pain was good…there is no pain in death…I think…so does that mean I am alive? I took a small breath and it felt like my lungs had been poked through by spikes and every movement the needed air made, the spike drove in deeper, closer and closer to my heart. Yes, I was alive, but it hurt to live. It hurt to breathe. Why does it hurt to breathe?
"Hang on Nick." A disembodied voice urged but I couldn't tell who was saying it. "God damn it Nick, hang on!" What was it talking about? It hurt too much to hang on. I didn't want to. The darkness looks so warm and inviting…
"Don't you dare die on us bro!" Bro? Was that…Joe?
"Damn Nick, breathe!" The same voice as earlier shouted, only this time, I heard it better. Wait, I wasn't breathing?
No…I wasn't. It hurt, but I have to. I can't die…not yet. I took a short inhale, hearing myself cry out as the pain overwhelmed my senses. It hurts so badly! Joe, make the pain stop!
"That's it Nick, keep breathing." Joe whispered and I took another breath, feeling tears falling from my eyes. It hurt so much. "Air is good, remember Nick?" No, it isn't Joe. It hurts so bad. Why does it hurt Joe?
"Come on Nick, you can do it." I heard the voice whisper and I finally could make it out as Kevin. But I wasn't able to make out other things around me, just their voices. "Keep on breathing Nick, you can do it." They don't understand. I can't, it hurts too much.
"I-it h-h-hur-hurts." I managed to force out, still not aware of anything around me.
"I k-know N-Nicky." Joe stuttered and I heard his own pain. He was hurt? Why? Oh…because I was hurt. "B-but you h-have to keep br-breathing."
"Please Nick." Kevin whispered and I felt a pressure on my hand. "Don't give up."
I tried to curl my hand around the one that was holding mine, not even knowing if I was doing anything at all. But the pressure increased, so something must have happened. "W-won't." I whispered, the first letter "I" getting lost in the pain.
"Don't talk anymore Nicky…just stay with us." But if I didn't talk, how would they know that I was still with them? But they were right. It hurt more to talk than it did to breathe. So for now, I guess I had to be content with squeezing who's ever hand was holding mine.
How much time had passed that we all just stayed here in silence? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Ok, not days or hours, but it felt like it when each breath was more agonizing then the last. When each movement brought a whirlwind of new pain and with each second of living, I started to wish that I was dying. I wanted this pain to end. I wanted it all to go away. But it wouldn't. And I couldn't die. I promised Joe and Kevin that I wouldn't. And Nick Jonas never turns his back on a promise. No matter how impossible it is to keep.
"Nick, you still here buddy?" Kevin asked and I assumed it was Joe holding my hand from that question. I didn't talk but I squeezed Joe's hand harder in confirmation.
"Yeah Kev, he's still here." Joe answered and I heard Kevin sigh.
"Nick, don't worry but you are going to feel a slight poke ok? The paramedics are here." I squeezed Joe's hand again to tell them I understood. They were going to sedate me. But how could I tell if the darkness coming around me was death or just the medicine? I felt the poke, barely able to register it through the pain. But I did feel the darkness surround me and pull me down. And the scariest part is that I couldn't fight it and for a moment, I thought it was death.
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KEVIN'S POV
Seeing my little brother lying on the cement, not moving, blood coming from his nose and leg, and seeing the bus's windshield crackled all around him, was going to haunt my nights. I was so glad Kevin and I were going to surprise Nick by coming to this show and hanging out with him afterwards, but when I saw the bus explode, all that happiness turned into pure horror. My only thought was: Oh God, Nick was on that bus. But he wasn't. But I saw him go on it….what happened? Why was he so beaten up? Why was he…oh God…he's not breathing.
"JOE CALL 911! NOW!" I screamed and Joe paled when he caught up with ne, the phone in his hands in a second, his eyes glued to our little brother.
"Hang on Nick." I ordered my brother, not really caring if he couldn't hear me. I felt for a pulse and almost died in relief when I found a weak one. But he still wasn't breathing. "God damn it Nick, hang on!"
"Don't you dare die on us bro!" Joe yelled after having been screaming hysterically into the phone.
"Damn Nick, breathe!" I urged my brother, not caring if I was swearing. Should I do CPR? I don't know what to do…please Nick…Yes! I watched Nick's chest start to rise and fall and I heard him whimper in pain and tears fell from his eyes. It was obvious that breathing hurt him but at least he was doing it.
