Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – adult themes.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Pink's "It's All Your Fault".
Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author's Note 2: I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!
Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
"I conjure up the thought of being gone, but I'd probably even do that wrong. I try to think about which way. Would I be able to? And would I be afraid?"
Callie's POV)
It had been almost two months since that day. The day Callie's life had walked away, leaving her to wander this existence, without purpose, completely alone. Arizona had just left. She'd just…left. Callie had called her everyday since "that day", she never picked up. Every day she had left the blonde one voicemail message, begging her to return. As the days had gone by, the tall surgeon came to realise she wasn't going to come back. But still she called, even if it was just to hear the other woman's voicemail message, to listen to the only voice recording she had access to.
Here she was lying in the bath, the water almost scolding hot. The steam was dancing around the surface of the water. She had got a cab from the airport to the first address she had thought of. The Archfield Hotel. This building held a lot of memories for her. The irony wasn't lost on her. She'd run here when she was with George, tried to make their marriage work here. He'd broken her heart in this very building, and yet here she was again. Only this time, she was running away from the woman who had not only broken her heart, but had broken her as well. She'd done a lot of running in Seattle. She'd considered calling Mark; to ask if she could stay with him. That thought was soon abandoned; she couldn't be across the hall from their apartment. She had to stop calling it that! It wasn't theirs anymore. She couldn't be that close to that apartment, to their memories, the good, the bad, the amazing ones, the ones she shouldn't be thinking about. So why were they the only ones which plagued her in her waking hours, and seeped into her dreams?
Weber had no problem with giving the Orthopedic Surgeon back her job, seemingly delighted when she had turned up at the hospital requesting her job back. She would never forget the look in his eyes when she had told him that Arizona wouldn't be coming back to the hospital…to her. It was one of pity. A part of her knew she should be pleased the chief hadn't had the time to replace her, but she wasn't. There was nothing left for her here anymore. No that wasn't true; she had her job, her colleagues and her friends. None were worth losing Arizona.
She realised that, as she watched the blonde walk out of her life for good. She had dreamt that day turning out in so many different ways, usually ending in either Callie going with her, or Arizona staying here. Her reality however was so much different. She was an eighteen hour flight away from the woman she loved, who was living in a time zone ten hours ahead of her. In the first two weeks she told herself the reason Arizona wasn't answering her calls was because she'd phoned her when she got in from work, meaning the small blonde would be in bed. She couldn't fool herself anymore. The message she left her yesterday, hadn't been a good one. She'd had cried down the phone, begging the other woman to come back, to answer her phone if nothing else, tell her to stop calling. Anything! She'd made the stupid mistake of saying she wouldn't call her again, if she didn't hear from her the next day, and she'd give up trying. Arizona hadn't called her back. Callie hadn't phoned her today, and wasn't planning to; it was too late to do it now.
Callie turned on her front, allowing her front to be warmed by the water. There had been plenty of times when she had slept at Arizona's, the raven haired woman had found Arizona lying in the bath in the position she was in at the moment, fast asleep. Arizona had said it was relaxing. The younger surgeon laid her head at an odd angle at the top of the bath, her chin inches away from the water. Callie surmised it was because the other woman was shorted than her, she found it comfortable, as Callie had to be, slightly twisted, and bend her knees a little to fit. Arizona used to just wedge herself into place, and she was set. Despite being a bit uncomfortable Callie had fell asleep most night in this position, only waking when the water had gone cold, or like on several occasions, she'd move in her sleep and woke coughing and spluttering as she had inhaled water. Then she'd drag herself from the cold water, grabbing a towel to dry herself off, and slip into some pyjamas, before climbing into the oversized, cold bed, alone.
