Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: I feel a little sick but I managed to write a one-shot. I don't know if it's a good or not so... you'll be the judge. BTW the song used here is 'Flavor of Life' by Utada Hikaru.. hence the story title..
-Haru-
I let the water that I scooped from my bathtub slip from my own hands. I'm currently in my bathtub, soaked all over, letting the shower running. I watched the little drops of water from slipping through my fingers with a numbing feeling. The after taste of the strawberries I ate earlier, still lingering bitterly from my lips. Funny, strawberries had always been my favorite since I was a kid. But now, now, I hated it. I hate it so much right now. The bitter aftertaste reminds me of what I am feeling right now. I laughed bitterly, so this is what I get from loving a man for so long, even though I knew from the very beginning that it was useless. I gently touched my lips with my fingers shakily, and then closed my eyes, letting the numbness overcome me. I can't do this anymore. I… don't want this anymore.
'Arigatou, to kimi ni iwareru to
Nan da ka setsunai
Sayounara no ato mo tokenu mahou
Awaku horonigai
The flavor of life'
Whenever you tell me thank you
It's somehow bittersweet
The spell doesn't break after you say goodbye
Faintly bitter
The flavor of life
-Tsuna-
"What do you mean Haru's not here anymore, Reborn? That's impossible."
Reborn looked at his student straight in the eye and sighed softly. He then took out a small but very beautifully embossed light cream envelope from the secret pocket inside his suit, and then handed it to his former student. Tsuna looked at the envelope cautiously, like it was a bomb about to blow off. He suddenly felt cold, very cold, his hands becoming sweaty for some unknown reason. He swallowed hard as he carefully took the envelope from his former tutor's hand.
The envelope has a faint flowery scent to it, the designs are simply yet beautifully crafted, and whoever created this envelope surely created it with care, making those who received the piece of art would surely appreciate it. But Tsuna doesn't. His hand is shaking as he slowly turned the envelope around and silently wished he didn't. Embossed at the back of the letter with beautiful calligraphy, was his name.
-Haru-
I wrote everything down till I can't anymore. Tears kept on falling down my face as I finished writing the last kanji on the letter. I broke down crying on the floor.
Morning came and then I woke up at the floor, my body sore and my heart numb. It took all of my willpower to stand up, holding from the edge of the nearby table for strength. Even though I felt very dizzy and my vision so blurry, I manage to stumble upon my letter and sealed it by licking the flap of the envelope; with all my remaining strength, I wrote down the name of the person I wished was mine.
'Tomodachi demo koibito demo nai chuukan chiten de
Shuukaku no hi wo yume miteru aoi furuutsu'
We're in the middle, neither friends nor lovers
Green fruit dreaming of the harvest
-Tsuna-
He doesn't have to open the letter to know its contents. Somehow, somewhere at the back of his mind, he already knew the inevitable. Still, the painful twinge that he feels in his heart is unbearable.
"Would you leave me for a moment Reborn? I need to be alone right now."
Reborn tilted his fedora downwards and then, as silently as he had entered, left him alone. Tsuna slumped down his desk and looked at the envelope in his hands with a blank face, still reeling in the reality. They are not that close per se, for her to be considered in his inner circle in the mafia. They are not that close friends that they have been many ages ago. Neither is they lovers, with him loving someone else and her trying her hardest to win his heart, failing each time until finally, she left. He... She… it was not meant to be, after all.
-Haru-
She was them kissing, it was enough. It was enough. It had to stop. Her feelings for him, were, after all, not meant to be requited. They are not friends, not as close as they used to be when they were younger. Nor are they lovers, he have her, while she, doesn't have anyone else. She met all of her friends through him, she fell in love for real for the first time because of him, and she became a person with value.
Someone who has people who accepted her other than her parents, may the gods bless their souls, but that tiny happiness shatters like glass. She doesn't really have anything. She has nothing. Because, being near him is everything. The illusion of that 'someday he'll love her back' is shattered. And the bitter reality seeps in like a deadly poison in her whole body that she can hardly breathe. 'Love is easy, love is blind' they say, but they forgot the bitter part.
-Tsuna-
He threw the letter at the fireplace, the flames dancing around the letter burning it, as he slumped down the floor ungraciously. His legs sprawled on the floor, but his eyes, his eyes empty as he watch the letter burn until it was black ashes. He still hasn't realized though, that tears are suddenly flowing down his face.
'Arigatou, to kimi ni iwareru to
Nan da ka setsunai
Sayounara no ato mo tokenu mahou
Awaku horonigai
The flavor of life'
Whenever you tell me thank you
It's somehow bittersweet
The spell doesn't break after you say goodbye
Faintly bitter
The flavor of life
-Haru-
Goodbyes' are very painful, but she had to go. As she took one last look at the picture a decade ago, she gently traced her younger self near his younger self with her fingers in the frame. With one more final look, she threw it down the fire pit along with other memories about him. Tears are streaming down her crestfallen face but she paid it no mind. She had to say goodbye. She had had enough. No more. No more of the lonely nights, thinking… dreaming of the day that he might love her back. No more of the longing looks, no more heart ache, no more shattering, no more… just….. no more… of him.
-Tsuna-
Silence and coldness filled the air. It's very stifling, he hated it. He and Kyoko, he realized, were not really meant to be. He still loves her, but not like before. Anger and bitterness, filled him. But also regret and sadness, there aren't much to say, there's no time. Time's gone. Their hourglass is already up. Just when he had realized it too, but perhaps, it's not really theirs to begin with. He laughed bitterly as the reality sunk in more.