"That's it Nick, keep breathing." Joe whispered, on the verge of tears and he grasped Nick's hand gently, unsure if squeezing it would break him. More tears fell form Nick's clenched closed eyes as he took another breath, but he only had to hang on for awhile longer. "Air is good, remember Nick?" That may have been funny if Nick wasn't on the verge of dying.
"Come on Nick, you can do it." I whispered, trying to be comforting when I felt like I was about to fall apart at the seams. "Keep on breathing Nick, you can do it." Did he even understand us?
"I-it h-h-hur-hurts." Joe and I both froze at the sound of his weak and tiny voice. He was with us. Which meant…oh no, which meant he could feel all of this pain and would be able to remember it all.
"I k-know N-Nicky." Joe stuttered, his own pain evident in his voice as he looked at Nick, unable to tear his eyes away. I couldn't blame him. B-but you h-have to keep br-breathing." His nose was caved in, broken, surrounded by a sea or purple and red bruises and under it was dried blood. On the left side of his face was a bruise that looked like a hand print, and on the other side was a large misshapen one, like he was slammed against a wall or counter. And there was blood coming from a gash on his forehead, glass clearly sticking out of it. From what I could see of his ribs, some were broken under the scraped skin and I saw glass in a lot of the cuts. So the windshield must have landed on his chest and caused this damage. And his leg…it had to be broken too. There were bruises shaped like a shoe print no his lower left calf. But who or what did this to him?
This had to be so hard for him; he must be in so much pain. "Please Nick." I whispered and Joe decided to squeeze Nick's hand. "Don't give up."
Joe jumped and we watched Nick's fingers loosely curl around Joe's. After a second, Joe held back, all the tighter, like he was trying to tether out brother to this earth.
"W-won't." He whispered the first "I" probably getting lost in the pain.
"Don't talk anymore Nicky…just stay with us." I told him gently. And he didn't. He just held Joe's hand all the tighter. I wanted to grab his other hand, but it was next to the building's wall and covered in glass. I counted to twenty when I saw the ambulance pull and up police work on the getting the doors opened.
"Nick, you still here buddy?" I asked and he squeezed Joe's hand again, well I think he did because Joe jumped again.
"Yeah Kev, he's still here." Joe answered and I sighed in relief.
"Nick, don't worry but you are going to feel a slight poke ok? The paramedics are here." I watched him squeeze Joe's hand in understanding and we were told to step back as the paramedics sedated our brother and carted him, rather quickly, into the ambulance. We got in the back, not even bothered to be questioned. We weren't going to leave Nick's side.
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NICK'S POV
I was surrounded by blackness but this time, I felt the ground under me. It was soft and warm. Why? Was I dead? No…I am breathing. Thank goodness. The pain was now only a dull ache but it was still there, held back by medication. I noticed a pressure on both of my hands and that my left leg was elevated and something was bound tightly across my chest. Where was I? Home? A hospital? Wait…that beeping sound…a heat rate monitor? I must be in a hospital.
"Hey Nick." A voice whispered and I focused closely on it, trying to bring myself out of this darkness. "Hey buddy, do you think you can wake up soon? We miss you." Wait…soon? Miss me? How long have I been out? "Joe's asleep right now Nick, so I can't speak up. Can you hear me?" Yes, I can. But I can't move. Was that medication or something else? Well whatever it was, I had to beat it. I didn't want to be in this darkness any longer. I wanted to wake up.
For the next few seconds I tried moving my fingers, trying to get them to curl around Kevin's hand, or at least, I think it was Kevin's hand. I felt the calluses and Joe didn't have as many so I think it was Kevin. Eventually, I succeeded, and feeling my fingers move gave me the will I needed to work on prying open my eyes. I felt Kevin jump when he felt me gently holding his hand back.
"Nick?" He called, sounding very hopeful. "Are you awake?" As an answer, I pried open my eyes and tried to find him in the dark room. Everything was blurry and that scared me. "It's ok Nick, I'm here." Kevin whispered, sounding close to tears and I found him and focused on him, blinking rapidly as my vision cleared.
"Hey." I whispered, my voice crackling a bit. Kevin smiled widely and I felt one grow on my face too.
