Good King Jon

by Gavin Gunhold

A challenge, a warning and multiple parodies of 'Old King Cole'. The warning goes for the reviews, too, just so you know. Don't read them unless you're ok with everything else! Now with new and entirely clean non King Cole nursery rhymes in chapter 3.

1. Challenge, Warning

PLEASE READ THE WARNING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE BEFORE YOU GO TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!

o-o-o-o-o If you would rather just skip to the third chapter - know that it is rated K and will in no way burn your eyes. o-o-o-o-o

Ok. Now that that's out of the way, I have a proposal for you - a challenge, if you will. As a 'tribute' of sorts to Tamora Pierce's wonderful monarchs, I have spent the better part of a couple of hours rearranging the words to 'Old King Cole'. Old King Cole is a nursery rhyme, for those of you who aren't familiar, and it goes like this:

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl
And he called for his fiddlers three.

Every fiddler he had a fiddle,
And a very fine fiddle had he;
Oh there's none so rare, as can compare
With King Cole and his fiddlers three.

One of the arrangements I made (and can show you without the warning that will come next) is as follows:

Great King Jon had a great big yawn
And a great big yawn had he;
It swallowed up the sun, and it swallowed up the moon
And it swallowed up the Great Big Sea.

(I mostly didn't write second verses, in case you are wondering.)

If you can write some that are better than this (shouldn't be too hard!), then please do! Use any Kings, Queens, Princes, Princesses, Dukes, Counts, Earls etc. that you like and don't just limit yourself to Old King Cole. There are plenty of other rhymes and songs out there - Good King Wenceslas, for instance, has that whole bit with the King and the Page.

And here's your warning:

If you are offended by polygamy, incest, homosexuality, heterosexuality, or characters who sleep around, please don't go to the next chapter. Also, I make fun of at least two cultures (that I'm aware of - although not in a particularly offensive way), use several French words, skew canon character portrayals and mention poor singing. Some of these are funny, some are serious, and some are terribly, horribly cheesy.

I realize this is a little like handing people matches and telling them not to light them, but people, it hurts to be burnt. Don't play with fire unless you can handle it, please.

Sally.

And now, good fanfic readers, if you're still with me, I wrote you some Good King Jon.