'Amai dake no sasoi monku
Ajikke no nai tooku
Sonna mono ni wa kyoumi wo sosorarenai'
Sweet words of seduction
Flavorless talk
That doesn't pique my interest
-Haru-
Life is ironic; A big fat irony at its best. Here she was, sitting at her seat at the cab she hired on the way to the airport, and the cab crashed at the bus in front and more crashes followed suit. She doesn't really care, she doesn't really paid attention. She felt something wet and sticky at her back, she also felt a thing stabbed at her stomach, she doesn't know what it is though. Her vision is so blurry, she couldn't quiet fathom what it is she's seeing. Angels? Demons? God? She doesn't know. But she wants to think it's him. She wants to have her final thoughts to be about him. She mentally laugh, here she was, dying, and the man that caused her so much pain is the one she longed to comfort her in her final moments. With one last teardrop... one last smile, one last hitch of her breathe, she was no longer.
-Tsuna-
He's here again, visiting a very dear friend of his. He put the flowers down, lilies, because he knows she likes them the most. Red spider lilies to be exact; they were said to be flowers of hell but still, she loved the flowers. She's an eccentric that way. One of the many endearing eccentricities she had that that was dear to him.
'Omoidoori ni ikanai toki datte
Jinsei suteta mon ja nai tte'
Even when things don't go your way
Life's not a total wash
It was just any other day, sunny and bright. That day was like a sun-kissed summer day, perfect and beautiful. But something was amiss, he can feel it. He still continued to work on his paperwork when suddenly; his right-hand man came bursting at the door. Shouting something he can't quite comprehend, because his mind is turning blank. The next thing he knew, he was being dragged by the silver-haired man by the arm as they open a door. Death. One word described it all. Smell, the aura, everything is about death. His right-hand man uncovered a corpse and everything just stopped. Time stopped. Life itself stopped. Although barely recognizable, he could recognize her everywhere. Her beautiful hair lost its lustre it was matted with blood. Her body mangled, but her face, her face looked peaceful despite the apparent violent death she had experienced.
Walking slowly, he touched her face to make sure it's real. As soon as he had touched her face, even if faint, it was cold. It reeked of death. She reeked of death. The warmth and the vibrancy he once felt around her is gone. She's not breathing. She's not moving. She's gone. He felt so dizzy that he fell off balance, his right-hand man catching him just before he hit the ground. He just couldn't take his eyes off her.
'Doushita no? to kyuu ni kikareru to
Uun, nandemo nai
Sayounara no ato ni kieru egao
Watashi rashikunai'
"What's up?" you suddenly ask
No, it's nothing
My smile disappears after you say goodbye
It's not like me
I stared hard at the casket where her body is laid. She's not gone. She promised to be my wife when we were younger, so she can't be dead… right? But wishful thinking is wishful thinking. Reality is in front of me. I can't cry. I'm the boss. I had to show I'm strong, no matter what they say. Many spoke of their condolences to me but I paid no mind to them, shutting everything and just looked at the casket. As they burned her body to be cremated, I felt cold and numb. I felt my heart lurching in pain. Again, I paid it no mind.
'Shinjitai to negaeba negau hodo
Nan da ka setsunai
"Ai shiteru yo" yori mo "daisuki" no hou ga
Kimi rashiin ja nai?
The flavor of life'
The more I want to believe
It's somehow bittersweet
Don't you think "I really like you"
Suits you better than "I love you"?
The flavor of life
Every time she said 'I love you' I paid it no mind, I was in love with someone else. But isn't 'I really like you' much better? Now that I think of it, either way is fine. She's gone anyway; the words had lost its value. I wanted to say those words too, but somehow, it doesn't matter. Because our time was never ours to begin with;
'Wasure kakete ita hito no kaori wo
Totsuzen omoidasu koro
Furitsumoru yuki no shirosa wo motto
Sunao ni yorokobitai yo'
I suddenly remember
The scent of a person I'd almost forgotten
I want to be able to just sit back and enjoy
The white snow fall
It is winter now; white snow is falling from the sky. I looked up and suddenly I remembered that scent I've forgotten years ago. Someone I… I… I once loved dearly. In my age, it's so easy to forget things of value. That person, the person I have, perhaps, forgotten, her scent is flowery and the silhouette is blurry. But all I remember is the warmth I felt around her. In my age, I forgot things, I sometimes hallucinate too. I wish for the spring to come soon. Spring, that sounds familiar.
'Daiamondo yori mo yawarakakute
Atataka na mirai te ni shitai yo
Kagiri aru jikan wo kimi to sugoshitai'
I want a warm future
Softer than a diamond
I want to spend this limited time we have with you
I remember the person… a person who time robbed me off. But perhaps, we were really meant to be, I just didn't paid enough attention to notice. I guess, it is, ultimately my fault. What they had once said was wise and true, 'You'll only know the true value of the things you have, when it is gone' now that I think about my long life, I have a few regrets but everything pale to what I have once lost. As I lay dying, around me are my children, my wife who is not her, and my few surviving friends, I think I'm ready to repent. I think I'm ready to leave.
'Arigatou, to kimi ni iwareru to
Nan da ka setsunai
Sayounara no ato mo tokenu mahou
Awaku horonigai
The flavor of life'
Whenever you tell me thank you
It's somehow bittersweet
The spell doesn't break after you say goodbye
Faintly bitter
The flavor of life
As I closed my eyes one final time, the voices of my family drowned at my ears, I could see the image of her. I had shed my one last tear drop, may she forgive me.