"Hey." He whispered back. He reached over me and I followed his gaze, smiling again as I saw Joe, head on the bed and snoring. I shook my hand, which in turn, shook his.
"Joe, wake up." Kevin and I both called out, knowing it would take more to get Joe up. I removed my hand from his and poked his temple, not stopping until he swatted my hand away.
"Joe." I called and he mumbled grumpily. "Fine, don't say hi." I pouted, turning back to Kevin and smirking as Joe lifted his head and gasped.
"Nick!" I looked over at him, just in time to see him fly over to me and latch, very gently, onto my side in a weird form of a hug. "I'm so glad you're awake!" Huh? I looked over at Kevin, whose eyes widened to a huge point.
"Wait…how long have I been out?" I asked, suddenly feeling very small and scared again. So it wasn't medication that made the pain a dull ache. It was time. Neither of my brothers answered. "Guys…" I called, ignoring how my normally covered fear was dominant in my voice. "Please tell me."
Joe stood up and threw back the curtain next to my bed and I gasped. The bed next to mine was covered in cards and teddy bears and flowers. Some were from family and friends and by the looks of it, a lot were from fans. But this did nothing to help my increasing terrors.
"How long?" They didn't answer and I started to go mad. I had to know! Why couldn't they see that? "How. Long. Was. I Out?" I growled and they both jumped at the sudden hostility in my voice. "You have no right to keep this from me." I told them, the anger dying from my voice and being replaced with pleas.
"Two weeks." Joe answered and Kevin nodded. "One week was because of all the pain meds but the other…" He trailed off, sitting back by my side and taking my hand.
"You had a nasty gash on your head Nick and it went really deep." Kevin tried to explain. "You were lucky. The doctor's pulled a three inch piece of glass from your head…the bus windshield fell on you." I nodded, having seen it coming from the sky, it having blocked out the sun because it was covered in ashes and melting glass.
"How is that lucky?" I asked, waiting for him to get on with it.
"If it had gone in any further, you would have either died or suffered from permanent brain damage." Kevin went on to explain. "But it didn't. It did put you into a coma though. The doctor's didn't tell us much about it."
Joe moved on hurriedly, like they did know something, but for once, I think I was better of not knowing. "You leg is broken and three of your ribs were. One of your lungs collapsed, which is why it hurt for you to breathe that day…" I nodded and he went on, obviously hoping I hadn't remembered. But you don't forget that kind of thing that easily. "And your nose is broken but healing, like your ribs and leg."
I sat in silence for a few seconds. So the man did break my leg and nose, but the bus broke my ribs. I looked over and smiled as I saw the picture I had been clutching as I escaped from the bus, on my bedside table. Joe and Kevin must have been so confused about that. In fact, they still probably were confused.
"Nick, you don't have to worry. They caught the man that did this to you." Ok, maybe they weren't confused. "And it's not your fault his daughter died. You know that right?" I nodded to Joe's question. I knew it, but it still hurt that a girl died because of one of my concerts.
"We will make sure nothing like that happens again Nick." Kevin assured me and I nodded, settling back into the pillows.
"Where are mom and dad?" I asked, noticing their absence.
"Hotel with Frankie." Was Joe's short answer. "We will call them after we call a doctor. In fact…we should have done that when you first woke up…" Joe rubbed the back of his neck, Kevin smiling and pressing a red button by my bed. Joe went out in the hall, cell phone in hand and a nurse rushed in, stopping dead when she saw me awake.
"Hi sweetie, I will call your doctor in ok?" She pulled out her pager and I looked at Kevin. Sweetie? I silently asked and I could tell he was trying not to crack up from my indignant expression. Since when was I a 'sweetie?' The nurse checked over my charts and machines until the doctor came in and did the exact same thing. But at least he wouldn't call me 'sweetie.'
"Hello Nick. Good to see you awake lad." Lad? What is up with all the little kid names? "Any pain or discomfort?"
"No." I answered truthfully and he made a note.
"Tired at all?"
"A little." He made another note. Why did I feel like I was in therapy?
"Nick, we need you to tell us exactly what happened." Was I in a therapy session?