Mark had dragged her out several times, in spite of Callie's wishes to stay in. She'd enjoyed herself on her trips out, but every time someone would mention something which reminded her of Arizona or a song would play, and she'd be left thinking of the blonde. What upset her more had been coming back to the hotel, by herself. She loved her friends, and enjoyed their company, but she preferred Arizona's. Ironically, she was spending less and less time with her friends, the friends she had claimed she would miss if she moved to Malawi. She didn't even need to miss them, the women had agreed they'd visit; the first visit was going to be in the next few days, for Christmas. Thinking about it, she could have managed two months without seeing them all; instead she had to try and managed to spend the rest of her life without the woman who had stolen her heart.
The Latina could feel the warm water taking effect, her head was lightening, and she could feel herself falling asleep. Her body it seemed had other ideas, and kept causing her eyes to spring open every time they slid shut. Her hair was tickling her upper back. She still wasn't used to the new length. At the time she had been shocked when Cristina had cut her hair, but believed it was okay. A way of moving on, and getting over the woman she loved. Alas no, it wasn't, and now she had to live with short hair. The hair Arizona had loved long. The hair Arizona always drove her fingers into when they kissed, or made love. She missed her long hair. She missed Arizona. She missed being happy.
Callie could feel the tell tale signs. Her body was feeling heavy, her eyes kept drooping closed, and her breathing was evening out softly. She'd be sleeping soon. She didn't have it in her to cry, all she felt was numb, and even that was more than what she felt. She felt…nothing. She wished she could feel hurt, upset, angry at the blonde who'd walked away from her, but she knew she had given her no other choice. Everyone else in Callie's life had walked away from her, why would Arizona be any different? Was it because she had believed she was different? Because she had thought Arizona had loved her more than them? Because she had trusted her not to hurt her like them?
There had been times she had questioned her religion. She had never had a problem gay people, even had a few gay friends at med school, but her faith had told her it was wrong. She had questioned her faith when she fell for Erica. Questioned god, why had he made her like this, when it was against what she had been brought up to believe. She didn't however have enough time to dwell as Erica had left before they could have gone anywhere with their relationship, but Callie had gotten her answers. God made her the way she was, there was nothing she could do about it, she didn't want to. God had made her just as he had intended, and she was happy with the woman she had become. She had questioned her faith when her father, her family had disowned her for being with Arizona. Questioned how a "loving" family could disown their daughter, because she was dating someone of the same sex? How her family could condemn her to hell, because of it? Her father soon came around, and realised Arizona regardless of her sex, made Callie happy. This time she questioned, how God could have allowed her a few months of happiness after they had been reunited, only to rip it away from her.
Callie heard movement coming from the main room. She had given Mark the spare key to the room, mainly because he had demanded it. She had doubted he would ever use it, though it seemed she had been wrong. She had turned the main room's light off before entering the bathroom, and hoped that Mark believed she wasn't there, because her body was too heavy, too unyielding to move to unlock the bathroom door. Her eyes were becoming unfocused, as her body was giving in, to the idea of unconsciousness.
A hard, loud knock shook the door and the room in general. She didn't say anything, hoping he would assume she wasn't there, and would leave. That idea went out the window when she heard the door being pushed, and it didn't move. The door was locked from the inside, meaning she was in the bathroom. The knock resounded again repeated, louder this time. The noises seemed to pentrate into the Latina's head, and vibrate off every inch inside of her skull, before she moaned out loud. "Go away", she groaned at the door she was facing away from. The offending assault on the door didn't stop; Callie felt the tears burn her eyes, as they fell. "Leave me alone!" she tried to shout, yet again her body only allowed a desperate groan. The banging stop momentarily before the door swung open with such force, it cracked off the wall, and the footsteps on the titled floor told Callie it had been ran into to force it open. She could feel eyes burning into her back, before a voice sounded, "What have you done Calliope?"
The raven haired woman, managed to lift her heavy head dragging it on the bath surface, unable to move her body. Through the wet hair that clung to face, she could see the piecing blue eyes and the blonde hair of the woman she loved, as she rushed to her side grabbing her shoulder, trying to lift her out of the water. Maybe she already fallen asleep and she was dreaming. She no longer needed her questions answering, heaven or hell, she didn't care. Lowering her eyes to the water level as she felt her body give up the fight, all she saw was crimson.