T I T L E : Naughty Karma Eavesdropping
C H A P T E R : Chapter One
A U T H O R : ViviBell
R A T I N G : T
S P O I L E R S : Not really, no.
P A I R I N G S : Ha... Quite a few as far as this fic is concerned.
S U M M A R Y : Its not polite to eavesdrop!
Balthier finds out first hand that you wont always find out things you want to hear!
meant to be a comedy

D I S C L A I M E R : Don't own SquareEnix's FFXII - or any of its original characters.

Balthier returned from the cockpit of the Strahl, fusing the door shut with a cryptic code.

"That's all for tonight, Nono, the ol' girl needs a rest," the sky-pirate told the petit Moogle to his right while giving the walls of his vessel an affectionate tap. It was late; so late in fact that it was practically the early hours of the coming morning, however Balthier knew that were they going to find a safe settlement that it was best to stay on board the Strahl since they were currently far from any main cities of towns.
Nono gave a yawn; miniature fangs appearing under tuffs of white fur.

"Okay! Night-night, kupo!"

"Goodnight, ku-" Balthier paused before he had time to reiterate the infamous saying of the Moogles, giving his head a weary rub. He really needed to sleep.

His cabin lay in the middle of the ship; two doors ahead of Vaan's room and one from Basch's. Fran had retired early that night and Balthier kept his footsteps light and dainty to avoid too much disturbance, though he doubted that would keep his long-eared partner from waking up. She was such a light sleeper that even the chirp of a cricket seemed to coax her from her naps.
There was a sudden fit of laughter outside Vaan's compartment, and the captain could not help but stop when he heard the feminine giggles coming from inside the room.

"Eavesdropping, Balthier?" he scolded, preparing to move on though there was no doubting that his interests were piped by the boy's girlish chortle.

"Shush! Penelo, stop laughing!"

"Oh, Vaan it looks so stupid!"

Oh Lord. Balthier felt his legs stiffen at the sound of the two orphans giggling away in Vaan's quarter. He was pleased to find that it was Penelo who had been laughing originally, however, the fact that she was in his room at this hour made him question their motives. His nostrils flared somewhat while he listened to the wannabe pirate trying to contain his own fit of laughter as he hushed his companion.

"Come on! Concentrate – you need to learn how to do this!"

There was an inelegant snort on Penelo's behalf. "Sorry, professor."

"Now, hold it – yeah, that's it… and grip it a little tighter. It ain't as fragile as it looks!"

"Fragile? This thing looks like it could slice me in half!" she exclaimed in disbelief, again only to be hushed by Vaan.

"Move your hands up and down and get acquainted with it."

"Like this?"

"Perfect! How does it feel?"

"Firm, a little heavy, but it feels better than I thought it would! I am glad you bribed me into this, Vaan!"

Balthier unknowingly, scuttled closer to the door, able only to hear the muted thuds of movement from where he currently stood. The wording was difficult to interpret, and for once in his life, Balthier found himself wishing for ears like Fran so he could better understand what was being said behind the iron barrier that stood between him and the teenagers.

The gentle resonance created by his shuffling overwhelmed the sounds coming in from the inside, nonetheless, Balthier just managed to make out the ends of a moan coming from Vaan. His lips twisted into a grimace and he was once again, backing away from the door, preferring to not hear as much detail as he had previously wanted.

"Oh! Oh! Vaan I am sorry! Did that hurt?"

"Nah – it's alright 'Nelo!"

"I'm never going to be good at this!"

"Don't worry! You're getting' better – honest; you just have to be a little more careful with it! Look, just stop worrying and just go all out! You have to relax with it. It isn't going to bite…" There was a brief pause and Balthier noticed that Vaan was giving low grunts of approval.

"Much better! See? It ain't so hard. Give it a few more swipes and you'll be done."

"Good! I was getting' tired from all that. Its pretty hard on the wrists and palm."

"Well, you've got small hands. Takes more effort to cover it, I guess! But hey, you've got a real knack for it Penelo! Pity you don't have one yourself so you could practice in your room."

Balthier's brow gave a twitched.

"I know! Shame that! Oh well, we've got tomorrow night too!"

"Definitely! I'm worried though Penelo!"

"Why?"

"We keep on at it and sooner or later you're going to be better at it than some of the guys I've been with!"

Balthier lurched behind the doorway, clasping his hand against the door frame as he heard Vaan utter those words. Unfortunately, he had outstayed his welcome and he was paying for it in more ways than one. God, I am scarred for life! He thought as he tried to erase the images flashes through his mind.

"D'ya hear that?" Vaan said suddenly, pulling away from his friend and wandering towards the door. He paused briefly, before opening the entry with renewed vigor, positive that he was going to find a culprit listening in on their conversation. Rather, he was met with the eerie silence of a desolate hallway; not one soul from here to the end of t he corridor.

"Anyone there?" Penelo inquired, resting a hand on Vaan's shoulder, using him for balance as she peered over to investigate herself.

"Nope. Must be hearing things."

--

"I must be hearing things!" Balthier exclaimed as he paced about inside his cabin, removing his blouse while he sauntered. As he had predicted, Fran was awake and was propped up neatly against her own separate bed, watching her partner with feigned curiosity. She had obviously been interrupted by his listless ambling and unintelligible chatter. Her ears twitched as he continued to mutter to himself, making less and less sense the more her progressed.

"Are you sure you do not need medical attention?"

"What? Oh no, I just need a few glasses of ale and some well-deserved rest," came his short reply before he wandered over to his own mattress, plopping himself down without the faintest idea that the Viera was still watching him closely.
After a seconds pause he let out an uneasy laughter, scratching his head as if it had suddenly been infested with nits. It would have been comical to Fran had she not been concerned with Balthier's well-being. He was usually articulate and poised; not giggling and bipolar.

"Are you sure-"

"I'm going to have to talk to those two tomorrow. Give 'em a chat about the birds and bees. Well, from what I heard they certainly know the mechanisms of how it all works!"

Fran cocked a brow as the sky-pirate turned round and curled into his bed, grumbling a 'goodnight' before one final chuckle. She was left glowering at him from her corner of the room; unsure whether it was safe to leave him in such a state. Her ears gave another anxious jerk and she shook her head.

Despite her many years, she had much to learn about the minds of Humes.