I sighed but nodded, grasping Kevin hands, knowing he would need more comfort than I did. I told them everything. How he started the mob of fans running onstage, how he met me in the bus, and how he beat me. At this point, Joe walked in, but he didn't demand that I started over, something I was thankful for. It didn't hurt to relive it, but the feelings of guilt, or terror, they were still there. I took a breath and Joe took my free hand again, smiling down at me. But it was forced. I then proceeded to tell them about the bomb on the bus and how I crawled out, but I left out the part where I heard their voices in my head. I didn't want them to think I was crazy. I told them about seeing the glass falling down on me, and then the pain. They asked if I remembered talking to them before, but I didn't.
"Well Nicholas, it is amazing that you remembered this event, considering the extent of your head injury." How bad was it? I looked to Joe and Kevin but they shook their head. I wasn't affected by it so I didn't really care about it. "How did you retain that information?"
"He has a big head to stare things in." Joe joked and I rolled my eyes, smacking him in the arm.
"I don't know." I answered. How was I supposed to know? I just did. I don't know how my mind works.
"It's incredible Nicholas…you should have amnesia right now." What? I looked at the doctor with wide eyes. I was supposed to? What does that mean? If I was supposed to, why didn't I? Maybe that was why Kevin and Joe avoided telling me. They didn't want tot startle me. But I was fine, I remembered everything. "You are a very lucky boy." How many times have I heard that today?
Mom and dad rushed in as soon as the doctor finished his rounds and I spent the night with the family, just talking and catching up with the life that I missed. Was I mad that I missed two weeks? Not really. It was better than missing an eternity with dying. So I guess two weeks was a modest price to pay for my life. I could have lived without Joe and Kevin being so clingy, but they told me they saw me before the paramedics got there. I can only imagine the pain and horror they have had to endure with me gone. They stayed the night, as mom told me they have done every single night I've been out of commission, and Mom, dad and Frankie left.
"You guys didn't have to stay every night here." I told them but they both shook their heads.
"And let you wake up alone?" Joe told me but his tone said 'and let something else happen to you?' So they were worried that I would have…well, you know.
"Nick, if it were Joe or Frankie, or me in your position, would you have left?" I hung my head and the laughed at my nonverbal response. Kevin settled on the bed, having successfully moved all of the "Get Well" presents and Joe went to the cot on the floor. They apparently alternated every night. I wanted to stay up and talk with them more, but I was exhausted and trying to not show it. Joe and Kevin saw right through that though.
"Get some sleep Nick." Kevin whispered, patting my shoulder and I groaned, failing at fighting sleep off. "See you in the morning bro. Love you."
Joe stood up and took Kevin's place, smiling down at me, his eyes lingering on my nose, which I presumed was still discolored. I wasn't the fastest healer in the world. But I was the luckiest, as they kept reminding me.
"Night Nick. Love you too." I punched him in the arm lightly, and he smirked. It was just something we did.
"Night. Love you too." I chorused and I watched Kevin flip off the lights. In seconds, I was out.
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JOE'S POV
I smiled as Nick fell asleep quickly. I always admired that trait. I wish I could fall asleep anytime and anywhere like he could. But then again, he had a long day.
"Hey Joe?" Kevin whispered and I turned to him, curiosity filling my face as I saw his worried eyes. "Don't you think Nick is taking this all too well?" I blinked, still confused as I sat up on the cot.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, and Kevin sighed.
"I mean that he just went through a traumatic experience and he found out so much today…it just seems like a lot for anyone to handle." Kevin told me, for once sounding wise. But watching your little brother almost died put things into perspective. In fact, I had to force myself to joke around and try to be normal these past few days. "He shouldn't be this calm." He explained further and I nodded.
"But you know Nick. He holds everything in, and sometimes, he doesn't even know he is doing it." I said, finally getting Kevin's meaning. He was right, which was odd because Kevin normally wasn't right about anything to do with issues like this, but amazingly, he was right. "How do we get Nick to open up?" Because that is a feat that is terrible difficult to accomplish. Kevin looked lost.
"I can't do all the thinking!" Kevin whispered, rather loudly, but Nick didn't stir. We both sunk into silent contemplation about how to approach this. We could talk to Nick about it, but he seemed so composed earlier when he relived it…And waiting for him to implode from holding all of this in definitely wasn't an option. So maybe bugging him until he opens up? That's always worked in the past.
I blinked and looked up, having thought I heard a whimper. Kevin shrugged, just as confused as me. But then who? Nick! I stood up and was by his side in seconds, seeing that he was indeed the one that interrupted the silence. He was shaking violently, eyes moving rapidly under his closed lids and his heart rate going crazy. I looked to Kevin, who looked stunned.
