First the fight
You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.
How come nobody ever told little girls that their fantasies will never come true? That there is no prince charming, no white horse, and no great love? Maybe they tried to surpass the misery that is life, to bring hope, even false, so children can live happy, not knowing how life works.
Well I knew, I knew it all too well. My parents never even tried to hide the bitter truth, too consumed in their own minds to actually pay any attention on me. Yes, my family has fallen apart before I could begin to live. I heard all the fights, the screams, tears, hate… So I tell you now that there is no such thing as happy ending…just a bitter end full of what if's and regrets.
Maybe I am just 16 but I can say I have seen a lot. And I can help but feel bitter and disgusted at people who believed in love and happiness. That is probably because I have never felt it. Never.
The ironic thing is, I have never experienced love, but here I am the most popular girl at school. I have more friends than you can think of, and more admires that even I can count. Yet, why is that I feel so alone? Like I have no rock to lean on, a place to truly call home.
So this is where disaster story of my life begins.
Every morning I wake up, do my routine consisting of showering, brushing my hair and teeth, eating at the empty table, getting dressed, saying goodbye to the what it seems like a ghosts of the past. Nothing more, and nothing less, but it is my life so I have to live with my pain.
I get in my car, a present from a man I have to call father, and drive myself to a private school. Just the same thing every day, but to me it means more solitude, more fakeness, you know something I became very good at.
And when I park in my usual space, the madness is already there. In the next second my fake friends come running to me, saying how good I look, and what not. All I do is fake a smile, chat a little just to make them happy, because I know it is all a façade. They think that I never catch them gossiping about me, telling such horrid things that if I actually cared it would hurt. At those times I feel so disgusted with myself, at how shallow I can be.
Sometimes I can see exactly what they are talking about. They say I'm a porcelain doll. And I can see it, oh so clearly. When I look at my face at the mirror, I see a pretty, dear I say beautiful face but with a blank stare, no emotions present. I can see plump lips, button nose, high cheeks, long shiny pink hair, stunning green eyes…but I can't see the shine in them like I used to, I can't seem to catch the spark in my now dull green eyes, which were once beautiful emerald. Now even when I smile, it pains me to see how exactly it fake really is. It amazes me how I am the only one that can see it. Perhaps it's because no one bothered to look, or I didn't let them.
But it would be a lie if I said I didn't have a friend, I had just one and a true one at that. Hinata, a shy girl, very pretty, but with a golden heart. Evan if I praised her to the Havens and back, it would not still be enough. She is less popular then me, but I never cared. She like me has a rough past, a shattered family. I guess in a way we clicked. I know I can always count on her, and she on me.
And my dear friend had a secret, a little one in the world, but a big one here. She had a boyfriend, and an outcast, as they say. His name is Naruto; I have met him, and his good guy. He has blonde hair, like he was kissed by the sun, vibrant blue eyes which shone with such life, you can't help but look. He maybe wears black clothes, but always with something orange, but his personality is one of the brightest. He was loud and bubbly, so I can guess he and Hinata fit well. I can say that I honestly like the guy.
There is one little problem to all of that. Naruto has a best friend named Sasuke. He is also an outcast, wore all black, but he was blessed or cursed, like me, with good looks. So as many can see he had many fan girls, and each day I cannot help but wonder how some people can be so…fake. But Sasuke, unlike me, always gave them hateful looks, mean words, and harsh glares.
But Sasuke was always himself; he had his personality, his own life. He made his life and he lived by his rules, and for that I envied him. I wish I could be more like him every day, saying what I really think and feel, anything just not to be this broken person. I can honestly say that I have lost myself fully. Each day I slip little more in the black hole that is called my life, each day losing my own heart and soul. I'm starting to think that is no way a human should live. I am an empty shell, molded with other people's needs.
The irony to all that is because even if me and Sasuke are living such different lives I can see that we are the same. Empty and lonely…with no one to depend on.
I often find myself looking at him in class, trying to comprehend just who he really was. Yes he was cold, and rough, but I can also see the pain, the same one, and because of that I know there has to be something deeper, something that made him like this.
His body was fit, I can't say how much exactly but from my guess, pretty much. Also his is always so tense, like ready to strike at all times. His hair is also a mystery to me, it defies gravity, it's messy but it still looks good on him, and it is black with a tint of dark blue. His face is well chiseled, features sharp, but not too much. Jaw was firm, mostly from his anger, aristocratic nose, but the most interesting thing are his eyes.
Even when his face portraits nothingness, his eyes did the same thing, like a door sealed shut. But if you looked closely, you could see, almost feel the pain he carries each day. It could be seen on rare occasions along with hints of sorrow, loneliness, desperation, almost begging for someone to save him. It made me understand him a little, because I have seen those eyes so many times, but mostly on myself.
But he made me furious. He always acted so confident, so sure, it made me think twice if he really was a broken boy beneath it all. I often have to remind myself of that. But he was like the itch in my eye. Mostly because he judged me, hated me, thinking I was a girl with everything. It made me pissed off how easily he judged and how wrong he was. But the weird thing is I was still intrigued by him. His presence pulled me to him, like a magnet, and I hated it, and because of that I hated him. Yes I know it stupid, but I hated him, because he hated me.
So here I was trying to find my friend, and just my luck, there she was talking to Naruto.
I was just to run up to them when I collided with something rock-like. The impact made me fall down, and earned the attention of the whole school. Nobody dared to speak…to afraid of what was just about to happen. Volcano met a Tornado.
"Hn, watch where you're going princess…" His voice was so cold, with a hint of mockery and sarcasm. Just the nerve of the jerk!
"Yeah, I could say the same about you jerk face!" I unlike him, when angry, was not nice, ever. I am more like a storm that you should avoid at all cost. I was famous for my temper…
"Jerk face? You can't do better than that? Probably all the fakeness got to your tiny brain…"
Oh no he did not JUST say that… I can faintly hear people gasp, Hinata looking scared out of her mind trying to calm me down, but I did not care, he hit the nerve!
"I can do better than that, but I don't bother with such people like yourself…and before you even go there I mean the people like you who think so much of themselves, looking upon us mere mortals, why excuse me prince of arrogance, I had enough of you can I leave?"
"HN, better to be arrogant that a fake person in the plastic world filled with nothing…you're just an annoyance…"
I could see the way his scowl became deeper, eyes narrow, tone more angry and bitter. I have hit the nerve and here he is fighting back.
"DON'T you dare judge me! You don't know anything about me, nor my life, and if I'm living in the world of nothingness then tell me where are you? Because I can bet you're not far from me!"
I was on the brink of tears, that I didn't bother waiting for his replay; I just wanted to get out of there, and fast. So I did the only thing my mind though of, and that is run away….away from this hurting reality…
Ok I am officially starting this story, and I can say it has some similarity with my own life so I take this very seriously, it won't be very long maybe 3 chapters, but I hope you like the beginning…oh yeah review.
Love Shadowgirl :D 3