"Nick, come on bro, wake up." I urged him, shaking his shoulder. Nick whimpered again and I squeezed his hand. "Nick." I called, shaking him again, unsure if I could do more in his current state. "Wake up, it's only a dream." Kevin walked next to me and poked Nick's foot, and it jerked away. He chuckled but I swatted him. Sure, on any other day or occasion that would be funny and I would probably poke his foot too, but now wasn't the time or place.
"Nick, wake up bud." Kevin raised his voice and that did the trick. Nick's eyes snapped open, darting all around as his breathing turned heavy. He finally focused on us, but he didn't calm down.
"Joe? Kevin?" He whispered like he wasn't sure if we were actually here. We nodded and he sighed, looking at us rather pleadingly. He hesitantly opened his arms, telling us he wanted a hug, and because I was closer, I complied. But Nick never willingly hugged. Something was wrong.
"What's wrong Nick?" Kevin whispered and I felt the bed dip down next to me and I felt Kevin grab Nick's hand, the one I had just dropped.
"I was so scared." Our little brother whispered, sounding way younger than he was, but that was ok. At least the problem of getting him to talk was solved. "At the time…at the time I didn't really feel anything but after it, after the explosion…I was so scared…and I hurt so badly…that I wanted to die…just so it would all go away." Nick whispered, still shaking a bit, like he was trying to hold himself together but failing miserably. Neither Kevin nor I interrupted him; he had to finish or he would just bury it all down again.
"I remembered…you guys talking to me. That was what I was dreaming about." Nick elaborated. "A-and I…I f-felt the fear and p-pain…it k-killed me to st-stay alive. It hurt so badly to breathe that I…that I just wanted to die." He paused, shuddering a bit from the memory and I carefully adjusted him so I could hold him closer and tighter without hurting him. "B-but I co-couldn't m-make it all g-go away. N-not when you guys came. I pr-promised I wo-wouldn't leave. Even though it hurt."
He took a breath, pausing again for a few seconds. "It was horrible. W-when h-he…after h-he started g-getting more and more a-abusive, everything w-went numb. And wh-when he left me to d-die when the bus bl-blew up…I was ready to give up." He revealed. In his story before, he skimmed over this part. "B-but I wanted to d-die with my family close, so I-I grabbed the picture." He nodded to he picture on the nightstand. And when he showed us his face, as it had been buried in my shirt, we saw that he was holding back tears. Kevin lifted his free hand and rubbed Nick's back very gently and Nick dry sobbed, overcome with everything.
"But then…then I h-heard you guys te-telling m-me to n-not give up and th-that gave me the st-strenght to get off the bus and ag-against the build-building." Why didn't he tell us this earlier? "And r-right n-now," He stuttered and I felt wetness growing on my shirt as he finally allowed the tears to escape. "N-now I fe-feel so bad and guilty."
That was when Kevin cut in.
"Why Nick?" He whispered and I looked over to my older brother and saw he too had shimmering eyes. Mine were burning with unshed tears but we both had to be strong for Nick. It was hard news, him telling us that he was in so much pain that he actually wanted to die.
"T-tasha." Nick answered, unable to say more. But I had a few words.
"Nick, you know that is not your fault! And this man had no right to do what he did to you. You were in no way connected to that incident. So don't let yourself believe you were." I felt him nod and relax a little. "I know it must feel so bad and that you must feel so guilty, but no matter what, you know that it wasn't your fault."
"And Tasha is in a better place now Nick. I bet she is rocking out to your songs right now." Kevin added and Nick managed a small chuckle. We sat like this for an hour before Nick started relaxing fully and I smiled down at him, kissing his curls.
"Thanks guys." He whispered, voice laced with exhaustion.
"For what Nick?" Kevin asked, looking as confused as I felt.
"For giving me a reason to live." Nick answered, snuggling closer to me. My eyes met Kevin's, and we both wore the same smile, our eyes both mirrors to our hearts, which enlarged and yet shattered at Nick's words.
"Anytime bro." I whispered. "Anytime."
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Chibiyu: Maybe not the best place to end it, but whatever. Tell me what you think! And yes, this was just a one shot that I MAY continue but I don't know yet.
:~)